Why are men and women...attracted to the b*tches and ********...??

[Luna]

Have you ever noticed that?

From men, I hear:
"Women are psycho/ crazy/ gold diggers/ users/ manipulative/ evil" etc.

From women, I hear:
"Men are ********/ pigs/ only care about sex/ jerks" etc.

From those around me - family, neighbours, colleagues - they'll tell me, what a kind person I am. But what use is it? The quiet, plain jane stereotypical "good girls" are the ones that are left behind for the gorgeous, center-of-attention, girl that uses her sexuality to control and manipulate men.

I have had older men, 40 years old+, tell me, that had they been my age, they would date me. However, look into their past...and they too, went for the attractive manipulative ***** that ripped their hearts instead of the sweet girl that worked hard desperately, to just be noticed by one person.

I often hear of this...problem...from men also. They will shower the girlfriend with affection, love, respect, and she in turn, will leave him for the ex who physically/ mentally/ emotionally abused her. Who treats her like trash and belittles her.

Along with this, the "good ones" in the relationships...will continue to be attracted to these destructive ******** and bitches. They will continue to chase after those who...rip their hearts and over, and over...and over.

It is a vicious cycle with no end in sight.

One strong belief in why people are attracted to toxic persons, is due to low self-esteem.
Well, I can tell you that I am one of the few with a completely screwed up mind and self-image. I am willing to cut my face up; I have struggled with overeating and weight problems, racial identity issues.
I know that how I see myself, is distorted and unhealthy.
But despite that all...despite my loneliness which kills me a little more each night...I cannot...I cannot tolerate the type of abusive, and disrespectful behaviour that so many of these men, and women accept.

Is there something that I am missing here?
Why?
Why does that happen?
I don't understand...

 

[Nyktimos]

Is there something that I am missing here?
Why?
Why does that happen?
I don't understand...

It's a good observation, and some people are undoubtedly terminally toxic. However, while we like to think of ourselves as being certain definable people, in reality who we are depends on who we are interacting with, and what we feel we deserve and should expect from someone depends partly on the nuances of our relationship with that person. Some of these cases of manipulation and mistreatment arise from the frustrations, desperate confusions and freedoms specific to a certain relationship. That ***** who is constantly taking advantage of her partner's generosity may be more considerate and happier in a relationship with someone who wouldn't put up with being used. That arsehole who mistreats his partner may be more loving with someone who would leave him high and dry if he did the same to her.

I've never been the same person in different relationships. I've treated people quite badly in the past because of my own frustrations. Now I tend to just give in time and time again, and have ended up miserable.

My girlfriend put up with being beaten and cheated on for years by her first husband. With me she takes and takes and has no idea she's doing it, because somewhere deep inside she knows she can get away with it so she doesn't have to analyze what she does.

Why are people attracted to toxic relationships? I reckon someone is always 'making do' in most relationships, at least if it lasts a while. Perhaps people just like to know where they stand, even if they're standing in quicksand.

 

[h i]

im attracted to virgins. but, they dont do anything...

its devastating.

i want room mates, and buddies, and stuff.

they want... more time.

...

 

[SophiaGrace]

Wow Luna,

You've written some thought provoking stuff.

I used to be one of those people who would go for the abusive type. It has only been through time that i've learned to put my foot down and say an unequivocal "NO" to these ********. (sorry, I don't know what else to term them...)

Being in a relationship with an abusive man i think is much like Self-Injury with a razor. At least, thats the mental metaphor I use.

You hate yourself, but instead of applying a razor to your wrist, you let another person do all the damage to you. You go through the feelings of sadness, rage, emotional numbing and then, eventually, you emotionally cave. And, once you emotionally cave it's very hard to get out of the relationship.

It's an addicting cycle. Based on adrenaline.

And of course the man has low self esteem and lack of empathy.

It's actually a very complicated phenomenon. This is just my theory. I could be wrong.

-------------------------------------------

When I was in these sorts of relationships I'd be very emotionally unstable. I'd get depressed, thinking I was ugly and worthless.

Now though I only surround myself by people who boost my self esteem. They value/love me.

