Very turned off by on-line dating and even scared of it.

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

Best way is still to walk up to someone and talk to them.

 ...Which is utterly suicidal. 

Try it, and watch how quickly she pulls out her phone to get evidence of a creeper trying to ruin her day.

It is suicidal. A woman cannot tell any longer if someone talking to them is a creep.  But since talking to them is typically the way most creeps behave... there can be no chances. You talk to me... I find a way to get away from you. You could be amazing. You could be Jim from the office, but if you are talking to me on the train or in public, I immediately plan my escape. 

The best way to meet women is on neutral ground. Get a job on the weekends just to meet people; volunteer; take a class. I find that for friendship or dating the best way is to be under a shared set of constraints that are not related to "dating" of making friends.

 

[VanillaCreme]

A woman cannot tell any longer if someone talking to them is a creep.

Of course, EmilyFoxSeaton is speaking just for herself. I personally don't find it creepy if a guy starts talking to me. It's not that hard to be nice. And I could probably tell the difference is a guy is just awkward and trying to talk, or being a creeper. I find them to be two totally different vibes.

 

[Xpendable]

only 10% have success on it, so it's not bad to quit.

 

[TheRealCallie]

A woman cannot tell any longer if someone talking to them is a creep.

Of course, EmilyFoxSeaton is speaking just for herself. I personally don't find it creepy if a guy starts talking to me. It's not that hard to be nice. And I could probably tell the difference is a guy is just awkward and trying to talk, or being a creeper. I find them to be two totally different vibes.

I agree, Nilla.

 

[kamya]

But how do you know whether or not they are actually creepy if they only give you a certain vibe and you stay away from them? What if your creepy vibe radar detector isn't working right and you only think it is because you weed them out either way? :O :O :O

 

[Xpendable]

Vibe = Unattractiveness.

 

[ardour]

Best way is still to walk up to someone and talk to them.

 ...Which is utterly suicidal. 

Try it, and watch how quickly she pulls out her phone to get evidence of a creeper trying to ruin her day.

It is suicidal. A woman cannot tell any longer if someone talking to them is a creep.  But since talking to them is typically the way most creeps behave... there can be no chances. You talk to me... I find a way to get away from you. You could be amazing. You could be Jim from the office, but if you are talking to me on the train or in public, I immediately plan my escape. 

The best way to meet women is on neutral ground. Get a job on the weekends just to meet people; volunteer; take a class. I find that for friendship or dating the best way is to be under a shared set of constraints that are not related to "dating" of making friends.

Are you suggesting that if a man you already knew bumped into you in public and said hello, this would still be creepy?

Classes and activity groups aren't necessarily the place for this either (it could be argued nowhere is...).

 

[VanillaCreme]

But how do you know whether or not they are actually creepy if they only give you a certain vibe and you stay away from them? What if your creepy vibe radar detector isn't working right and you only think it is because you weed them out either way? :O :O :O

That's not a mind blown moment. It's overthinking.

 

[kamya]

You're right. It's much easier to just judge and dismiss someone as creepy without bothering to get to know them. =P

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

It is suicidal. A woman cannot tell any longer if someone talking to them is a creep.  But since talking to them is typically the way most creeps behave... there can be no chances. You talk to me... I find a way to get away from you. You could be amazing. You could be Jim from the office, but if you are talking to me on the train or in public, I immediately plan my escape. 

The best way to meet women is on neutral ground. Get a job on the weekends just to meet people; volunteer; take a class. I find that for friendship or dating the best way is to be under a shared set of constraints that are not related to "dating" of making friends.

Good to know I'm not crazy... 

Who seriously talks to random strangers out of the blue? Clearly nobody with decency and respect for others around them. I might see an attractive female out and about, that's in no way an invitation to strike up an unwanted conversation. She's out and about, she's likely got honeysuckle to do. I've also got honeysuckle to do too. What kind of a dick would I be to waste her time?

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

Who seriously talks to random strangers out of the blue? Clearly nobody with decency and respect for others around them. I might see an attractive female out and about, that's in no way an invitation to strike up an unwanted conversation. She's out and about, she's likely got honeysuckle to do. I've also got honeysuckle to do too. What kind of a dick would I be to waste her time?

I really don't mind people talking to me but, this is what typically happens based on experience. X person talks to me on the train. I decide... ok I will chat.  When I get off the train I expect him to go his separate way... but when I arrive at my destination I find that he followed me.  Now I have a problem. Or, someone asks me a question on the train platform and I respond. When I board the train he now decides to sit in the seat with me -- on the outside. So I can't get away from him. 

It reeks of a scary desperation and a lack of respect for you as a person.   He doesn't care about what you want. He is just going to impose his wants. 

You might think that I am a babe but I am NOT, making it even more of a desperate measure. 

It does work the other way. I had a crush on someone that I patronized his business. A lot of people would strike up conversations with him to try to get stuff.. discounts etc.. but I could not find a way to strike up a conversation without it seeming like I was doing that too... so I finally gave up. There was no way to make that happen in that way.

