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Train rides. Though I’ve met racists, people on drugs, and all around mean people, I’ve always loved to go on the train. It is never boring.
 
It only took half the month, but it finally feels like spring is here. I've been enjoying seeing all the flowering trees and the insects when I run or walk. Some butterflies are out with brown wings and an orange stripe, and we had a giant bumblebee just outside our window recently. I wished I could have snapped a picture but the bee was too fast.

Speaking of running, I've been running for a half hour every other day (I walk on the off days) since last week in an attempt to get in control of my shape. I'm not in very good shape right now so I run slowly, but as long as I don't stop to walk, I count it as progress. The first day was very sore, but it's been getting better each time, and though I have a long way to go, I hope it will pay off. Ideally I'd like to change my diet and go to a gym, but this is the best I can do for now. Still, it feels good to be doing something to try and take care of at least one area of my life. I just wish I'd been doing it this whole time instead of spending most of my life not doing things because I felt it probably wouldn't matter anyway, but that's been the main thing I've always struggled with. Oh well. Tomorrow is Day 4, let's not break the chain.
 
A lot of my plants died during the period I hit rock bottom. I didn't even neglect their needs. Was my poor mood so bad to have caused this? I seem to destroy innocent plants now too.
 
Sometimes I don't say things in a timely manner and maybe it seems like I'm rude or don't care or are ignoring it or dropped a person. It's not that. It's just that sometimes I don't have enough good feelings to have some to give away. I don't talk much when most of what I have is either anger or some other not-good feeling. And if I tried to say good things in a mood at a time like that, it would feel insincere. I wouldn't really be present. This is true for both online and offline friends. It's like the weather. I'm waiting for the storm to clear.


ladyforsaken said:
A lot of my plants died during the period I hit rock bottom. I didn't even neglect their needs. Was my poor mood so bad to have caused this? I seem to destroy innocent plants now too.

Having an on-again, off-again rock bottom time right now. Or at least near it. Hang in there :(
 
I'm grateful because I found a BFFL IRL. I know, it's so hard to do. I hope no one reads this and feels jealous. But we're inseparable and I'm just really glad that I don't have to worry about loneliness for the foreseeable future. Also grateful for the opportunity to help her with compliments, encouragement, and doing errands.
 
I've been having this weird feeling where I don't know what to do with myself or even what to think about because I don't know what to care about anymore.  I've applied for jobs, watched some movies and shows, done some running and walking, done the things that I have to do, but I'm not really into anything right now.  I don't feel like being into anything, or that being into anything will make any difference because I feel like I've blown all my chances in life already, or that I never had a chance anyway and it was always out of reach, I just was dealt too low of a hand with not enough of the right stuff if any at all, or didn't have enough luck to get anywhere I want to go. I feel like I've either messed up all my chances for success, or I was never gifted or lucky enough for success in the first place, and now mediocrity is all that's left or all that was ever available to me. I don't want that, I'm not content with that and I've always dreamed of escaping it, but I'm not sure what I can even do when it doesn't feel like there's anything I can do about it and nothing I've done in the past has ever worked that much towards improving my situation. Things just went whatever way they were going to go. I'm still alive, there's technically still time on the clock, but I'm not excited, motivated, inspired by all that I think I can get anymore (unless something completely unexpected happens).  I feel lost, unenthused, disillusioned. I don't know where to go from here, but there doesn't seem to be anywhere that great to go.
 
MissBehave said:
❤️⭐️  Lots of 5 stars for you  ⭐❤️

Thank you.  I mean, on the one hand it's not a big deal, it's just threads on the Internet, but I can't believe he did that either.  Seriously, to go through all of my threads, some that were just for fun, some that were really sincere and honest and pouring out my soul and not really complaining, and others that were to support other people, and one-star them just because they were mine. 

That guy is a bully, and like I said, a bad person.  Something needed to be said.  And if you ask me, something still needs to be done.


FYI - I have no problem with anime itself, or anime fans in a general sense, and even like a bit of it myself (I don't know a lot).  But what I do have a problem with, are guys like him who think they can act all tough and try to shame me, when they have no business acting that way.
 
TheSkaFish said:
MissBehave said:
❤️⭐️  Lots of 5 stars for you  ⭐❤️

Thank you.  I mean, on the one hand it's not a big deal, it's just threads on the Internet, but I can't believe he did that either.  Seriously, to go through all of my threads, some that were just for fun, some that were really sincere and honest and pouring out my soul and not really complaining, and others that were to support other people, and one-star them just because they were mine. 

That guy is a bully, and like I said, a bad person.  Something needed to be said.  And if you ask me, something still needs to be done.

Yeah but it’s still a sucky feeling. ❤️
Have to say, it was a fun read. Kind of liked to see all the rage! Hihi. 😁
It’s been so silent here so it was refreshing for sure!
 
Hey, since I have a five inch dick can I jerk watching real people and not just hentai? They tend to become confusing when the action begins, you know, all those liquids disturbs me, I ain't really a good swimmer :(


He put me in ignore as well time ago when I tried to message him ahaha I have to say through that thanks to him I learned what incel means :D Had to Google it

Now I hope he don't get mad and rate all my threads with one star, they are keeping this forum alive :p
 
Unix said:
Hey, since I have a five inch dick can I jerk watching real people and not just hentai? They tend to become confusing when the action begins, you know, all those liquids disturbs me, I ain't really a good swimmer :(


He put me in ignore as well time ago when I tried to message him ahaha I have to say through that thanks to him I learned what incel means :D Had to Google it

Now I hope he don't get mad and rate all my threads with one star, they are keeping this forum alive :p

So no tentacles?! 🐙 😂
I have to admit though, I still don’t know what incel means. 🤔
 
Unix said:
Hey, since I have a five inch dick can I jerk watching real people and not just hentai? They tend to become confusing when the action begins, you know, all those liquids disturbs me, I ain't really a good swimmer :(


He put me in ignore as well time ago when I tried to message him ahaha I have to say through that thanks to him I learned what incel means :D Had to Google it

Now I hope he don't get mad and rate all my threads with one star, they are keeping this forum alive :p

Ah jeez, I'm sorry dude.  I just got in a heat of rage and let the nukes off.  I didn't mean to say anything about anyone else.  

For what it's worth I don't think any of that stuff is good for you but that's neither here nor there.
mod edit - *offensive comments removed*



Yeah, you gonna one-star all my threads now Enpatsu, you little honeysuckle?  That all you got?  Come at me, ******!  Where's the tough guy act at now, huh?

Oh one more thing, people are thanking me for what I said and agreeing with me.  I told you, you shouldn't have messed with me.


MissBehave said:
Unix said:
Hey, since I have a five inch dick can I jerk watching real people and not just hentai? They tend to become confusing when the action begins, you know, all those liquids disturbs me, I ain't really a good swimmer :(


He put me in ignore as well time ago when I tried to message him ahaha I have to say through that thanks to him I learned what incel means :D Had to Google it

Now I hope he don't get mad and rate all my threads with one star, they are keeping this forum alive :p

So no tentacles?! 🐙 😂
I have to admit though, I still don’t know what incel means. 🤔

It's nothing, don't worry about it.

The point is, this Enpatsu guy is a bully, and I stood up to him.
 
…common, what better way to appeal to the ladies than dump on other low status men?

Also, Rainbows gets to feel safe now ;)
 

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