Who in your life always lets you down?

[Sci-Fi]

Figured this would be an interesting topic and it's something that has been bothering me lately.

For me it's my brother. He's the one person who knows me better than anyone. Well, except for personal emotional things we don't always talk about stuff like that. He claims he never knows what to get me for Christmas, yet he should, I do (which has been really easy the past few years). There are times I see something and think, my brother would love that, and either I buy it right on the spot for him (if its not too expensive).

He never just offers to do anything nice either, and this goes back to like...forever. I can't think of one thing he's ever done just to do it. Like a couple years ago my boss gave me a 500 gift card to a store for Christmas (would have rather had the cash but meh) and while we were in this store shopping my brother found this leather jacket he really like but it was kind of pricey. Me, I'm thinking how am I ever going to use up this gift certificate up at this one store. So I offered to to get it for him using my gift certificate. He was happy I would do that, he did actually thank me. My mom made a real big deal about me doing that and made sure he thanked me. So my brother has a gift certificate to an electronics store and decides to buy a new printer. It came with a digital camera, my mom had bought him one for Christmas so he didn't need it. Our MOM had to suggest to him that he give it to me, since I did use my gift certificate to get him the jacket. He couldn't just say, here you can have this on his own. Even this year when I was showing my mom pictures of all the snow we got where I live, I showed my brother after. He made the comment about it being the camera HE GAVE ME. I quickly reminded him that yes it was the one MOM TOLD HIM to give me. I didn't even think of the leather jacket which was the cause of our mom doing that, which would have been pure icing if I had. But I don't do that, he does though.

For the past several years I've been buying him Xena DVD's from a web store since they were impossible to find around here. I sat down and searched for a place that would ship to Canada and wasn't Ebay. I know he waits every Christmas for the next season, he watches them all the time and even watched the finale season Christmas day on his computer (I was playing video games so he couldn't watch them on the tv ). When he was trying to figure out what to get me one year I had to mention about The Batman Animated Series season sets that were out. This year he should have known what video games I wanted because I made a point of mentioning them on occasion and how they haven't come down in price yet. I even pointed them out telling him which ones I wanted because I knew my mom would be paying for a few. When we got home and my mom asked me what I wanted I told her my brother knew. He said he didn't I just said I wanted that one, that one and that one. He paid no attention to which games they were. I had to write them down.

Just last week while I was visiting him, there is this web site we are both members of that has these "Quests" you can do and get points. He knows I was doing it, which was a 12 days of Christmas thing. The final two days I was at our moms. He was actually doing the quests and mentioned about it. Now its his computer and he pays for the internet but I figured I'd see if he'd offer to let me do them. He didn't. I even later asked if he knew how long it would be up for. He said he thinks they already took it down, didn't offer to check, didn't offer to let me go on and find out. Now I know, I could have just asked him but I ALWAYS have to ask him. He has NEVER just once let me, and when I do ask him he has to make this production out of it. He gives me his superior look (he's always been kind of bossy) and moans like it's such a big deal for him to get up out of his chair for a few minutes to let me use his computer and internet. It might sound silly but its just the principal of the thing, I get so sick of having to ask him and his attitude about it. I didn't even talk to him for a few days last week just because I was so mad at him for being like that. That did nothing, he didn't say anything.

Not long ago when we were Christmas shopping for our mom, we were trying to find a place that might have Elvis Presley ornaments, my mom is a big fan and we've bought them for like the past 10 years or more. The place we used to get them closed. I saw this awesome Batman ornament and commented on how cool it was. Does he buy it? No. I've done this a couple of times and nothing. One year I found this Marilyn Monroe ornament that was really well done, looked just like her, and at the time he had a think for her so I bought it. I've had to buy my own.

Every year I have to point out what I want for Christmas, and he's the one person who I should never have to. Now I do buy a lot of things myself but I buy stuff no one will buy me. My mom doesn't really go for all my interests, she just came around a year ago with video games and started buying them. But he knows what I like.