 

[MiguelMS]

Who seriously talks to random strangers out of the blue? Clearly nobody with decency and respect for others around them. I might see an attractive female out and about, that's in no way an invitation to strike up an unwanted conversation. She's out and about, she's likely got honeysuckle to do. I've also got honeysuckle to do too. What kind of a dick would I be to waste her time?

I really don't mind people talking to me but, this is what typically happens based on experience. X person talks to me on the train. I decide... ok I will chat.  When I get off the train I expect him to go his separate way... but when I arrive at my destination I find that he followed me.  Now I have a problem. Or, someone asks me a question on the train platform and I respond. When I board the train he now decides to sit in the seat with me -- on the outside. So I can't get away from him. 

It reeks of a scary desperation and a lack of respect for you as a person.   He doesn't care about what you want. He is just going to impose his wants. 

You might think that I am a babe but I am NOT, making it even more of a desperate measure. 

It does work the other way. I had a crush on someone that I patronized his business. A lot of people would strike up conversations with him to try to get stuff.. discounts etc.. but I could not find a way to strike up a conversation without it seeming like I was doing that too... so I finally gave up. There was no way to make that happen in that way.

Is it wrong in and of itself to approach a girl without wanting to date her seriously but rather forming a casual sexual/romantic relationship? Taking into account the approach is done correctly (maybe awkward but not creepy, respecting the other person, backing off at the first negative sign,...). Notice that the guy wants something casual BUT he actually cares about the other person, is not a psychopath willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants.
For example: -Hi, excuse me. My name is ... I just notice your presence and I would like to tell you that you are really attractive, do you mind if we chat for a bit?.
Or maybe starting with a casual conversation and then asking for her phone number. When the topic of "what are you looking for" comes in he tells her he just wants to have fun, is not interested in anything serious. He obviously back off at any stage of the proccess if he notices any negative sign.
I ask you this because I really want  to give it a try with the women that I found in social settings and even in my day to day life ONLY IF I am really sure they seem receptive to chat with a stranger. I had a few opportunities of doing this but didn´t have the courage. Do you think I should go for it (in the way described above)? I know most will reject me, I know it might be awkward from time to time... my question is: Do I "deserve", let´s say, to try it? Should I feel bad about it? I feel kind of afraid before approaching, is it because is simply intimidating or is it becasue is morally wrong? You have no idea how much pressure the man has is this situation, mainly because the masculine sexuality/energy is and has been demonized since the dawn of man. Like is wrong to pursue what a man wants sexually, to express himself, show interest... I understand there might be awkward moments and a lot of women simply don´t look for just sex or to be approached. I get that but if all is done correctly with honesty and respect Why do I have to feel bad about what I want? I am not hurting anyone, why do I have to deny and suppress who I am (sexually or otherwise)? I would appreciate to feel my needs and wants validated so I can unchain myself from this inhumane social conditioning. It´s such a crime that the male impetus has been supressed for so long, so much power and energy wasted. Obviously such energy must be channeled otherwise it migth become tyrannic but the solution is in any way, shape or form to suppressed it.

 

[Xpendable]

Wanting to have sex with someone hasn't, isn't and never will be the same as dehumanizing them.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

 Like is wrong to pursue what a man wants sexually, to express himself, show interest... I understand there might be awkward moments and a lot of women simply don´t look for just sex or to be approached. I get that but if all is done correctly with honesty and respect Why do I have to feel bad about what I want? I am not hurting anyone, why do I have to deny and suppress who I am (sexually or otherwise)? I would appreciate to feel my needs and wants validated so I can unchain myself from this inhumane social conditioning. It´s such a crime that the male impetus has been supressed for so long, so much power and energy wasted. Obviously such energy must be channeled otherwise it migth become tyrannic but the solution is in any way, shape or form to suppressed it.

They key is honesty and respect. It isn't respectful to act outside of normal mannered behavior.  If you chat up a girl and ask for a phone number and she says no... that is it. Done.  (she could change her mind if you show respect).

Unfortunately a lot of you "desperate" ones can't get that message and ruin it for everyone.   Following women or stating disrespectful things. Or just pushing.

 

[Xpendable]

With honesty and respect it's still seen as predatory. You just prove his point by calling desperate with no evidence, in a way to shame male sexuality yet again.

 

[MiguelMS]

 Like is wrong to pursue what a man wants sexually, to express himself, show interest... I understand there might be awkward moments and a lot of women simply don´t look for just sex or to be approached. I get that but if all is done correctly with honesty and respect Why do I have to feel bad about what I want? I am not hurting anyone, why do I have to deny and suppress who I am (sexually or otherwise)? I would appreciate to feel my needs and wants validated so I can unchain myself from this inhumane social conditioning. It´s such a crime that the male impetus has been supressed for so long, so much power and energy wasted. Obviously such energy must be channeled otherwise it migth become tyrannic but the solution is in any way, shape or form to suppressed it.