I learned the vicious cycle from my parent's relationship. My dad used to beat my mother on a regular basis when I was a child. I'd lay awake listening to it as I would try to go to sleep.

It was up to me to learn what a healthy relationship felt like and how to form them since my parents obviously didn't set a good example.

Even now though, I'm terrified of getting into abusive relationships, knowing I have certain flaws that make me vulnerable to them such as Low Self-Esteem (which I'm working on) and soft personal boundaries. I also forgive very easily.

It is these weaknesses that keep me wary and may be a key for you to understand why certain people allow these abusive behaviors in others.

 

[Jesse]

They aren't really attracted to bitches and ********...at least I don't think most of them are.

What they're doing is going after those who are physically attractive no matter what their personality is like and it just so happens a lot of those who look good are pricks.

 

[shells]

My theory is that it depends on the type of household a person grows up in, and what kind of influence they had from parents (or lack of).

There are very sick people out there who just shouldn't be allowed to breed.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Bitches and ******** make the best lovers???

My wf used to have this bumper sticker on her car. (I love it ).
"it takes a ***** like me to love a bastuard like him"....

Here are some cool recovery quotes.....
"you're only about as attractive to a person that's about as sick/well
as you are"

Contary to popular beliefs...This statements gets a person
to take a really long hard look at themselves and stop playing the blame game.
In other words..." a crack pot calling a kettle black"
In other words...compatiblities or alike attracts alike.

Not oppostie attracts. Such as oil and water dosn't mix

Everyone have there own theory of whatever the heck it is...
It's when you're living it and experinced it and putting the theory into applications.
The relationship I was in for 12 years turned very, very toxic.
My ex-gf relasped (after 7 years in the relationship) into her alcoholism/addict and all of the chaos and insanity that came alone with that.
I can make list of pages of insane incidents and wrackages.
I can't assume that everyone experinced exactly that samething that I did nor throw a blanket over everything.
I don't have all the answers..but it dosn't mean i don't have plenty of answers.
Whatever my answers are...it might not work for you.

You stated your answers in your original post.
People will teach you many things...(what to do & what not to do)

Why???...IDK. I can't live other's lives for them.
It's like asking why the earth has to be round or why birds have wings...(it is what it is ).
It's like me asking WHY did Jenni died????
It's like me asking WHY did my children died???
It happens becuase there's over 6 billions people on this planet and there's probably over 6 billions combination of experinces and perceptions. It's part of life and the human experince
at this moment.

It's like saying you don't approve of nucelar power generations but you're hooked up to the
grid via your power provider.

It's like saying you don't approve of the killings genicide in africa, yet you don't have
a problem buying a new cell phone or wahtever electronics gadget you need every six 6months.
The facts are the mineral required to produce electronics components comes out of africa.
The trading of these mineral funds the killings of millions...
If you worry about this...you'll go freaken crazy

You can't change or control the world...however you do have some what of control
of your own life, thinking, beliefs

What are you asking especifically?
Should I feel guilty or beat up myself if I was labeled me sick?
Was it my plans that she relapsed and did I jumpped for joy?
Was I bewildered????

Here's the thing today.
I'll only let people into my life today that loves me, cares about me, repect me, honor me, cherish me...
(It's becuase I love, repect, cherish, honor, and care about myself.)
It just so happens to be same woman with that bumper sticker is one of them.
We have a very beautiful loving duaghter. Whatever life's lessons or journey she must make. We both love her very, very much. She's 21....that means I'm in my 40's.lol

 

[shells]

Here are some cool recovery quotes.....
"you're only about as attractive to a person that's about as sick/well
as you are"

What are you asking especifically?
Should I feel guilty or beat up myself if I was labeled me sick?
Was it my plans that she relapsed and did I jumpped for joy?
Was I bewildered????

I'm not sure if this is in response to what I said (correct me if I'm wrong!). If it wasn't, then ignore what I write below.

I was mostly referring to sick parents that abuse their children. Whether it be emotionally, verbally, physically, mentally, or all of the above. Or, if parents abuse each other infront of their children. I think most children learn from observations and influences that are provided for them at home.

