Well I don't really know what to say but the truth is nearly every day i wake up picturing my suicide and sometimes it just pops into my head randomly. I know deep down i don't want to kill myself but i don't know what is triggering these thoughts. I have them so often that it almost feel... normal..
thoughts about suicide
- Thread starter lola586
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
J
Just_Some_Dude
Guest
i've been there, lola.
how good of friends are your "friends"?
do they listen to you? are they there to offer you a hand? do they seem to care?
btw, welcome...
how good of friends are your "friends"?
do they listen to you? are they there to offer you a hand? do they seem to care?
btw, welcome...
T
tehdreamer
Guest
I've been there before too. The worst thing you can do is let those thoughts become normal because then you won't bother trying to change them. I think you really need to talk to someone and express whatever has been bothering you. Is it being lonely that's triggering these feelings?
Oscillate_Wildly
Well-known member
I know what you mean, I think about suicide a fair bit, fantasising about doing it. But I know I'd never actually do it.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
Oftentimes when I feel overwhelmed I get those thoughts...
S
Sean
Guest
Oscillate_Wildly said:
I do sometimes also.
Just gotta stay positive.
Think of all the loved ones you'd hurt if you took your life.
alonewanderer
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2010
- Messages
- 300
- Reaction score
- 0
lola586 said:
That sucks Lola, with the onset of winter I'm starting to break down and am considering suicide again. I've asked my friend for her meds as a last minute "fuckthisshit" button but we'll see, all I can do is hope that this year will be different.
Hoping and dreaming that I'll find someone that will treat me like I'm the best thing since sliced bread.
p.s. I told my good friend about this and she said " me too, let's off ourselves together >
" lol she's a gem but I don't think she understands how much I really hurt.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
alonewanderer said:
You really shouldnt pop pills like that. It's likely you'd be found and wake up in a hospital with a tube down your throat and people shoving liquid charcoal into your stomache with a risk of slow liver failure which would be quite painful. Not a pleasant experience.
freedom
Well-known member
i'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. we that suffer often suffer alone. just yesterday i was thinking about suicide and what it would be like, how i would do it, how it would affect everyone that knew me, and where i would wake up afterwards. i've just been feeling like ******* honeysuckle lately, and if i owned a gun, my chances of blasting myself in the head would be significantly higher.
i've been depressed for almost ten years now, and one of my first symptoms was thoughts of suicide. at first, i would joke about it with my school mates, describing how i would kill myself, and they would either laugh and say "your're crazy" or gasp and say "you need help". needless to say, i've been thinking about suicide for almost ten years now, and not everyone knows.
what can i say that's helpful? what can you learn from a guy like me? well if i haven't died yet it's because i haven't fulfilled my purpose. the hope of one day making something of my life, the chance to make a change in our world, of tasting the reason with every breath, these have yet to be fulfilled, and that's what keeps me going.
i seem to feel that my purpose is to serve, to help, to save, to create, and to change. when i'm at my lowest points, off in the distance and past my thoughts of death, i see my vision through a haze of despair and anguish. it revitalizes and reminds me that it's not my time yet. first i must serve my purpose, and then i can die.
i may have sliced too deep with my thoughts and expressions, but i hope you can find refuge and hope in my words.
i've been depressed for almost ten years now, and one of my first symptoms was thoughts of suicide. at first, i would joke about it with my school mates, describing how i would kill myself, and they would either laugh and say "your're crazy" or gasp and say "you need help". needless to say, i've been thinking about suicide for almost ten years now, and not everyone knows.
what can i say that's helpful? what can you learn from a guy like me? well if i haven't died yet it's because i haven't fulfilled my purpose. the hope of one day making something of my life, the chance to make a change in our world, of tasting the reason with every breath, these have yet to be fulfilled, and that's what keeps me going.
i seem to feel that my purpose is to serve, to help, to save, to create, and to change. when i'm at my lowest points, off in the distance and past my thoughts of death, i see my vision through a haze of despair and anguish. it revitalizes and reminds me that it's not my time yet. first i must serve my purpose, and then i can die.
i may have sliced too deep with my thoughts and expressions, but i hope you can find refuge and hope in my words.
D
downbythebay
Guest
I agree, freedom, that was well put.
