What sex means for a man.

[AFrozenSoul]

Calm all threads with the word sex in it make me horny .... then really depressed Because sex will likely not come to me... well ever again.

 

[It was Mine]

I like everyone's replies. I can understand (using the analogy) why some men may call a cab, or take the bus. (cheating). I don't think its because they don't love their partner, quite the opposite, because there partner can't satisfy them and maybe there tired of the frustration.

My last relationship was terrible really, she hated my family, and many money issues. But the sex was amazing, I didn't know it could be that good. This lasted 2 years. My current relationship i've taken a switch, Everything is great, except the sex. I'm very reluctant on letting her go but again frustrated. Sometimes you want to explore more than just missionary right before your going to bed twice a month if your lucky. What happened to passion? and adventure? it seems to be non existent with her. But everything else is bang on. sigh

---

You also have good memories in car. Stuff happens in car. You love her, her shape, her engine, her paint, her seats, the way she sounds and talks with you while driving.

I have done longer periods in my life without masturbation and sex, losing interest in sex. But at the end of it I still felt horny. And when you meet a beautiful woman, who is very interesting to talk to and laugh with, you eventually want to have sex with her.

Your absolutely bang on

 

[shells]

Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about all of this? Or maybe be more discrete and try to make moves by like, "Hey babe, let's try this" or lead by example? Or maybe ask her about what her "fantasies" might be, or if she's thought about trying something.

 

[mintymint]

I don't get that analogy at all @_@

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Ive been in long term relationships most of life. For most part my sex life was good...My fincee was a nympho. She set the bar.lol As a young man my hormons was on over drive...so sex was more about me. As i matured as i person . i got better at pleasiing women sexually and other aspect of a relationship. I spoil women. It turns me on to feel a woman get turn on sexually and enjoy life.. For me my expectations...not the sex..the mental emotions. spirital and finacial part that left me feeling empty...

 

[Badjedidude]

Honestly, It Was Mine, sex doesn't just "die down" of its own accord in a relationship. Something happens to make it less important to either or both parties involved. Lack of communication also causes it.

I don't think its because they don't love their partner, quite the opposite, because there partner can't satisfy them and maybe there tired of the frustration.

See, this doesn't make sense to me. I'm a man, and I would never cheat on a woman I loved, NO MATTER WHAT. It's about decency and loyalty. Sure, I might end up thinking about cheating, but I'd never do it because to me, love is about being faithful to the one I'm with. I'd rather try to fix things through talking with the woman I love... and if that doesn't work out, I'd break it off with her.

Because I'd rather lose a woman I love than compromise my personal morals.

*shrug*

 

[Enchanted Girl]

Honestly, It Was Mine, sex doesn't just "die down" of its own accord in a relationship. Something happens to make it less important to either or both parties involved. Lack of communication also causes it.

I don't think its because they don't love their partner, quite the opposite, because there partner can't satisfy them and maybe there tired of the frustration.

See, this doesn't make sense to me. I'm a man, and I would never cheat on a woman I loved, NO MATTER WHAT. It's about decency and loyalty. Sure, I might end up thinking about cheating, but I'd never do it because to me, love is about being faithful to the one I'm with. I'd rather try to fix things through talking with the woman I love... and if that doesn't work out, I'd break it off with her.

Because I'd rather lose a woman I love than compromise my personal morals.

*shrug*

I agree with you 100%. I think cheating is a coward's way of handling things. If you're an unhappy with a relationship and need to be with other people, then just break-up with the person. Don't cheat on them. Why are you staying with them if you're unhappy? You're scared you can't find someone else or something? That's my opinion at least.

Anyway, I have a whole lot of things to say in response to this thread and particularly advice for men who are in this situation. I don't know you and your situation, so just know a lot of this advice is just general advice, not something personal to you.

I get how important sex is for men. It's very important to them (I tend to think of it as a NEED for them rather than a WANT) and I take this very seriously, but there's a lot of things you can do to make it better (if you're not getting enough sex) in a relationship from your end of things.

First of all, if you are in this situation, you should talk to your partner about it. Yea, it might lead to a fight (or a series of fights), but women aren't mind readers and won't know you're unhappy about something unless you tell them about it. If it winds up breaking you two up, then you were never meant to be together in the first place and if you are meant to be together, then you'll find some way to fix the situation.