My father was physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive to my mother and sister. For some reason, he never hit me, threw me down the stairs, or bashed my head into the wall (like he did my half-sister and mom) - but I was there to witness all of it. He also did some other things to my mother that I've only recently learned and don't feel comfortable mentioning here. I've only been through his mental and verbal abuse.

It has still had a huge impact on me growing up and now.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Here are some cool recovery quotes.....
"you're only about as attractive to a person that's about as sick/well
as you are"

What are you asking especifically?
Should I feel guilty or beat up myself if I was labeled me sick?
Was it my plans that she relapsed and did I jumpped for joy?
Was I bewildered????

I'm not sure if this is in response to what I said (correct me if I'm wrong!). If it wasn't, then ignore what I write below.

I was mostly referring to sick parents that abuse their children. Whether it be emotionally, verbally, physically, mentally, or all of the above. Or, if parents abuse each other infront of their children. I think most children learn from observations and influences that are provided for them at home.

My father was physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive to my mother and sister. For some reason, he never hit me, threw me down the stairs, or bashed my head into the wall (like he did my half-sister and mom) - but I was there to witness all of it. He also did some other things to my mother that I've only recently learned and don't feel comfortable mentioning here. I've only been through his mental and verbal abuse.

It has still had a huge impact on me growing up and now.

No...I wasn't refering to you directly.
I was answering Luna of my WHYs????.lol

But since you have brought this forward into the light

My ex-wf and I connected in many many ways beyound the sex and her good looks.
She too was abandent as a child. She too was mentally
and emotionally abused. I'm not sure if she was physically abused,
she never disclosed that to me...maybe it was too painful for her
to face at the time...

As a young couple there were so many things we didn't understand.
I didn't know anything about co-dependency, alcoholism or what
ACOA was. But I did know I love her very much. We both didn't
drink alot or party our asses off when we were married...
Actaully we tried to settle down

Did growing up in a dysfunctional enviorment effected both she and
I ? For me it did. If you do reserch on co-dependency, or ACOA
it might give you some insight. You might be able to relate with
some people...

I was so so so...wrong. I thought I'd grow out of it or if I move
from my parents that I would grow out of that. It didn't happened
like that for me.

For me personally I had to get clean and sober...
I didn't start drinking heavily until after I got a deviovced.
Losing her ripped everything out of me...
For the first time in my life someone kind of half ass understood me..
She understood me...
I got clean and sober at a very young age...between 22-23.

Stoping drinking and using was just the very begining of my recovery.
I had to face and work through abandentment issues, abused issues
and a bounch of other issues..

Mental and emotional abuse is alot harder becuase of the internal
scars and it takes alot of work and time to heal from it than physical
wounds...Years and years.

I couldn't do it alone

I'm very, vey sorry that you had to experince any abuse in your life in any manner.
I hope and pray you find healing and get well.

 

[deirdre]

because we always want what we cannot have, and most bitches and ******** are gorgeous hottie-totties or fabulous hunks of man flesh and know it.

 

[SophiaGrace]

But, isnt it love that makes most anyone beautiful?

I mean, if you love someone dont you think they are the most beautiful person on the face of the planet?

jw.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

But, isnt it love that makes most anyone beautiful?

I mean, if you love someone dont you think they are the most beautiful person on the face of the planet?

jw.

well..that's the $68 question.
Everyone have thier own perception and value of what love is.
Some people thinks love is just body chemistries while other
thinks it's a spiritaul thing.
Throw some guilt, shame, fear into the mix and it can drive anyone
crazy to try to fix into a box..

She thought life was a freaken living hell becuase of all
the challenges in living life. I do agree that living hasn't been easy.
As messed up as it has been...She's beautiful in the myst of it all.
She's most beautiful person I've ever met. It's the love and understanding that she has for me inspite of me and my BS. It's not just her looks that I find beautiful..It's her as a person.

For me...It's yes.

If I talk to other..thier opinion of it (from thier own perception or values)
would be that I'm just in lust with her. I belive I'm mature and honest
to myself enough to know what love is to me...

 

[deirdre]

someone wiser than myself once said we do not fall in love with another person's beauty, we fall in love with the person who sees the unique and incredible beauty in us