What do nice guys look for in a nice girl?

[Brian]

Well, I don't claim to speak for 100% of shy/nice guys out there, but I think a lot can relate to me here.

I think the thing is, us nice guys look at you and figure that you match pretty well to what guys generally consider attractive. And if you're dressed nice, we figure you probably know it. A lot of us tend to have confidence issues that we may or may not be overcoming, and so we start thinking things like, "Wow. Look at her. Why would she want to go out with me when she has pick of the litter and could just go date any guy she wants?" And we figure you probably get asked out a lot, so we probably don't stand much chance. Modern 'Get More Dates' self-help references tend to reinforce all of these things: Beautiful women get approached all the time, and the nice guy will always just be a friend at best. You'll never get a date, etc.

I guess that's stereotyping. But it's a really difficult thing to get past. And it doesn't help when we get firsthand experience that tells us the above line of thought is pretty spot on.


I've never been approached by a girl so I wouldn't know what that's like. I imagine I'd probably be nervous. The above mentality would eventually set in, especially if you're dressed nice. For some reason you just saw something you liked about me, and after a couple days together you'll find out I'm not what you're looking for, and then you'll go find an ******* who's not so boring to be around.

Not saying that's *your* line of thought, lovehurtme, because it doesn't seem to be. But that's what would go through my head if I'd never met you and you appear as you describe.


Where do we hang out? Well, lots of different places I imagine. I think a better question would be, 'How do I *spot* a nice guy?' And even then you're not gonna be spot-on. If he's nice, chances are he's probably at least a little shy. So look for the guy that won't hold eye contact with you for very long, probably has his hands in his pockets, and flat out will not look at you if you get too close (because he doesn't want to offend you by checking you out). Depending on how close you are and how shy he is, he may very well be blushing. If you talk to him, you usually don't want to be overly loud or rambunctious. But show an interest and you might pop the shell open. Somewhere inside he probably likes you. And what you're doing may never have happened to him before. But somehow it's engrained in his head that telling you any of that is an incredibly bad idea. If he's really, really shy, you might also be scaring the ever-loving honeysuckle out of him.

Anyway, a good place to look might be the video game aisle at Wal Mart (though nowadays you'll find all sorts of people there), or a book store. Not to stereotype my own kind, but also try art galleries or other less-attended venues. Those are the places I'd consider going to look for a girl usually.


We do exist. We're just either kind of afraid of you, or have taken the 'Get More Dates' books to heart and turned in to jerks to try and get a date with those kinds of girls (which may or may not be 'most' girls. I don't have the experience to know if that's the case or not).

 

[Punisher]

nice guys look for lovehurtme but your to hard to find

 

[lovehurtme]

And if you're dressed nice, we figure you probably know it. A lot of us tend to have confidence issues that we may or may not be overcoming, and so we start thinking things like, "Wow. Look at her. Why would she want to go out with me when she has pick of the litter and could just go date any guy she wants?" And we figure you probably get asked out a lot, so we probably don't stand much chance. Beautiful women get approached all the time, and the nice guy will always just be a friend at best.

I've never been approached by a girl so I wouldn't know what that's like. I imagine I'd probably be nervous. The above mentality would eventually set in, especially if you're dressed nice. For some reason you just saw something you liked about me, and after a couple days together you'll find out I'm not what you're looking for, and then you'll go find an ******* who's not so boring to be around.

Not saying that's *your* line of thought, lovehurtme, because it doesn't seem to be. But that's what would go through my head if I'd never met you and you appear as you describe.

Where do we hang out? If he's nice, chances are he's probably at least a little shy. So look for the guy that won't hold eye contact with you for very long, probably has his hands in his pockets, and flat out will not look at you if you get too close (because he doesn't want to offend you by checking you out). Depending on how close you are and how shy he is, he may very well be blushing. If you talk to him, you usually don't want to be overly loud or rambunctious. But show an interest and you might pop the shell open. Somewhere inside he probably likes you. And what you're doing may never have happened to him before. But somehow it's engrained in his head that telling you any of that is an incredibly bad idea. If he's really, really shy, you might also be scaring the ever-loving honeysuckle out of him.

Anyway, a good place to look might be the video game aisle at Wal Mart, or a book store. Not to stereotype my own kind, but also try art galleries or other less-attended venues. Those are the places I'd consider going to look for a girl usually.


We do exist. We're just either kind of afraid of you, or have taken the 'Get More Dates' books to heart and turned in to jerks to try and get a date with those kinds of girls.

I am not considered attractive. I never said that. In fact, I said I was not attractive. I do not fit within the typical standard of beauty, and that's why I am so self conscious. I have similar thoughts as you guys have. "Why would anyone be interested in me." That makes approaching people very scary, so I don't do it, but I'm not scared of making conversation. I just would not ask for his number (too scared).

nice guys look for lovehurtme but your to hard to find

I am not hard to find.....actually, yes I am. I don't go out much.

 

[Brian]

****. So we're basically all scared of even eachother.

We all need to wear like a secret T Shirt or something for identification

That's not you in your forum avatar?

