I share Callie's procrasination sentiments, except my production is impeded by more personal blocks.
Do I want to try to invest my time and resources into a self-starter attempt that, has a very high probability of failure but would at least solve most of the workplace issues if it succeeded, or do I attempt to scrape the bottom in terms of jobs, knowing that any jobs I do take up I will always operate slower than the anticipated performance of whoever is in charge, leading to more criticisms, leading to lower self-esteem, and ultimately leading to a further urge not to find work?
I just want to work. I don't want to work whilst being criticised. I want to turn up, do the job, go home. I don't want to turn up, start the job, get interrupted by a 20-30 minute criticism spat (probably over problems I'm not responsible for) and find my entire workflow disrupted only to cause repeat performance the next day. Going in every day to be criticised is not fun, that happened at school, that sucks, I don't want to go through it again.
But if I don't work I look like a loser or some sort of lazy ******* who whines bitterly of excuses and problems to evade it.
Ideal scenario is I just find a job that suits my abilities in terms of work performance and doesn't demand more for less or criticise excessively. But scenario is not ideal so realistically this will never actually happen.
So, self-starter I know will fail and seem like I'm avoiding work and a failure, or going into a job, being criticised, encountering all the cliche problems, low-esteem (making me seem like a failure) and thus quitting, again?
If there is anything I could wipe out in the history of mankind forever it would be the catch-22.
at "fecking". Hahahaha. Tell me, have you ever watched a show called Father Ted? It's one of my favorites.
