Why do I find it so difficult ?

[Triple Bogey]

"Great that you finally know her name, and I agree with Beautiful Loser, use it to get to know her better - she is no longer the mysterious woman who skulks into your store, she is Allison."

Of course you do, Wormser, because great minds think alike

Bogey, I think did the right thing, because I don't recall you saying she was really shy in other posts...if you did, I apologize. I think most of us just wanted you to just do it because she could be one of those you let get away. Now, we know she's really shy and just take it slowly.

Also, I have to admit when I schemed with ways to ask someone out or had a plan all made up in my mind and how things would go...well, honestly, it didn't go well. It always seemed that when I just went off the cuff and did a spur of the moment thing that they actually worked better for me, cause it seemed more natural. So, maybe it is good you take your time with Allison, then down the road pretend you have a spur of the moment idea and maybe then show her your pictures and suggest she can tag along if she wanted to. *why am I faintly hearing "Love Is In The Air" by Tom Jones*

not a great deal has actually worked for me over the years. Like yourself, most of my schemes turned out disasters !

I don't hear any Tom Jones songs ! More The Smiths songs !

 

[ringwood]

[video=youtube]http://http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hnpILIIo9ek[/video]

 

[beautiful loser]

IMHO, their best song!

 

[Triple Bogey]

I like all their stuff !

 

[Triple Bogey]

did some digging and found out she has between 5 and 9 years on me.

 

[ringwood]

did some digging and found out she has between 5 and 9 years on me.

How'd you do that?

 

[beautiful loser]

^ His Stalkerware 2000 app

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

To ask a woman out on a date ?
I don't know what's wrong with me ?

Probably because you know she would say "no". By not asking her you at least keep the hope that she might have said "yes".

 

[Triple Bogey]

To ask a woman out on a date ?
I don't know what's wrong with me ?

Probably because you know she would say "no". By not asking her you at least keep the hope that she might have said "yes".

True.

 

[Batman55]

Probably because you know she would say "no". By not asking her you at least keep the hope that she might have said "yes".

Not the right thing to say to someone who could use encouragement, IMHO. This kind of thinking will only keep a person in limbo, uncertain, perhaps unwilling to try anything different.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Probably because you know she would say "no". By not asking her you at least keep the hope that she might have said "yes".

Not the right thing to say to someone who could use encouragement, IMHO. This kind of thinking will only keep a person in limbo, uncertain, perhaps unwilling to try anything different.

Given the opportunity I probably would do something. Just need that bit of luck, eg bumping into her outside of work.

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

Not the right thing to say to someone who could use encouragement, IMHO. This kind of thinking will only keep a person in limbo, uncertain, perhaps unwilling to try anything different.

I won't lie to the man just to make him feel better. He needs to know the truth, otherwise he might think he's just unlucky.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Do you know how I know she isn't interested ?

When she walks in the shop, I am on the till and to the right and about 5 feet away. She never looks to see if I am stood there. Never looks to see if I am on.
A lot of customers do. They walk in and look. I'm not saying the customers who do that like me or anything but it means I am on their mind. I am on their radar.
Some customers look and say 'hi', some smile, some say 'Hi, Triple'

This woman never does it, makes me think I am not on her mind at all. I am just a face behind a till who talks a lot !

But I have always kind of come across that. Indifference. What I usually try is chat and be nice and hope they do start to notice me.
It might be working with woman, I don't know.

 

[beautiful loser]

Bogey, don't go by her actions. Back in my mid-20's, I started dating this girl after she admitted that she always liked me (we worked together for a few years). Before this took place, I NEVER would have guessed she had an interest in me. Why? Because she did the same **** thing. When I would walk nearby her desk, she would look the other way. If we passed in the hallway, she gave me a quick "hello" (I always had to say it first) and looked the other way. I did notice she would listen intently when we were in the same group, but by herself she was practically a recluse.

Anyway, once we started dating she would bring up all of these stories involving me and how she would listen from her desk how I interacted with our co-workers. She brought up stories I completely forgot about and stuff I said/did to others...back then, I joked around a lot with my co-workers. She was paying attention but it was in a such a subtle way I never would have guessed.

So, don't think she doesn't notice you...I bet she's not looking your way because she's so **** shy. And for all of us, please stop being so negative...it's constructive criticism, because we do care about you, you big doofus

 

[Batman55]

I won't lie to the man just to make him feel better. He needs to know the truth, otherwise he might think he's just unlucky.

