Very turned off by on-line dating and even scared of it.

[Dean129]

I'll confess to having tried PoF and have to admit to finding it a totally and utterly demoralising experience - just from my experience, I wouldn't wast any more tome on any dating sites. I found it to be full of fakes, liars and freeloaders. Once I came off the site, I found a weight off my shoulders had been lifted - strange, I know, but glad to be well rid of

 

[hye345]

I have read that Cracked.com article before, and I think it exaggerates/distorts the truth of things in the other direction: "You're just crap and you'll never get anywhere, until you do something amazing and your confidence is sky high and everyone knows it." That's not going to fit, or work, for the majority of people. Articles like that in my opinion can even be harmful for those still struggling with confidence/self-esteem.

The flip side of it is "You're fine as you are, you don't need to try much, what you're looking for will probably just fall into your lap, etc". Not helpful thinking either, but I think it's healthier than just going to the other extreme and beating yourself up for not being able to accomplish "great things," etc.

That's not what I took from the article. To me, it means that you should try to improve yourself by adding to your skills, specifically things that manifest outwards so others can witness them. No one says that you MUST be the second coming of Zeus, with all the confidence of one Kanye West.

For instance, I've been playing guitar on and off for a few years now. I'm not that good, usually I just play at home, as a stress reliever. However, recently I decided to put a few videos of myself playing and singing on youtube. I was very nervous about it (though I figure anyone who hears their voice on recording is in for a small shock haha), but I decided to throw it to the wind. Most people who saw those videos probably saw a bumbling beginner. Does that make me feel bad? Nope! Because I broke out of my comfort zone, and got some decent feedback/encouragement. It gave me confidence (the building blocks, anyway).

It's funny though, the article rarely mentions confidence, at least not the 'sky high' kind. We all know that that kind of confidence is mostly fleeting. It's more important to build a stable 'base' level of confidence, which (unfortunately) doesn't formulate out of thin air as soon as you turn on the driving music. It comes from positive life experiences. That's what the article is stressing: the long-term route. Not quite the Rocky Montage, but I'll take it.

 

[Batman55]

I'll confess to having tried PoF and have to admit to finding it a totally and utterly demoralising experience - just from my experience, I wouldn't wast any more tome on any dating sites. I found it to be full of fakes, liars and freeloaders. Once I came off the site, I found a weight off my shoulders had been lifted - strange, I know, but glad to be well rid of

I'd like to hear about some of your experiences with it.. seems like you might have some interesting things to say, there

 

[OnlyMe]

I tried online dating for the first time way back in the year 2000 when it was just starting to take off.

At the time I was a bit apprehensive about it as I was any form of dating as I weighed about 135kg (just under 300lbs)
I was in my very early 20's.

The main reason I signed up was because I liked the idea of people getting to know you by reading a bit about yourself and maybe not judging purely on looks.

I didn't put a photo on my profile, however I was completely honest about my appearance when it came to describing my body size etc.

I surprisingly managed to get a few dates out of it, and while no relationship ever eventuated overall it wasn't a bad experience.

In 2001 I had a bad experience online with some rather cruel comments from a girl about my appearance and it was actually the catalyst for me to lose a lot of weight. I lost 38kg (84lbs) in 10 months.

In the years since then, I have only used online dating sites sparingly.
More recently at the end of 2011 and also the start of 2013 as a guy who was now in his mid thirties and weighed 85kg.

Let me tell you it is a whole different ball game now and I don't recommend it if you're not good at handling potential rejection
The whole thing is so more superficial these days (then again I think that's just society in general)

In 2011 I was corresponding with a woman and after sending her my photo her interest level dropped (lack of communication)

In 2013 I put my photo on my profile.

Because there are so many more of these types of websites and they have so many more members.
It's all about the profile photo - people don't have time to read through thousands of profiles.

Unfortunately for someone like me who is average looking and whose best attributes can't be seen in a photo it makes it a lot harder.
I had no success whatsover and in most cases didn't even get a reply.

