To throw out or not to throw out

[stork_error]

As a teen I was a sentimental collector. I'd save cards, poems, pictures, flyers, dance tickets, vacation gifts, stuffed annimals, roses, dairies and basically anything that had an emotional attachment to it.

When i turned 26, I had my first serious life crises and I became so angry at myself for all the silly memories that I kept and I felt because I felt that the sentiment was so one sided. The poems for boys that never loved me disgusted me because I remember how I felt. The roses from boys that never loved me disgusted me because I remembered that I believed them. The stuffed animals that I hugged to while I cried over people that never loved me. The diaries all full of delusional feelings and fantasies. I read them and thought " my god you are an idiot "

I remember as i purged each thing, I said a swear word as i shredded it or called myself an idiot as I read it for the last time.

At 26, I threw everything out and it was so nice to feel clutter free.
I lived clutter free for many years until about 4 years ago I experienced a traumatic event.

The aftermath of the year eventually resulted in a collection of legal papers, however they are not organized nicely. It sits in a walmart bin mixed up with papers of unrelated importance such as, internet cables, wires, medical files, old bills, pens, old files etc..

I'ts a big bin of mixed content from the time frame of 2009-2010. The bin currently sits in my locker downstairs.

Attached to this bin are extremely negative memories and feelings. The kind of feelings that induce PTSD.

Ive considered dumping and burning the entire bin and if I'm going to do that I will need to do it soon because It's getting cold out.

Ideally id like to be able to sort it out as there may be important tidbits amongst the debris such as unrelated medical files. The problem is that I'm not interested in triggering such awful memories by having to review each item, and by having to look at the legal stuff and relive that time period.

So I'm sort of stuck. Should i burn it all? I feel like this bin is somehow keeping bad energy alive, which is strange for me to say because I dont really believe in that kind of stuff so I'm not even sure in what context i mean this when i say it. I just know it bugs me and i want it gone.

Ive held on to this stuff because I always thought that one day I would be desensitized and indifferent to it and would be able to sort it out. However, Im beginning to realize, I don't think that will ever happen. I'm realizing that whether i sort this bin out now or in ten years it will inevitably cause PTSD, and I'm just not sure how long it will last after that and I don't want that.

I haven't held on to papers like this since I was 26. It bothers me a lot.

I realize I need to do something about it because its affecting my sense of peace. I don't feel in good organized order. I feel negative clutter.

So what should I do?
1. Do I sort it out and live out the PTSD.
2. Do I junk the whole bin and risk throwing out important stuff.
3. Do I leave it indefinitely and hope that the day will come where I can sort it.

It's been 4+ years now

 

[Therapon]

Pay a lawyer to look through it and keep only the absolutely essential things. They should know best if it's useless.

You can explain about the PTSD it may cause so they understand the context of the situation.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Important stuff you should keep for 5-7 years. Other stuff not so much. I collect all kinds of stuff too and have a hard time throwing it out and don't have PTSD.

 

[DVEUS]

i say burn it...have a friend over to help...now that it's getting cooler is the perfect time...

i think you'd feel 100 times better...because the bottom line is that when it's gone it's gone and there's no going back therefore no need to fret over it any longer

i worked for a law firm for years...if it's something you really need chances are there duplicates and/or triplicates!

good luck with whatever decision you come to

 

[SofiasMami]

I agree with going through it with a friend around. Sit down when you've had a good night's sleep and you're in a generally good mood and treat yourself when you're done. Don't let that bin of bad memories loiter in your home any longer than necessary.
Over the years I've culled paperwork and items that represented bad times but I've always felt relieved afterwards.

-Teresa

 

[stork_error]

I collect all kinds of stuff too and have a hard time throwing it out and don't have PTSD.

The actual parting with stuff is not the problem for me with this. I actually don't keep sentimental things anymore, throwing it out is not an issue. I do however keep medical files and reports, as well as some necessary life related documents like insurance and car and I'm afraid those docs are in there mixed in with pictures and legal stuff. The trauma in this case would be from having to sort every paper in the bin to determine what's in it. Because that timeframe was a horrific time for me, I don't want to see any pictures , read any legal papers , or see any memories that will bring up terrible feelings.

I do like the idea of hiring somebody, but it would be extremely costly

---

If it's something you really need chances are there duplicates

That is a very good point !

 

[Sci-Fi]

Ask a trusted relative or friend to help you with it, I'm sure someone won't mind sorting out the bad stuff for you. Maybe take them out to the movies or a meal, buy them a case of beer etc. as a thank you.

 

[DVEUS]

I collect all kinds of stuff too and have a hard time throwing it out and don't have PTSD.

The actual parting with stuff is not the problem for me with this. I actually don't keep sentimental things anymore, throwing it out is not an issue. I do however keep medical files and reports, as well as some necessary life related documents like insurance and car and I'm afraid those docs are in there mixed in with pictures and legal stuff. The trauma in this case would be from having to sort every paper in the bin to determine what's in it. Because that timeframe was a horrific time for me, I don't want to see any pictures , read any legal papers , or see any memories that will bring up terrible feelings.