That is exactly how I feel sometimes but then I ask myself about children and infants who have passed. What could their self-fulfilling purpose have been? If an infant had a purpose I am sure he/she didn't know what it was.... so how was their life fulfilled in that way? Sure, one could argue that they touched the people around them, but I'm not sure if they themselves learned anything or fulfilled a personal goal. I think plenty of people pass without feeling like they have achieved their purpose. Sometimes I think that I should not feel so self-entitled to expect that I have not fulfilled my purpose. Perhaps I already have, but that purpose was a duty to someone else and not one towards my own fulfillment or what I may have in mind as to what my purpose is. Just thought I'd share my thoughts
That is exactly how I feel sometimes but then I ask myself about children and infants who have passed. What could their self-fulfilling purpose have been? If an infant had a purpose I am sure he/she didn't know what it was.... so how was their life fulfilled in that way? Sure, one could argue that they touched the people around them, but I'm not sure if they themselves learned anything or fulfilled a personal goal. I think plenty of people pass without feeling like they have achieved their purpose. Sometimes I think that I should not feel so self-entitled to expect that I have not fulfilled my purpose. Perhaps I already have, but that purpose was a duty to someone else and not one towards my own fulfillment or what I may have in mind as to what my purpose is. Just thought I'd share my thoughts
freedom
Well-known member
thank you for replying, downbythebay.
i totally agree with you too. it is absolutely sad when children and infants die, but perhaps their purpose was, like you mentioned, a duty to someone else. with their death, perhaps someone else was touched in such a way that it steered them towards fulfillment. we are too naive and incompetent to know. also, as much as i may feel that i know what my purpose is, i could still be wrong, but it's the feeling of self-fulfilment and sense of purpose that i'm after.
i totally agree with you too. it is absolutely sad when children and infants die, but perhaps their purpose was, like you mentioned, a duty to someone else. with their death, perhaps someone else was touched in such a way that it steered them towards fulfillment. we are too naive and incompetent to know. also, as much as i may feel that i know what my purpose is, i could still be wrong, but it's the feeling of self-fulfilment and sense of purpose that i'm after.
D
downbythebay
Guest
That's a great outlook freedom, you're a good guy & I wish you and everyone else struggling on this thread strength to get through tough times
lomojojo
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 12, 2010
- Messages
- 774
- Reaction score
- 1
Just gotta stay positive.
Think of all the loved ones you'd hurt if you took your life.
[/quote]
^ ^ ^ this is what really keeps me from doing it
It's funny yesterday I was feeling soooo down and lonely and sad and depressed, I decide to turn the TV on and there was Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away (the perfect movie for my lonely feeelings) right at the part where he's telling his experience to his friend after he's rescued. He said he contemplated killing himself, he planned how to do it. When he was testing the rope to hang hismelf he saw his body smashing against the rocks and he couldn't do it and he felt so powerless. And then he tought he had to keep breathing and stay alive because we never know what the tide could bring and I just bursted out into tears as I am doing right now as I am writing this post.
Think of all the loved ones you'd hurt if you took your life.
[/quote]
^ ^ ^ this is what really keeps me from doing it
It's funny yesterday I was feeling soooo down and lonely and sad and depressed, I decide to turn the TV on and there was Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away (the perfect movie for my lonely feeelings) right at the part where he's telling his experience to his friend after he's rescued. He said he contemplated killing himself, he planned how to do it. When he was testing the rope to hang hismelf he saw his body smashing against the rocks and he couldn't do it and he felt so powerless. And then he tought he had to keep breathing and stay alive because we never know what the tide could bring and I just bursted out into tears as I am doing right now as I am writing this post.
alonewanderer
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2010
- Messages
- 300
- Reaction score
- 0
SophiaGrace said:
That already happened once but this time I did some research.
P
PurpleDays
Guest
Suicide attempts... are no fun. there are so so many other things you can do... have you got Samaritans? Or a local nightwatch service you can call up? There are even some groups you can email for advice and prevention schemes.
Do things that make you happy instead.... Make a collage, paint, read, have a bath, play Tetris... count to a hundred slowly, then in a different language...
Suicide attempts are often upon a whim, you finally reach the breaking point where you feel you can't do anything else... make sure that DOES NOT HAPPEN. Distract yourself... write things down.
My experiences' are a bit like Soph's I spent 5 days throwing up my guts and being on obvs. It hurts really badly and black gunk comes out of your nose. And I've also got some pretty hefty scars as little momentos. Please, don't do it. Please.
You can get through this. Come on.