To be honest the whole experience re-inforced those negative thoughts and feelings that I have about myself and also the fact that I have never had a relationship.

For anyone who is going to join up, I would say think carefully before doing so.

 

[Wanderer145]

I get the odd message here and there on OKCupid...but I find myself checking it out every day and sending messages relating to whats on the site...just nothing but flat responses and none at all. One girl I met on there exchanged numbers but took so long replying to any messages that a week passed and I thought fresia this no point if someone doesnt reply at least a day later. So many profiles and so many people say the same thing. Their idea of a good friday is out drinking with friends...I'd like one or two variants that story christ.

I'm thinking I might just delete or disable the account as im really getting nowhere at the moment with it. Feel like i'm wasting so much time even though its probably better than sitting around waiting for someone to come along, which never happens.

Just save yourself some grief with online dating and take it with a pinch of salt, because it is so awful.

 

[TheSkaFish]

So many profiles and so many people say the same thing. Their idea of a good friday is out drinking with friends...I'd like one or two variants that story christ.

Haha. Well, at least I know it isn't just me seeing the same old interests over and over. Again, I don't mind doing that every once in a while. But it's not all I want to do for the rest of my life.

 

[Solivagant]

Unfortunately for someone like me who is average looking and whose best attributes can't be seen in a photo it makes it a lot harder.
I had no success whatsover and in most cases didn't even get a reply.

To be honest the whole experience re-inforced those negative thoughts and feelings that I have about myself and also the fact that I have never had a relationship.

For anyone who is going to join up, I would say think carefully before doing so.

My experience was similar. It was terribly demoralizing. I tried to stick with it, but eventually I felt I had to leave because it was just too damaging to my spirit and my self-esteem. Not worth it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

By online dating, is it meant that the dating only occurs through dating sites? What about those that date online, but not through all these dating sites?

 

[user 139760]

The whole thing is so more superficial these days (then again I think that's just society in general)

THIS.

Sorry foir resurrecting a dead thread, but I felt it important to point it out in contrast to a concurrent one going on here where there's a matter of debate on wether men or women have it easier.
Like in many cases, I think it's a rather flawed debate fueled by many people's deceptions and/or inability to have success in that respect.

But the truth of it is, the game is "pipped".

Dating websites used to be a very good idea. Years before there used to be in local cities, before the advent of the internet, dating phone lines where you'd talk instead of text. Worked wonders.
But sites have become a reflection of what society is evolving into; shallow and superficial.
So rejection on both sides is often systemic and based on a cursory 10 second glance.

To say males are judged more harsly than females is coming at it from a crooked angle. The truth is people are looking for Penelope Cruz or Chris Hemsworth and will not try to find PEOPLE, but FANTASIES.

Best way is still to walk up to someone and talk to them.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Best way is still to walk up to someone and talk to them.

 ...Which is utterly suicidal. 

Try it, and watch how quickly she pulls out her phone to get evidence of a creeper trying to ruin her day.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Best way is still to walk up to someone and talk to them.

 ...Which is utterly suicidal. 

Try it, and watch how quickly she pulls out her phone to get evidence of a creeper trying to ruin her day.

Only if you are acting like a creeper....

 

[user 139760]

Best way is still to walk up to someone and talk to them.

 ...Which is utterly suicidal. 

Try it, and watch how quickly she pulls out her phone to get evidence of a creeper trying to ruin her day.

Only if you are acting like a creeper....

Precisely.
Because, you know, some of us do that every 2 days. There are ways to approach and talk to people without coming off as a crazy, or a stalker. In fact, it sometimes makes other people's days. Not 4 days ago, girl on the bus I couldn't stop looking at, she looked SOO much like one of my ex girlfriends with whom things ended rather badly. At some point I felt uncomfortable staring at her and I think she noticed, so I walked up to her and said "I'm terribly sorry for looking at you so intently, but you remind me so very much of a very good acquaintaince of my past. May I compliment you on your singularly striking beauty?"
She turned red head to toe and said thank you, no one's ever told me this before. I said it was my pleasure and walked away. Don't remember her yelling for the cops.
At some point you have to stop the tropes and do what you feel like doing. Respect is always the key. I'm sure if I'd have walked up to her and said she had a nice ass (which she did), she'd have slapped my mouth off.

