The Importance of Physical Attractiveness

[VanillaCreme]

I've gotten to the point where I don't even care about girls anymore. I'd rather be alone.

Maybe someone will come along that will change that view.

I was at that point. After my ex, I just didn't want to be bothered at all. I wanted to be by myself after him.

However, someone did come along and change that for me. It's possible. But concentrating on yourself is a good thing, whether you're wanting someone or not. You always have to take care of yourself.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What I worry about is what most guys who are older virgins worry about:

I masturbate, okay? To online porn. I can't give that up, I have tried it before and I simply cannot do it.

However, in the small chance that I get into a relationship with a girl, I am afraid that I simply...will not be able to "perform." It's insane, that at 29 I am worried about the idea of taking Viagra, but it's actually not silly, because I have online friends who lost their virginity in their 30's, and they had to go on medication in order to lose it. Strictly saying, they couldn't "get it up."

I know that is throwing this off topic, but not completely. You see, if I were physically attractive, I wouldn't even have to worry about this, since I would have lost my virginity already! But since I look like one of the characters on The Big Bang Theory, I simply...haven't done it, and I'm afraid of when I do.

 

[tusk]

I know that is throwing this off topic, but not completely. You see, if I were physically attractive, I wouldn't even have to worry about this, since I would have lost my virginity already! But since I look like one of the characters on The Big Bang Theory, I simply...haven't done it, and I'm afraid of when I do.

Dressing up, putting something in your hair to spice it up a bit, and becoming more confident and playful. A bit more daring. This has at least helped me with girls I've met from the Internet, and I don't think I'm very attractive.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Changing my wordrop, hair style,working out, being playful and FEEING
confidence had all helped me.

As anything else in life...i had to do my homework.
I read plenty of selfhelp books, female sexuality,
How to pick up women, how to get women off,
How to be romanic....tons and tons of ifeas
And siggestions.
I simply put some of those ideas into practice
Or experiment with them. Some worked well
For me , other didnt.
Im 45, though i cant fresia non stop for days at
a time like i used to when i was 19. I can go
5 to 6 rounds 10 - 30 mins at a tim e and get
My woman totally off....she then gets me off
Or gets me hard again. I dont need viagra.
If someday...i deem i need it. I wont be ashamed.
I get off by getting my woman off.

As far as what other people thinks...
Generally, i ignore what men say about me.
Im their compititor....
Not all women are going to like me...that dosnt
Bother me. Plenty of women asked me out. Not
just any woman. Cream of the crop beautiful women.

I cant even say im a regular joe....cuase im not.
Somewhat exotic and mystical. I FEEL GOOD about that.
I dont have down to science...but my co workers, family,
And friends notices a pattern....pretty women are drawn to me.
As i said not all of them are. Its 50/50.

---

I dont have all the answers.
I dont know whats gping to happen in the future.
Someimes i have moments of doubt like anyone.

I somply do the best as i can with what i have.
sometimes its good. Other times its a cluster fresia.

I clear my mind and feeling of negativities as best i can.
If i follow the instructions...its a daily bath or repreive.

---

As far as worrying or comparing what others have and
What i dont have....thats something thats going to
Create negative in my life... ENVY

Im not a religious person....but a Catholic Priest actually
Helped me. He was teaching about the 7 deadly sins.
ENVY being one of them...

He gave me a solution. The opposite of envy is GRADTITUDE.
ENVY is a state of LACK.
GRATITUDE IS A STATE OF HAVING.

im not always grateful for what have...
Its sometbing ive actually been working on for a long time.
Its a daily reprieve....i dont follow instructions all the time.
However when i do get gratful..the pattern is that my life
Gets better and better.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Incidently...something new or a new concept
Came into my life. It was a suggestion.
Im going through some trial times in my life.
Theres been wierd honeysuckle going on in my life.
Some of it i can explain...others honeysuckle just
Bloggles my mother fresia mind.

Never the less,.... i was given a solution.
The solutionss wasnt something i wanted to hear.
And the source tbat it came from wasnt from someone
I wanted to hear it from.lol...especially this person.lol
It fucks with my pride and ego.....
And it really fucks with my beliefs system.lol

PRAY FOR FAVOR. PRAY FOR GODS FAVOR.

Im not religious nor i pray.lol

But im in enough mother fucken pains...that
Im willing to give it a try or practice it.lol

---

The other thing ive been doing is...
FEELING THAT IM LOVED ALREADY...

FEELING GRATEFUL, LOVED AND CONFIDENT....
I generally react to my emotions.
My thought process are caloured by my emotions.
I know myself....i had to get to know myself.

 

[Ak5]

This thread is interesting.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I know that is throwing this off topic, but not completely. You see, if I were physically attractive, I wouldn't even have to worry about this, since I would have lost my virginity already! But since I look like one of the characters on The Big Bang Theory, I simply...haven't done it, and I'm afraid of when I do.

Dressing up, putting something in your hair to spice it up a bit, and becoming more confident and playful. A bit more daring. This has at least helped me with girls I've met from the Internet, and I don't think I'm very attractive.

I have done all that.

I am better looking than I was 2 years ago, and I casually was dating (casually) a girl, which turned into a really good friendship. As many of these things do.

I have lost weight, and changed my hair and glasses, and am growing a beard...but it's like, what else can I do to be attractive to the opposite sex?

