What do you think about smalltalk?

[R2349]

Being a recent chatroom addict on a variety of sites, I've come to meet a bunch of new people, and see how different people prefer to interact with others. There was one time in particular where I met someone who was getting upset because of the amount of "smalltalk" going on.. and it got me thinking. I had always put such topics as the weather and social pleasantries like asking about someone's day in that category, that stuff that I considered checkout counter talk. Anything else was just talking At least, til you get to the depressing, deep topics.

Personally, I thrive on "smalltalk", if that's to be defined as 'saying little bits of whatever's on your mind and wanting to hear if anyone has anything to add.' I think it's fun, and a great way to get to know people.

What do you think about smalltalk? What's your 'definition'? If you find it annoying, why?

pardon me while I take notes to fill in the gaps of my dilapidated social skills

 

[RockerChick]

Small talk is simple. I like no complications. Therefore I don't see anything wrong with small talk.

 

[Nicolelt]

I'm sure you know this, Alt, but I love small talk! I think that's a way to build relationships. If you ask someone about their day, they may tell you about a project, or hobby they have. Then in a later conversation you can ask that person, how is "...." going. I think we need small talk.

In a chat room, it's just nice to do it to keep chat going.

 

[painter's radio]

It depends who's doing it and what the small talk actually is. Also on my own mood of course. Sometimes I'm really not in the mood for it and can really want to escape when someone tries it.

I suppose the most popular subject of small-talk is the weather. And it has a really bad reputation for being a painfully boring topic. But sometimes I disagree with this. If you're talking to someone you care about who is in another country or town, then I like to know what their weather is like, it gives me a much better picture of what they are currently experiencing and puts me into their life. But yeah, it's boring to talk about with people in real life, who are experiencing exactly the same things you are.

 

[user 115627]

To me smalltalk has always consisted of all the topics you can practically talk about with anyone without actually knowing them beforehand. With random folks standing at the bus stop, sitting next to someone on the train etc. Weather, occupation, family status and some other things are possible topics...personal interests might belong here as well, if they are not too 'peculiar' - and if you can pick them up on the spot - like when somebody reads right next to you.

I'm no conversation starter though...and smalltalk has always been my weak spot. I'm not too enthusiastic about all these general topics either - and people talking to me feel that right away. It's not that I find it annoying on all occasions. I just know that I'm bad at it, so I keep silent about it. Eventually people will abandon the failed conversation with me and get in touch with the more social people.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not always my cup of tea. Can't really do the whole smalltalk thing.

 

[Peaches]

did Bukowski make small talk? Neither do I
unlike Bukowski, I do try from time to time, but it feels like it's perfecting my skill of keeping distance from people

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Tiny words are useful but so many are required.

For example:

WWC's Fantabulous....

or

WWC is a neat and fun guy to know....

Yup, those tiny words sure definitely use space



I slay myself.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Hey, crazy weather we're having, isn't it?

Small talk is okay with me, as long as one doesn't try to hold a lengthy convo centered around small talk.

So, how bout them Cowboys?

 

[Boreal]

I enjoy it offline, but I don't get anything out of it online. When it's just words on a screen, it's harder for things to have a personal touch.

 

[sk66rc]

Being a recent chatroom addict on a variety of sites, I've come to meet a bunch of new people, and see how different people prefer to interact with others. There was one time in particular where I met someone who was getting upset because of the amount of "smalltalk" going on.. and it got me thinking. I had always put such topics as the weather and social pleasantries like asking about someone's day in that category, that stuff that I considered checkout counter talk. Anything else was just talking At least, til you get to the depressing, deep topics.

Personally, I thrive on "smalltalk", if that's to be defined as 'saying little bits of whatever's on your mind and wanting to hear if anyone has anything to add.' I think it's fun, and a great way to get to know people.

