Venting (long read, don't have to read this)

[MTrip]

But for me routine helps. I have always been this way. "go with the flow" does not work for me all the time. Not everything is routine - but certain things are. I can't just change who I am - as much as I am sure some people would love for me to do so (explanation up ahead).

And yes this place sucks lol. Our doctors don't care (and if you find one that does don't let them go!!)

Work, sucks. I am glad I am gone soon. I am starting to find my patience severely depleted. I have to work with one person who decided to tell me that my tone of voice sounds like I am talking to a child. I'm sorry, next time I will talk SARCASTICALLY. That'll really make you feel better right? I'm sorry that I grew up like lots of kids did - learning phrases, tone of voice, and even facial expressions from someone who raised me. And yes, she also does the same - the softer, gentler, talk that you would use with kids. It's not a "you're ******* stupid" tone, it's turning into "this is the last of my patience", which is exactly what my mother used to do. It's a failed attempt to not outright say "No, you ARE wrong."

On top of it apparently her confusing the fresia out of me with just being completely ditsy yesterday.... Means I am apparently starting to lose my memory because I am PREGNANT. Bull. honeysuckle. It hurt worse considering I HAVE lost my **** memory before, and I have fought two years to regain what I lost. It is NOT something you ******* joke about! Ever!

And just because you cannot keep your mind on the same track does not make me the one not using their brain(example, she she asked me a vague question that I could not answer due to her not telling me what she was doing.). And mocking me in front of customers? Hell no!

Why do people feel it is okay to mock others? I did not say much this time.... But next time it happens, I will be saying a LOT more. I'm done being treated like a retard, or a child, or like I don't know anything. I have to deal with random people being ********. And I can. Why? Chances are I will not see them again or in a long time. Hard to do that with someone who works in the same department as you.

You sound as if you have less patience with people than I have--considering I'm basically a misanthrope, that's saying a lot. I know what you mean, though. Health issues bothering one on a regular basis while having to work with ******** will turn almost anyone mean. I should know.

Taking your previous posts all together, I'm surprised you haven't killed anybody yet....right?

 

[Senamian]

Surprisingly I have not lol. Closest I have gotten to "seeing red" I knocked someone down HARD. And it has happened a few times... After literally months of their crap and the final straw came when they tried to push me around and I had enough.

And currently my patience is next to none. Or, none at all. I don't have patience for stupidity right now... Look where it got me before. I mean, I have put up with so much honeysuckle that it cost me a relationship, friendships (so called), "home", my hobby, and Hell even my memory at one point!!

I never believed my Mom when she said "rely only on yourself, that way NO ONE ELSE can disappoint you or hurt you." but really.... She is right. You rely on yourself, and only you let yourself down. Relying on others...? Then you are allowing yourself to expect something from them. Not only does it suck for you but not many want ANY expectations on their part. Why would they? So they would actually have to do something?

Right now, I feel like a **** burden. I AM independent. I get honeysuckle done because I doubt others actually doing it. For girls: just don't get pregnant unless you have someone you CAN rely on. Or if you are willing to rely on others. Between people forcing me to not do things I am used to doing, and to people (rather a person) making me feel like I must be asking them to turn rte world in the opposite direction.... fresia sakes. Simple stupid things can't be done.
I am really wondering if this "family" is worth it, or good enough for this kid. I am not kidding. Sure I would end up completely disowned and alone if I followed through with just giving up and adopting out... But that is just how I feel right now, because I don't feel like I have support, or even the ability to speak since obviously NOTHING is heard. Seriously. Better off being a mute - would not make a difference.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. I wish I knew of better things to say. I hope you continue to keep strong and hope things take a turn for the better for you. *hugs*

 

[Senamian]

Thanks LadyForsaken. It does not help when his mother gets pissy over something so stupid. She got mad when I didn't want to help move furniture during my first trimester, because "she worked in a furniture warehouse" through her pregnancy (wow, I thought I wasn't somebody else, I thought I was me?). My hip was also out at that time... Now it is concerning a stroller she had said a while back she would keep at her house.... Suddenly my parents getting us one meant she didn't NEED to get a stroller and is all offended. -_- though I do realize and know that I will have to fight her every step of the way. But if I hear about her talking honeysuckle about me or my spouse in front of my kid... I don't care if she were the president's daughter. I don't put up with that. (and knowing her she will do stupid things like that.)

 

[ladyforsaken]

Oh dear.. it's tough when you and the mother-in-law don't really get along so well like that. It's not going to be easy but I hope you don't let that bring you down, from the looks of it your fighter spirit will keep you going.

Keep believing in yourself, you know yourself better and no one else can tell you otherwise. And you're right, you shouldn't have to put up with people's crap around your kid especially.. no matter who they are. You're entirely responsible for your kid's upbringing so it really is important to be careful.

 

[Senamian]

It's bad enough feeling so down... Haven't heard a complement from the one it would mean the most from... He's back to playing that **** second life game again... I've removed a lot of things that have been causing stress from my life, just for the purpose of not letting this fall through... Still haven't been able to work on communication, so I guess it doesn't really matter what I do. If I cannot communicate, it doesn't matter what else I change or do... I'm probably "overreacting" but... This is just how I feel.