What do people want from me?

[UGLYDUCKLING]

Okay I've been through way too many friendships,relationships and that thing where you bond with your cousins and they always end up in a bitter note...I don't know why...I have changed EVERYTHING...I tried making every fiber of my body as friendly as possible.I sort of pep talk a bunch of younger teenagers but I can't call them friends can I ?.I don't see why people end up consuming my time and leave me hanging like I was some Dirt..It happened so many times I can't keep smiling anymore...I stopped wearing my smile when I go out because of it...I just realized it today when I was chatting with a friend who likes to cuss at me and sort of treat me like his second choice..But who cares..I talked to him and I sort of just made an angry face when he spoiled a movie for me...He ended up telling me "lets not talk " and I said fine and ended up calling him an Ass when he was REALLY not talking..I know it sounds silly...But I went out of my way and told myself I value my friendship more than my ego ..And I sent him messages which he read and chose not to reply.It then occurred to me,even if people seriously cussed ME and stuff OR that I was in his place,I don't let people/him plead or I DO NOT ignore people like that ? I try to reason and forgive in a blink of an eye because I don't want people to be sad because of me.And that son of a gun just didn't reply...I mean what else do people want from me to be their friend?
What else do they want?
Why do I end up with idiots?
I just had one true friend all my life..Maybe 2...I just want to know what I should do? I don't like bragging but I went out of my way back in school so this sophomore guy makes friends before I leave,I talk to this girl in university who gets picked on and tell her she's special and a few other stuff and yet people around me treat me like crap...I'm sorry for ranting and I honestly don't like bragging but I just got to think of it,I don't deserve being treated like that...What can I do about it... :'/
What else should I do? I hate feeling lonely...and have been that way most my life...Thanks for reading..I never had the guts to tell anyone that..

Sorry for the limited vocab...I get that way when I'm on my flu pills and am angry...And my cussing dictionary goes as far a "Ass" xD

i feel way better

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

People are ********. I generally have lost faith in the human race.

 

[9006]

People are ********. I generally have lost faith in the human race.

This is a bit extreme.

But yeah, some people are ******** and unfortunately certain people just meet them more than once, it's not something new. It's not worth bothering with people like this an best to cut your losses.

 

[jayme89]

I'm sorry for ranting and I honestly don't like bragging but I just got to think of it,I don't deserve being treated like that...What can I do about it... :'/
What else should I do? I hate feeling lonely...and have been that way most my life

The way I'm perceiving it is these people don't want anything from you. There is nothing you can or should do. They don't want to be your friends and wouldn't care either way if they associated with you or not. I've been in the EXACT same position as you and you need to start respecting yourself and walk away from people who treat you poorly. DO NOT hang around anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself! Period. All your doing is boosting their egos by being so into them and their lives meanwhile your getting nothing in return. Trust me. There is nothing you can do to fix it, don't waste your time. These people have already created a purpose for you in their minds and its not going to change. Your better off dumping them as friends, being friendless, and starting off fresh with new people. There is nothing positive about allowing yourself to be a human punching bag. If you can't get away from these people immediately then keep them at arms length. Go into your "professional mode" whenever they are around. Be polite, say your "hi's" and "bye's", make small talk when needed but don't give them anymore then that! Do not under any circumstances go out of your way to get to know them or tell them personal things about yourself. They don't deserve to know anything about your life, your dreams and goals, or your feelings. And honestly, they don't care! So stay professional and polite. Treat them with the same kindness and respect that you would show a woman at the checkout counter of a grocery store. Nothing more. And when you get a chance to get away from these people permanently, do so. Don't look back. Don't try to make friendships work that didn't work in the past despite how much you tried. Quit trying to raise the dead and move on! All I've ever had was 1-2 true friends in my life, the rest have been users and abusers. Because of this I cherish the people in my life all the more. So until you can create a larger social circle with good people, cherish who you have in your life and be thankful you have at least 1 person to call friend.

 

[petrovchanka]

People just take and take and take as much as they can get from you. And, if there are no "objections", or rather...boundaries aren't set, people have the capacity to walk all over you without even giving it much thought.

It sounds like you've had a string of bad friend encounters. I grew up feeling the way you felt...up until the last year and half, I was just taking those bad friendships for what they were. I eventually ended all friendships with people. There are 2 people I socialize with at times...maybe a few times a year. Otherwise, the only interactions I have with people are at work.

I almost wanted to tell you that no one should have the power to take away your smile. Ok, maybe they shouldn't...but I totally understand what has happened to you...they have done just that. Of course, people will say you've "allowed" people to take away your smile...but the fact of the matter is this: you sound like a sensitive person who gets hurt when people don't behave the way you might in similar situations.

Here we go again with the first sentence...people will just take and take and take...including your smile.

I am sorry you are so lonely. I am sorry you are so disappointed. And I am so sorry no one has seen your true value as a friend. What if no one does? Ever. ? Then what? Those are questions I ask myself, too.

