This Will Sound Strange (but it's not a joke)

[LostInTheSupermarket]

Okay, I refuse to put this in the Networking section because it's not exactly like hey guys, who wants to get together!, but if the mods move it I'll understand...

Are there any other people here who grew up in a cult? Or who have been in a cult? I spent part of my childhood in a cult and although the few people I've opened up to are sympathetic, they can't really understand the way others who have gone through it can understand. Which is why I put this in the Loneliness section, I guess... it's lonely (emotionally) not to have others to discuss it with when some of the feelings or anger comes up.

I've looked into support groups but there aren't any in my area. The ones online have scattered or are for specific types. Anyway, if anyone else here is a card-carrying member of the Thanks-For-Trying-To-Brainwash-Me-Now-Go-To-Hell Club, and would like to raise their hand, or pm me...

P.S. I know this looks funny. I'd laugh, too (because, frankly, I'm a jackhole). But really I'm being serious right now so if you could take the lmfao to chat or something I'd appreciate it. Going through some major crap right now. Thx.

 

[EveWasFramed]

hmm....can you provide more details? I mean....what kind of cult?

 

[Callie]

Sounds like you've been through a lot growing up.
I don't have any experience, though...I'm sorry.

(on a side note, totally not laughing at you here, but is a jackhole a cross between a jackass and an *******?)

 

[Tiina63]

Are there any support sites for your specific situation? It's really good that you are here on this site, but you might find a deeper level of understanding from people who have also been in a cult. They might also offer you practical advice.
It must be so hard for you to have been told that the world is a certain way and then later to find out that it was brain washing and not an adequete description of reality. You must be feeling that you can't trust anyone or even your own perceptions. Have you lost contact with your family and friends since leaving the cult? (Are they still members, I mean. )

 

[Ox Blood]

Don't know if this counts...

My father suffers from a mental illness(es?) that... Leads him to believe some pretty... radical things. Not just politics, religion, government, etc. It's beyond all of that. A fantasy world, if you will.

Since he really had no one else (that wouldn't call him insane/crazy/call him out on his BS), he drilled a lot of things into my head at an impressionable age. Conditioned to believe certain things, rituals... All of which had to be kept secret or there would be consequences.

I've blocked most of it out, and I'm thankful for that. Partially the reason I don't talk about it. Don't want to stir up the past where things are better left forgotten.

I am also blessed to have had a wonderful mom who had the upper-hand in my upbringing -- especially after their divorce.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I don't think it sounds strange.

 

[LostInTheSupermarket]

Ox Blood,
I'm sorry to hear about what you went through with your dad. The fantasy world, the secrecy, the conditioning... it may have been one person instead of a whole organization or religion but those are all similar factors you experienced. And I totally understand about not wanting to stir things up when they've been left to rest. I blocked this out for a long time until a few years ago, and now it wants to come out ("it wants to come out" - that sounds like a horror movie). Really glad you were blessed to have your mom. Anyway, thanks for replying. It helps.

EveWasFramed
It was a New Age "movement"... I've always thought movement sounded like they were taking a crap. Don't worry, no human sacrifices. It involved levitation among other things (note: they cannot, in fact, levitate - they are delusional); encouraging parents to leave their kids for extended periods to "study" (and then we ended up being cared for by... guess who?); for most families it meant giving up their savings to the crap, er, I mean movement; when possible lived in our own communities; now they've got their own currency and declared their own nation... I'll stop for now

Callie
Thanks. And yeah, jackhole = jackass + *******. I wasn't sure if we're allowed to swear. Because I don't read rules. Der.

Tiina
The support sites I could find (after a lot of looking) are for specific groups that don't pertain to me. The ones I could have used are defunct. The in-person groups aren't where I live, which I hope will change when we can move. It's surprised me how hard it is to find. I suspect some of them may be hard to find because they don't want to be harassed. I'm still in contact with my mother and she drifted out of it but there is no acknowledgment (on her part) of what happened re: my sister and I, just like there's no acknowledgment of all the other abuse. My sister and I deal with it together but my sister doesn't really want to talk about this so much as the abuse. We live far away from each other.

SophiaGrace
Thanks. One of my big things is that I'm very sympathetic to others but think my stuff is trivial or I shouldn't bother others or complain. I'll write out my own situation and then look at it and think honeysuckle, that's ridiculous. So what. Just shut up about it. Plus it's very hard to trust. So thanks for saying that.

 

[Campbell]

First of all, I am sorry you went through such a rough way.

While I know very little about what you went through, I do know there are videos on Youtube from former S.I.S.T. members (a Shawano, WI cult) telling their story and seeking others to confide in. You may Google former S.I.S.T. members support and find something that way.

Also, there is a cult researcher named Rick Ross who you can find online. A direct message to him may put you into contact with survivors from your own situation or others.

 

[Ox Blood]

Supermarket,

A therapist may be able to help you work through some of these things... Or at least offer tools that may be able to help you make sense of and/or manage your emotions. Therapy helped me understand where some of my "ticks" and resentment stems from... Had I stayed with it, it probably would have been a lot more beneficial.

Though, I can understand you'd prefer to find someone who has "been there, done that" and give you their input based on their experiences.

Although I cannot begin to imagine the things you have endured, know that my inbox is open to you if you ever need to talk.

 

[ajdass1]

I have no experience with what you're talking about, but I totally sympathise with feeling as if your own problems are trivial. If it helps at all, I'm totally willing to listen (as are all of the people posting on here) even if I can't give any specific advice.

 

[LostInTheSupermarket]

Hi you guys,
Thanks so much for all your replies and offers to talk. It really helps. I'll look up the S.I.S.T. videos. I did search links through Rick Ross a while ago, thanks for that suggestion too. Ox, I agree about therapy - the therapist I've been seeing for a while has been great. She doesn't have direct experience with this though - I've asked her to look into it but she doesn't really know. Actually she hasn't seemed very proactive about it, but she's been a good sounding board so I'm grateful for that much. It's weird how this is just all coming out now. I was reading some articles this morning and there was more stuff I'd forgotten. So weird. Anyway. Thanks again guys. And it's nice to be somewhere that i don't feel like I'm just complaining.

 

[Ox Blood]

It's weird how this is just all coming out now. I was reading some articles this morning and there was more stuff I'd forgotten. So weird. Anyway. Thanks again guys. And it's nice to be somewhere that i don't feel like I'm just complaining.

It's odd how the mind works. I'm proud of you for facing these things head on.

Can't say that I have the same courage -- between all of the destructive vices I use to distract from the past... Or prevent my mind from "filling in the gaps". Maybe someday I will be able to overcome that.

It's inspirational that you are working through these things. Keep it up, Supermarket.

 

[Campbell]

Lost, I hope you do find what you are looking for. Hugs to you!!

 

[LostInTheSupermarket]

Thanks so much, Ox and Campbell.

Good news: I found a therapist who has direct experience working with clients with this issue! She's too far for me right now but we're moving an hour closer to her next month, and after that she'll only be a forty minute drive. Totally worth every mile, imo. I really had to search to find her. Kinda wondering why my current doctor couldn't find this, seeing they're in the same field... but anyway...

Ox, I too know about distracting with vices. Totally understand what you're saying. Imo these things will come out in their own good time, not when everyone else says you "should" confront them (if anyone is saying that). I hope you're well.