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Never thought that small of a town would still exist nowadays.... though I'm not as well traveled as I would like to be.
The town I grew up in is actually smaller than it was when I lived there. A population of just under 600. The town I live outside of now has a population of just over 1200. They definitely still exist.
 
The guy that I refer to as "the horse's ass" (to myself), came over today and tried to twist my arm into going out tonight and changing my plans, when I didn't want to. I stood my ground firmly and said "no". I call him a horse's ass because he keeps trying to twist my arm, and I've had enough. He still thinks it's 2009 and we're fresh out of college and he can just help himself to my time - he doesn't respect my time. I was nice before, but I'm tired of it. The guy isn't thinking of me, he's thinking of himself.

Eventually we got to talking about running and I agreed, out of niceness, to go for a run on Sunday. He then tried to say that we should run regularly...yeah that's not going to happen. I'm not walking an hour one way, then running a 5K, then walking an hour back, regularly. I'll do this ONCE to be nice. That is it. I'm not torpedoing my whole day for this, on a regular basis. I've done it before and my whole day was shot.

It's not that I like being mean to this guy, or in general. It's that I'm protecting my time. I was generous with my time in the past, but I'm not getting any younger, and I still don't have what I want out of life yet -

a career that doesn't make me hate life and myself because it makes me feel inherently inferior/incapable of learning skills,

being good at something cool and becoming an interesting person,

and a romantic relationship.

That's what really matters to me, and what it's the utmost importance to me that I don't miss out on it. Only I can figure out how to get there for myself. And that's why I don't feel bad being assertive and setting boundaries - cause if I don't get what I want out of life, because I let my arm get twisted into giving this guy my time instead of figuring out my life, he's not going to magically fix it for me. He's just going to say "oh well, I guess you missed out".

He's like "oh you're just on the computer all day". Uh no dude. I'm figuring out my life. Trying to figure out why I've been so unhappy for most of it. Trying to figure out who I am. You're not going to do this for me, and you're not going to be the one who suffers if I don't get what I want, I will. So I'll choose if and when I feel like going out. I won't have my arm twisted.

And that's another thing, this guy doesn't care about getting a girlfriend. He's OK with going through life single, and with going through life as just an audience member. I'm very much not OK with either of those things. So that's a huge difference between us. I don't want my life to be like his life. I know myself enough to know that I would never be happy like that.

The only thing I forgot to do, was answer the door in a cowboy hat, wearing shades, and shirtless, and then told him "boy I done told you, you need to quit acting like the east end of a horse headed west".
 
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Thats the trouble I have when I overthink things... I think I must be perfect. Instead of just being me, because of too much anxiety, I hold back and then feel sad I never got involved.
Really sorry to hear :(
I always tell myself, you have a no but a yes is something you can get. But it's always harder in practice than in theory of course.....
 
People are insane.
I just got followed on the street by a homeless guy on a broken down bike. Three times I told him to leave me alone, he wouldn't and kept pushing. The last straw is when he blocked the sidewalk with his bike. I threw him off of it. Considered breaking some bones in his body, but I walked it off. He still followed me some distance aeay, taunting me, until he veered off to harass a girl who thankfully got on the bus...
I'm getting sick of this hellhole.
 
I'm beside myself. Just when you think it can't get any worse...

...then again, how many times over the course of all the years have I been alive, have I told myself "it can't get any worse" or "at least it's not worse!" I used to console myself with that when I was younger and angry that we lagged behind everyone else, or that I felt stuck at the bottom socially.

It's gotten worse so many times now, and by so much, that holy hell, I wish I NEVER complained about anything as a kid and NEVER felt bad about anything back then, because it seems like paradise compared to today.

We are THAT ridiculous. We've gone from simply unfashionable and uncool, to straight up dysfunctional. And there is no limit to how much things can get, all the way until death.

I only hope that somehow, someway, I can find a way to save myself from this misery our lives have deteriorated into. Otherwise, like I've been saying lately - if this is it, I'm not sure I want to keep going. There seems like less and less of a point to, every passing day.
 
I guess a high school football coach was fired in the next county over for a hazing event?
I don't understand the zombie "one of us" mentality.
Even when I was in football, I hated that sh!t.
 
I’m exhausted. All the time. My life has turned into doing everything I can to get the basics done. I know I need a better attitude. I need to work harder at motivation. I need to work harder. But I’m tired. Can’t think. I’m too tired to move but I’m never rested. I need fun. I need a reason to live. A reason to get out of bed and attack life. My mind is not engaged. Time to stop complaining, get up and go do something.
 
I’m exhausted. All the time. My life has turned into doing everything I can to get the basics done. I know I need a better attitude. I need to work harder at motivation. I need to work harder. But I’m tired. Can’t think. I’m too tired to move but I’m never rested. I need fun. I need a reason to live. A reason to get out of bed and attack life. My mind is not engaged. Time to stop complaining, get up and go do something.

I'm right there with you, I relate to this completely. It's pretty much word for word how I feel.
I don't want to waste money and take in empty calories on drinking, so I pretty much live for going for walks at dusk to unwind. It's my "therapy" I guess. 😩
 
I cooked yesterday

Starters

Grilled wings and grilled corgetts stick

Mains

Tomato Risotto and Lobster Risotto

Dessert

Grilled pineapple with icecream 😇
 
Why do I want to work in your company? Seriously? Because I'm not rich and need money for living, so I have to work somewhere. What is so special about your company, do your employyes take part in the crusades against the unbelivers or may be they are going to explore Mars? Why do you think there is a Sacred Reason?
//Just watching a video with some "job interview tips" and thinking, I myself have never been asked such a question.
 

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