Secondly, you need to understand female biology. While men easily orgasm every time they have sex pretty much, it can take a lot of work for a woman to do the same thing. A lot of men aren't willing to put in the effort or even care if a woman is feeling pleasure. If every time a woman goes to have sex with you, she doesn't get to orgasm and gets nothing out of it, do you think she's going to be excited about sex with you? Would you be excited about it if a girl worked you up every time and didn't let you finish? She's just going to view it as a chore. This is a type of frustration that I've had to deal with and many other women have had to deal with.

A lot of men think they know a ton about women's bodies and that they are a stud in bed. In fact, I've never met a man who didn't believe this, but with the amount of women who feel unsatisfied, that is obviously not the case. You do not learn how to be good at sex by watching porn (which a lot of men believe.) Porn is made for men and the pleasure of men and focused on men. All you can learn from porn is the kinds of things you like better yourself. I've watched porn before and it has helped me understand men better sexually, but that's because I'm a heterosexual woman. Yes, women can enjoy porn, but they are not the intended audience of porn, so it's not going to teach you anything about them.

Any man here, no matter how good he is in bed, can benefit from trying to learn more about their partner, what pleases them, and what pleases women in general in bed. And by asking your girlfriend/wife to be honest with them when they don't orgasm in bed and not taking it personally. Men sometimes have fragile egos sexually and feel that they need to fake orgasms or men will get overwhelmed by trying to please them and stop trying and this causes a vicious cycle where men keep believing they are pleasing a woman and are actually doing nothing for her over and over again. You need to make sure the woman you love is not in this cycle. You'd hate to experience the same thing.

Third of all, women need to be emotionally fulfilled to have sex. Not WANT, this is a NEED for women. Just like men NEED to have sex. It always helps you have more sex to treat your girlfriends better. To listen to them talk about their lives and problems and to make sure they are emotionally happy.

Women do have fragile egos and a lot of women won't have sex if they are having a "fat" day or something. If you encourage them to believe that you love them, with or without make-up, "fat" or not, it will become easier for them to get into bed with you. Men are ready to have sex whether they feel fat and hairy or not. Women tend to feel like they have to look perfect to have sex. They obsess over their physical faults and can't enjoy it. Convince her she's beautiful no matter what.

If you're fighting with a woman or doing something that hurts her and not fulfilling her emotionally in some way, she may withdraw completely from you sexually.

And this is not just women either. A lot of men who don't feel completely connected to their wives and like their wives are nags and oppressing them aren't able to have sex with them either.

Fourthly, women do more than you think. And they get tired as much as you do. I've heard this a bunch of times, but if you want a woman to have sex with you, it's easier for her to if she has more energy. Like, if you help her with the chores around the house or if you have kids with her or something, you take care of them for the day and take them off her hands. Some women don't have sex because they are too tired to do it. After their long days, they just don't have the energy anymore. If you help them have energy, you'll be helping yourself, too.

These aren't guarantees that you'll get more sex. Some women just have low sex drives and that's just the way it is, but I don't think it's as common as you think. I think most women who aren't having regular sex are struggling with one of these things.

As for not having an exciting sex life as some of you guys mentioned, that's a totally different subject than this one (not getting enough of it in the first place) and will have to be answered in another thread at another time.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

See, this doesn't make sense to me. I'm a man, and I would never cheat on a woman I loved, NO MATTER WHAT. It's about decency and loyalty. *shrug*

NO MATTER WHAT???...is that like FOREVER ...enternity and all the stuff.

mmm..how about if she cheats you?...
Wait... U gatta have a GF or a wife first in order for U to get cheated on and be loyal...all that good stuff

Any who..back to the committment stuff. All women are different.
One of my ex-gf that I lived with for almost 6 years...didn't have
as strong as a sex drive as I did...sometimes we'll have sex 2-3 times
per day...to not having sex for 2-3 months. But when we get it on...we get it on.

My next gf wanted sex all de time..we had sex weather we were separated, fighting..etc. it took me time to re adjust to her appitite
for sex. She was a very beautiful woman and sexually experinced.
She did things to me only guys dreamed of. But our relationship
turned really, really toxic. Sex became a sort of addiction or escape
for both of us.

And no..it wasn't all just hard core sex. She like that romance.
She likes me to chase her or have me be in love with her.

Yes...there were also times...(all women that I've been with) will use
sex as a weapon or control. It's not routine.....Thats becuase I still have it. I still attract women or other women will flirt with me...
So..they cant keep me in the dog house for too long.

