Why are you so bitter and needy?

[BornMisfit]

I tried reading a few postings in this section, but it was too horrible. So much bitterness, neediness, and even hatred for the opposite sex. Why? Is it any wonder that you can't find a partner, or lose them, or they're bad to you or dump you? Some of the postings were from very scary disturbed people, and no-one decent would be attracted to someone like that, so why don't you try to change?

I totally expect that my posting will provoke a very confrontational reaction, but that's fine, as long as it makes you wonder about yourself for a second.

I spent years truly believing none of it was my fault and that I was just fine, and that it was the men who were all pig-dogs users and rotten. Then one day I 'woke up' and realised it really was me and my own outlook and attitude that was either putting decent men off, or driving them away, or making bad men want me, because I was a bitter needy doormat-mug; and that was MY fault not theirs. So I changed.

So I'm wondering whether any of you here have thought whether it's YOU who is the problem?

 

[Remedy]

My posts can be very bitter and all that but I wouldn't call it disturbing so to say. Yet I don't put down people at all or the opposite sex, I just usually put down myself.I treat myself like I'm a piece of garbage and nothing more on here and when I'm alone. That isn't the way I come off as in public although I do never accept compliments out there. So I'm basically the complete opposite of how you were because I feel like everything that happens is my fault whether it be being to ugly or shy around people. Ya I agree that if someone has the same negative attitude when they are out in public they won't be able to find anyone.But this is a place to let out your frustrations and all that so people are just using this site for what it is for. Being alone for so long turns into an unbearable pain and you just have to release it by venting. Going without it for so long will make a person needy and bitter as hell its only natural. Everyone needs to love and be loved. I do understand though that you are definitely not going to find it being so bitter and needy but some people just can't help it you know? You were right in assuming that not all guys out there are pig headed jerks because I know I'm a great guy(at least from a kindness and trustworthy point of view) but I'm just overlooked all the time because people want that really hot person or overlook that really shy person. So in the end ya I guess I'm one of those bitter people but hey when people have treated you like garbage or treated you like you were to ugly all the time you would be the same way... Life just isn't fair and I know I want to love and be loved but when you get the same results you end up bitter.Human beings can be really cruel and it just changes a person overtime.

 

[packyourbags]

I tried reading a few postings in this section, but it was too horrible. So much bitterness, neediness, and even hatred for the opposite sex. Why? Is it any wonder that you can't find a partner, or lose them, or they're bad to you or dump you? Some of the postings were from very scary disturbed people, and no-one decent would be attracted to someone like that, so why don't you try to change?

I totally expect that my posting will provoke a very confrontational reaction, but that's fine, as long as it makes you wonder about yourself for a second.

I spent years truly believing none of it was my fault and that I was just fine, and that it was the men who were all pig-dogs users and rotten. Then one day I 'woke up' and realised it really was me and my own outlook and attitude that was either putting decent men off, or driving them away, or making bad men want me, because I was a bitter needy doormat-mug; and that was MY fault not theirs. So I changed.

So I'm wondering whether any of you here have thought whether it's YOU who is the problem?

hi.
you said yourself that you think it will provoke a confrontational reaction.
YOU BET!
so please tell me, what makes you think, that if you criticize other people, especially with epithets such as " Some of the postings were from very scary disturbed people, and no-one decent would be attracted to someone like that, so why don't you try to change?" people would just accept it and say ok, fine, so i must be a creep, turn over and die.

to me - people like you are the real disturbed ones, people who think that just because they figured their own lives, everyone else must be wrong and sick for haven't yet figured out their own.

have you lived their lives?
have you any idea what they have gone through?

if not - i suggest that you be a bit kinder, and if someone bothers you - just ignore them. but please, keep your judgement to yourself.

i am happy that you have found your path.
please, just let everyone else find their own, and refrain from judging them until you have been through their lives.

---

My posts can be very bitter and all that but I wouldn't call it disturbing so to say. Yet I don't put down people at all or the opposite sex, I just usually put down myself.I treat myself like I'm a piece of garbage and nothing more on here and when I'm alone. That isn't the way I come off as in public although I do never accept compliments out there. So I'm basically the complete opposite of how you were because I feel like everything that happens is my fault whether it be being to ugly or shy around people. Ya I agree that if someone has the same negative attitude when they are out in public they won't be able to find anyone.But this is a place to let out your frustrations and all that so people are just using this site for what it is for. Being alone for so long turns into an unbearable pain and you just have to release it by venting. Going without it for so long will make a person needy and bitter as hell its only natural. Everyone needs to love and be loved. I do understand though that you are definitely not going to find it being so bitter and needy but some people just can't help it you know? You were right in assuming that not all guys out there are pig headed jerks because I know I'm a great guy(at least from a kindness and trustworthy point of view) but I'm just overlooked all the time because people want that really hot person or overlook that really shy person. So in the end ya I guess I'm one of those bitter people but hey when people have treated you like garbage or treated you like you were to ugly all the time you would be the same way... Life just isn't fair and I know I want to love and be loved but when you get the same results you end up bitter.Human beings can be really cruel and it just changes a person overtime.