Even when I ask my brother for change when we are at the comic book shop, its not much and not like I don't have the money I just don't carry loose change in my pockets. I don't want to make the guy break a twenty so I'll ask my brother. He always has to make comments, like I owe him or what not. I have change in my car, not like he couldn't just get it back but he won't he just likes to hang it over my head. Like one time when he needed a few extra bucks so without him even asking I offer to cover it, cause I do owe him, and he has to say out loud, yeah you should after all the change I've used for you.

Several years ago there was this girl he went out with, she used to take the bus where he worked all the time. He went on one date with her and decided she wasn't for him. She was more into Star Wars and stuff like that. I'm not a Star Wars geek but that is right along my alley. I even said something to my mom once when I was talking to her about him. He could have easily told her that he had a brother that she'd be perfect for and hooked us up, but no. We're identical twins not like she would have noticed the difference (lol) just different personality.

I can't talk to him about it because he'd instantly get pissed off. He doesn't like people pointing out his flaws at all, no matter how you try to approach it. It just bothers me that he's like that, and he wonders why people call me the nice twin. He always lets me down, I have a hard time thinking of one really nice unexpected thing he's ever done. Out of anyone in my life he's the one who constantly lets me down, my own brother. Just yesterday one of the guys who used to work with me came in and brought me something. He saw a metal Batman picture that he knew I'd like (it was cheap thank god cause he didn't need to) but he bought it for me. It got me thinking even more on how my brother never does that, ever. Not that I expect a lot out of my brother, but just something, anything.

Holy crap I've rambled on, sorry about that just needed to get it all out. Man am I ever glad this site doesn't time out when you type a novel. LOL

 

[i a]

Who in your life always lets you down? Myself.

I want to improve but I do nothing. I do a little and then stop. I try and fail and stop trying. I need help but I don't ask for help.

I cannot shift responsibility to someone else. I cannot blame someone else.

 

[sunny]

family sucks man, they are not friends and you can't choose them.... so there's nothing much to do.

for me it'll be my dad being a total ass and mom having no voice in this family... and me for not having money to move out their house.

 

[Cathedral]

My entire family always lets me down. I don't exist to most of them anymore.

My biological mother says she loves and cares about me, but she's incompetent and paranoid schizophrenic. I don't respect her not only because of what she and my biological father did to me during my childhood, but also because she is still communicating with my biological father, and she won't get her life together properly. She just sits at home, listens to the radio, and prays for something good to happen to her.

My youngest half-sister (who is older than I), lives with her older sister in an apartment now. She was there for me during my childhood up until I was around 12 or 13 and she just abandoned me with my incompetent, deadbeat parents. Recently, I have talked with her on the phone... but I haven't been able to get the hold of her on the phone for the last week. I don't think she loves me and prays for me like she says she does. The last time I saw her in person was 2 years ago! I love my youngest half-sister to death, ever since I can remember. But she hardly ever returns that love.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Who in your life always lets you down? Myself.

I want to improve but I do nothing. I do a little and then stop. I try and fail and stop trying. I need help but I don't ask for help.

I cannot shift responsibility to someone else. I cannot blame someone else.

ASK!!! It's hard to do but you sound like you could gain so much by just asking for help.

family sucks man, they are not friends and you can't choose them.... so there's nothing much to do.

for me it'll be my dad being a total ass and mom having no voice in this family... and me for not having money to move out their house.

LOL yeah you sure can't pick them. My family are a bunch of nuts, I have a cousin that we used to be fairly close to but after she got married that all ended, she's in the same situation your mom is which is mostly caused by her in-laws. I have an Aunt I don't even consider an Aunt because she's a two faced sack of crap, and two Uncles that both don't speak to us for reasons I don't know. I only have one Aunt that the past few years we have become "family" with again I guess you could say. My mom's the oldest and she tells her brothers and sisters exactly what she thinks sometimes, she's never been one to sugar coat things. Family...yesh...they can be the greatest or worst thing rarely in between.

