WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!

[alone_1986]

Hi all, dont mean to to on with the long description but here goes!

Im a male, 25 well nearly 25, uk resident and well theres alot going on but not alot going on if that makes any sence at all!
Im the eldest of 3, always lived with mum and think i have a problem, i dont really know where to start because life has been so tough/confusing but i will outline my main problems.
Since i was about 3-4 dad left mum and we pretty much borght ourselves up, mum - bless her, we have many many ups and down's ( more downs to be honest ) but i still choose to stick by and take care of her financialy and just be there for her!
ive never really had a proper girlfriend apart from the only 1 time with i was 17-18 who il lost my virginity too and it was one of the most intence times of my life, well this was after she left me only a month later but it seemef like forever - she broke my heart so much because she was my first love and id never ever felt like that about a girl and still have not, anyway since then ive had encounter's with girls but never felt the same for anyone apart from the 1st time.
Everytime i get close to a girl i get really afraid they are going to cheat on me, get bored of me and dump me, or just somthing bad will happen even befour it starts and i get very very scared about being with another girl, what i mean is i just cant open up to a girl and have thrown the chance away so many times and well i cant help the way i feel abouty myself, im not shy or simple minded but i just feel as if i dont deserve to be with someone and that i just cant open up to anyone.
Ive kept myself to myself pretty much all my life and none of the family know how i feel, infact i would find it very hard to explain my feelings so i just keep it in and thats it, i work my self to the bone because it helps me overcome the fear of being alone which is another one of my big problems.
My brother who is 17 has a very normal life, going out and interacting with plp being a normal teenager, my sister going on 21 again very normal for her age ( grown up ) but very normal for her age, shes moved out of home and doing her own thing and its just me that just cant hack it, i tell myself i never ever want to have a girlfriend or wife, even mum commented on it and most of the family have asked me whats going on, ur like nearly 25 and still single ( i come from a mixed BG white & asian pakistani, mum being the pakistani but we are very westernised indeed, but dont drink or eat pork ! this is just a tip of the iceberg when it comes to my problems! i dont know what do it anymore......just one big confused life i have ahead of me.

 

[geeky_loser]

Maybe you could try talking to a mental health professional if you haven't? Isn't healthcare free in the UK like the rest of Europe?

Regarding your problem with girls... I realize you were heartbroken but you have to let it go at some point. Yes, people will cheat and hurt you and leave you. You just have to enjoy it while it lasts. A relationship ending doesn't invalidate that it used to exist. You just make a new one.

 

[alone_1986]

thanks for the reply, i dont think i will ever be able to fit into it - by which i mean with someone, its pretty much closed myself off from everyone and lie my way thru life as if i have friends and i get upto allsorts but its all bull.
Its just me and thats it, ive got so used to idea of being alone( not that i like it one bit ) but i see it being the only way, by the way i forgot to mention that a few months ago i did bump into her again, the first love but she had changed loads, not the same as what i remember - anyway she wanted to meet up and wanted to get to know me again properly but i just declined and hid away from it, i did have that feeling i once ha for her, u know - the butterfly feeling ( god its been a while since i felt like that ) but i told her i want nothing to do with her cos i know it'd happen again and i just feel as if i belong at home with mum FULL STOP!
i scored 73 on that test.....pretty bad eh!