We've been doing it wrong all this time!

[Ekstra]

Why does everyone want to live a typical, happy life? A house in the suburbs, the love of your life as a husband or wife, a car or two, kids, a secure job?

This is what we want from an early age....and I think we've made a machine that creates broing status quo people because we all have boring status quo dreams from when our parents decided thats the kind of life they'd want us to live.

And I think society has gone in the wrong direction entirely because of this.

Everyone should want to live a life to change the world, no compromises, leave the biggest impact you can, not one that keeps them happy until they die.

what do you guys think?

 

[copperation]

"Everyone should want to live a life to change the world, no compromises......................"

From one machine to another.

 

[frey12]

I never wanted to live a life that included any of those things. Granted I wanted greatness but in the end I am just beginning to think thats a waste of time. But how many of us here are married and are well here. And having children makes things better and worse at the same time. On one hand you have a this unbreakable bond with another person, but they depend on you entirely and during that time they have just pure love and adoration. However a child can take a quarter of your lives and your still a parent after. Mean while through all this your in a relationship with some random person who enters your life, and they can not be the right one for you. They can change now that they feel they dont have to worry about losing you. You could get married which changes people drastically. Anyway to put it simply any body who has that dream has not thought about it enough. I run across people like that online a lot its kind of sad because they seem to be okay but rush into things.

 

[Borne Hopeless]

Yeah, I agree. I had to realize that I could very well spend the rest of my life alone. I mean, it is an inherent possibility, right? So I try to be happy all by myself, regardless of what others think or do. It's hard, but I think if I do find somebody, then our relationship will be better because we both know that we don't HAVE to depend on each other. We do just fine by ourselves. I think it takes the focus off of having to stay together, due to circumstances or whatever, and puts the focus on two people WANTING to be together. Dependence leads to having to be together. Independence leads to wanting to be together. That makes sense, right? Also, when did everybody start feeling like they HAD to be with someone? Was it the same time I was thinking that I'm so independent and free-spirited, that most times I would rather be alone? Was it the same time I was figuring out that as long as I have food and shelter, I would rather be happy and broke and alone than rich and married and miserable? Or maybe that's just me...

 

[armor4sleepPA]

The only thing I'd point out is that Maslow's heirarchy of needs demonstrates the need for belongingness/companionship as the third greatest need, just after physiological needs and safety needs. People do need to feel part of something. Yes, our society sometimes reinforces this notion in a superficial way, such as by supporting the home team, exhibiting artificial patriotism in an unquestioning way, etc. However, when you get right down to it, we all want to feel part of something, when we're completely honest with ourselves. Even those of us who pride ourselves on being societal rebels or recluses, we like to know that there's someone else like us out there, hence we all find ourselves here.

 

[Borne Hopeless]

Yeah, I forget about the emotional needs. Maybe it's because I'm 25 and just now realizing I have them! You're right about that. I remember studying a little about it. I tend to think needs are only physical, but I'm in this forum, aren't I?

But maybe a lot of people have already tried fighting for what they believe in, and have been unsuccessful and unhappy for whatever reason. So they just decided to be happy with what is instead of what could be. Maybe that's why everyone wants the picket fenced house, 2.5 kids, etc and they seem just fine where they're at. Because there's very little risk in not being a hero. Or maybe they just haven't questioned it and never will.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

I've always heard the cliche that ignorance was blyss; however, sometimes satisfaction seems blyss to me. People who are completely satisfied with what they have/what they are doing are truly blessed.

I have many parts of my life for which I am thankful, and also that I would not change for anything. However, there are some parts which will never prove themselves to be satisfying. I know I should be content, but I think there is a certain healthy sense of never settling for less than we want. Then again, when I'm not sure what it would take to be truly happy, then I guess I can never settle for it, thus never being truly satisfied.

You're so right in saying that there's little risk in not being a hero. The hero must must leave their comfort zone and fight for something, while Mr. and Mrs. Domestic with their picket fence and dalmation need merely continue their daily routine in order to remain quelled.

 

[Borne Hopeless]

Alright, so what about this? What if, just by joining this forum, I realize that I do belong? Maybe I don't fit in with the majority of people, but I do fit in somewhere. I can already tell that a lot of people on here are very similar to me, so maybe I fit in here. And so that satisfies the belonging/companion component of Maslow's hierarchy. And don't think for a second that my emotional needs have to be satisfied by physical proximity. Or else I get to call you superficial! Is there anyone who sees what I mean? As long as I FEEL like I belong, that's all that I need. I don't need sex, I don't need a girlfriend, I don't need a wife, I just need a group where I feel like I belong! Even if I never meet the group face to face. Now I'm not saying that I necessarily want or don't want to be with someone else. All I'm saying is that I could go the rest of my life just like I am, and be perfectly content with it. I wouldn't feel sad one bit. I know it's true because it matches who I am. It's one of those things inside of me that I just know. I also know that for some, it does take the physical to satisfy the emotional. Some people here don't have a gf/bf and it just kills them. So for them, they need to be physically and emotionally close to another. I know, because I used to feel this way. Until my heart got broken. I guess I just stopped worrying about a relationship. For me, if it happens, it happens. As long as I have people I can relate to, a relationship is just icing on the cake. But for the record, I still want a relationship, I still want sex, hell I want it all, dammit! but I can live happily without, and to hell with any one who doesn't think so! After all, the world isn't perfect, and people are still happy, so don't tell me I can't be happy without a significant other, because I won't believe it. What ya think about that?

 

[armor4sleepPA]

Good for you, borne. If you can find a sense of belonging here in our forum, that's wonderful! I feel very much the same sense of family, for lack of a more fitting word, when I log on. We're all fellow sojourners on a pilgrimage to self actualization.... poor players strutting across the stage of the brief candle called life. Forgive the Shakesperean allusions, but I think of Macbeth sometimes, and wonder how much we'd have had in common with the Bard.

I'm glad you're coming to terms with your condition; it's a neverending process, and often times a painful one. However, that's why everyone is here... to get a little help from friends.

 

[Borne Hopeless]

Yeah, as soon as I came here, I knew people here would understand things about me that are very rarely understood. That's why I just started opening up and talking to people here.

But it is a never-ending process. One that we all have to deal with every day of our lives. I just hope the confidence I'm feeling sticks around for awhile, because if it doesn't, I'm feeling like the bottom of the barrel. I feel it pulling at me a lot, especially around other people, but that's just something I'll have to deal with.

 

[tomuchnothing]

borne, your confidence is an inspiration to me, I only wish I could be that confident. I hope the confidence does last for you though.

As for feeling like you belong here with this group, I know exactly what you mean, I actually look foward to being able to get home and check what has been happening with everyone you know? And it dosnt matter that most of you may be on the other side of the world from me, that's what's great about this place, it brings all thss great people together.

I know we still have to get through our misery and lonliness by ourselves but with the help and support of the people here it will be so much easier

 

[Borne Hopeless]

You might be lonely, but you're not alone!