What sex means for a man.

[It was Mine]

This thread is kind of an attempt to describe to women why men in long term relationships feel angry or resent if the sex dies down or stops. It is in no way meant to offend. But just a kind of understanding.

I've been in a couple of long term relationships where my partners sex drive dies right down, and doesn't understand why sex is so important. And the same thing comes up "guys are all the same". It must be a huge problem because the internet is full of men complaining their partners have lost interest in sex. And the women don't understand why it bothers guys so much. Well I am going to describe a crude analogy but may offer some insight to our one main primitive instinct.

Imagine you buy this beautiful new car, It's the car you have always wanted and dreamt of. Only exception is you have no warranty and there is no way to fix the car if something is to happen. First couple of months, maybe years go by great, no problems. All of a sudden the car Sporadically does not start. All of a sudden your stuck walking everywhere. You feel angry because you've invested everything into this car and now it won't start. you have no money you can't just buy a new one. There's no fixing the old one. You think how much better life would be if you could just drive it once and awhile, but you can't, your stuck walking. You have all these feelings of resentment and build up anger over it. Eventually it consumes you and your mind does not get off the subject of how much different life could be. And at this point..usually it's decided something has to change.

Again it's not to offend or ANYTHING like that. It's a crude insight to how I believe mens primitive side thinks. I honestly believe most wish they didn't think that way, they know how cruel and selfish it is. But it consumes them and eventually defeats them. I dunno you'd have to go through it to truly understand it. If you've seen or read Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, what the men are saying in there is so true it's scary how accurate and primitive the thinking is. But the thoughts are still there. Anyways, thoughts comments? hate?

 

[eris]

you didnt offend hi

I want to first say this is not really a man/woman thing. Women have this problem a lot.

I have been in a couple of different LTR, and sex can get boring after time. This is because we are animals. There are "things" we can do to make this less boring, though

To feel dissapointed is natural, but everything really is controllable and the meanings of sex change and sex becomes more about love.

after sex becomes about love a relationship is pretty ok

Masturbation is a must in every relationship because no one can totally fulfill anyone and silly fantasies should help the feelings of boredom.


but this is not a man/woman thing. Women can feel this too.

people think like animals sometimes because we are animals, but we as a species, both MAN and WOMAN can really trancend this.

We are animals but we are _more_ and _better_ and _important_

I am a "woman" but my sex drive is on full blast and all I need to do is see someone smile or something and Im ready to go, so not all women become disinterested in sex

biology is a *****, though

some people just dont like to do it that much

 

[VanillaCreme]

I understand that.

 

[eris]

I understand that.

I should have just said this

sometimes i talk too much
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honestly, if someone just stopped having sex with me and they were still physically able to do it I think it would be over.

Yeah. sorry

 

[IVIZ]

I love the car analogy

Yes a brand spankin new car is awesome!! But the years go by and your like, I need a knew one, or Hey I love this car, no way I'll get rid of it.

But truthfully for me, sex is all about selfishness.

 

[SophiaGrace]

On the basis of the original post, i wonder why men seem to value sex more than women....

 

[It was Mine]

I'm in one of these relationships. And I don't like how the lack of sex makes me feel. I love this women I can not just leave. I have tried everything, candle light, massages etc. but just no interest, only every so often twice a month maybe. I know it could be worse but i'm only 22 and this sort of thing is hard. any thoughts?

 

[cheaptrickfan]

On the basis of the original post, i wonder why men seem to value sex more than women....

I think that it is wrong to assume that sex is more important for men than women or that women don't value it as highly as men do.

I think that it is easy to make these sorts of assumptions when you have a situation where one person in a relationship - and it could be either the man or the woman - considers sex as the only meaningful expression of emotion.

You may have one person in a relationship making all sorts of gestures other than sex to show that he or she loves and cares for the other, but they go totally unnoticed because the other person is only counting the times they have sex. Some people may feel a fulfilling sense of intimacy and love through doing other things, but for his/her partner, it may be just time spent as a lead-in to The Main Event.

Again, communication is essential, otherwise the resentment can build and that is never good.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Interesting post CTF. Thanks.

 

[Calm]

On the basis of the original post, i wonder why men seem to value sex more than women....

Because our bodies are constantly creating new sperm cells, every day, every hour. Women have limited egg cells. If the egg cell is fertilized, then it might be presto, urges fulfilled. But men are still producing new sperm cells. If we don't burst our seed, our balls are going to explode.

 

[Tex Is Lost]

Sex is over rated.
And I am a man.
Yes, I know, not a popular opinion.
While I understand the whole "car doesn't run=woman doesn't want sex anymore", I think that gives the impression that sex is all a man wants.
Now I know that I can only speak for myself, but I don't want to be with a woman just to..."drive". I want the thrill that is there when she is around me. I want the mind that can carry on a conversation. I want the safety of her embrace when I need refuge. And I want to be the one who gives her the same.
Sex should come from love.
If sex=driving, then why not just rent a car?

