To y'all, what makes someone a failure or a loser?

[dd11]

A loser to me is someone who doesn't exert effort to help themselves or others. Get off your arse and make a better life. Yes, we all struggle with life's issues. But i know people who have literally done NOTHING but complain for decades and not taken one step forward to better their own life. Sad.

 

[AlexD]

Well, this thread is certainly going in the direction I was hoping for.

I had a feeling that it was going to start with the "you're a loser when you've given up" thought, but I was expecting more answers when it came to jobs.  There are people that end up in jobs where, for whatever reason, can't go beyond what they're in and they're looked down upon, ashamed or ridiculed for that.

You name them: fast food employees, janitors, security guards, farm workers, maids, child-care workers, strippers, escorts, etc.  Despite their occupations, to me, anyone that has a job isn't a failure or a loser (except if it's illegal work that hurts people and stuff), it doesn't matter if they're happy or sad, even if they've given up on improving themselves, I'll still respect them and see nothing wrong with what they're dedicated to; many in higher positions are probably feeling the same way.  Heck, I've even read stories about people with low-wage jobs getting (lifelong) mates, it's always nice to see that there are individuals out there that still see them as the human beings they are, huh?

I don't know about y'all, but to me, a failure or loser is someone that just doesn't want to work or even study, and I am including drug addicts here too, I may be sounding cold here, but there's simply no point in aiding those who don't want to aid themselves or that ruined themselves in the first place.  If there are others that want to help them, fine, but not me, like yourselves, I've got my own problems to deal with.

Question for y'all, how would you feel if a close family member, preferably a brother, sister, son or daughter, ended up in one of the places I mentioned?

And to Tuathaniel and ladyforsaken, I'm sorry you two are feeling that way, but I wish you all the best.

Nothing wrong with these jobs. You are independent, paying your bills, and filling a need where there is one. If they are happy at their job, even better. But that applies to any job, as happiness comes from you in the first place, and there is no easy job if it is to be done well.

 

[AnonymousMe]

I have family working in fast food, I know janitors, I know security guards, I know MANY farm workers, I know child care workers, I know  strippers. 
So what?  Who cares what they are doing.  They have a job, they aren't sitting on their lazy asses collecting unemployment without doing anything about it.  That's all that matters.

Nothing wrong with these jobs. You are independent, paying your bills, and filling a need where there is one. If they are happy at their job, even better. But that applies to any job, as happiness comes from you in the first place, and there is no easy job if it is to be done well.

Hmph, I wish my parents could think of me like this, I'm also someone that doesn't think I'll be successful in life, yet my parents don't respect my thoughts of eventually working as a janitor.  They want me to be the successor of my dad's job, but I know that's not going to happen; I'm already terrible at it.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

This is probably going to turn into a bit of a rant.... So ignore the last part if you must.

I absolutely feel in no way that those jobs make anyone a loser. Where I work is basically a glorified burger joint in my town, and before that, I did housekeeping in the same building. It seemed pretty dead end in the beginning, But my position now is basically manager in the restaurant, without the official title.

And the rant...I think the people who work, who are essentially losers, are the ones who make every excuse in the book to not pay their way. I grew up being raised by a parent like this, and I have lived with a few along the way. People who make 2 to 3 times more money than I do, but still can't pay their rent, or bills, and expect people who make much less than them to pick up the slack. It's actually part of the reason I don't think I could let a partner into my home to help me manage. I am someone who will not have my bills cut off because someone else didn't do their part.

 

[morgandollar]

Loser is so subjective. Is a person a loser just because they cannot pay their bills? So if they get a better paying job, are they no longer a loser? Is a loser someone who takes drugs? What if they clean up their lives and stop abusing drugs, then they will no longer be a loser, right? What someone beats up their wife or girlfriend, or someone is a bigot and a racist? So let us categorize all the winners and losers. But what about those that change? Those who improve their careers, who may stop drug abuse, who stop beating or yelling at their wife or girlfriend, who change their racist behavior? I feel it's so hypocritical and even convenient to put subjective labels on people. Who are we to label or judge? Have we never made mistakes? Have we never done anything we later deeply regretted? So are we truly losers? I feel a person may act like a loser by giving up and never trying to improve (suicide not included).

 

[AlexD]

I have family working in fast food, I know janitors, I know security guards, I know MANY farm workers, I know child care workers, I know  strippers. 
So what?  Who cares what they are doing.  They have a job, they aren't sitting on their lazy asses collecting unemployment without doing anything about it.  That's all that matters.

Nothing wrong with these jobs. You are independent, paying your bills, and filling a need where there is one. If they are happy at their job, even better. But that applies to any job, as happiness comes from you in the first place, and there is no easy job if it is to be done well.

Hmph, I wish my parents could think of me like this, I'm also someone that doesn't think I'll be successful in life, yet my parents don't respect my thoughts of eventually working as a janitor.  They want me to be the successor of my dad's job, but I know that's not going to happen; I'm already terrible at it.

At some point, what your parents think needs to become irrelevant in the sense that what YOU think is the important thing. It is your life, isn't it? I have also spent much time in the past worrying about what my parents were thinking of me, and of course these thoughts are deeply ingrained in us. But (a big) part of becoming a grown up is the ability to detach ourselves from the ambitions our parents have for us. The truth is, sometimes these ambitions work well, but most often they don't. And that's perfectly fine, because it forces you to do the search for your calling yourself. It is a responsibility, a challenge, an opportunity, which is what makes it so exciting in addition to being intimidating and sometimes overwhelming. If you decide that you are a loser, you are right. If you decide you are a winner, you are right, too. It is your decision, does that make sense?