I do like the idea of hiring somebody, but it would be extremely costly

---

If it's something you really need chances are there duplicates

That is a very good point !

---

in this day and age there is no need to hoard these documents...the firms that you work with will...they have to keep records from 5-8 years depending on the firm...

my doctor's office has absolutely NO 'paper' files any longer...it's all digital...no paper, no filing cabinets...it's all out there in space...this is the future...

i only wish my firm would comply :/ it would free up a lot of my time...but my boss is 'old school'...

only you know what's right for you...

ps i love bonfires

 

[TheSkaFish]

Stork, I don't really have any advice on this issue as I've never faced it myself. But what I do have experience with is collecting. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I save my old birthday cards too, even the envelopes with stamps and stickers on them. Just this year I got to sorting out a lot of childhood toys and decided to finally give some away. However I am keeping the themes that have always stayed with me.

Also, I also saw you wrote poems for people. It's a bummer that it didn't work out but you sound like a very sweet person to have done that. That's like, old-fashioned in a really neat way. I wish someone would write a poem for me. If someone did that, they'd definitely get some points in my book anyway.

 

[stork_error]

I agree with going through it with a friend around.

I thought about this but I'd have nobody to go through it with. Nobody actually knew the gory details of what I went through, I never told a soul and I still don't tell anyone.

 

[DVEUS]

do you want to tell someone about it???

 

[stork_error]

ps i love bonfires

Yeah me too.

And about telling someone, not really no, I like to keep that drama where in belongs, in the past.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Well, whatever it was that happened you made it through. You don't have to actually look at the specific items. When I go through stuff I may not want to really look at I try my best to skip through it, like quickly putting it face down. It might not be as easy for you to do, trust me though sometimes it isn't easy even for someone who doesn't suffer from PTSD, so I get it will be harder for you. But once it is face down it stays that way. The only reason we sometimes do look at bad stuff is because we want to go back to that, our minds are in a state where we have this strange urge to feel the same pain, relive it and experience it all over even if we don't want to. I don't know if maybe setting up a happy space for yourself might work, maybe surround yourself with positive things, fun music, or movie, something that will help not give you that urge to look at the stuff you don't want to relive. It's all pictures and words, it was the past it can't hurt you anymore unless you let it.

 

[SofiasMami]

I agree with going through it with a friend around.

I thought about this but I'd have nobody to go through it with. Nobody actually knew the gory details of what I went through, I never told a soul and I still don't tell anyone.

Throw yourself a Ban the Bin party on a Saturday afternoon. Get yourself a nice bottle of pinot grigio and your favorite meal, sit down for a few hours and dump what you need to dump. Then come back and let us know how you're doing.

-Teresa

 

[stork_error]

Well, whatever it was that happened you made it through. You don't have to actually look at the specific items.
It's all pictures and words, it was the past it can't hurt you anymore unless you let it.

Unfortiunatly i do have to look at each item because i need to know if i junk it or keep it. I suppose that it will drag me down this week but today I'm feeling strong. I cleaned my place spic and span it made me feel prepared and good. Im going to go get the bin now. i dont know if i will suceed, or how far i will get but im going to try.

Throw yourself a Ban the Bin party on a Saturday afternoon. Get yourself a nice bottle of pinot grigio and your favorite meal, sit down for a few hours and dump what you need to dump. Then come back and let us know how you're doing.

-Teresa

I will do this, and then tonight I will take myself out for a really nice dinner!

Thankyou for the advice everyone. Here goes nothing.

 

[SofiasMami]

Here's to hoping it goes well for you (raising my glass of pinot to dumping bad memories) Let us know how you're doing!

-Teresa

 

[stork_error]

Ok so this is crazy

I get the bin upstairs and open it, only to find that it is already neatly organized. It seems that I've already sorted and organized it at some point so nothing is mixed up.

Yes, very strange because I don't remember, and by far the closest to an "odd concerning behaviour" that I've ever exhibited. I really truly don't recall ever organizing it, but clearly it seems i have.

The only thing i cant think of is that I did it at some point and because it was so traumatic I simply forgot?

That has never happened to me before.

Anyway, all I have to do now is chuck the stuff I want rid of… easy to do now because its all organized and ready to go. I have to go to the beach though where I can make a bonfire to burn it. There's way too much for a paper shredder. Unfortunately I didn't have time today but i will do it this week.

Anyway, so this is awesome, I'm also nuts as well as lonely. Fantastic

 

[SofiasMami]

Ok so this is crazy

I get the bin upstairs and open it, only to find that it is already neatly organized. It seems that I've already sorted and organized it at some point so nothing is mixed up.

Yes, very strange because I don't remember, and by far the closest to an "odd concerning behaviour" that I've ever exhibited. I really truly don't recall ever organizing it, but clearly it seems i have.

The only thing i cant think of is that I did it at some point and because it was so traumatic I simply forgot?

Or you forgot about it because you simply didn't care about it anymore. If you're the organized type, it's quite plausible you went through it one day and plumb forgot.

I wish I could go to my file cabinet and find everything neatly organized

-Teresa