Hey dear.
i know why you see yourself as you do, although no, it's not true, by far.
from what i know you so far, you are one of the best, truest friends i have, and one of the best people i run into in my life.
and yes, in the end - this life is not fair, and good people get hurt way too much. i just wish you didn't see yourself so negatively

(hug)

i think you are right, that this is a place to vent, and to look for some understanding without judgement.

and people like OP should keep their twisted opinions to themselves.

 

[h i]

people react to different things differently. some vent, some criticize, and others evaluate. i believe your evaluation in bad taste though. people come to this site when feeling low, often from rejection or other bad experiences from social interactions. telling them its their fault, is in bad taste. very manipulative.

 

[Twitchy]

I spent years truly believing none of it was my fault and that I was just fine, and that it was the men who were all pig-dogs users and rotten.

Although the message came off as a tiny bit rude, bonus points for using the term "pig-dogs".

 

[packyourbags]

people react to different things differently. some vent, some criticize, and others evaluate. i believe your evaluation in bad taste though. people come to this site when feeling low, often from rejection or other bad experiences from social interactions. telling them its their fault, is in bad taste. very manipulative.

second that.

 

[Coverage]

I'm glad that you turned around your life and that change seemingly came so easy for you, however everyones situation is different. The tactics that worked for you wont work for everyone, thats just how things are. Some people have had horrible occurances take place in their lives, others have physical disabilities, while some have mental disabilities.

Your opinions are not bad, but it's the way you deliver them that truly undermines their effectivness. I've read a few of your posts and it seems that you think everything you say is fact and can apply to everyone in every situation, which just isnt correct.

Peoples problems are not as white and black as you seem to think they are.

 

[Badjedidude]

BornMisfit: I sort of figured that the whole POINT of this entire forum was to provide a place for people to vent and share their feelings with others who are in the same situation...

...are bitterness and loneliness not legitimate feelings? Disturbed or not, the people on here (myself included) came here for a reason--and that's exactly what I stated above: to vent and share feelings with someone who might care--since for the most part we've all been unable in one way or another to find people around us in our daily lives who care or are willing to listen.

Honestly, I just don't understand why people (such as yourself) apparently think that an adversarial, condescending, negative, "kick-in-the-pants" approach is going to work. Maybe the people on here DO need to take some responsibility for their problems...but you surely could have said that in a more kindly manner. Why is it necessary to take a "holier-than-thou" approach? Seriously. Just "try to change?" Yeah, if "changing" were that simple, this entire site would be empty.

I think you just wanted some attention...and you got it.

----Steve

 

[packyourbags]

BornMisfit: I sort of figured that the whole POINT of this entire forum was to provide a place for people to vent and share their feelings with others who are in the same situation...

...are bitterness and loneliness not legitimate feelings? Disturbed or not, the people on here (myself included) came here for a reason--and that's exactly what I stated above: to vent and share feelings with someone who might care--since for the most part we've all been unable in one way or another to find people around us in our daily lives who care or are willing to listen.

Honestly, I just don't understand why people (such as yourself) apparently think that an adversarial, condescending, negative, "kick-in-the-pants" approach is going to work. Maybe the people on here DO need to take some responsibility for their problems...but you surely could have said that in a more kindly manner. Why is it necessary to take a "holier-than-thou" approach? Seriously. Just "try to change?" Yeah, if "changing" were that simple, this entire site would be empty.

I think you just wanted some attention...and you got it.

----Steve

hear hear, Steve.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Honestly, I just don't understand why people (such as yourself) apparently think that an adversarial, condescending, negative, "kick-in-the-pants" approach is going to work. Maybe the people on here DO need to take some responsibility for their problems...but you surely could have said that in a more kindly manner. Why is it necessary to take a "holier-than-thou" approach? Seriously. Just "try to change?" Yeah, if "changing" were that simple, this entire site would be empty.

ITA.

Any jackass can hurl nastiness and then rationalize it away as a "tough love" approach, but IMO, it takes more character to approach someone with advice couched in compassion and respect.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well....I don't think I'm bitter or I try not to be. It was a promise and I pack I made with myself the moment I got clean and sober.
Actaully I was going to blow my fucken brains out...When I closed my eyes I saw a little spec of light.
The light was the hope that I might see duaghter again someday...becuase art the piont in my life I didn't really gave a honeysuckle oneway or
the other about anything anymore. I was tired of all the fucken lies, promises and whatever the fresia morals and values I tried to live
by but fucken everyone else was just saying the honeysuckle and wasn't living it. On top of that I was really, really messed up out of my fucken
mind...Actaully, I was hoping I fucken OD or fired my god **** brain and stay in freaken twilightzone forever...life on life's terms totally
sucked ass and whatever the fucken reality about life people where telling was totally retarded...
Yes...yes..I did the poor me, pour me...pour me a fucken drink for year. I check the messed out and didn't wanna come back.
Actaully I tried to commit suiecide the day I lost my duagther...