I'm kind of single at the moment. The meaning of sex for me today
is whatever meaning I wanna give it. I don't know what it means
for me today. I don't need sex everyday but when I do have sex
sometimes its with 2 women at the sametime. It's totally awesume.
I don't really have a jealousy or loyalty issue when the ladies are making
out while they're in bed with me N both doing me at the sametime.
Some people might thinks that's totally sick.
Some people might totally envy me..cuz I'm doing things only some guys will dream about
I've been single before and this is what I do when I'm single. I've never set out ot do it...but
it happens everytime when I'm single. I feel like a kid in a candie store.

Whatever perceptions, values, morals, standards U have are yours...
My life dosnt center around your morals, vaules, beliefs or thinking.
You can judge me or think I'm a bad person all you want. You don't have to live with me nor have anything
to do with me. There's plenty of people in this world that will accept me as I am.

An intimate relationship with a woman to me means alot more than just having sex.
To me it's more like a commitment..if I make a vow to committe my life to a woman...hopefully she will
keep her vows to me...if one of us or both falls short of that..then it is what is it.
We'll either work through it....or walk away. YES..after committing almost half of your life to someone its
not the eaiest thing in the world to walk away from. KNow that feeling or experince that.
But if it's going to be the death of me...you ladies have another thing coming...
Yes I will bow and pray to the godess of loves ....T n A.
But all helm to the mighty sword

I putted a lot of expectations on my marriage. It broke my heart and me.
I still love Michelle very much. I'll always going to love her.
SEx with her was totally awesume too...


The key word from the original poster is EXPECTATIONS...

 

[shells]

Honestly, It Was Mine, sex doesn't just "die down" of its own accord in a relationship. Something happens to make it less important to either or both parties involved. Lack of communication also causes it.

I don't think its because they don't love their partner, quite the opposite, because there partner can't satisfy them and maybe there tired of the frustration.

See, this doesn't make sense to me. I'm a man, and I would never cheat on a woman I loved, NO MATTER WHAT. It's about decency and loyalty. Sure, I might end up thinking about cheating, but I'd never do it because to me, love is about being faithful to the one I'm with. I'd rather try to fix things through talking with the woman I love... and if that doesn't work out, I'd break it off with her.

Because I'd rather lose a woman I love than compromise my personal morals.

*shrug*

I agree with BJD, completely.

 

[Nina]

I think failing sex drives always come down to a health issue, poor communication or the folks just changed and went in different directions and even this relates back to the communications between the couple. You'll either TALK, WALK or be questioning, unsure or miserable in a relationship. Get a check-up, or have your partener get one and learning to communicate more effectively are always the preferable first choices...

 

[lomojojo]

Anyway, I have a whole lot of things to say in response to this thread and particularly advice for men who are in this situation. I don't know you and your situation, so just know a lot of this advice is just general advice, not something personal to you.

I get how important sex is for men. It's very important to them (I tend to think of it as a NEED for them rather than a WANT) and I take this very seriously, but there's a lot of things you can do to make it better (if you're not getting enough sex) in a relationship from your end of things.

First of all, if you are in this situation, you should talk to your partner about it. Yea, it might lead to a fight (or a series of fights), but women aren't mind readers and won't know you're unhappy about something unless you tell them about it. If it winds up breaking you two up, then you were never meant to be together in the first place and if you are meant to be together, then you'll find some way to fix the situation.

Secondly, you need to understand female biology. While men easily orgasm every time they have sex pretty much, it can take a lot of work for a woman to do the same thing. A lot of men aren't willing to put in the effort or even care if a woman is feeling pleasure. If every time a woman goes to have sex with you, she doesn't get to orgasm and gets nothing out of it, do you think she's going to be excited about sex with you? Would you be excited about it if a girl worked you up every time and didn't let you finish? She's just going to view it as a chore. This is a type of frustration that I've had to deal with and many other women have had to deal with.

A lot of men think they know a ton about women's bodies and that they are a stud in bed. In fact, I've never met a man who didn't believe this, but with the amount of women who feel unsatisfied, that is obviously not the case. You do not learn how to be good at sex by watching porn (which a lot of men believe.) Porn is made for men and the pleasure of men and focused on men. All you can learn from porn is the kinds of things you like better yourself. I've watched porn before and it has helped me understand men better sexually, but that's because I'm a heterosexual woman. Yes, women can enjoy porn, but they are not the intended audience of porn, so it's not going to teach you anything about them.

