Unattractive

[Running Alone]

What about "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?

Yes it is....and I mentioned it in my very last sentence (worded differently but tis the same thought).

 

[Murakami_1]

I've never fully bought into that old notion that if you're beautiful on the inside then it simply doesn't matter if you're physically unattractive, or the cliche "beauty is only skin deep", etc, etc. Those are just things people like to "say" but eh, I don't think they always believe or practice it. Sure, there are always exceptions to the rule - but it's not the norm. Nature simply doesn't always work that way. Look at the animal world as an example. So often the smaller, awkward, physically odd looking, weaker males in the heard (pick your species) will never get to mate because of their lack of "looks", the females always select the larger, normal looking, stronger options, period. It's how things work. We are not that much different IMO. If you're a homely guy, small, feeble looking, etc, you're more a less also a reject like that skinny buck with lopsided antlers that the does pass on. Not always. But often enough that it's a thing. I hate it but believe it's how things work in our world as well (I'm a reject too). All that other stuff factors in (loyalty, character, dependability, humor, wealth, etc), but looks are a part of the process too. If you're cursed with bad looks, have little to no other good qualities, I don't care how nice you are - you're gonna struggle to find a mate. I'm willing to bet there are tons of really kind, wonderful people on this board that all exude positivity, kindness, etc, yet they are still lonely/single and simply cursed in love because well, we ugly. Not many out there lookig for that.

Let me put it this way, Screech never got the girls yet he was kind, funny, genuine, nice, loyal, stable, etc. Didn't matter - they all wanted Slater or Zack. I'm a Screech/reject and I fuckin' hate it...but that's life...like others mentioned, except it and enjoy the time you've been given! Maybe you'll cross paths with a female reject that likes you (I'm still waiting and praying for that one myself but running out of time lol).

I always wonder what kind of girls and women people on this forum meet.
I know shallow people but women described on this forum are just otherworldly, they are so alien to me.
Like wtf I have never genuinely met a tiffany golddigger type who only cares for looks.

 

[Running Alone]

I always wonder what kind of girls and women people on this forum meet.
I know shallow people but women described on this forum are just otherworldly, they are so alien to me.
Like wtf I have never genuinely met a tiffany golddigger type who only cares for looks.

I hear you - I don't post here much, I read a lot, but seldom post...and there are definitely loads of seemingly great women popping in and out of here. I see them in my day to day life as well. That's the issue - they're everywhere, they just don't notice me. I've been lonely and single most of my life, way beyond broken - hell, at this point I wish I WAS made of money lol, I'd kill to have a golddigger! I jest of course, but ya know...

 

[Murakami_1]

I hear you - I don't post here much, I read a lot, but seldom post...and there are definitely loads of seemingly great women popping in and out of here. I see them in my day to day life as well. That's the issue - they're everywhere, they just don't notice me. I've been lonely and single most of my life, way beyond broken - hell, at this point I wish I was made of money lol, I'd kill to have a golddigger! I jest of course, but ya know...

Do you ever talk to them though, people know you exist, you just dont catch them looking at you. I've seen a lot of ugly (yes sorry ) people happy and fulfilled in love and that's because on every jar fits a lid. At least that's desperately what I want to believe, if it's working I have no clue but I'm hoping the fresia it does work. For you and me both!

 

[Running Alone]

Do you ever talk to them though, people know you exist, you just dont catch them looking at you. I've seen a lot of ugly (yes sorry ) people happy and fulfilled in love and that's because on every jar fits a lid. At least that's desperately what I want to believe, if it's working I have no clue but I'm hoping the fresia it does work. For you and me both!

Oh yes, for sure I've tried. I have tons of friends, many lady friends in fact, I've been blessed that way. But I'm simply unlucky in love, just the way it is. I'm 55 and can count on 3 fingers how many gf's I've had my entire life (none lasted more that a few months). Never married. No kids. Nada. Cursed. The thing is, after enough time passes you realize life has simply said "no" and you give up (strictly talking romance/love here). I'm there, have been for a long time actually. The good news is I'm a content person by nature because I'm very happy otherwise! I'm living a great life. I just don't have anyone special to share it with, probably never will. I'm a living example of the cliche "had everything but the girl". Oh well...could be worse.

 

[Murakami_1]

Oh yes, for sure I've tried. I have tons of friends, many lady friends in fact, I've been blessed that way. But I'm simply unlucky in love, just the way it is. I'm 55 and can count on 3 fingers how many gf's I've had (none lasted more that a few months). Never married. No kids. Nada. Cursed. The thing is, after enough time passes you realize life has simply said "no" and give up. I'm there, have been for a long time actually. But I'm grateful I'm a content person by nature because I'm very happy otherwise. I'm living a great life. Just don't have anyone special to share it with, probably never will. I'm a living example of the cliche "got everything but the girl".