You're right....I had to change. I felt so much anger, resentments towards everyone and myself.
I was very angery at my ex-wf for taking my daugther from me...
Evidently my freaeken brain cells are turbo charged...I remember everything. How in the hell do you thing
I can memorized 100's of songs and play them note for note??? And I can still remember the taste of my ex-wf today.lol
I still get flashback of getting my fucken head bashed in as a child from time to time.
On the flip side...I still figured out that I couldn't continue to pour mind altering, mood changing substance into my system
anymore...That's a no brainer..lol

Recovery hasn't been easy. Stopping partying at such a young age wasn't easy....that was thing I had to do for me...
Actaully getting sober at first was really retarded...not only that I felt alone and lonely...sitting around listening
to a bunch of old farts and not going out to clubs or bars...life got totally borning as fresia. I wanted to stab fucken
people in the fucken eyes sometimes...lmao
But I promised myself that would never be bitter becuase maybe someday my daughter might need me or wants to see me...
and i sure as hell didn't want to be a bitter , lonely old man...I saw poeple like that in the rooms of recovery too...and I sure
as helll didn't want waht they had...It was depressing as fresia.

Yes...I get it. I had to change. Too bad...it didn't happened over night..becuase i wanted it all and I want it now too.lol
The process of recovery sometimes is like fucken snail pace.

Yes...I have plenty of co-dependecy books and read plenty of them. It took 3 years to break away from ex-gf from the moment I read
the first book or reserched on co-dependency. My fucken knowelge of co-dependency didn't change anything..i had to experince it and go
through the process....
And yes...even in my last relationship..it got totally retarded. My ex-gf was a total physco *****..She makes my ex-wf looks like
an angle...Yes ,very, very true..nothing I say, do will ever change her...She dosn't give a fresia about me....
And she's so holi than fresia. However I wasn't the fucken problem...she was.
I am the salutions...or I have the salutions within me...and fresia her fucken guilt trip BS too.
She can go to fucken hell....I don't care anymore..I'm done.
I have had enough....
Everyone gets to that piont at their own time and pace..It took me years to get there.

I'm not bitter today...I wasn't well.
Yes sometimes I come on here to vent and write whatever I need to write to release all of my anger or fuastrations..It's the process
of getting well...

Life is wierd
I changed ...life changed. I have a loving relationship with my ex-wf today. I love her very very much. It was totally unexpected.
I'm not angery at her anymore. She's not angery at me anymore...
She actaully wants me to have a relationship with my duaghter....but that's not happening at the moment...I have to accept that.
I reached to my daughter and did my part...
Well....I do have a duaghter that's reaching out to me and she needs me to be there for her...She's my step daugther. I love her very much.
So..there you go...I got what I wanted...I wanted peace and love in my life from someone I love very much and I'm able to be there for my daugther...
Just not from the people I thought it would come from though...

 

[CAS]

I tried reading a few postings in this section, but it was too horrible. So much bitterness, neediness, and even hatred for the opposite sex. Why? Is it any wonder that you can't find a partner, or lose them, or they're bad to you or dump you? Some of the postings were from very scary disturbed people, and no-one decent would be attracted to someone like that, so why don't you try to change?

I totally expect that my posting will provoke a very confrontational reaction, but that's fine, as long as it makes you wonder about yourself for a second.

I spent years truly believing none of it was my fault and that I was just fine, and that it was the men who were all pig-dogs users and rotten. Then one day I 'woke up' and realised it really was me and my own outlook and attitude that was either putting decent men off, or driving them away, or making bad men want me, because I was a bitter needy doormat-mug; and that was MY fault not theirs. So I changed.

So I'm wondering whether any of you here have thought whether it's YOU who is the problem?

I suspect you may have read at least one of my posts. I am bitter towards the world because, generally speaking, people (especially those of the opposite sex) have shown no interest in me. And I AM a decent person, I won't be told otherwise.

I suggest before you start ranting about what you consider to be the correct way of dealing with loneliness, you think a bit harder as to WHY the members of this forum are the way they are. If you don't want to read things like that, then I suggest you stay away from websites such as this one.

The world is a cruel place and every year it is getting worse. More vanity, more materialism, more greed and more decent people like me (both men and women) getting pushed further and further into the background.