Any man here, no matter how good he is in bed, can benefit from trying to learn more about their partner, what pleases them, and what pleases women in general in bed. And by asking your girlfriend/wife to be honest with them when they don't orgasm in bed and not taking it personally. Men sometimes have fragile egos sexually and feel that they need to fake orgasms or men will get overwhelmed by trying to please them and stop trying and this causes a vicious cycle where men keep believing they are pleasing a woman and are actually doing nothing for her over and over again. You need to make sure the woman you love is not in this cycle. You'd hate to experience the same thing.

Third of all, women need to be emotionally fulfilled to have sex. Not WANT, this is a NEED for women. Just like men NEED to have sex. It always helps you have more sex to treat your girlfriends better. To listen to them talk about their lives and problems and to make sure they are emotionally happy.

Women do have fragile egos and a lot of women won't have sex if they are having a "fat" day or something. If you encourage them to believe that you love them, with or without make-up, "fat" or not, it will become easier for them to get into bed with you. Men are ready to have sex whether they feel fat and hairy or not. Women tend to feel like they have to look perfect to have sex. They obsess over their physical faults and can't enjoy it. Convince her she's beautiful no matter what.

If you're fighting with a woman or doing something that hurts her and not fulfilling her emotionally in some way, she may withdraw completely from you sexually.

And this is not just women either. A lot of men who don't feel completely connected to their wives and like their wives are nags and oppressing them aren't able to have sex with them either.

Fourthly, women do more than you think. And they get tired as much as you do. I've heard this a bunch of times, but if you want a woman to have sex with you, it's easier for her to if she has more energy. Like, if you help her with the chores around the house or if you have kids with her or something, you take care of them for the day and take them off her hands. Some women don't have sex because they are too tired to do it. After their long days, they just don't have the energy anymore. If you help them have energy, you'll be helping yourself, too.

And that's what I meant by giving your car the proper maintenance. Yep, aha.

 

[Nina]

lomojojo...OMG-I don't know how I missed Enchanted Girls post, but that woman gave the ORIGINAL 411 on "get it right stud!"
So utterly true. All I can do is give her a standing ovation on "HONESTY"

 

[Calm]

Secondly, you need to understand female biology. While men easily orgasm every time they have sex pretty much, it can take a lot of work for a woman to do the same thing. A lot of men aren't willing to put in the effort or even care if a woman is feeling pleasure. If every time a woman goes to have sex with you, she doesn't get to orgasm and gets nothing out of it, do you think she's going to be excited about sex with you? Would you be excited about it if a girl worked you up every time and didn't let you finish?

Oh mam, this has happened to me couple of times. I am a male. This has to do both physiology and psychology. And actually I heave heard this is quite common in men. So women are not the only ones here. I've had sex where girl has cummed several times, sheets were ******* wet, but I just could not. Every time I would get close to cumming, she was already dry enough to stop and switch positions. Eventually I felt bored but felt it is my 'duty' to cum, even if I did not feel like it. Sex was good though and we both enjoyed it very much. Do women expect a man to cum every time?

 

[Badjedidude]

NO MATTER WHAT???...is that like FOREVER ...enternity and all the stuff.

mmm..how about if she cheats you?...
Wait... U gatta have a GF or a wife first in order for U to get cheated on and be loyal...all that good stuff

I'll mostly just ignore the fact that you're implying I can't/don't have a girlfriend or wife, and move on to the point of my reply:

If a girlfriend cheats on me then I will dump her and when I sleep with or date a different woman, it wouldn't be cheating.

See how simple that was?

 

[eris]

Secondly, you need to understand female biology. While men easily orgasm every time they have sex pretty much, it can take a lot of work for a woman to do the same thing. A lot of men aren't willing to put in the effort or even care if a woman is feeling pleasure. If every time a woman goes to have sex with you, she doesn't get to orgasm and gets nothing out of it, do you think she's going to be excited about sex with you? Would you be excited about it if a girl worked you up every time and didn't let you finish?

Oh mam, this has happened to me couple of times. I am a male. This has to do both physiology and psychology. And actually I heave heard this is quite common in men. So women are not the only ones here. I've had sex where girl has cummed several times, sheets were ******* wet, but I just could not. Every time I would get close to cumming, she was already dry enough to stop and switch positions. Eventually I felt bored but felt it is my 'duty' to cum, even if I did not feel like it. Sex was good though and we both enjoyed it very much. Do women expect a man to cum every time?

