Why am I such a snake...

[Hermit83]

About a month ago I was beaten up by 3 guys that I met for the first time. Actually I was out to see my ex girlfriend/*****(?) and when I knocked the door some guy that I never saw before opened it and told me to get off. I wasn’t pissed off at all to see that guy in my ex’s house. Actually when I was going out with her I knew she messed other guys, but it didn’t matter as long as I considered her to be nothing but a steady lay.
Anyway… a few minutes later I found myself surrouned in a car park taking knocks by 3 bastards … They rearranged my face fine. I ended up on the floor my face being kicked very frankly with a saucepan until my ex would cover me with her hands and scream to stop it! I called the police and thanks God it took like 10 minutes before they arrived. The 3 guys finally were arrested and 2 days later we went on trial and one of them took 10 months jail being a recidivist, plus 1500 pounds compensation for me.
The day after the incident when my mum saw me she was scared, she thought some truck ran me over. I felt so guilty not having been able to even give a single punch… but anyway, that’s history now.

That story got me thinking a lot about what my situation is now… oh sorry I haven’t told you yet, I’m a 27 year old boy, still living with my mum, 2 brothers and a sister, used to work in a train station as an information assistant, but got fired intentionaly to be on welfare since I registered to Uni last year (doing a degree in languages) and have neither time to do both nor money to do without welfare…
Anyway… I don’t know why I’m writing this down, maybe to get things out…
What pisses me off most is the fact that I still feel like an adolescent. My mother keeps urging me to get married, have children and make a living. She doesn’t understand that at my age I still get myself involved in such childish fights, that I go out with kinky sluts, that I’m studying something that will probably lead me to nowhere…

Actually I have only told you one of my endless list of silly things that occurred to me and that I have done over the past 2 years. Among these, I slept with a married woman with two children, had a fight with her husband when he caught me in his house (fortunately I wasn’t naked), he beat me up, went back home with a swollen face, my mum was desperate… don’t know why I’m such a pussy, I can’t fight… I had a fight with my uncle and beat him up (but attacked him off-guard – I’m such a pussy I couldn’t have engaged in a fight face to face…), I stole somebody who considered me to be a very good friend, I stole in his house almost 7 grounds, I had to make a move, honeysuckle… I’m such a snake, I hate myself for being such…

 

[ThatOneDude]

Um.....maybe if you don't want to feel like an adolescent, don't act like one? That's probably a good place to start....

 

[MrBurns]

So your on a lonely forum because you sleep with married women then get twatted by the husband for doing it. I dont know if I want to facepalm or kill myself.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow...just...wow...I don't mean for this to come off rude but grow up. You're 27? Thanks for bragging about your active sex life too, just what most of us need here. You don't want to be a snake, stop doing EVERYTHING you listed on here. Take responsibility for your actions and grow a pair. Wow...*shakes head* Your mom should kick your butt out of the house. I don't know why anyone would intentionally get fired just to be some lazy ass on welfare when you are fully capable of working. There are people who work several jobs while also attending school.

I wish I never read all that, I'm actually pissed off at you and I don't even know you. If I was one of your brothers I'd kick your ass to get you to straighten the hell up. I hope you're not the oldest, the ones who supposed to be an example to their siblings.

 

[LGH1288]

Wow...just...wow...I don't mean for this to come off rude but grow up. You're 27? Thanks for bragging about your active sex life too, just what most of us need here. You don't want to be a snake, stop doing EVERYTHING you listed on here. Take responsibility for your actions and grow a pair. Wow...*shakes head* Your mom should kick your butt out of the house. I don't know why anyone would intentionally get fired just to be some lazy ass on welfare when you are fully capable of working. There are people who work several jobs while also attending school.

I wish I never read all that, I'm actually pissed off at you and I don't even know you. If I was one of your brothers I'd kick your ass to get you to straighten the hell up. I hope you're not the oldest, the ones who supposed to be an example to their siblings.