How do you know she has no interest in him? Unless you have personally observed this situation, you can't fairly make this critique. And you've no right to bring more negativity into this, which only helps to aid this feeling of doubt that has plagued TB for seemingly his whole life. Doubt leads to inaction. Inaction leads to a life full of regrets and missed opportunities.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Bogey, don't go by her actions. Back in my mid-20's, I started dating this girl after she admitted that she always liked me (we worked together for a few years). Before this took place, I NEVER would have guessed she had an interest in me. Why? Because she did the same **** thing. When I would walk nearby her desk, she would look the other way. If we passed in the hallway, she gave me a quick "hello" (I always had to say it first) and looked the other way. I did notice she would listen intently when we were in the same group, but by herself she was practically a recluse.

Anyway, once we started dating she would bring up all of these stories involving me and how she would listen from her desk how I interacted with our co-workers. She brought up stories I completely forgot about and stuff I said/did to others...back then, I joked around a lot with my co-workers. She was paying attention but it was in a such a subtle way I never would have guessed.

So, don't think she doesn't notice you...I bet she's not looking your way because she's so **** shy. And for all of us, please stop being so negative...it's constructive criticism, because we do care about you, you big doofus

Thanks everybody for caring !

I do realize some women are shy and maybe this woman is.
Some people do tend to look down all the time. When I serve her she does look at me, there is eye contact. (This is a reason why I like her, a lot of people don't do this)

There have only been 2 women in my life who have liked me and both were loud and pretty obvious about it. Even I knew about it.

---

I won't lie to the man just to make him feel better. He needs to know the truth, otherwise he might think he's just unlucky.

How do you know she has no interest in him? Unless you have personally observed this situation, you can't fairly make this critique. And you've no right to bring more negativity into this, which only helps to aid this feeling of doubt that has plagued TB for seemingly his whole life. Doubt leads to inaction. Inaction leads to a life full of regrets and missed opportunities.

17 or 45 my mind set hasn't ever changed regarding women. It has always been like this. Even the few dates I have been on hasn't really boosted my confidence much.

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

You don't have a problem with women, you have a problem with yourself. As do I.

Fix whatever is bothering you about yourself, after you figure out what that is.

---

How do you know she has no interest in him? Unless you have personally observed this situation, you can't fairly make this critique. And you've no right to bring more negativity into this, which only helps to aid this feeling of doubt that has plagued TB for seemingly his whole life. Doubt leads to inaction. Inaction leads to a life full of regrets and missed opportunities.

Better hope for the best but expect the worse. Bad action is worse than inaction.
If a woman likes you she'll do something, besides looking at you and smiling.
Lots of women look at me and smile. But if I ask them out or somethin' they run away. They were just trying to get my attention. Why ? 'Cause it's nice receiving attention, even from the people you wouldn't want to talk to, or get close to.

 

[Triple Bogey]

You don't have a problem with women, you have a problem with yourself. As do I.

Fix whatever is bothering you about yourself, after you figure out what that is.

---

How do you know she has no interest in him? Unless you have personally observed this situation, you can't fairly make this critique. And you've no right to bring more negativity into this, which only helps to aid this feeling of doubt that has plagued TB for seemingly his whole life. Doubt leads to inaction. Inaction leads to a life full of regrets and missed opportunities.

Better hope for the best but expect the worse. Bad action is worse than inaction.
If a woman likes you she'll do something, besides looking at you and smiling.
Lots of women look at me and smile. But if I ask them out or somethin' they run away. They were just trying to get my attention. Why ? 'Cause it's nice receiving attention, even from the people you wouldn't want to talk to, or get close to.

---

I agree with the bit about a woman liking you. They tell you directly. Smiling ? Half the time it's out of politeness, means fresia all !

I am very content at the moment. Happy where I live, where I work, I have more money than I need. Three hobbies, enough friends not to feel lonely. What's missing his a nice woman friend.

 

[ardour]

Lots of women look at me and smile. But if I ask them out or somethin' they run away. They were just trying to get my attention. Why ? 'Cause it's nice receiving attention, even from the people you wouldn't want to talk to, or get close to.

That's an extremely cynical assessment ... unfortunately it seems right much of the time.
That and sometimes the smile's about not angering men they see as dangerous/loathsome, someone who could potentially bother them. A defense mechanism in other words.

 

[Solivagant]

Anyone ever think that sometimes women smile because it's just a nice thing to do? Smiling is rather a difficult thing for me, and I've been told I look sort of "weird" or "crazy" when I smile because when I'm doing it on purpose, it doesn't look natural, and that makes me a little self-conscious about it. But I've heard all over the place that smiling at people makes them feel better and spreads positivity, so I've made a conscious effort to smile when people look at me, or to look at them first and smile. If I knew that guys were going to analyze it up and down like this, I'd probably stop. But then they'd probably come here and complain about how women never smile at them because they're not attractive enough, or whatever other reason they convince themselves of. Honestly, can't you guys just let a woman smile and think "That was nice" and move on? Do you have to put a negative spin on every little thing that women do?