 

[Calm]

You also have good memories in car. Stuff happens in car. You love her, her shape, her engine, her paint, her seats, the way she sounds and talks with you while driving.

I have done longer periods in my life without masturbation and sex, losing interest in sex. But at the end of it I still felt horny. And when you meet a beautiful woman, who is very interesting to talk to and laugh with, you eventually want to have sex with her.

 

[eris]

Because our bodies are constantly creating new sperm cells, every day, every hour. Women have limited egg cells. If the egg cell is fertilized, then it might be presto, urges fulfilled. But men are still producing new sperm cells. If we don't burst our seed, our balls are going to explode.

This makes sense

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but one could also argue a man peaks sexually around 18-20, and a woman has her sexual peak in her 30s

BIOLOGICALLY SPEAKING

Men want to mate with most women because of sperm build-up, and physically a younger man could do this better

but the woman biologically wants to mate too, because her egg is not fertilized, so a woman will want sex more and more and more as she gets older so the chances of having as many babies as possible is greater.

I think a woman can want sex more than a man because of this damned need to populate the earth and have babies into our forties


but personally I dont want children just more sex

rats have sex like 5 times a day. "babies babies babies"

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I'm in one of these relationships. And I don't like how the lack of sex makes me feel....... any thoughts?

I dont know how to help you, I am sorry But sex is important, and something worth figuring out

 

[ShybutHi]

It also depends on the circumstances of the relationship... there is a point with some people where the relationship just becomes convenient rather than a desire or it could of just been that way all along and both or one partner doesnt realise this. Sex should, in an ideal relationship, be about love. I see it as the most affectionate activity you can do in a relationship physically and mentally... its a bonding ritual basically. There has to be affection from both in a relationship, the affection just shows that there is a desire to be with the person.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I can agree both men and women face this problem. I believe men face it more. Mainly because women get loft on emotions more than men. I also think this is a problem that no one handles properly. Meaning most people just keep it to themselves. I know I did with my ex. I regret it because I could have done more to save the relationship if I had said something.

So to take off you analogy, You cannot fix something if you do not loom for the problem. I know, should hell freeze over and it becomes the main venue for Smurfs on Ice, And I meet another female who is willing to sleep with me. Once the sex dies off I am going to bring it up. I plan on being blunt as well. If she does not want to have sex She is obviously not attracted to me. I am fine with that. Those people are called FRIENDS. We can be friends however I want to be with someone who wants me and who I want. Love is a wonderful thing. But if you truly love me, then you want to keep me happy. That means you want to have sex with me. I hold myself to the same standard.

if I was content with just masterbating I would not need a companion. I know if I am ever lying in bed next to my girlfriend and I am masterbating. I am going to have the talk. Then if it happens again I am breaking up with her.

 

[EveWasFramed]

If sex=driving, then why not just rent a car?

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! hahahahaha

 

[lomojojo]

Imagine you buy this beautiful new car, It's the car you have always wanted and dreamt of. Only exception is you have no warranty and there is no way to fix the car if something is to happen. First couple of months, maybe years go by great, no problems. All of a sudden the car Sporadically does not start. All of a sudden your stuck walking everywhere. You feel angry because you've invested everything into this car and now it won't start. you have no money you can't just buy a new one.

Continuing with your analogy. If you take good care of this car and do the required maintenance I don't see why the car shoud brake in the first place. But like everything if you buy it expecting that this car will run perfectly without putting anywork then you have a problem.

 

[freedom]

i'm going to answer what sex means for me.

i'd like to start off by saying that i don't refer to it as sex. i refer to it as boinking... ha ha, just kidding, i prefer to call it making love. to me, making love is the ultimate expression of love and passion. it's not something that i do when i want to have fun or pass the time. it's something that's done with someone that you love when you want to show them you love them. this might sound blatantly obnoxious to some, but that's only because you don't see things the way i do.

i've never been with anyone that i didn't have strong, well grounded feelings for. the women i've been with (not a whole lot) have enamored me at some point or another and i have felt a special connection with them during our time together as a couple or as just friends.

to comment on how you mentioned that it's frustrating for men when the women's sex drive dies, i'd like to point out that it goes both ways. there have been times in my life when i was so depressed, i couldn't get it up if my life depended on it. yes, it is frustrating when one wants to get intimate and their better half doesn't, but it's not like if you both really love eachother it's only because of the sex. know what i'm sayin, g?

i think, in the case of women's sex drive dying down, their own insecurities play a big role in why it dies down. i think that women who go through this think, "oh, if i let him have it all he wants, he'll just use me up and move on to the next one". i can see why they would feel that way, but that's why we all have to be careful who we choose to let into our lives. guys probably get used for sex just as much, but the difference is that guys don't give a crap (for the most part).

 

[ShybutHi]

Its not sex for sex sake when in a relationship with someone you love.

 

[Calm]

This thread makes me horny.