I think all of both of these quotes are based on pure conjecture, but maybe I shouldnt comment on mens OR womens sexual drives

Third of all, women need to be emotionally fulfilled to have sex. Not WANT, this is a NEED for women. Just like men NEED to have sex. It always helps you have more sex to treat your girlfriends better. To listen to them talk about their lives and problems and to make sure they are emotionally happy.

uhm . no


really. NO

and im not just talking about my own experience

It always helps you have more sex to treat your girlfriends better

I agree with that part, though







.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

Secondly, you need to understand female biology. While men easily orgasm every time they have sex pretty much, it can take a lot of work for a woman to do the same thing. A lot of men aren't willing to put in the effort or even care if a woman is feeling pleasure. If every time a woman goes to have sex with you, she doesn't get to orgasm and gets nothing out of it, do you think she's going to be excited about sex with you? Would you be excited about it if a girl worked you up every time and didn't let you finish?

Oh mam, this has happened to me couple of times. I am a male. This has to do both physiology and psychology. And actually I heave heard this is quite common in men. So women are not the only ones here. I've had sex where girl has cummed several times, sheets were ******* wet, but I just could not. Every time I would get close to cumming, she was already dry enough to stop and switch positions. Eventually I felt bored but felt it is my 'duty' to cum, even if I did not feel like it. Sex was good though and we both enjoyed it very much. Do women expect a man to cum every time?

I think all of both of these quotes are based on pure conjecture, but maybe I shouldnt comment on mens OR womens sexual drives

Third of all, women need to be emotionally fulfilled to have sex. Not WANT, this is a NEED for women. Just like men NEED to have sex. It always helps you have more sex to treat your girlfriends better. To listen to them talk about their lives and problems and to make sure they are emotionally happy.

uhm . no


really. NO

and im not just talking about my own experience

It always helps you have more sex to treat your girlfriends better

I agree with that part, though







.

I started off my post saying that this was general advice for a reason. Not absolutes that apply to all people at all points in time. You can always find an exception to everything and I was hoping that me saying that would avoid me explaining this.

I also said that I considered sex as a "need" for men as well, but you know what? I've met men who would disagree with what I said there. I've met some men who have told me that they don't like sex and want to never have it, yet still want a relationship with a woman, but as general advice (advice is something that usually works, but doesn't always apply, in my opinion), I think everything I said was okay to say.

I wasn't trying to cover all possibilities of all women of all time. I was trying to explain the most common reasons that I think women who seem to have a low sex drive aren't having sex. It really overcomplicates things for me to mention every single exception to every bit of advice on that list. And if you aren't in a relationship where you're struggling in that area, then this list doesn't apply to you.

I have talked to a ton of women though who felt unloved or unsafe with someone they are having sex with and a lot of them felt like they were being used and had trouble with having sex afterwards and if the man had just waited until the woman felt better and safer and treated her nicer, the whole situation might have been avoided.

Also, "emotional fulfillment" can mean different things to different women. Some it may mean very little and some it may mean a lot. And some of them can get all of it outside the relationship.

 

[XspydurX]

Well, to be honest, I don't think i understand why my boyfriend (or any of the guys I've known) always get either upset or annoyed when I tell them I want to remain a virgin untill I am married. My Edward told me that he thinks sex is like the center of the relationship. For me that isn't really true at all. I think thats is very SELFISH. I am very serious & strict about being abstinent. I have millions of reasons to be. For one, I know to many girls my age that have kids. I also know a lot of kids that have thrown away or lost everything because they either couldn't wait or were pressured into sex by someone that they loved. Another reason I want to wait until marriage is that I don't want a guy to fresia me then leave me. I know that sounds horrible & every guy probably dosen't want to just hit it & quit it but...I just have an insecurity about giving myself to someone just because they tell me one thing. How do I know they're not just telling me that to get to the prize?

 

[PurpleDays]

Oh goodness, this thread makes me wanna throw cold water on myself.

AND NO, not in a Hooters-type-way, in a... yeesh, way.


There's some famous quote about the fact that women actually love sex, they just don't tell men this fact. Hopefully my misquote suffices.

I personally am a red-blooded woman... but it's always better in relationships. Just cos you get to know each other better... I am ne-HE-ever gunna let sex go out of my relationship. As gross as it sounds with old people having sex, it's different when it's you. It keeps the heart pumping ^_^

And don't refer to girls as cars, otherwise you'll be cuddling up to an exhaust pipe in the future. (d)

 

[XspydurX]

I respect that alot

 

[XspydurX]

I respect that alot