Do things that make you happy instead.... Make a collage, paint, read, have a bath, play Tetris... count to a hundred slowly, then in a different language...
Suicide attempts are often upon a whim, you finally reach the breaking point where you feel you can't do anything else... make sure that DOES NOT HAPPEN. Distract yourself... write things down.
My experiences' are a bit like Soph's I spent 5 days throwing up my guts and being on obvs. It hurts really badly and black gunk comes out of your nose. And I've also got some pretty hefty scars as little momentos. Please, don't do it. Please.
You can get through this. Come on.
Hey you know what, you might have a mental illness.
Don't worry, mental illnesses aren't that bad, it just means that your ill in a non-physical way - i.e. something to do with your head. Like anything else, they aren't always very severe. They are usually what they call 'spectrum' disorders - having severe and very mild extremes.
I have one myself. Its called OCD, and basically it means you fear something irrational, you have an anxiety, and you do a lot of things to try and relieve that anxiety. You might have nothing to do with this but I think its definitely a good idea to check this out.
You talk about intrusive thoughts don't you? Thats a sign of OCD, irrational thoughts that you can't control. Perhaps you 'fantasize' about suicide, even though there's nothing in the real world that would suggest anything like it, and fear your going to do it because your thinking about it? Perhaps you do things like put away knives or whatever to try to alleviate that anxiety?
So you should check it out. Its nothing to stress about, mental illnesses can be treated just like a common cold can be. See a GP, and don't procrastinate. If your thinking that what I'm talking about is way out of the world and completely impossible, well think again. Most people with OCD or other mental illnesses simply cannot realize anything is wrong, and everything just seems rational to them. You may think whatever but you have to consider the possibility that your just a frog stuck in a well. Reply to me and tell me what you think.
Good luck!
Don't worry, mental illnesses aren't that bad, it just means that your ill in a non-physical way - i.e. something to do with your head. Like anything else, they aren't always very severe. They are usually what they call 'spectrum' disorders - having severe and very mild extremes.
I have one myself. Its called OCD, and basically it means you fear something irrational, you have an anxiety, and you do a lot of things to try and relieve that anxiety. You might have nothing to do with this but I think its definitely a good idea to check this out.
You talk about intrusive thoughts don't you? Thats a sign of OCD, irrational thoughts that you can't control. Perhaps you 'fantasize' about suicide, even though there's nothing in the real world that would suggest anything like it, and fear your going to do it because your thinking about it? Perhaps you do things like put away knives or whatever to try to alleviate that anxiety?
So you should check it out. Its nothing to stress about, mental illnesses can be treated just like a common cold can be. See a GP, and don't procrastinate. If your thinking that what I'm talking about is way out of the world and completely impossible, well think again. Most people with OCD or other mental illnesses simply cannot realize anything is wrong, and everything just seems rational to them. You may think whatever but you have to consider the possibility that your just a frog stuck in a well. Reply to me and tell me what you think.
Good luck!
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
Rextus said:
Great advice Rextus. Thank you!
alonewanderer said:
What exactly makes you feel suicidal though? Usually it's a case of "I dont want to die but I sure as hell don't want to keep on living this way."
PurpleDays said:
This is an understatement. Suicide attempts and suicide itself is awful and I wish no one would ever have to suffer the pain in their heart/mind that would make them want to stop existing and then having to deal with the aftereffects of a suicide attempt, the shame, guilt and horror of the people who love you.
The whole thing is riddiled with vast mountains of unbearable emotional pain which I truely think no human being ought to suffer. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.
freedom
Well-known member
thank you for your kind words, downbythebay.
D
downbythebay
Guest
^ you're deff welcome
lola586 said:
I am the same. Sometimes it is a great day and I feel I just want to die, without any particular reason. Life is pointless, it has no reason. If I die, I have no memory of it, no memory of dieing, because I don't exist anymore.
I used to fantasize over it quite a bit, without thinking about doing it. Now I don't fantasize about how would I do it or what impact could it leave to other people, mostly I just feel like I want to die, not exist.
Only once I went to commit suicide. It was after a party, great party, might I say, then out of the blue I get all sad and lonely and go to an abandoned building to slice my throat and veins. I was quite drunk, but rational mind took over, I could not leave my family, who is already depressed. Sometimes I get the feeling I just live for others, because me dieing would make other people go crazy or commit suicide. The other days I feel just fine.