I think people underestimate the importance of having a good job. It seems a girl won't date you, if you don't have one. Ergo why doctors are more attractive than computer geeks, like myself. Income and coolness factor.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I have done all that.

I am better looking than I was 2 years ago, and I casually was dating (casually) a girl, which turned into a really good friendship. As many of these things do.

I have lost weight, and changed my hair and glasses, and am growing a beard...but it's like, what else can I do to be attractive to the opposite sex?

I think people underestimate the importance of having a good job. It seems a girl won't date you, if you don't have one. Ergo why doctors are more attractive than computer geeks, like myself. Income and coolness factor.

Don't take offense to this, but perhaps you need to work on your attitude and maybe do a slight personality adjustment to start looking at the important things in life. Weight, looks, jobs... Don't really matter. If you get along with someone, you get along with them. Period. No job is going to make you automatically get along with females.

Not all of us find doctors and lawyers and whatnot attractive. Speaking as a female, I much rather prefer a computer geek.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Personality adjustment...do you mean become outgoing and extroverted?

I thought we already covered this? *shakes head*

But as far as having a better attitude, I have. I had a great attitude when I was casually dating the girl who became my friend. It didn't make her see me as anything better, though, nor any of the other female friends that started off as me being interested in them, either!

 

[DesertWolf]

Yes, a lot of people are indeed shallow and are attracted only to people with "good looks", good jobs, etc, but would you really want such a simple-minded (and possibly exploitative) person in your life? Besides, beauty is subjective: What many people find attractive often seems boring and doesn't appeal to me at all, and some people often described as "ugly" are rather cute and interesting to me. Don't let poor experiences with average people blind you to the fact that there are decent people out there who will appreciate you for who you are rather than just judge by external appearances. You probably just haven't met one these yet, and must persevere.

I think we must be careful not to give in to irrational thinking styles that unnecessarily limit our real potential (and depress us) by deluding ourselves that things are worse than they really are. Psychologists call these "cognitive distortions". Here's a list of some common ones: http://healthymind.com/s-distortions.html
It's made a significant difference to my life to learn how to recognize and challenge this sort of thinking in myself, and I hope it will for you as well. It can be a long learning process, but it's quite worth it I think.

 

[akon]

Any one make idea about you by hows your appearance if you have a fatty body then every feels that you are lazy guy that is embarrassing.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes, a lot of people are indeed shallow and are attracted only to people with "good looks", good jobs, etc, but would you really want such a simple-minded (and possibly exploitative) person in your life? Besides, beauty is subjective: What many people find attractive often seems boring and doesn't appeal to me at all, and some people often described as "ugly" are rather cute and interesting to me. Don't let poor experiences with average people blind you to the fact that there are decent people out there who will appreciate you for who you are rather than just judge by external appearances. You probably just haven't met one these yet, and must persevere.

I think we must be careful not to give in to irrational thinking styles that unnecessarily limit our real potential (and depress us) by deluding ourselves that things are worse than they really are. Psychologists call these "cognitive distortions". Here's a list of some common ones: http://healthymind.com/s-distortions.html
It's made a significant difference to my life to learn how to recognize and challenge this sort of thinking in myself, and I hope it will for you as well. It can be a long learning process, but it's quite worth it I think.

Thanks for this.

You and VanillaCreme are right. I just need to stop beating myself up over things that are out of my control.

I am unique, in that how I look is uniquely "me." I therefore shouldn't be offended if others don't want to get to know me, based on my looks. They just are ruling themselves out of MY dating pool.

 

[Ak5]

If they don't like you, fresia them. You matter more.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

As if people have the up most personilities, traits and possitive attitude no matter
thier looks.

As if an ugly person isnt capiable of being bitter, negative, cold or selffish.
An over weigth person simply have more Physical health and mental health
issues than a person that eats properly and exersize a regularly.

Mind, body and soul.

Personalities or traits are subject to change just like anything else.
Some people progress other degress.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Personality adjustment...do you mean become outgoing and extroverted?

I thought we already covered this? *shakes head*

But as far as having a better attitude, I have. I had a great attitude when I was casually dating the girl who became my friend. It didn't make her see me as anything better, though, nor any of the other female friends that started off as me being interested in them, either!

No, I didn't mean that. But, whatever you want to take it as... Just remember, that the attitude you've spoken to me in, people pick that up in your aura. You might not even realize it, but you can come off as being sour. I'm going to stop trying, however, because for whatever reason, you just want to think what you want to think, and you don't even consider other options.

 

[Zetsubou-Sensei]

I seriously agree with this thread. People think like their appearances are everything in terms of meeting people. They're not. They have some impact, but for anyone worth meeting, not enough that an interesting personality can't totally override their view of someone's appearance.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

No, I didn't mean that. But, whatever you want to take it as... Just remember, that the attitude you've spoken to me in, people pick that up in your aura. You might not even realize it, but you can come off as being sour. I'm going to stop trying, however, because for whatever reason, you just want to think what you want to think, and you don't even consider other options.

No, I get what you're saying.

I have to get back to not caring, which is what you're stressed in your messages. That the people in your life won't care. That message hasn't been lost on me - I've been listening.

 

[kamya]

Yeah it's hard being attractive guys don't worry. At least when you're not attractive you KNOW the person isn't just after your looks. jajaja

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I guess I have that to be thankful for. At least people aren't after my looks.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

It's not important if you want to find love. If you want anything else, go for it...