Truth is the point of this post was: although I am not willing to use anyone anymore, the urge is still there particularly around valentines day, thats all im saying, I was also unsure if I was correct, I thought, well its just a date.. maybe im over thinking it.
What was frustrating me was people acting like because they dont like valentines day I shouldn't either, the point is I love valentines day im gonna be sad spending it alone but I will if the alternative is going against my New Years resolution. Personally, my feelings are not hurt because well, I deserve a lot of harsh words for who I used to be, but I can also see why people dont change, at times it feels like what's the point. Instead of venting on here I could be picking out a dress and some nice heels for valentines day.
I often just throw at you guys points I think of to excuse my behaviour as I dont always know how to combat them, my brain thinks one way. Like I was shocked at the reaction to be fair, I didn't get this much backlash for worse things I've actually done.
This change is not coming easy for me, just snap my fingers and a life time of using people just stops, and I never wanna do it again. I'd be a liar if I tried to convince you all of that. Truth is, its slow, and sometimes I wanna say.. ahh im not hurting anyone that badly and go back to square one, but, im not, im rolling with the punches, the gut punch will deffo be spending valentines day alone, im not sure how I will handle that, not sure if that would be the right answer for me personally.