What can we learn from these experiences and how can we move forward?

 

[jayme89]

People just take and take and take as much as they can get from you. And, if there are no "objections", or rather...boundaries aren't set, people have the capacity to walk all over you without even giving it much thought.

Yes exactly! People treat us how we allow them to treat us! That's something I've been told and been aware of, but still fail to implement into day to day life. I am overly nice and interested in others and end up with people taking my kindness for weakness and taking advantage of me. We need to be stronger and set boundaries. People can tell if your an introvert, not popular, or don't have alot of friends and if you allow them, they will take advantage of that and turn you into their punching bag.

 

[Case]

I just realized it today when I was chatting with a friend who likes to cuss at me and sort of treat me like his second choice..But who cares..

I've been around people who like to increase their own value by attempting to decrease mine. These "users" get surgically removed from my life in a hurry.

Some people will stand for this kind of disrespect, but not me, and it looks like you are similar. I applaud you. The way I see it, if someone is going to be a jerk to me, they don't deserve my presence in their life.

 

[UGLYDUCKLING]

People are ********. I generally have lost faith in the human race.

You and me both!

This is a bit extreme.
But yeah, some people are ******** and unfortunately certain people just meet them more than once, it's not something new. It's not worth bothering with people like this an best to cut your losses.

Sadly,there are a lot more from where he came from..

The way I'm perceiving it is these people don't want anything from you. There is nothing you can or should do. They don't want to be your friends and wouldn't care either way if they associated with you or not. I've been in the EXACT same position as you and you need to start respecting yourself and walk away from people who treat you poorly. DO NOT hang around anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself! Period. All your doing is boosting their egos by being so into them and their lives meanwhile your getting nothing in return. Trust me. There is nothing you can do to fix it, don't waste your time. These people have already created a purpose for you in their minds and its not going to change. Your better off dumping them as friends, being friendless, and starting off fresh with new people. There is nothing positive about allowing yourself to be a human punching bag. If you can't get away from these people immediately then keep them at arms length. Go into your "professional mode" whenever they are around. Be polite, say your "hi's" and "bye's", make small talk when needed but don't give them anymore then that! Do not under any circumstances go out of your way to get to know them or tell them personal things about yourself. They don't deserve to know anything about your life, your dreams and goals, or your feelings. And honestly, they don't care! So stay professional and polite. Treat them with the same kindness and respect that you would show a woman at the checkout counter of a grocery store. Nothing more. And when you get a chance to get away from these people permanently, do so. Don't look back. Don't try to make friendships work that didn't work in the past despite how much you tried. Quit trying to raise the dead and move on! All I've ever had was 1-2 true friends in my life, the rest have been users and abusers. Because of this I cherish the people in my life all the more. So until you can create a larger social circle with good people, cherish who you have in your life and be thankful you have at least 1 person to call friend.

I do get what you mean because when someone treats me in a degrading manner I sometimes tend to thing that I'm being too up stuck or too sensitive and take it as a joke...Because I'm never the one that ends our daily chats,casual hang outs etc. It's only 'THEM' I don't always get what I've done for that to happen.OR how I could ever prevent them from happening.
I had that one friend but unfortunately he passed away last year...I sort of need new people to hang around with because I also moved away from my current location...I honestly hope that I could find a few good friends before I go nuts.As you said,I will keep things professional...

People just take and take and take as much as they can get from you. And, if there are no "objections", or rather...boundaries aren't set, people have the capacity to walk all over you without even giving it much thought.

It sounds like you've had a string of bad friend encounters. I grew up feeling the way you felt...up until the last year and half, I was just taking those bad friendships for what they were. I eventually ended all friendships with people. There are 2 people I socialize with at times...maybe a few times a year. Otherwise, the only interactions I have with people are at work.

I almost wanted to tell you that no one should have the power to take away your smile. Ok, maybe they shouldn't...but I totally understand what has happened to you...they have done just that. Of course, people will say you've "allowed" people to take away your smile...but the fact of the matter is this: you sound like a sensitive person who gets hurt when people don't behave the way you might in similar situations.

Here we go again with the first sentence...people will just take and take and take...including your smile.

I am sorry you are so lonely. I am sorry you are so disappointed. And I am so sorry no one has seen your true value as a friend. What if no one does? Ever. ? Then what? Those are questions I ask myself, too.

What can we learn from these experiences and how can we move forward?

You do make a good point and I 'am' quiet sensitive when it comes to how people see me as a friend? Do they value me as much as I value them? etc. I was never that sensitive either actually..It's mostly be being insecure...Yes I 'let' them take my smile it's because I tend to think that that person/those people are actually good to me...What's worse is that they also took my time..I may not have a long life and I don't want to spend half my social spending time with people who care for nothing more than themselves.
I believe that maybe somehow someone will...At some point..The only thing we can learn is the type of people we may encounter...Learn about what kind of people we will face etc.
Even if I find that 'one' person to hang around with etc. , I'm quiet sure that my perception of everything would change for the better.It had changed in the past...I don't want to change myself that's for sure...