What do you think about smalltalk? What's your 'definition'? If you find it annoying, why?

pardon me while I take notes to fill in the gaps of my dilapidated social skills

I guess a "small talk" works as a gateway to starting a conversation... A way of feeling each other out... It can be used to lead a conversation one way or another... I can start with a small talk about the weather... Then it can lead to some news about weather related stories in other states... Then it can lead to people we know who live in that state... Then it can lead to family members, family history, etc... Then family background can lead to the nationality or origins of your family... Then it can lead to ethnic food group... And on & on... I had a conversation like that with a girl once in a bar... A guy walks into the bar... As the door swung open, snow started to blow into the bar... I turned to the girl sitting next to me & said, "Man...!!! It's really coming down..." Then she says, "Yeah... I remember when I was in Japan for a while... My return flight stopped at Anchorage for refueling & it was snowing worse than that... We had to circle the airport for 45 minutes before we could land..." So I said, "You were in Japan? For how long & if you don't mind me asking, for what?"... "I was an exchange student & I was there for 2 years..." "Did you like it there?" "Yeah... I loved the food there, too... And yes, I tried sushi & it's not as bad as I thought it was gonna be..." "Ha ha ha, I know... I grew up on that stuff..." "Really? Are you from Japan?" "Nah... I'm from Korea..." "Is it really different than Japan?" And conversation took off from there... All because of small comment I've made about snowing... So I guess small talk has it's place...

 

[Gravely]

It depends on how much I have to lie. At my previous job, I worked a cash register sometimes and had to make small talk. I hated it because everything was a lie. I'd ask how people were doing and they would just give a standard positive answer and I could tell they were lying for my benefit. If they asked me, I would fake a smile in an obvious way and say 'great' too. The whole time, all I could think was 'I am dead inside'. What kind of messed up society are we living in that forces us to lie to each other about how we're doing?

On the other hand, even if it's a simple discussion about the weather, I don't mind small talk so long as society says we can answer each other honestly.

 

[Case]

I worked a cash register sometimes and had to make small talk. I hated it because everything was a lie. I'd ask how people were doing and they would just give a standard positive answer and I could tell they were lying for my benefit. If they asked me, I would fake a smile in an obvious way and say 'great' too. The whole time, all I could think was 'I am dead inside'. What kind of messed up society are we living in that forces us to lie to each other about how we're doing?

This is interesting. That's the exact opposite experience to my own time at a cash register years ago.

First of all, I never lied to the customers. I used small-talk to make people feel happy and good about themselves, and it worked 99 times out of 100.

My feeling is that you get back what you project. If you project positivity, you'll get the same reflected back at you. The same goes for negativity.

I tried to uplift people, so maybe that's why I enjoyed these little 2 to 3 minute interactions.

 

[Gravely]

I'm sure I did project negativity. I've never been a social butterfly and had to force myself to be cordial. Outside of a work environment, I'm a lot easier to talk to, but if I'm working a job where I have to fake smile and pretend everything is perfect in my life, I just find it hard to be convincing. It's weird because I'm really not that depressing just talking to people in everyday settings because I'm more relaxed. For some reason, though, my anxiety just takes over in a professional setting. That's why I always made sure my customer interaction was minimal in jobs.

 

[Beckett]

It's funny with me, i don't have this small-or-deep talk problem, because when i'm on a chat, i'm just there quiet, without writing anything, sometimes someone notices my nickname and says hello, and i greet this person back, and that's all my conversation, then after some minutes i just go offline.

If i'm on skype or some other IM programm, normally my contacts don't talk to me, unless they need something, so i go online and after 30 minutes of nothing, i just go offline.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

It's starting to annoy me, I try to communicate with people but a lot of people seem to say very very little. Once they don't say much to me, I lose interest in talking to those people. I've always been the type of person to have deep conversation and long conversations. I love getting to know the person and hearing what they have to say. Anytime I'm on Skype, not many people seem to be on anymore so I usually end up logging off. In public however I'll be very friendly towards people and say Hello but online small talk seems to bug me.

 

[zibafu]

It can be good for acquaintances, but when you have a close friend/s who only seem to do small talk and don''t engage in anything meaningful it can become annoying, - I've known you for ages now, lets have some deep meaningful conversations because we have trust

 

[9006]

Sometimes I don't have patience for smalltalk as it goes nowhere. A classic example is going to get my hair cut, I don't like the smalltalk that comes with it, I prefer to just go, get my hair cut and go back home. Instead I have to answer mundane questions about the weather, work, and what I'm 'up to' on the weekend.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just unsociable, other times I think how pointless it all is. I suppose it puts some people at ease and allows them to concentrate more, or something. But to me it's an inconvenience.

 

[zibafu]

that's why I love my barber, he doesn't talk, he just cuts hair

 

[ladyforsaken]

It depends on my mood. Sometimes I don't mind it, sometimes I don't want it.