 

[morgandollar]

I have family working in fast food, I know janitors, I know security guards, I know MANY farm workers, I know child care workers, I know  strippers. 
So what?  Who cares what they are doing.  They have a job, they aren't sitting on their lazy asses collecting unemployment without doing anything about it.  That's all that matters.

Nothing wrong with these jobs. You are independent, paying your bills, and filling a need where there is one. If they are happy at their job, even better. But that applies to any job, as happiness comes from you in the first place, and there is no easy job if it is to be done well.

Hmph, I wish my parents could think of me like this, I'm also someone that doesn't think I'll be successful in life, yet my parents don't respect my thoughts of eventually working as a janitor.  They want me to be the successor of my dad's job, but I know that's not going to happen; I'm already terrible at it.

At some point, what your parents think needs to become irrelevant in the sense that what YOU think is the important thing. It is your life, isn't it? I have also spent much time in the past worrying about what my parents were thinking of me, and of course these thoughts are deeply ingrained in us. But (a big) part of becoming a grown up is the ability to detach ourselves from the ambitions our parents have for us. The truth is, sometimes these ambitions work well, but most often they don't. And that's perfectly fine, because it forces you to do the search for your calling yourself. It is a responsibility, a challenge, an opportunity, which is what makes it so exciting in addition to being intimidating and sometimes overwhelming. If you decide that you are a loser, you are right. If you decide you are a winner, you are right, too. It is your decision, does that make sense?

Based on my personal experience, sometimes it is not our parents that are openly exerting pressure on us but rather our own desire not to disappoint them. So we begin to setup all of these emotional irrationalities and even unreasonable goals that might never be reached and since we cannot reach these goals, and to top it off our parents do not actively encourage and support us, we feel that we have utterly and completely failed ... we feel we have failed ourselves, our parents, our family, our friends ... everybody. But is that really true? Are we really a failure? Feelings are not always facts.

 

[Quiet-Emerald]

The only way to fail I think is to stop trying all together, but even if that line is crossed in which one gives up entirely, it's not the end because there is always a chance to get back up. Failure is only a set back, and an experience to be learned from for personal growth to be achieved. That's what I think. lol As cheesy as it sounds.

 

[AnonymousMe]

At some point, what your parents think needs to become irrelevant in the sense that what YOU think is the important thing. It is your life, isn't it? I have also spent much time in the past worrying about what my parents were thinking of me, and of course these thoughts are deeply ingrained in us. But (a big) part of becoming a grown up is the ability to detach ourselves from the ambitions our parents have for us. The truth is, sometimes these ambitions work well, but most often they don't. And that's perfectly fine, because it forces you to do the search for your calling yourself. It is a responsibility, a challenge, an opportunity, which is what makes it so exciting in addition to being intimidating and sometimes overwhelming. If you decide that you are a loser, you are right. If you decide you are a winner, you are right, too. It is your decision, does that make sense?

Yeah... I guess, you're basically saying that anyone can be anything as long as they're happy, right?  Not that it matters, but I might have a problem if that's the case, to be happy, all I want is an SO, but I've acknowledged that my chances of getting one are significantly lower if I end up as a janitor, I am keeping my expectations low though; there's no reason to get unnecessarily disappointed.

 

[TheRealCallie]

At some point, what your parents think needs to become irrelevant in the sense that what YOU think is the important thing. It is your life, isn't it? I have also spent much time in the past worrying about what my parents were thinking of me, and of course these thoughts are deeply ingrained in us. But (a big) part of becoming a grown up is the ability to detach ourselves from the ambitions our parents have for us. The truth is, sometimes these ambitions work well, but most often they don't. And that's perfectly fine, because it forces you to do the search for your calling yourself. It is a responsibility, a challenge, an opportunity, which is what makes it so exciting in addition to being intimidating and sometimes overwhelming. If you decide that you are a loser, you are right. If you decide you are a winner, you are right, too. It is your decision, does that make sense?

Yeah... I guess, you're basically saying that anyone can be anything as long as they're happy, right?  Not that it matters, but I might have a problem if that's the case, to be happy, all I want is an SO, but I've acknowledged that my chances of getting one are significantly lower if I end up as a janitor, I am keeping my expectations low though; there's no reason to get unnecessarily disappointed.

If you base your happiness on someone else, chances are, you will never be happy.

 

[Meaw]

A loser in my opinion is someone who acts in a mean way towards someone else without no reason at all for it.

 

[Inmyhead]

I recently read that "No one is born a failure" quote.
I could just tell now what I personally think of it and ask you all if I'm correct or not, but I might as well know your thoughts first.

Their thinking.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

To me, being a loser is just a mindset. Everyone struggles in their life, and everyone experiences failures. It's completely normal to feel like you've failed so frequently or for so long that you can't possibly ever find happiness, but that doesn't make you a failure.

Somebody that is losing will stumble, fall, and have life kicking them in their ribs. A loser is somebody that sees somebody losing and doesn't offer them a hand to get back to their feet.

 

[Incognita]

i think, everyone has their own definition, just like love

 

[Oldyoung]

I've said similar things before. But to me, a loser is someone who can't be relied on for things ranging from doing work, being friendly, doing interesting things, producing quality in whatever setting you're speaking of, who also can't rely on themselves to make their lives better.