ShybutHi said:
One problem with this forum is that people seem to try to give false optimism. Well that wont work with me because I only work with facts and it is a fact that I am an ugly person. I have many features that are unnatractive.
Maybe people don’t like to see others in pain and that’s why they give false optimism? You’re seeing it as a bad thing, when it potentially could be a way people are attempting in their own awkward way to alleviate your pain.
To me, false optimism is not reading what the person has written and giving a blanket statement instead of directly referring to what the person has written.
Also, what objective evidence do you have for this? How do you know it is your appearance, rather than your body language or the way that you make other people feel, rather than how you actually look physically?
I’ve had my psychologist tell me that I wouldn’t even look at her in the eyes until we got back to the counseling room and that I looked depressed. So this was something I worked on, looking into her eyes when she called my name in the waiting room.
ShybutHi said:
I simply do not know what to say and my mind will go blank.
It is almost like my mind shuts off to prevent me saying anything in case of making myself look like an idiot, but, in turn that probably makes me look like an idiot itself. It is not just a nervousness... It is beyond that point where it is part of my whole personality.
This sounds like a bit of social anxiety here. I’ve heard psychologists say, in response to this, that people don’t think about you as nearly as you think they do.
ShybutHi said:
If I can not identify with people then how am I supposed to ever find someone to be with.
Boy do I empathize with this statement here. I identify with people who I see that I view as being loners. I empathize with depressed people. I empathize with disabled people. Still, people manage to confuse the hell out of me and I find it hard to make a ton of friends. You aren’t alone in this Shy.
ShybutHi said:
Also, what is the point of life?
After being suicidal, I’ve decided that the point of life is not to think about the point of life and to just live it. Live your dreams, live, don’t think about why because if you do, you’ll get stuck on how nothing makes sense and you will drown in that.
Here’s the first stanza of a poem of mine:
Life is meant for living,
never standing still.
For even trees which grow as arrows
move the dirt below.
ShybutHi said:
I think the main point of life if there ever was one is to find someone who you can look after, love and hopefully be loved back.
I disagree, people are so fickle. The woman you fall in love with can leave you, your children can die, your family can disown you. The best bit of advice I can give you is to be well-rounded. Do not give too much of yourself to any one aspect of life, if you do, you will lose yourself or be destroyed emotionally if/when it gets taken from you.
Even your guitar playing, don’t invest too much into it because, what if you lose your hand in a freak accident one day? What will you do then?
Being well rounded to me, means if you lose one aspect of your life, you can use the other parts to fill in and not drown and get completely lost.
ShybutHi said:
I have had panic attacks before but managed to deal with it on my own terms and no longer get them.
This is great Shy.
ShybutHi said:
In a way being such a hermit has helped with my trade which is being the guitarist in a band, means I have spent ALOT of time learning music and honing my instrument. (The band is with some close friends otherwise I would never be able to do it, it is almost like the opposite of my personality to play infront of people, especially solo's) It has helped alot with the anxiety and lack of confidence though which is good.
Do you know how much I admire musicians? The countless hours they put into practicing? The hours upon hours trying to get your fingers to press the string against the backboard the right way, the effort put into learning chords, writing music, making sure yourhands are in the right position to hold the instrument, learning to strum in-time, read music, learn new songs and thus new patters over and over and over and over and over and over again.
That is ******* hard man and you do that. I’ve played 3 instruments in my life. Violin, Piano and acoustic guitar. I quit all of them. Why? Because I never practiced, I never was able to understand the purpose of practicing? Why practice? It’s dull.
I didn’t have the love of music in me, but you do. Cherish that please, many people can listen to music but it takes a special person to actually produce and be able to play music.
I’m preparing for an eye-roll from you after this statement I am about to make but here goes anyways:
You get a few points in girl’s eyes because we think it’s hot. It’s totally true, guitars raise your cuteness/hotness factor. Keep the guitar bro. If anything, that’ll bring you chicks.
ShybutHi said:
I have no chance with women at all because of my lack of experience in social situations.
See statement I made about guitars attracing chicks. (you just need to flaunt your guitar skills more, though it might be a bit difficult because of your social anxiety, but if there is any way possible, please lose yourself in the music and forget about the chicks. Let yourself shine when you play music, it’ll attract people.
ShybutHi said:
I am totally broken and unfixable.
“
I have had panic attacks before but managed to deal with it on my own terms and no longer get them”
Hmm, not quite.
ShybutHi said:
All of my friends are alot more outgoing than me so I am ALWAYS in the background too which does not help at all. Sometimes I will even have people talk about me right infront of me as if I am not there. I would not be surprised if some people think I am basically mute.
I don’t know if you know this but you are actually talking to someone that is actually mute. I’ve constantly felt like I am in the background, so yeah, here’s some empathy floating your way.
I don’t’ think there is anything wrong with being an introvert. You are being yourself, it’s only when it causes you pain (like it does now) that it’s a problem.
I think that’s rude of them to talk in front of you. Who does that? I wouldn’t do that. ********.
ShybutHi said:
So for me when it comes to relationships it is partially confidence but mainly a lack of social experience. I probably seem like the most boring and uninterested person in the world to women. I do try to talk to people... I chat to taxi drivers and such and sometimes actually have good conversations. (apart from conversations with family and friends that is)
Give yourself the chance, to get the social experience you need and thus the confidence. Okay? Please? Give yourself a chance. Be kind to yourself and allow that for yourself.
ShybutHi said:
Part of the problem is that no one EVER approaches me and I feel that approaching people myself is a breach of their personal space. I suppose I also believe that no one would ever want me to talk to them probably because, like I said, no one has ever wanted to talk to me.
That’s how people are I think. They don’t approach other people. Talking to other people is like taking charge of your life in a way. You don’t’ allow other people to decide whether or not they will approach you, you approach them and open the channel yourself for your own sake. I do this all the time, it’s the only way to make friends, otherwise you’ll just find yourself sitting alone like you are now. Take the initiative, because of human nature, other people aren’t going to do that for you.
Also if you don’t’ give yourself that chance how do you know if you can find other people that want to talk to you? I didn’t think anyone wanted to talk to me either shy but now I have a friend at college because I reached out.
ShybutHi said:
When it comes to relationships I simply do not know what to do.
Join the club Shy, we have T shirts that say “I simply do not know what to do.” Emblazoned on the front of them. 12 dollars each.
I have one.
ShybutHi said:
Well I am the epitome of the silent, mysterious and creative type of guy. The ammount of times I have been called "A" or even "The" dark horse by females or said to me by friends who have overheard girls say it, is rediculous. Is that even a good thing though?
Dark horse is a term used to describe a little-known person or thing
that emerges to prominence, especially in a competition of some sort[1] or a contestant that seems unlikely to succeed
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_horse
Notice what I’ve underlined? Sounds like a good thing to me. Sounds like people are expecting you to come out of no where and steal the show.
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Okay, Shybuthi, One last thing. When I see a shy guy, I wonder what he is thinking. If I have no clue, I might think he is like someone on here from ALL, but if I was a person that didn’t have experience from ALL, I might be completely dumbfounded. To not speak is to not offer any sort of emotional or social information to go on. So people will make stuff up about who you must be if you don’t tell them!!!
So, yeah.
That’s what I have to say.
Be well Shy, I’ve always thought you were a great guy.