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^It's kind of me, and kind of not me. Its super edited. It gives me enough anonymity to feel comfortable, like people aren't judging me.

 

[bookbinder]

So look for the guy that won't hold eye contact with you for very long, probably has his hands in his pockets, and flat out will not look at you if you get too close (because he doesn't want to offend you by checking you out).

I'd like to set something straight. This is not a nice guy, as in, one that is a kind human being.

What's being described here is a someone who won't look at you because he knows he's not good enough.

I'm tired of this whole "nice guy lament", for several reasons.

1. Just because you're confident enough to approach a woman does not mean you are a jerk. Jerks come in all shapes, sizes, and fashions. Some approach women, others do not. Some will talk loudly, others will fidget quietly in the corner and brood.

2. Just because you can't string a sentence together when around a set of boobies doesn't mean you're a nice guy. It means either a. you have nothing intelligent to say or b. those boobies distract you so much you can't speak without fear of stumbling over your words and thus giving yourself away.

3. Let's be honest. It's perfectly natural for humans, being a social species- i.e., one that interacts with each beyond the basic gist of things like reproduction, the hunt, etc- to approach one another without the approacher being a jerk and the non-approacher being a "nice guy".

Bottom line: Those of us who can talk to women should not be labeled jerks. Those of us who can't should not be labeled "nice guys". It's about individual moral character, and that can only be evaluated by actual interaction.

All of this chatter about "nice guys" is enabling anti-social behavior, and quite frankly, given the specter of loneliness​

that haunts this place, counter-productive.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^Well, I never meant to give the impression all men that approach women are jerks. I said that all the guys that approach ME are jerks. I would tell you what makes them jerks, but I do not want to run down my extensive, and frankly sad relationship history. Let's just say that I have been cheated on many times. I actually think that the people who haven't dated a lot are lucky. I would like to date a guy that is kind, calls me (for more than physical interaction), and a guy that can hold an in depth conversation. That is what I meant by a "nice guy." I don't mean a guy that is scared of me. What woman wants to scare people?

 

[Bluey]

The things you listed are internal. I was asking about at first site. You know, when you see a girl, and you think, "I'm going to approach her." What does she have? How is she dressed? What made you approach that girl?

OK I see. Well the only time I have approached a girl that I did not know was when I was drink lol. But ye that's true. How sad is that. well there was a couple as a kid and one did not go down so well but that's another story.

I Guss if she looks to tarty then that would not be my kinder girl. I go for the natural look. Not lots of makeup. Someone that looks quiet I Guss. Witch is weird cos when you get to know me I can be loud. Not to tall witch again is weird cos every girl I have been out with has been taller then me. That might have something to do with me being a short ass tho lol. I Guss if she looks nice then that would make me feel moor comfterbol to approach. Round where I live you get girls that look like there up for a fight and think there hard. That's really a put off. I think ragingbull another member that comes here would know what I mean as he has been to where I live lol.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^I wasn't trying to sterotype anyone. I was just sharing m y experience and hoping for advice.

 

[Brian]

I think that was pointed largely at my stereotype used in my above post.

I wasn't generalizing all 'nice' guys as being like the stereotype. Nor was I saying that ALL men with the confidence to approach a woman are ********. I just personally find it easier to describe the extreme ends of the spectrum and then work from there to find the 'middle ground' so to speak.

Sorry if I came across the wrong way; I hope it doesn't sidetrack the discussion from the original topic.

 

[EveWasFramed]

So look for the guy that won't hold eye contact with you for very long, probably has his hands in his pockets, and flat out will not look at you if you get too close (because he doesn't want to offend you by checking you out).

I'd like to set something straight. This is not a nice guy, as in, one that is a kind human being.

What's being described here is a someone who won't look at you because he knows he's not good enough.

I'm tired of this whole "nice guy lament", for several reasons.

1. Just because you're confident enough to approach a woman does not mean you are a jerk. Jerks come in all shapes, sizes, and fashions. Some approach women, others do not. Some will talk loudly, others will fidget quietly in the corner and brood.

2. Just because you can't string a sentence together when around a set of boobies doesn't mean you're a nice guy. It means either a. you have nothing intelligent to say or b. those boobies distract you so much you can't speak without fear of stumbling over your words and thus giving yourself away.

3. Let's be honest. It's perfectly natural for humans, being a social species- i.e., one that interacts with each beyond the basic gist of things like reproduction, the hunt, etc- to approach one another without the approacher being a jerk and the non-approacher being a "nice guy".

Bottom line: Those of us who can talk to women should not be labeled jerks. Those of us who can't should not be labeled "nice guys". It's about individual moral character, and that can only be evaluated by actual interaction.

All of this chatter about "nice guys" is enabling anti-social behavior, and quite frankly, given the specter of loneliness​

that haunts this place, counter-productive.

WELL SAID!!!!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

A SuperModel that will make all my wildest fantacies come true.
Walk with me every waking moment of romatic endless love.
I have much desire for her...that's for darn sure.
I'm not really sure why she has an empty heart. Though
I've been hit on by a super model before.(I married her).
So I know it's not too far fetch or imposible.