Cathedral...wow I feel for you. I'm going to share something with you that I've learned over the years and have experienced myself on both ends of the spectrum, not sure if it will apply to you or help. I'm just going to focus on your "younger" half sister since that's what seems to be bothering you so much. You said she abandoned you when you were 12 or 13, right when you are hitting puberty and manhood, that might have scared her from continuing being there for you. I've read about this before and seen it with other people, sometimes when we are children we are close to someone, then when we hit those all important teen years we're left on our own, or visa versa, I know some people who grew closer during the teen years. For whatever reason some people are like that, there's something that scares them away. My dad was barely around but I know for a fact that he wasn't going to take much interest in us until we grew older because of what my mom once told us. Apparently my dad said that when we turned 18 he was going to take us out to get laid...he was a womanizer and also a drinker and when we were 13 he actually sat and talked directly to us making crude jokes. Unfortunately he died when we were 14 so this is just my hypothesis.

Something I also wonder about your sister, since you said she hardly ever returns that love is if she knows how. It's easy for those who do know and do just that, but for those who don't understand how to or understand the emotion it is very hard to. I know this personally because there are situations I've been in where I just don't know what to do. I have a VERY overly emotional friend, she just completely broke down one day about a guy she knew in high school, I never knew him and it sounds like they were mainly acquaintances then friends. About 16 years ago he died in a car accident, and when talking about it just about a year and a half ago my friend lost it, I mean lost it like he was the most important person in her entire life. She only knew him for a year if that, and its not like they were friends, they just chatted on occasion and only at school. I had no idea what to say, it completely took me by surprise. I was driving so my brother held he hand, she later got completely pissed off at me because I didn't console her. What was running through my mind at the time was...WTF!?! She barely knew the guy and lost it like a widow at her husbands funeral after 60 years of marriage.

You say that your sister says she loves you and prays for you but you don't think she does, this sounds like you doubt because of her inability to return the love that you are expecting and fits in with what I was just talking about. I'm going to say this, and I don't mean it to be mean or anything but I've been on the other end of this before. Same friend I was talking about, she's been going through a rough patch in her life, I've tried to be there for her, but its been over a year and she has done little to nothing to help herself. She's made some bad decisions and asks me for advice, NEVER takes it then later says she wish she listened to me. Now I'm not saying this is your situation, just using it as an example. She's done something now that I don't agree with, there's pressure on me to cut all ties with her, and I'm dealing with how to cope with the situation, not very well either. Long winded here but the point I'm getting to eventually is that at this point, after what she's done I just don't really care anymore and it kills me. I'm not saying your sister is thinking the same way but let me explain why I say this. Being on the other end of helping a person through their troubles there comes a point where that person starts to think, get over it already. They get tired of always being the wet blanket. I once made the decision to get over my depression, I didn't like being that way about it, I had little support or help but I wanted to get better. This is the one thing I preach, unless someone is truly honest about getting better the never will. There's several reasons for this, me it's because I have my own problems and even though I like to help people after awhile it drains you, oh god does it ever drain you. She might say she loves and prays for you and maybe she does but she might be tired of always being that one you go to, she might have problems of her own that she doesn't want to burden you with. Sometimes we don't see that, some people are very good at hiding it. Most of us here are complex people, we have a lot of emotion and issues we are trying to deal with. If the people in our lives understood us we wouldn't be here seeking help or comfort from others.

I say go see your sister, talk to her, be open and honest. Find out if maybe there is something she needs to talk to someone about. I can't say it will solve your problems, it might get worse, but it could really open your eyes. Maybe she's being distant for some of the reasons I've talked about, actually I covered a lot, its going to be one of those. But if you find out its because she's tired of being the one you go to don't let it crush you. Try to understand why, it might be difficult from your end but if that ends up being the reason then it's because she doesn't know how to help you anymore, not that she doesn't love you. You said you two were close, so that love will still be there for you. Or she might be going through something she needs to talk to someone about, and what better person than you who can understand her, that is if you can take on the extra burden, cause I'm going to tell you right now it is NOT easy to do. I have a cousin who is going through things and I want to be there more for her than I have but I just can't. After spending nearly 2 years with my friend and helping her I'm tapped, and I just might have to make a decision on who's more important to me right now cause I can't do both.


