So I am 36 years old, been married for 16 years with two wonderful children, both teens 15 and 16 who mean everything to me. I'm a successful Manager in the Company I work for and I'm in the final stages of completing my MBA.
I know my unhappiness stems from my marriage, my husband and I have simply grown apart. I was thrust into the role of being the breadwinner in the family early on in my marriage. When we got married he had a legitimate job - 5 years in he decided he wanted to try making it on his own - unfortunately 11 years later he is still trying. I have tried to be understanding, supportive and helpful but I believe there comes a time when you have to make a choice between trying to make it on your own and providing/fulfilling the basic needs of your kids (who didn't ask to be here). It's called sacrifice. He is always working but at the same time he never manages to turn a profit on any of his jobs because he just can't run a job efficiently (he's a builder btw). Honestly, I have tried to help - after-all its what I do (Business Management- MBA in Financial Management!) but he's not receptive to my suggestions (I have trieed every technique - reverse psychology failed too).
I believe my unhappiness stems from my feelings of stress because of the financial burdens and because emotionally there is no support that my husband can provide as I view him as the reason for my unhappiness. I am not a materialistic person but I do place importance on being able to provide my children with a comfortable quality of life - it is what I have studied and worked so hard for and because of what I view as my husbands unwillingness to place family first and share in the responsibility of providing I am left with a daily struggle of making ends meet.
Recently I have been struggling with wanting to file for divorce. I've even broached the subject with our kids who amazingly don't hate me for it! My husband for all his shortcomings is not a bad person - he loves the kids, he just never sets time aside for them. The kids adore him though because he is not the disciplinarian and the rare times they do get with him are usually spent watching movies (while he falls asleep on the couch) or cracking really bad jokes. Meanwhile I get to be the teacher, jailer, doctor, punisher, lecturer etc.
I've spent the last 12 years supporting the family, financially and emotionally - I have given it my all. I think now I've reached my breaking point - I want someone who can be there for me - equal partners, maybe make me feel special ever so often. I don't have that. I know marriage is hard work and I'm willing to put in the time (I feel I have put in the time and effort) but its not a one way street and after all the talks and counselling we've had he keeps reverting to type and I have just come to a point where i just want it over.
I care about him as the father of my kids, but I don't love him as a wife should love her husband. I wish him all the best and I would still help him if he asked but I just want to move on with my life and hopefully find happiness again....at the same time I feel guilty for the hurt I know that such a decision to divorce will inflict on our family.
I have alot of people who consider me a friend but there's no one I feel really close enough to that I can really talk to. Actually the closest people in the world to me other than my Kids are my mom (who I don't want to burden) and my younger sister (who is not really emotionally mature or able to relate to my struggles).
I know I have really put myself out there by venting all of this on this forum but I will accept any sort of advice/opinion or comments.
I know my unhappiness stems from my marriage, my husband and I have simply grown apart. I was thrust into the role of being the breadwinner in the family early on in my marriage. When we got married he had a legitimate job - 5 years in he decided he wanted to try making it on his own - unfortunately 11 years later he is still trying. I have tried to be understanding, supportive and helpful but I believe there comes a time when you have to make a choice between trying to make it on your own and providing/fulfilling the basic needs of your kids (who didn't ask to be here). It's called sacrifice. He is always working but at the same time he never manages to turn a profit on any of his jobs because he just can't run a job efficiently (he's a builder btw). Honestly, I have tried to help - after-all its what I do (Business Management- MBA in Financial Management!) but he's not receptive to my suggestions (I have trieed every technique - reverse psychology failed too).
I believe my unhappiness stems from my feelings of stress because of the financial burdens and because emotionally there is no support that my husband can provide as I view him as the reason for my unhappiness. I am not a materialistic person but I do place importance on being able to provide my children with a comfortable quality of life - it is what I have studied and worked so hard for and because of what I view as my husbands unwillingness to place family first and share in the responsibility of providing I am left with a daily struggle of making ends meet.
Recently I have been struggling with wanting to file for divorce. I've even broached the subject with our kids who amazingly don't hate me for it! My husband for all his shortcomings is not a bad person - he loves the kids, he just never sets time aside for them. The kids adore him though because he is not the disciplinarian and the rare times they do get with him are usually spent watching movies (while he falls asleep on the couch) or cracking really bad jokes. Meanwhile I get to be the teacher, jailer, doctor, punisher, lecturer etc.
I've spent the last 12 years supporting the family, financially and emotionally - I have given it my all. I think now I've reached my breaking point - I want someone who can be there for me - equal partners, maybe make me feel special ever so often. I don't have that. I know marriage is hard work and I'm willing to put in the time (I feel I have put in the time and effort) but its not a one way street and after all the talks and counselling we've had he keeps reverting to type and I have just come to a point where i just want it over.
I care about him as the father of my kids, but I don't love him as a wife should love her husband. I wish him all the best and I would still help him if he asked but I just want to move on with my life and hopefully find happiness again....at the same time I feel guilty for the hurt I know that such a decision to divorce will inflict on our family.
I have alot of people who consider me a friend but there's no one I feel really close enough to that I can really talk to. Actually the closest people in the world to me other than my Kids are my mom (who I don't want to burden) and my younger sister (who is not really emotionally mature or able to relate to my struggles).
I know I have really put myself out there by venting all of this on this forum but I will accept any sort of advice/opinion or comments.