sorry about the rant, it's just when you wake up, open one eye and started crying you know there is something really wrong.
It's just that I can't get over to what happened with this person who I thought was a friend: for almost a year he looked for me, usually at night, to talk, personal talks, and to go out, although we are kind of different, and I was wondering if it was really the case that we are friends because: I live on books and he hates reading, I am supersensitive and have an intense spiritual life and he hates all things spiritual, I care about beautiful things and he only cares about numbers, anyway I thought he was sensitive enough, and a special person, and that we could be friends in spite of the differences (I did have friends who were different). Instead, like a couple of months ago he writes this really weird chat saying he thinks I am flirting with him, that is very weird because he is really not my type and he is like 10 years younger, and then I tell him that is not the case, and then I never heard from him again. He searched me a couple times to go out, one i couldn't and another one he canceled on the last minute (he had done that once before), and then didn't even send me greetings for my birthday, but wrote the day after (still no greetings) wanting to go out (I declined). Then we met at a common acquaintance's place and I discovered that he had a girlfriend, and also he was laughing like an idiot to all that I said and I was thinking "if you think I am so funny why don't you send me birthday greetings?"
He hates a lot of people, so I thought it was a matter of time before he hated me as well, but now I feel really bad, either because maybe I still have really bad taste in people, I thought he was harmless and a good person instead he is just a dick, or because maybe I just bring out the worst in people. This thought just kills me. I wish someone told me to my face: you are too clingy or you are too distant, or you smell, or you are boring and conceited, so that I could understand why these things happen.
Now I try to be really more careful before trusting someone because I know I get really hurt if it turns out badly, so for a long time I don't expect anything and just wait to see if the other seems to really care for me, because i know my friendship is a precious thing and once they have it it's forever, so I shouldn't give it to a-oles. This time I think I made a mistake. I wish I could ask that person what happened, but I suspect someone who acts like this is just very superficial and doesn't give a ****, and I d like to spare myself the extra humiliation. Still, I am puzzled and very very hurt. Boo-hooo, I hate crying in the morning, it feels so unnatural.
It's just that I can't get over to what happened with this person who I thought was a friend: for almost a year he looked for me, usually at night, to talk, personal talks, and to go out, although we are kind of different, and I was wondering if it was really the case that we are friends because: I live on books and he hates reading, I am supersensitive and have an intense spiritual life and he hates all things spiritual, I care about beautiful things and he only cares about numbers, anyway I thought he was sensitive enough, and a special person, and that we could be friends in spite of the differences (I did have friends who were different). Instead, like a couple of months ago he writes this really weird chat saying he thinks I am flirting with him, that is very weird because he is really not my type and he is like 10 years younger, and then I tell him that is not the case, and then I never heard from him again. He searched me a couple times to go out, one i couldn't and another one he canceled on the last minute (he had done that once before), and then didn't even send me greetings for my birthday, but wrote the day after (still no greetings) wanting to go out (I declined). Then we met at a common acquaintance's place and I discovered that he had a girlfriend, and also he was laughing like an idiot to all that I said and I was thinking "if you think I am so funny why don't you send me birthday greetings?"
He hates a lot of people, so I thought it was a matter of time before he hated me as well, but now I feel really bad, either because maybe I still have really bad taste in people, I thought he was harmless and a good person instead he is just a dick, or because maybe I just bring out the worst in people. This thought just kills me. I wish someone told me to my face: you are too clingy or you are too distant, or you smell, or you are boring and conceited, so that I could understand why these things happen.
Now I try to be really more careful before trusting someone because I know I get really hurt if it turns out badly, so for a long time I don't expect anything and just wait to see if the other seems to really care for me, because i know my friendship is a precious thing and once they have it it's forever, so I shouldn't give it to a-oles. This time I think I made a mistake. I wish I could ask that person what happened, but I suspect someone who acts like this is just very superficial and doesn't give a ****, and I d like to spare myself the extra humiliation. Still, I am puzzled and very very hurt. Boo-hooo, I hate crying in the morning, it feels so unnatural.