Those of us who are going through loneliness, depression, self doubt, whatever it is we are struggling with, those people who we do talk to about it sometimes don't understand us. If they haven't experienced those feelings themselves then it can be difficult for them to comprehend. Especially if they are the type of person who seems to let things just brush off of them and not let it bother them.

I know I just typed another novel here but I hope it helps you out Cathedral, and I hope I haven't said anything to offend you or upset you because that isn't my intention. Just sharing my personal experience that I hope helps you in some way.

 

[i a]

ASK!!! It's hard to do but you sound like you could gain so much by just asking for help.

Not many to ask. Also they don't understand. Or they don't know what to do.

I agree with you but easier said than done.

Those of us who are going through loneliness, depression, self doubt, whatever it is we are struggling with, those people who we do talk to about it sometimes don't understand us. If they haven't experienced those feelings themselves then it can be difficult for them to comprehend. Especially if they are the type of person who seems to let things just brush off of them and not let it bother them.

As I said, they don't understand. Or they probably won't. The people I know are different than me. They don't seem to have problems.

 

[sunny]

cathedral-
i agree with sci-fi, you should meet your sis face to face. when your were close you were still a kid and may not fully understand what she was feeling or going through. just talk to her, ask her what happened and why you are not close anymore. try to understand also her side even if it's hard, there are time ppl make actions that will hurt you not because they want to, but because it just happens and they are just people have feelings and making human decisions..

hey, sci-fi, you know, even though i hate my family situation i think without them i wouldn't be the me that i am now and i wouldn't want to be someone else in this body. i think they developed some unique individual over here :> lol
just wanted to share

 

[Cathedral]

Well, it turns out, my oldest half-siter (who my youngest half-sister was living with for several years) is in a coma. She has brain, heart, and kidney damage. I don't know what to say.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Oh wow, sorry to hear that Catheral.

 

[sunny]

Oh wow, sorry to hear that Catheral.

me too. life is a hard thing

 

[Darkness]

Myself

 

[oh_boy]

Heh, myself. Maybe just plan too much or want too much. Except myself - the creator of all this business called life. Of course it's kinda blasphemous to think like this. And I know I earned all my pain, so here's myself again who lets me down. But when every day I find that life is even more difficult than I've learned already, this really makes me feel blue.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Myself.

When I don't make myself get up and hit the weights and pursue ways to make money or build social capital.

 

[apathy]

Sci fi, hey, that really sucks. I used to have a friend who was kinda like your brother, back in my old school. She used to always throw horrible remarks at me, then she would say that it was just a joke. They didn't seem like jokes to me.

Whenever she was in need of money, like when she forgets to bring her money for the bus, I would offer to pay for her. (Hahahaha, really, how could I have just left her at the bus stop all alone when it's going to be dark soon, right? Okay.. fine, I did entertain that thought a couple of times. ) Of course, I don't let her take advantage of me... most of the time, I do lend her money and she does eventually return it to me. Although, just like your brother, she makes a big ******* deal whenever I'm in need of some change. I realize that she loves doing that in front of people. People we knew. Whenever we're not with people, she likes to put me down over the slightest things. I think she had jealousy issues or she's just an attention whore.

-
Well, my family has always let me down. It started on my sixth birthday when everyone was too busy fighting with each other that they forgot that it was my birthday. Heh.. of course, birthdays don't matter to me now and I couldn't care less if anyone remembered. Then, there's my brother. He used to sneak out of the house a lot when he was a teenager and would rely on me informing him whether mumsie was back home or not. Needless to say, she would beat me up for that and yet not lay a finger on my brother. Pretty dysfunctional, huh.

Fast forward seven years into the future. I'm back home from school (I'm studying overseas) for the holidays. I'm in really bad terms with my mom but I wanted to patch things up with her. The very first day that I got back from the airport, mumsie threw me out. Why? She has the emotional maturity of a five year old. She was jealous that I called my dad first, to tell him that I had arrived back home. My brother didn't seem to give two shits about me. It's been five weeks.

Just afew days ago, my internet connection was screwed up. It worked fine for me brother. After meddling with it for about two hours, I asked him for some assistance. But noo... apparently, he couldn't just pause the DVD he was watching. Yeah, even though it's been like the third time he's watched the very same movie. I called the fricking technician instead.