Yes exactly! People treat us how we allow them to treat us! That's something I've been told and been aware of, but still fail to implement into day to day life. I am overly nice and interested in others and end up with people taking my kindness for weakness and taking advantage of me. We need to be stronger and set boundaries. People can tell if your an introvert, not popular, or don't have alot of friends and if you allow them, they will take advantage of that and turn you into their punching bag.

This is 'so' true! It's just that in some cases people use us until they find something better to do or someone better to hang with and start seeing people like you and me as extra luggage!And that leads them to find ways to get rid of us...I had a very active social life last year and I started to hang more around this guy in class..He ended up breaking ALL contacts with apparently because I wasn't emo enough...He was actually surprised when I told him I don't cut myself.I am NOT joking! Down the road he kept ending every conversation with "I don't want to share this with you" over the tiniest things..I mean I wasn't asking ANY personal questions and I eventually stopped sharing any personal information of mine but still talked to him and gave him a book mark because I thought I got him to read...After the book mark,never heard from him. :/
So my point is that people don't only take advantage of your dead social life,they just wake up not wanting to be friends for 'ANY' reason..

 

[jayme89]

I sort of need new people to hang around with because I also moved away from my current location...

Just don't be so desperate for friends that you hang around people who treat you poorly and make you feel bad about yourself. It's not worth it. Sure, you may be lonely but I feel having fake friends who treat me like crap is much worse then having no friends at all, because at the end of the day your self esteem is damaged and you still end up feeling lonely and unwanted. Just stay rational and respect yourself. Maintain a sense of self worth at all times and you'll be fine.

 

[UGLYDUCKLING]

I just got one of the worst apologize ever. It was as casual "I apologize for yesterday,I didn't like the movie I watched,you made me mad (seriously?) and I wasn't feeling well" I gave him kind of a few formal replies and he called me an Ass for doing so. And ended up calling me childish and uncooperative...So I just ended it there since I wanted to do my insanity work out and he arguing with the thick head of his was no use...So I told him that I had other business to attend to and I will get back to him later.When I got back to him, he was watching a movie and told me to feel free to say what I wanted.So I just told him to enjoy his movie.
you guys are right... He is a jerk...I mean at one point I thought just MAYBE I portrayed him in a bad way...but he seriously is an idiot..And my vocab got limited again! xD

Just don't be so desperate for friends that you hang around people who treat you poorly and make you feel bad about yourself. It's not worth it. Sure, you may be lonely but I feel having fake friends who treat me like crap is much worse then having no friends at all, because at the end of the day your self esteem is damaged and you still end up feeling lonely and unwanted. Just stay rational and respect yourself. Maintain a sense of self worth at all times and you'll be fine.

Thanks a bunch for the wise words...I mean it's pretty much one of the finest and well worded advice I have gotten from anyone.I appreciate it a lot you know... I mean it ! ^_^

I would rather be alone with my books,PS3 and my laptop than people like him...I sometimes try my level best to be my best.But that's never enough! They ALWAYS prefer someone else over me they ALWAYS end up not talking to me for whatever reason...It's a curse...But It's best not having them as friends anymore.I just dread all the time I wasted with some buffoons thinking that they were good people.Good people don't treat people like I've been treated...I would never treat anyone like that that's for sure!

Sorry was just venting some more....

 

[jayme89]

Thanks a bunch for the wise words...I mean it's pretty much one of the finest and well worded advice I have gotten from anyone.I appreciate it a lot you know... I mean it ! ^_^

Hey, no problem! Glad I can offer some wise words for once. I'm not perfect and have major issues of my own but the one thing I don't allow in my life are people that treat me any worse then I treat myself. Seriously, if I want to feel bad about myself, I can manage that on my own and do a better job at it! That doesn't even require me getting out of bed in the morning!

I just dread all the time I wasted with some buffoons thinking that they were good people.Good people don't treat people like I've been treated...I would never treat anyone like that that's for sure!

I have what I call "the gift of goodbye". I hope you can acquire this as well. I have absolutely NO problem walking away from people and/or removing myself from others lives. I won't waste a single moment of my life with people who just cause me pain, and thats the main reason I'm always alone. When I realize my solitude is caused mainly by my refusal to not settle for ******** and by having respect for myself, I feel a lot better about it all. Because it tells me I have some pride and some self respect left in my body.

 

[UGLYDUCKLING]

Gah I want that gift of goodbye! I usually tend to give people excuses for being the way they are and tend to think that probably I have been overly sensitive or something...Not anymore I guess! I just fret on a failed friendship/relationship with a person for about 2 days before getting over it! I guess that's a good thing ^_^

And again,thanks for the awesome wise words You seem to be an expert in the field!