Trying not to lose my mind

[heretostay]

so semester is over....and im back. its only been three days since my semester ended and im having a REALLY hard time not losing my mind. already my horrible nightmares are back (what is that???) and im bored out of my mind. already i picked a fight with my H last night. let the fun begin....

I hate my nightmares. i feel like im freakin' five. im 27 years old! doesnt one grow out of these things!?! eh. ive been to psychologists/psychiatrists about them. not to deflate anyone's balloon, but they dont know jack crap.

ANYWAY....i have four more weeks to try and not lose my mind. its only day three and already im feeling the sardonic laugh only those who've gone batty understand. staying up late is a big NO, NO so of course here i am...up late.

Motivation is, of course, a huge factor. there are THINGS i can do. and for some strange reason, thinking about it all just makes me go batty.

 

[Solace]

you should check out some stuff on lucid dreaming.

I've had success with learning to realize i'm dreaming while I am dreaming. That alone has helped beacuse I FEEL the difference between dreams and reality. When I wake up I know, really KNOW I am awake. and I have left the dream behind. I wait for my emotions to stop raging like one waits for their heart rate to lower after running

Just hold on school will be done soon and you can breathe again. Sleep is very important! when I don't sleep my symptoms practicly triple in number and intensity

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Not wanting to know or understand everything is a good thing

LET GO AND LOOSE YOU MIND...
LET GO...LET GO....LET GO..
It's a paradox...Let go and you'll be sane and peaceful.

What you resist, persist.

Try this excersize...

Sit still and just relax....
Take a deep breath in and out....mellow out.

Embrace the boredom or whatever your problems are...
Let go of them ...don't hold on to them...don't try to figure them out.
Just observe the hundreds or endless thought running through your mind as an endless parade of thoughts.

Eventaully you mind will come to rest...maybe only a few moment at first.
The more you pratice or allow thoughts to go past through you and let go of them..the more peace you'll fine.

It's just a simple form of meditation.

BE IN THE MOMENT

Have you ever laid in bed tossing and turing and you can't stop thinking ?
Then you ask youself...why the fresia am i still thinking...lmao

Have you ever notice...when you stop trying to figure the honeysuckle out...you wake up the next day ? lmaO
bascailly you fell asleep or your brain consious brain shut down.

You subconsicous mind a storage of memories...it dosn't distinguish, evauate, calulate, identify..ect.
In other words...it's a cluster fresia, random or enmigma. That's why dreams are cool...

It's can also be from you eating too late at night or eating too much greasy food to get nightmairs.

Let go...and just do whats in front of you. One foot in front of the other.
easy stuff...like cleaning you keyboard or PC desk.

Practice do this while doing other stuff....

or just make a list things you need to do as you're practiing letting go

KEEP IT SIMPLE LIKE THAT. Give yourself a break.

or you can try watching this...it help me..it's sort of the same concept.
Alot of the self help books I've read gets you to pretty much the same place.
When I go talk to a shrink...it's bascailly the samething ...I'm just releasing or letting go of my thoughts and emotions.
Working or living the 12 steps program gets me in a routine of doing this too. 12 stepers just say "let go, let god"

Don't trip..

[youtube]9Pf1IcSJVYY[/youtube]

 

[Naleena]

Is it the same nightmare? Can you share it with us? If not, it's ok. I believe it is very relavent. There is a reason for them even if you aren't fully aware of what that is.

 

[Lynda]

I feel sorry for you. I have lucid dreams sometimes.
You will not lose your mind because of them. A poster above said that you can realize you are dreaming while you are dreaming which is true but, even if you don't, you will wake up and the dream will be over.
The problem is, often, that one can dread going to sleep because of the fear of dreams.
All I can say is that it will pass. It is also normal even though not everyone dreams like that.
I do hope you feel better soon.

 

[heretostay]

You will not lose your mind because of them. A poster above said that you can realize you are dreaming while you are dreaming which is true but, even if you don't, you will wake up and the dream will be over.
The problem is, often, that one can dread going to sleep because of the fear of dreams.
All I can say is that it will pass. It is also normal even though not everyone dreams like that.
I do hope you feel better soon.