I'm so sorry

People always say to just be happy single but it's easier said than done. I'm sorry.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I always wonder what kind of girls and women people on this forum meet.
I know shallow people but women described on this forum are just otherworldly, they are so alien to me.
Like wtf I have never genuinely met a tiffany golddigger type who only cares for looks.

Hey...they don't JUST care about looks. They care about money, too! Come on now!

Jokes aside, "Tiffany Golddigger" (that's a new one, haha) types do exist, I went to grade school, high school, and college with several of them. And that was in the teens, early 20s world - I imagine in the adult world, people with that personality are even worse.

I think the question guys should ask themselves though is, do you really want this kind of person?
Do you really like them, enjoy their company, find them interesting?
Aside from them just being hot, is there anything else about them you even like?
Can you open up and really talk to them?
Do they really make you feel all that great to be around them?
I don't know, if you think about it you might find it's not all it's cracked up to be.

 

[Murakami_1]

Hey...they don't JUST care about looks. They care about money, too!
I think the question guys should ask themselves though is, do you really want this kind of person?
Do you really like them, enjoy their company, find them interesting?
Aside from them just being hot, is there anything else about them you even like?
Do they really make you feel all that great to be around them?
I don't know, if you think about it you might find it's not all it's cracked up to be.

You would think this is normal to ask yourself right, do you have standards and are you interested in someone as a human being. Apparently not.

Sadly we see so many people who are the aftermath of this. Well me online a lot.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You would think this is normal to ask yourself right, do you have standards and are you interested in someone as a human being. Apparently not.

Sadly we see so many people who are the aftermath of this. Well me online a lot.

I mean, I'm not shaming anyone. I only had eyes for "the hot girls" for the longest time. I know how it is.
I think it's something a person has to work out on their own.
At some point for me, it just stopped making sense. I took some time to think, I either don't care for a lot of them as people, don't care for their attitudes, don't really enjoy them. They feel cold and mean and I don't feel good being around this kind of person.
Or, they might not necessarily be offensive, but I don't see me and them having much to talk about, having much basis for a connection.

But like I said I don't think it's something that yelling at a person, or shaming them, will change.
There seems to be a lot of that going on these days, but I rarely think that's an effective approach for anything, come to think of it.
It's a conclusion you have to arrive at, in your own time.

 

[Murakami_1]

I mean, I'm not shaming anyone. I only had eyes for "the hot girls" for the longest time. I know how it is.
I think it's something a person has to work out on their own.
At some point for me, it just stopped making sense. I took some time to think, I either don't care for a lot of them as people, don't care for their attitudes, don't really enjoy them. They feel cold and mean and I don't feel good being around this kind of person.
Or, they might not necessarily be offensive, but I don't see me and them having much to talk about, having much basis for a connection.

But like I said I don't think it's something that yelling at a person, or shaming them, will change.
It's a conclusion you have to arrive at, in your own time.

Ska I like how intelligent you are

Shaming gets people no where, it's like a punishment where no one learns anything. Shame just brings you in denial and makes you a bitter person.

Its everyone's life for a reason and you really have to learn on your own, or well own I dont know for sure.... It's great yyou did that though and I have faith in you that you'll keep growing.

It's easy to see others behaviour, but harder to see our own.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Ska I like how intelligent you are

Shaming gets people no where, it's like a punishment where no one learns anything. Shame just brings you in denial and makes you a bitter person.

Its everyone's life for a reason and you really have to learn on your own, or well own I dont know for sure.... It's great yyou did that though and I have faith in you that you'll keep growing.

It's easy to see others behaviour, but harder to see our own.

Aww, thanks. It took a lot of thinking, and just time, maturity, to get to this point though.
I had to re-evaluate things.

As far as the shaming goes I totally agree. It just gets people to double down on what they already feel, especially if the person being shamed already feels like a victim, like they're being denied or bullied. It just proves the victim story right and pushes them to believe it more, and no one gets anywhere.

Again I know from experience, when I've been shamed, that's how it made me feel, more like I was being kept down. I think the people doing it, care less about fixing this problem, and more about "bullying the nerds" so they can reassure themselves that they're "higher" and "better" than someone. They're the same monster as the original bullies.

For me, sometimes when I see others' behavior, I can see my own reflected back to me, and that can help with changing things sometimes.

Anyway, thanks for your faith in me, it's nice to see that, and I hope I'll keep growing too, until I arrive at where I want to be.

 

[sub5male]

Physical attractiveness is far more objective than most people are willing to admit. If you give photo's of 100 men and women to people, they are generally going to rate them very similarly. There will likely be some minor variances in order of attractiveness but the no one is going to rate the unattractive people as attractive and vice versa.

The question as to if you are an attractive person comes down to if the opposite sex is attracted to you or not. If you have gone years without getting any interest from the opposite sex, then you are objectively unattractive. Likewise, if you get interest, even occasionally, you are objectively attractive.

Without physical attraction (which in theory happens within seconds of first meeting someone), there is never going to be true romantic affection so the relationship will be strictly platonic. Trying to establish a relationship which is not based on mutual attraction is a receipe for disaster and will lead to one or both people being very unsatisfied in the long term. As always, it is attractive people for the win.