They key is honesty and respect. It isn't respectful to act outside of normal mannered behavior.  If you chat up a girl and ask for a phone number and she says no... that is it. Done.  (she could change her mind if you show respect).

Unfortunately a lot of you "desperate" ones can't get that message and ruin it for everyone.   Following women or stating disrespectful things. Or just pushing.

"Unfortunately a lot of you "desperate" ones...","...or starting dsrespectful things"

If you are disrespectful towards others no wonder others start disrespecful things. Maybe you don´t get approached by great quality men like myself for that and instead attract low quality men because YOU are a low quality woman. Mind you, YOU are the problem. You are getting exactly what you deserve. It nos evil men, is not casual sex, is you being low. Put that in your feminist pipe and smoke it.

 

[ardour]

Any interest that isn't reciprocoted is going to be viewed with some contempt and suspicion, no matter the approach or the attitude of person doing the approaching. Feelings of repulsion will influence the ability to judge fairly after all. Add to tha hypergamy and limited avenues to meet the opposite sex as you get older, and it's a frustration that might lead someone with limited self awareness to think chatting women up in public was the only remaining option.

It doesn't change the fact that it's still stupid, intrusive and a definite sign of desperation. They want to go about their day without having to deal with some numbnuts who can't understand social norms. Even I get pissed off when strangers try to talk to me on public transport. I'm tired and you don't want to have to deal with them. Something about the looking for attention aspect to it is really annoying. Imagine how aggravating it is for women when there's an obvious agenda there.

 

[TheRealCallie]

"Unfortunately a lot of you "desperate" ones...","...or starting dsrespectful things"

If you are disrespectful towards others no wonder others start disrespecful things. Maybe you don´t get approached by great quality men like myself for that and instead attract low quality men because YOU are a low quality woman. Mind you, YOU are the problem. You are getting exactly what you deserve. It nos evil men, is not casual sex, is you being low. Put that in your  feminist pipe and smoke it.

Um, I hate to break it to you but if you were as "great" as you say you are, you would NOT talk like this to a woman.....Doesn't matter if it's online or off, great guys don't talk like this, regardless of whether they "deserve" it or not, which I don't believe she does...

 

[MiguelMS]

"Unfortunately a lot of you "desperate" ones...","...or starting dsrespectful things"

If you are disrespectful towards others no wonder others start disrespecful things. Maybe you don´t get approached by great quality men like myself for that and instead attract low quality men because YOU are a low quality woman. Mind you, YOU are the problem. You are getting exactly what you deserve. It nos evil men, is not casual sex, is you being low. Put that in your  feminist pipe and smoke it.

Um, I hate to break it to you but if you were as "great" as you say you are, you would NOT talk like this to a woman.....Doesn't matter if it's online or off, great guys don't talk like this, regardless of whether they "deserve" it or not, which I don't believe she does...

So she can can be great and still be disrespectful but If I defend myself I can´t be great right? Good logic. Either only she is not great or both are not great. Those are the only options.

---

Any  interest that isn't reciprocoted is going to be viewed with some contempt and suspicion, no matter the approach or the attitude of person doing the approaching. Feelings of repulsion will influence the ability to judge fairly after all.   Add to tha widespreak hypergamy and  limited avenues to meet the opposite sex as you get older, and the frustration *might* lead someone with limited self awareness to think tchatting women up in public was their only remaining option.

That doesn't change that fact that it's still stupid, intrusive and a definite sign of desperation.  They want to go about their day without having to deal with some numbnuts who can't understand social norms. Even I get pissed off when strangers looking for attention try to talk to me on public transport. I'm tired and you don't want to have to deal with them, something about the looking for attention aspect to it is really annoying.   Imagine how aggravating it is for women when there's an obvious agenda there.

So you hate when strangers talk to you? Well no wonder you are on a forum called "A lonly life". I am sorry that humans are social animals and we all have "agendas".

 

[TheRealCallie]

"Unfortunately a lot of you "desperate" ones...","...or starting dsrespectful things"

If you are disrespectful towards others no wonder others start disrespecful things. Maybe you don´t get approached by great quality men like myself for that and instead attract low quality men because YOU are a low quality woman. Mind you, YOU are the problem. You are getting exactly what you deserve. It nos evil men, is not casual sex, is you being low. Put that in your  feminist pipe and smoke it.

Um, I hate to break it to you but if you were as "great" as you say you are, you would NOT talk like this to a woman.....Doesn't matter if it's online or off, great guys don't talk like this, regardless of whether they "deserve" it or not, which I don't believe she does...

So she can can be great and still be disrespectful but If I defend myself I can´t be great right? Good logic. Either only she is not great or both are not great. Those are the only options.

First of all, I never said she was great.  I don't know her well enough to make that determination.  What I did say is that great guys don't attack women for stating their opinions. 
She also never stated she was "great," but you did.