Spot on Sci-Fi, agree 100%, ugh. LG:-(

 

[EveWasFramed]

*yawns instead of feeding the troll*

 

[Hermit83]

Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to piss you off… if there’s anybody to facepalm in here it should be me, d’oh! I mean it! You guys obviously don’t understand that one can feel terribly lonely when not being able to maintain sound relationships with people around. Keeping fighting and shagging sluts (when you think they are your baby) don’t make you necessarily a socially fulfilled individual…
And I’m not bragging about anything dude! If I related this story, it wasn’t with the intention of showing off at all! Did you know that the ***** which caused me to fight actually sent those guys for that purpose! Did you know that one day, at the end of a party that took place at her’s, I was dead drunk and sleeping on the sofa, she messed one of my supposed best friends! And that I wouldn’ve known if that ******* didn’t tell me! You can’t imagine how miserable I felt since then, how my self-esteem went down, how lonely you can feel in such moments. I kept brooding over that line since then: “On these cold streets, ain't no love, no mercy, and no friends”. And that’s true.
And as for me being some lazy ass… you’re motherfucking right! Depression makes me lazy. But anyway, people who succeed in their studies aren’t usually the ones who work in the mean time; that kind of students just ends up working where they began. I’ve been raised up in a rather poor social background; there’s nobody able to finance my studies (except the Queen, lol); and how can you attend school while at work?? That’s stupid; it just helps you waste your time; and anyway, that’s my business.
And unfortunately… I’m the oldest! And I have to admit that I’m not a very good example... I'll give you that one

 

[Cathedral]

I have to say, you fully deserved to get beat up by those three men.

Snakes get stomped on and pissed on for a reason you know.

 

[Hermit83]

You are probably right; one has to pay for the sins he does. Being lonely... isn't it in itself some kinda torture? We all must be here for some kinda good reason then, don't you think so?

 

[LGH1288]