 

[user 139760]

Physical attractiveness is far more objective than most people are willing to admit. If you give photo's of 100 men and women to people, they are generally going to rate them very similarly. There will likely be some minor variances in order of attractiveness but the no one is going to rate the unattractive people as attractive and vice versa.

The question as to if you are an attractive person comes down to if the opposite sex is attracted to you or not. If you have gone years without getting any interest from the opposite sex, then you are objectively unattractive. Likewise, if you get interest, even occasionally, you are objectively attractive.

Without physical attraction (which in theory happens within seconds of first meeting someone), there is never going to be true romantic affection so the relationship will be strictly platonic. Trying to establish a relationship which is not based on mutual attraction is a receipe for disaster and will lead to one or both people being very unsatisfied in the long term. As always, it is attractive people for the win.

That's a load of crap.
I wasn't initially attracted to the mother of my children. In fact, she downright annoyed me.
We were together three and a half years and had two kids. I can definitely say I ended up being attracted to her and it wasn't initially physical at all.
You know, as long as you keep thinking you're screwed you're going to stay screwed.

 

[Unsigned]

The question as to if you are an attractive person comes down to if the opposite sex is attracted to you or not.

100% agree with this.
Makes no difference what your parents, relatives, friends, a therapist, or even escorts (in my case, especially escorts) might tell you.
"The proof is in the pudding", as they say.

 

[sub5male]

That's a load of crap.
I wasn't initially attracted to the mother of my children. In fact, she downright annoyed me.
We were together three and a half years and had two kids. I can definitely say I ended up being attracted to her and it wasn't initially physical at all.
You know, as long as you keep thinking you're screwed you're going to stay screwed.

So in the long term it did not work out then.

It does not matter what I may think of myself, it does not matter what other men may think of me-when it comes to dating the only thing that matters is what the women I am attracted to think of me and they have made that clearly obvious.

 

[sub5male]

100% agree with this.
Makes no difference what your parents, relatives, friends, a therapist, or even escorts (in my case, especially escorts) might tell you.
"The proof is in the pudding", as they say.

Most people will never tell the truth when it comes to an unattractive person's looks and there is a stromg tendency to virtue signal. That is why it is so critical to always looks at what someone actually does as opposed to listening to what they may say-like when a women claims that she finds short men attractive but all of her partners have been over 6' and her current boyfriend is 6'3.

 

[michael2]

Physical attractiveness is far more objective than most people are willing to admit. If you give photo's of 100 men and women to people, they are generally going to rate them very similarly. There will likely be some minor variances in order of attractiveness but the no one is going to rate the unattractive people as attractive and vice versa.

The question as to if you are an attractive person comes down to if the opposite sex is attracted to you or not. If you have gone years without getting any interest from the opposite sex, then you are objectively unattractive. Likewise, if you get interest, even occasionally, you are objectively attractive.

Without physical attraction (which in theory happens within seconds of first meeting someone), there is never going to be true romantic affection so the relationship will be strictly platonic. Trying to establish a relationship which is not based on mutual attraction is a receipe for disaster and will lead to one or both people being very unsatisfied in the long term. As always, it is attractive people for the win.

It should be noted though that the majority of people are 3-5 out of 10 in terms of looks. Most people are not attractive. If your are unattractive the way to stand out of the crowd is to make sure you are a healthy weight, be physically fit, be well groomed, and dress well. Do that, and you'll look more attractive then 65% of people even if your face is just 4/10.

 

[Adamridge79]

Let's pretend I read all that. Did some. No, a lot of females aren't looking at me and doing the things guys do with females they see. But, seeing an attractive female(to me) is, 'they wouldn't talk to me', knowing **** well I wouldn't have the confidence to engage. But, I'm not looking for solely physical attraction. And, with...stuff lately...it's just getting the confidence to just say 'hi'. Hell, this is an issue with me in generalized aspects, such as a cashier. But, it is all on me. I don't carry a club, nor do I have a cave. It, honestly, is how I interact

 

[Adamridge79]

The stars are the PG 13 version of dang

 

[sub5male]

It should be noted though that the majority of people are 3-5 out of 10 in terms of looks. Most people are not attractive. If your are unattractive the way to stand out of the crowd is to make sure you are a healthy weight, be physically fit, be well groomed, and dress well. Do that, and you'll look more attractive then 65% of people even if your face is just 4/10.

The error in your thinking is that by becoming less unattractive, a man then becomes attractive but this is not true. I have a gym body and am around 10% BF but my level of fitness has not helped me in the least as far as women goes. Don't get me wrong-self improvement is important for other reasons but it will not help a below average man become average or above so really as far as dating goes is only valuable for average & above men.

Being well groomed & dressing well is also not a factor for ugly men any more than putting a fancy ribbion on a pile of dog poop makes it better to look at. The combination of being facially unattractive along with being short & bald is a death scentence for a man in the western world.