As there was absolutely nothing to do at home, without the internet. I was bored stiff. So, I went out to cycle on my bicycle (I'm so glad that It's still around), around the neighborhood.
When I got home, everyone made a big deal about how insensitive and uncaring I was. Why couldn't I just stayed home to spend quality time together with the fam huh? Oh, funny thing though.. they thought that I had been with badass dudes on motorcycles who smoked and honeysuckle like that. Wow... that's just ******* great.
It totally shows how much they know me. I hardly have any friends back home and none of them are punks.

The worst thing is when people let you down, pull a ******* 180 at you and expect you to be affectionate with them.

 

[Sean]

I am the one that lets everyone else down.

 

[Sci-Fi]

@apathy, that is just messed up and totally shitty for your family to do. I like how you've entertained the thought of leaving your friend at the bus stop, might just teach her a thing or two, but probably not cause you'd be the bad one for doing it.

Those who said they let themselves down (there are so many), to me that can only happen if at first you expected more from yourself. If its the after thought then it doesn't count because you can't let yourself down if there was no higher expectations in the first place. If that makes sense.

@Sean, depending on your situation, you can change that.

 

[the-alchemist]

My father at the moment

 

[LGH1288]

My father at the moment

Hi the-alchemist -- Care to share? LG

 

[the-alchemist]

My father at the moment

Hi the-alchemist -- Care to share? LG

He's just a narcisstic big moron. Right now, I'm going to move to China in a month. Everybody I have talked to about it has supported me and wished me good luck. My mother in ways that I will forever be grateful for as she gave me alot of financial support.

I have told everybody about my plans EXCEPT for my father. Because he has never given me encouragement or support in anything. All he and my big brother has done all my life is condemn and criticize me in everything I do. He has talked alot of honeysuckle about me behind my back.

And then there is the fact that he's always paranoid, he never believes what you say. If you say what you've been doing during the day, for no reason, he believes that you're lying.

Just a big black hole of negative energy. He doesn't love you unless you do what he wants. He has only conditional love for me. While my mom has given me financial support, he hasn't given me so much as a dime. We're barely on speaking terms anymore, just his presence in the room makes me feel bad because I know what he's thinking. He thinks he's always right and that he knows everything. Well, fresia that pig. If I reach my goals, I will remember who supported me and who didn't.

Sorry if it sounds incoherent and I'm ranting

 

[LGH1288]

My father at the moment

Hi the-alchemist -- Care to share? LG

He's just a narcisstic big moron. Right now, I'm going to move to China in a month. Everybody I have talked to about it has supported me and wished me good luck. My mother in ways that I will forever be grateful for as she gave me alot of financial support.

I have told everybody about my plans EXCEPT for my father. Because he has never given me encouragement or support in anything. All he and my big brother has done all my life is condemn and criticize me in everything I do. He has talked alot of honeysuckle about me behind my back.

And then there is the fact that he's always paranoid, he never believes what you say. If you say what you've been doing during the day, for no reason, he believes that you're lying.

Just a big black hole of negative energy. He doesn't love you unless you do what he wants. He has only conditional love for me. While my mom has given me financial support, he hasn't given me so much as a dime. We're barely on speaking terms anymore, just his presence in the room makes me feel bad because I know what he's thinking. He thinks he's always right and that he knows everything. Well, fresia that pig. If I reach my goals, I will remember who supported me and who didn't.

Sorry if it sounds incoherent and I'm ranting

First, I'd like to wish you all the best in your new life adventure. I did read the other post about how you wondered why you should be feeling happier. I wondered what I could say to ease your sadness. IMO now that your plans are becoming an actuality it's not surprising that you'd feel some apprehension. I thought that maybe it's just sad for you to have to leave your family behind and that you'd miss them. BUT, maybe it would be good for your own self-respect to say goodbye to your father and big brother anyhow? Even though you know chances are it will be a totally miserable experience at least you'll be the bigger man for making a last ditch effort and not moving on in life without leaving any "unfinished business" that you might one day regret? FYI my mortal enemy is my father so this is just a thought. LG