When might it be too late?

[ardour]

At about what age should people give serious consideration to giving up and stop actively looking?

I would say if there's never been a relationship by 28 it would be reasonable to drop it as a life goal.

I don't think a lot of people can empathise with what it's like not to have the slightest indication that a member of the opposite sex has ever found you attractive. Not once.

 

[Seeker]

Never.

I've seen some posts from people in this very forum, who had their first relationship at 30-40 years old, so there is no definite age you should stop looking. Unless you decide that you don't WANT a relationship anymore. But as long as you do want one, I say never give up on it!

 

[bender22]

I agree with Seeker, never. If someone hasn't had a relationship by 28, they've probably just been approaching it the wrong way. Do some self analysis to work out reasons why you haven't had a relationship. It may be lack of self esteem, fear of rejection, limiting beliefs, poor understanding of how to relate to the opposite sex, lack of social skills or a combination of several factors.

Once you've identified what's been holding you back, work out how to fix those problems. All of those problems can be overcome with a bit of work and there are so many free self help and dating resources on the internet to help with it.

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with Seeker as well.
Some people find their first partner when they move into a residential home for elderly people, so it really is never too late. I only hope that I don't have to wait quite so long though!!

 

[Hawx79]

If you never had gf till your 30 then something is with you that women dont like about you and chances are high you will remain so. Sorry but this is just my experience in what ive seen including in myself.
Better start enjoying life for being in your own company, life is to short and besides being single is actually a less stressing life.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I've had 3 'first dates' in my life. Ages were 27, 42 and 45. So I don't think age has much to do with it.

 

[AstralRogue]

I've had about 6 to 8 relationships of various intensity from age 16-22.

I think a good attitude is to assume love is waiting to find you.

So maybe instead of thinking "never"
just change that word to maybe.
or to the two words: maybe flowers.

besides being with a woman is difficult there's always the chance every day she is cheating on you...

 

[Midnight Sky]

rdor, I donno. In my 30s, but I was 28 the last time I was with someone. There was a big 10yrs gap before that. Tell you what though, you will notice the majority of good women are married now, as opposed to the early 20s where they are still searching for the man to tie the knot with.

besides being with a woman is difficult there's always the chance every day she is cheating on you...

Worrying about that will manifest it.

 

[EveWasFramed]

besides being with a woman is difficult there's always the chance every day she is cheating on you...

:club:

 

[Batman55]

If you never had gf till your 30 then something is with you that women dont like about you and chances are high you will remain so. Sorry but this is just my experience in what ive seen including in myself.
Better start enjoying life for being in your own company, life is to short and besides being single is actually a less stressing life.

Less real, more politically correct please

The other thing I wanted to say was.. what if the reason you've never been in a relationship is simply that you never tried, out of extreme fear of rejection and low confidence? With such a person, it may not be that there's something "women just hate about you," it's a lack of effort.

Men don't just fall into relationships without trying. I would say it's generally rare for that to happen, IMO.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You should never give up, because it may happen. At any age.

 

[ardour]

Less real, more politically correct please

The other thing I wanted to say was.. what if the reason you've never been in a relationship is simply that you never tried, out of extreme fear of rejection and low confidence? With such a person, it may not be that there's something "women just hate about you," it's a lack of effort.

Men don't just fall into relationships without trying. I would say it's generally rare for that to happen, IMO.

Never having received anything close to a positive signal or response (and plenty of the opposite) doesn't help with confidence.

Feel free to interpret that as an excuse not to try, I'm sure it will be.

By continuing the pursuit of a relationship well into middle age a person could be perpetuating feelings of dissatisfaction that, should they end up alone, will make them less happy over the course of life. Of course there might be a chance of finding someone, however small, so it's a matter of weighing those things up.

 

[Tiina63]

I am middle aged and haven't given up on the hope of finding someone. If I did give up, the loneliness would be too much for me to carry. It is the hope that one day I will find emotional fulfilment and happiness in a close relationship which has kept me going.
I have had some relationships, but haven't yet found the right one. I am thinking now that maybe it will never happen, but I will never give up hope that one day it will.

 

[lostatsea]

The point when it's too late is the point you give up. They say a leopard can't change it's spots, you can't teach a new dog old tricks, etc. Change is hard. EXTREMELY hard. Especially the older you get, where you can get set in your ways, patterns, and most dangerously, set in your thoughts and beliefs.

I see that in myself. I've become so "comfortable" in this state of disarray and numbness that I don't even really try to change it. I want to change. I know what I need to do to change. But I just DONT DO IT.

 

[StarvingZombie]

It will be too late when they cast my body out to see on the burning boat

 

[Midnight Sky]

besides being with a woman is difficult there's always the chance every day she is cheating on you...

:club:

Yeah, there's so much more I wanted to say about that, but oh well.

 

[EveWasFramed]

besides being with a woman is difficult there's always the chance every day she is cheating on you...

:club:

Yeah, there's so much more I wanted to say about that, but oh well.

LOL, ikr?

 

[Senamian]

besides being with a woman is difficult there's always the chance every day she is cheating on you...

:club:

Yeah, there's so much more I wanted to say about that, but oh well.

I might just say something on that
I do understand where the fear comes from... But it is not just men, or just women, that do this... Both can. Both do. Both might. Many will.

Being with anyone is difficult... Especially if your past relationships seemed to follow the pattern of "cheaters" "players" "users"... When you carry this profound fear of being hurt by someone you love, you trust, and you have loyalty to... It's worse than a break up. It's taking everything you desire, everything you know, and turning it upside down.

It makes it harder to have a relationship, with this deep fear. I know this for a fact, and it really starts to make a lot of people paranoid about their future or current relationships.

I am a woman, and have been cheated on several times in previous relationships... Because once they had what they previously desired (me), they were bored and went thrill seeking.

___________________________

I don't think it is ever too late. Unless you make it so, in your head and/or heart.

 

[Batman55]

Never having received anything close to a positive signal or response (and plenty of the opposite) doesn't help with confidence.

So I guess in your case, you did try to show interest towards women, but felt the results were discouraging enough that you stopped trying? Am I reading you correctly?

With me, the problem is more that I never started trying.

I have gotten positive signals once in a while in the past, though, but put in no effort of my own to reciprocate--I did not know how.

---

I am a woman, and have been cheated on several times in previous relationships... Because once they had what they previously desired (me), they were bored and went thrill seeking.

From the personality you have displayed here, you seem like quite a catch--I can't believe someone would go off on a quest behind your back. That's not right.. it's not even fair.

 

[ardour]

I am middle aged and haven't given up on the hope of finding someone. If I did give up, the loneliness would be too much for me to carry. It is the hope that one day I will find emotional fulfilment and happiness in a close relationship which has kept me going.
I have had some relationships, but haven't yet found the right one. I am thinking now that maybe it will never happen, but I will never give up hope that one day it will.

While it's presumptuous to tell you or anyone how to feel, fantasising about a relationships to "keep you going" doesn't seem healthy. It's a mindset of staking one's happiness on whether another finds you attractive. In some ways it sanctions the contempt felt towards those who have to remain single, because people end up believing they're defective if nobody does.