*yawns instead of feeding the troll*

~~~ starve a troll, feed a fever ~~~

 

[yesm]

you could be alot worse... i'll say that much...
it's tough to be motivated to make changes when your depressed...
and it can be shitty to look back on yourself and know there is little to be proud of...

just gotta remember it could always be worse....
doesn't sound like you've completely destroyed your life or anything though...

just remember there are plenty of people who have done worse honeysuckle...
and plenty of people who lack remorse....
plenty of people who lack remorse for much worse things....

i'm not much for advice though...

as far as being a snake blah blah...
pshh.. like i said... there is alot worse one could do...
life is short... people die... you will too... forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes... is all one can do...
not always easy but... what else can u do, right?

 

[Minus]

So you feel like a snake. You have an understanding of what you do that leads you to feeling like a snake. It would seem like the choice is yours.

 

[Hermit83]

just gotta remember it could always be worse....
doesn't sound like you've completely destroyed your life or anything though...

life is short... people die... you will too... forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes... is all one can do...
not always easy but... what else can u do, right?

I didn’t say that I have destroyed my life; far from it! Quite the opposite, there are many things that I still can be proud of! I have travelled the world, so far I went to so many different countries: France, Spain, the Netherlands, Belgium, Switzerland, Morocco, Egypt, Thailand, Canada… among others (thanks to welfare programs lol). I have dated quite a respectable number of young ladies, have my experience of women and that’s nice!
BUT, that’s not what life all comes down to! I perfectly understand the people here who think that I’m bragging since they hardly themselves got laid throughout their lifetime. I understand this very well! They think that people who fresia on a regular basis must at least not feel lonely.

You know, there is something that I have always felt since I started to have sex in my life: EVERYTIME I get off, I lie down, smoke a cigarette, stare at the ceiling, don’t say nothing, don’t even look at her, don’t even want to be at her side anymore, I want her to get out, to forget about me, to live her own life, I want to be alone, brood over my sins, I want to repent, I’m so disgusted, I feel SO lonely, I know that I’ll have to pay for what I did when I am judged in the hereafter, tomorrow’s another day, I have to straighten, I won’t do this again, I have to marry, get a good job, get married, live my own life, go out from my mother’s house, live her alone, etc. ,I stand my own ground, the days pass and go, I need people around, and then all these resolutions that I made quickly fade away, I dial 2 or 3 numbers, go out, see my ex that I dumped a few days ago, my balls are full, I just do it again, feel the same way straight after, and history repeats itself…

That’s my life.

 

[evanescencefan91]

hey I'm sorry things have gotten so out of hand,

but i disagree, about not being able to work and go to school at the same time

most of my friends work and go to school at the same time and they get excellent grades because they know how to mangage their time and their priorities as well

one of my friends is a pharmacy major which has a lot of hard classes, works at a lab after class and has over a 3.0 which is better than me, and I only work during breaks

save some of the money you got for wellfare for a while then
try getting a job at least a part time one, if you qualify for wellfare you might qualify for a work study if your school has that, which makes it easier for you to find a job at the univeristy,

also sounds like you could use some impulse control,

try not to get drunk all the time,

even if a womens coming on to you, um don't f* her

if f*cking women isn't making you happy, which it sounds like it isn't, and it isn't,

then there really isn't any point it,


it also sounds like you could use a hobby, go mountain biking or rock climbing, it's awesome,

learn an instrument,
try drawing or painting, you need something productive to get your mind off these things, and to something to do instead of getting in trouble

good luck man

 

[freedom]

one thing i'd like to know is this: do YOU think you're a snake or is that just something that people have told you? the reason i'm saying is that if you're happy being the way that you are, then there's no need for you to change. your mom wants you to get married and have kids but you don't, so don't. she only wants that because A: she wants grandkids, and B: she believes that that's the only way to live because it's always been done like that in her eyes. trust me, i know. my mom's the same way. i don't want to get married and have kids and all that BS, but everyone is expecting me to.

my advice to you? learn to fight. go to a boxing gym and take classes, lift weights, make friends there. it will give you a boost of self-esteem and you won't feel like a snake any more. then when you get caught with your pants down , you'll be better prepared to defend yourself and kick someone's ass for interrupting you. good luck.

 

[Mary Mary]

(Eve's right)

 

[Hermit83]

most of my friends work and go to school at the same time and they get excellent grades because they know how to mangage their time and their priorities as well

One of the main reasons I left that job was that I used to work night shifts and would finish most of the time by 6 in the morning, and usually start school at 8 (!). Fortunately I had only 3 or 4 shifts a week and sometimes worked on week-ends, but in the end I terribly felt the lack of sleep... I HAD to quit.

also sounds like you could use some impulse control,

try not to get drunk all the time,

My last time was the night I slept on the couch... It's been like 2 months now (?), that's one of the good resolutions I managed to maintain

even if a womens coming on to you, um don't f* her

if f*cking women isn't making you happy, which it sounds like it isn't, and it isn't,

then there really isn't any point it,

I think that's because of the fact that these sexual relations aren't "legal" (in term of religion), it's all in the mind...

it also sounds like you could use a hobby, go mountain biking or rock climbing, it's awesome,

I love reading, that's my favorite hobby; it's relaxing and it improves your mind at the same time; and sex naturally, but not the consequences of it, lol.

do YOU think you're a snake or is that just something that people have told you?

Nobody ever told me this, but that's the way I feel.

if you're happy being the way that you are, then there's no need for you to change

You know, there are things in my life that I LOVE! such as being able to travel almost anytime I like, and anywhere too, doing my studies, having the family I have, and also pleased with all the experience I have of life, my culture, etc.

BUT not so pleased sometimes to be so selfish, to be concerned about MY own happiness only.

your mom wants you to get married and have kids but you don't, so don't.

Also some people's arguments such as having kids at a young age to be able to enjoy playing with them and see their kids grow up, and all that good stuff...
Also seeing most of my friends getting married and having their kids, etc. My mother often reminds me that I'm the last one who hasn't got married yet... (loneliness man...)

then when you get caught with your pants down , you'll be better prepared to defend yourself and kick someone's ass for interrupting you. good luck.

Looool!!

Thanks dudes for your replies

 

[A Desolate Soul]

here's a tip. unless you got the muscles or fighting moves, STOP SLEEPING WITH WOMEN THAT ARE TAKEN >.>

 

[Hermit83]

I should've named this thread "Why am I such a jerk..."; I think the talk ends here.