Ya, ive done that- where i know im dreaming while im dreaming and i can even change things. I also have had a couple of dreams that i get stuck in my dream. i know im dreaming and i cant wake up. its really weird and really awful. i had one dream where the little demon actually looked up, at me, in my dream. sometimes i am watching my dreams and this little demon looked up at me. it was the freakest thing. i have had some dreams where i am awake and i see things. those suck. cant go to sleep, and dont want to open my eyes. not cool. usually my dreams involve girls getting stabbed to death while they are pregnant. i dont understand it. a lot of dead babies. some shootings, some drowning, some people getting ripped apart. ive died like three times in my dreams.

i've actually had to take the approach that lonesome crow pointed out. just let the insanity come, let the thoughts come, and then let them go. ive given up thinking about it because it does no good. but right now i have a lot of time to think. i actually had a better day today. i exercised right when i got up and that seems to help a lot. its if i get up and go straight to the computer that i end up dwelling on things and have a bad day. i actually had a dream last night that farmers used a new technique with rainbows to grow their food faster. they used the blue light from the rainbow because the wavelengths penetrate the soil deeper and the frequency of the blue light caused the plant to grow faster. pretty cool. so its not all bad.

thanks to those who replied. i appreciate what you guys had to say. it helps me to know i can talk about this somewhere. i have never in my life talked about my dreams to anyone but shrinks, but they really arent much help.

 

[badaboom]

Try finding your spiritual side. Communicating with God is the only way to inner peace.

 

[heretostay]

Communicating with God is the only way to inner peace.

ya, that's what i was always told growing up. didnt work in my situation. just made me more insane, literally. i had to back away from religion and god in order to find my sanity.

 

[eh?]

I don't really see a problem losing your mind unless it produces violent or harmful results.
In my opinion, people try too hard trying to put a lease on their thoughts, emotions, etc.
Let it loose. Let the pain dig a bit deeper.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Communicating with God is the only way to inner peace.

ya, that's what i was always told growing up. didnt work in my situation. just made me more insane, literally. i had to back away from religion and god in order to find my sanity.

Just let go and don't figure it out.

Belive in god is not a requirement...beliving is not a requirment.

Think of you mind as a raging bull in a ring.
Simply step out of the ring to be out of harms way.

Or thinking of your mind as a merry go round on a play ground.
The more you stay on the merry go round..the dizzier and sick
you'll get.
Simply step off of the merry go round.

Without anyone on the merry go round...it will simply run out of
energy and come to a stop.

That's why people meditate...not so much to seek god.
it's just to quite the mind and BE in a state of peace.
To be in the moment not in your mind.

You don't have to be religious or a spiritaul guru.
If you think you require sometype certificate from god or a monk..
you're setting conditions...of not being good enough...deserving...etc.

It's simple..anyone can apply it. it just takes practice like anything
esle...The more you practice it...the more graceful it will become
to you...

In this way...you're taking control of your mind and not letting it
control you.

Some people will term this state of being as steping into your SUPER CONSCIOUS.
You simply become an obsever.

The religious term for this state of being is sometimes term as Christ Consious.

Some will term this elightenment or HIGHER SELF because budhaist dose not beliving in a GOD or HP.

mmm whatever to term it...dosn't change it.
It's the same as if we re identify the flower "ROSE" as some other name.

You are not your thoughts or emotions.

I just call it as a state of peace or blizt.

Once in this state of peace you can re direct your mind to do what you want it to do ...such as solving a math equation.

 

[heretostay]

I don't really see a problem losing your mind unless it produces violent or harmful results.
In my opinion, people try too hard trying to put a lease on their thoughts, emotions, etc.
Let it loose. Let the pain dig a bit deeper.

yes i do get violent. i become verbally abusive, ive destroyed things, and i can also get self destructive. i can get to the point where i dont get out of bed, i start hallucinating, and i get nothing done. so its not something i can let loose. it is something i have to work very hard to control.

 

[heretostay]

Just let go and don't figure it out....Or thinking of your mind as a merry go round on a play ground.
The more you stay on the merry go round..the dizzier and sick
you'll get.
Simply step off of the merry go round.

you're right and i completely understand what you are saying. its just so hard to get off sometimes. i get stuck in a funk and become unbelievably unmotivated. like tomorrow, i have to do simple things like get my truck registered and register for school. all i have to do is take my truck for an emissions test and call to see about changing my status for school. that's it. and im having unbelievably anxiety about it. WTF?!? i want to get off this ride, believe me i do, i jsut dont know how to. just thinking about doing these simple tasks is creating so much anxiety for me.

i read a quote by Einstein that said "thought without action is a form of insanity..." and that's what this is. i just know it. i think things to death and get myself so worked up. and you're right, i need to just let it go, let it be, be in the moment. i just dont know how. i just dont understand why these simple tasks give me insurmountable anxiety. its driving me nuts.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Don't worry or beat up yourself Heartostay...
It took me a while to grasp it and practice it. That's all it is...just practice.

Your mind is not going to give up without a fight.

I've been in recovery for a long..time

I still have to practice it and apply it myself on daily.
Somedays...I wake up with crazy random thoughts that's very emotional taxing.
I simply recognized what's happening in my mind then simply apply my program of letting go.