Do i give out that much of a vibe...that i have so much
love inside of me that I want to share it with someone special
Or is it....people can tell I just need to get laid ?

The crap that I go through sometimes just trying to find someone that I hope will truely love me and share our lives together.
Now it's going to be at the back of my **** mind somewhere.

I don't know if people consider me nice or mean ? Some people thinks I'm nice, other hates me.
But I belive...I'm looking for the same values and qualities in a woman that every woman looks for in a nice guy.

 

[EveWasFramed]

****. So we're basically all scared of even eachother.

We all need to wear like a secret T Shirt or something for identification

That's not you in your forum avatar?

The avi looks like a cross between Ciara and.....someone else??

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^You are smart! I did it on www.morphthing.com. It is a cross between Ciara and me. It looks like both me and her (like a super edited me, or a super edited her). That is why I said it is kind of me and kind of not. I am not at all ashamed of my picture. I just say a lot of VERY personal things. I share things here that people in my real life do not know. As a result, I want to have a degree of anonimity at first (to make sure it is safe).

 

[Satyr]

We can debate what it is to be a "nice guy" or a "nice girl" for years, but what it boils down to is whether or not the target of your affection is willing to give you a chance.

You can be a serial murderer with an inability to even say your own name and still find companionship. It's also true that you can be a great humanitarian with an extensive vocabulary and still be forced to date your hand.

There's no such thing as a "nice guy" or "nice girl" anyway. If you dig into the pasts of most adults, you'll find something shitty they've done to another person. Anyone who says they're perfect and never upset or wronged anyone is a liar or delusional.

I get really tired of seeing people who say they're such upstanding saints that have a perfect grasp of everything good and noble. The people that say this are usually the same ones that just yesterday, treated me like sewage for no apparent reason.

 

[EveWasFramed]

^^^^You are smart! I did it on www.morphthing.com. It is a cross between Ciara and me. It looks like both me and her (like a super edited me, or a super edited her). That is why I said it is kind of me and kind of not. I am not at all ashamed of my picture. I just say a lot of VERY personal things. I share things here that people in my real life do not know. As a result, I want to have a degree of anonimity at first (to make sure it is safe).

Actually, I recall seeing your picture when it was posted and you are correct - you have nothing to be ashamed of. And no one can blame a person for not wanting to post pics of themselves on line. It takes all of about two seconds for someone to save your pic to their PC and then do whatever they want to with it, or post it where ever they want. My pics are floating around some place here on the forum. Maybe I should find and remove them, before I end up on someone's myspace profile, lmao! Or worse!

 

[LonelyDragon]

So look for the guy that won't hold eye contact with you for very long, probably has his hands in his pockets, and flat out will not look at you if you get too close (because he doesn't want to offend you by checking you out).

I'd like to set something straight. This is not a nice guy, as in, one that is a kind human being.

What's being described here is a someone who won't look at you because he knows he's not good enough.

I'm tired of this whole "nice guy lament", for several reasons.

1. Just because you're confident enough to approach a woman does not mean you are a jerk. Jerks come in all shapes, sizes, and fashions. Some approach women, others do not. Some will talk loudly, others will fidget quietly in the corner and brood.

2. Just because you can't string a sentence together when around a set of boobies doesn't mean you're a nice guy. It means either a. you have nothing intelligent to say or b. those boobies distract you so much you can't speak without fear of stumbling over your words and thus giving yourself away.

3. Let's be honest. It's perfectly natural for humans, being a social species- i.e., one that interacts with each beyond the basic gist of things like reproduction, the hunt, etc- to approach one another without the approacher being a jerk and the non-approacher being a "nice guy".

Bottom line: Those of us who can talk to women should not be labeled jerks. Those of us who can't should not be labeled "nice guys". It's about individual moral character, and that can only be evaluated by actual interaction.

All of this chatter about "nice guys" is enabling anti-social behavior, and quite frankly, given the specter of loneliness​

that haunts this place, counter-productive.

Ouch. I guess I know where I stand.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^You are smart! I did it on www.morphthing.com. It is a cross between Ciara and me. It looks like both me and her (like a super edited me, or a super edited her). That is why I said it is kind of me and kind of not. I am not at all ashamed of my picture. I just say a lot of VERY personal things. I share things here that people in my real life do not know. As a result, I want to have a degree of anonimity at first (to make sure it is safe).

Actually, I recall seeing your picture when it was posted and you are correct - you have nothing to be ashamed of. And no one can blame a person for not wanting to post pics of themselves on line. It takes all of about two seconds for someone to save your pic to their PC and then do whatever they want to with it, or post it where ever they want. My pics are floating around some place here on the forum. Maybe I should find and remove them, before I end up on someone's myspace profile, lmao! Or worse!

Thank you. I actually have friends who had their pictures stolen. People usually steal from myspace pages though, not public forums. That's why my mspace is set to private. I wouldn't care if someone pretended to be me. It is the people that take you pictures, and put them on a forum for people to make fun of you that scare me.