The trop of every girl being scared of stalkers is kind of overexagerated. If it were a systemic case, there wouldn't be babies on Earth anymore.

 

[Seahorse]

I know this thread was started years ago, but I just love the user name alonewith2cats, but I hope this wasn't their dating profile name as I can just see all the predatory types with an evil grin. On line dating is what you make of it. Put your best foot forward as you would looking for a new job and don't be discouraged as most don't make much of an effort, but you never know if you might meet some one great

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Only if you are acting like a creeper....

Really doesn't take much to be a creeper nowadays. Even if she gives me a polite 'fresia off' instead of going straight for the phone. I've perpetuated the image of all guys being creepers to said female. Discretion is the better part of valor. And for those of us who lack charisma, the best way to be charismatic, is to shut the fresia up, and mind our own business.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Only if you are acting like a creeper....

Really doesn't take much to be a creeper nowadays. Even if she gives me a polite 'fresia off' instead of going straight for the phone. I've perpetuated the image of all guys being creepers to said female. Discretion is the better part of valor. And for those of us who lack charisma, the best way to be charismatic, is to shut the fresia up, and mind our own business.

Charisma has nothing to do with that.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Charisma has nothing to do with that.

So you'd tell me it's something as cliche as confidence then, as though it were as easy to summon with the click of a finger? Clearly all of this is beyond my comprehension.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why do people think that just because something is said, that automatically means that it's easy to accomplish?

Pretty sure what we're all really saying is that you need to work on yourself, fix your honeysuckle, be okay with yourself, gain some confidence, etc etc etc before you are going to have more luck (notice I didn't say any luck) in the dating world.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Why do people think that just because something is said, that automatically means that it's easy to accomplish?  

Pretty sure what we're all really saying is that you need to work on yourself, fix your honeysuckle, be okay with yourself, gain some confidence, etc etc etc before you are going to have more luck (notice I didn't say any luck) in the dating world.

Pretty sure that all but confirms Xpendable's theory of 'honeysuckle just happens' (or doesn't happen). He and I and many of us here have done this self improvement. Spent years on it. And somehow still end up getting utterly overlooked by everyone. And, I get it. That's just how life works. It's not completely fair, and there's probably some starving kid in africa who would kill to have my first world problems right now. 

So I guess the solution is to take exactly 3 HTFU pills with a spoonful of cement to grow some balls, so that I might deal with my first world problems like a real man.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why do people think that just because something is said, that automatically means that it's easy to accomplish?  

Pretty sure what we're all really saying is that you need to work on yourself, fix your honeysuckle, be okay with yourself, gain some confidence, etc etc etc before you are going to have more luck (notice I didn't say any luck) in the dating world.

Pretty sure that all but confirms Xpendable's theory of 'honeysuckle just happens' (or doesn't happen). He and I and many of us here have done this self improvement. Spent years on it. And somehow still end up getting utterly overlooked by everyone. And, I get it. That's just how life works. It's not completely fair, and there's probably some starving kid in africa who would kill to have my first world problems right now. 

So I guess the solution is to take exactly 3 HTFU pills with a spoonful of cement to grow some balls, so that I might deal with my first world problems like a real man.

But DID you do the self improvement?  Hell, there was a time I thought I did too, but looking back, I really didn't.  The negative bullshit was still there, I just buried it.  I think, judging from the posts from you and several others, that you haven't worked out all of your honeysuckle.  You are still negative.  Yes, I'm sure you're better than you were before, but that doesn't mean it stops.  Self improvement never ends.  There are ALWAYS ways to make yourself a better person.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Then stop using it.