I didn't make up that merry go round annalogy. I got it from a selfhelp book.
I didn't no how to meditate or any of that bit...I did know...I had a lot of crazy honeysuckle going in my head
and living was a struggle for me...in other words..I was dysfucntional becuase of all the crazy mental
and emotional termoil going on inside of me.

I simply picked a tree...A different tree at a park. Some place where I can sit and be still
not be bothered , peaceful. Out in open space. Someplace to give me a different perspective.
I just sit there and focus on an object..such as a tree or a shimmering light off of the pond's reflection.

I allow myself, dedicate myself, discipline myself to do this everyday...for 30 days.
I go to that tree no matter what...

Right off the bat...my mind will try to get me not to...
Then I just simply focus again. (getting off of the merry go round...becoming an observer)
Then I'll notice thoughts...after thought..after thoughts...(the merry go round still spining)
I just let my thoughts go without controling them...just let them pass through me.
The first weeks was like a struggle..I couldn't focus for more than 5 mins on anything...
However i felt the improvement or progress.

After a month or so. I can actaully sit in the moment as soon as I foucs on and object.

Okay..how to apply that in my life and just not sitting under a tree ?

I started cleaning house...I simply focus on cleaning out my frigg or cleaning my car..
These type of actions dosn't take rocket science to calulate..lol ..but it was something positive
and needed to get done. Whatever gose though my mind gose through my mind gose through my mind.
I'll simply just wash my car or clean my room. The more i do it..i more I'll catch myself being in the moment.

Sometimes I'll just get naked and scrub my shower clean. This symbalize me scrubing my mind clean.
I'll just focus on scrubbing the bath tub.

My friends would laugh becuase my apt. was clean for a bachelor.lol

I simply made a list of things to do and posted on my friggerator and worked on them.

I also posted Jenni's name on my frigg and left it at that...as a joke. It seem so imposible.
I'd laugh everytime i looked at it...but i left it on my frigg. I'd say to myself "SURE"...luaghing

A month later..I focus on undressing Jenni without tripping out and just being in the moment with her.
Jenni out of blues just called me and aske me to go have dinner with her...I havn't seen or heard for
Jenni 2-3 months at the piont.

In other words..I stopped wondering and worring about my ex-gf and having thought of my ex.
I also stopped wondering and worrying about Jenni.
Jenni simply walked into my life becuase I was willing to open myself to her.
Jenni is very, very beautiful...I thought she was too good for me.

Yeap...fears gose spining round and round of not being good enough or deserving to be happy.
Of course resgistrating your car and school would improve your life...

Your on the right track...embrace your fears. As you did before with your dreams.
The same principle.

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Just last week a saw a truck i wanted and didn't have money enough money to purchase it.
I simply told myself I'm going to own that truck...someway, somehow..and left it at that (let go)
I own that truck today. I had to take some actions, make phone calls..Talk to the seller over and
over again. Go thorugh some negociations , get it smog...etc

I even had problems with the truck..it broke down on me. It's in the shop at the moment.
I simply asked my father to help me. It was a trip, i don't have a good relationship with my
father...I had all kinds of fears approching my father and asking him for help..I let go of my fears
when I asked him to help me. To my surpirzed..my father went out of his way to help me.
He even offer to pay for my truck to get repaired..

Hopefully I'll get it out of the shop tommorrow..but I'm not sweating it or worry about it.
Just being able to ask my father for help and having that experince was healing for me.
My father said actaully told me...don't worry. we'll get that truck fixed oneway or the other.

One of the biggest fears in my life is my father...I fear of failing in front of him. I fear of not being good
enough...These thought process carries over to other area of my life.

 

[heretostay]

ya, you are right. it just takes practice. and right now i have a lot of time to sit and think. cleaning really helps me too. that's interesting. its kind of a mindless task that takes my mind off things. its been sunny here the last couple of days and that really helps. but i will have to remind myself that it just takes practice, and a hell of a lot of energy. thanks crow.

 

[eh?]

ah. So letting go won't work.

Have you tried meditation?
I know a lot of people frown on it, laugh at it, ridicule it but the s*** works.
It is not used to quiet the mind but to focus strictly on the present.
I endorse it (my endorsement doesn't mean much; no guarantees)
Won't hurt to try.



Just my suggestion anyway.

 

[heretostay]

ah. So letting go won't work.

Have you tried meditation?
I know a lot of people frown on it, laugh at it, ridicule it but the s*** works.
It is not used to quiet the mind but to focus strictly on the present.
I endorse it (my endorsement doesn't mean much; no guarantees)
Won't hurt to try.

Ya, in my situation letting go, or involving god, just doesnt work. The only thing that works is getting involved in life, but im on a school brake so i struggle with all the free time to sit around and think.

meditation is a great thing. i actually have four of my favorite meditations on my desktop. i just havent listened to them. they do really help when i do, though. thanks for the reminder.