Why does society look suspiciously upon the loner?

[EveWasFramed]

(Lets all just remember than you can't really know what someone is thinking, or what's in their head when they say something.)

As for the camera thing, I guess that's a matter of opinion. Some people might things it's odd, but some won't.
I wouldn't think it was odd - I'd just think the person had a hobby.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The Wikipedia Loner entry says:

The modern term "loner" can be used with a negative connotation[3] in the belief that human beings are social creatures and those that do not participate are deviant.[4][5]

I have always wondered why society views the loner type person as somebody that needs help or has a personality disorder. Obviously that can be true sometimes; Certain loners do need help, but others might have perfectly justifiable reasons for needing isolation.

What do you think about this? To what extent are human beings social creatures?

Because loners are usually douchebags.

On the contrary.

I've generally found that the introverted are more insightful, more intelligent, more artsy and creative, and are generally better people. They also make better decisions.

In my opinion, there are two separate types of loners. One is the type that is the introvert that likes being alone, but also likes people. This kind of person is generally more healthy than most extroverts.

The other type of person is someone who is creepy, or puts off a bad vibe, and people don't want to be around them. I call this the "involuntary loner", because they simply creep people out. And this can be someone who, by all extends and purposes, is a loud extrovert...but people just don't like them.

I consider myself more of the former, rather than the latter. But I have met people in my day to day life that makes me wonder how they manage to get through life, because their personalities suck.

 

[Locke]

Society and I don't talk much, but if we ever do I'll ask 'em why they look down on me.

 

[Senamian]

Funny thing is, it isn't even cameras that make some people "squirm". Any inanimate object is prone to bring "suspicion". Hoodies, headphones, backpacks, etc.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Oh baloney. i see people all the time with hoodies, backpacks and headphones. Walking around listening to music or your phone is no biggie. People snapping pictures at the mall, well what right does someone have to possibly take my picture? I think that is invasive and rude.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Listening to music on your iPod or phone is no big deal. Everyone from 8 to 80 is doing it. Even my 62 year old mother sometimes listens to the cloud on her Android (which I set up for her.)

A loner is, again, one of two types. Either the voluntary loner, who has a few friends but desires to be alone. Or the involuntary loner, who wants friends but can't get them because he/she is creepy and/or gives off bad vibes.

I also wouldn't argue that someone who has low self esteem is an involuntary loner, because that doesn't mean they will give off bad vibes.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Also, some loners have attitudes. Like they are just soooo misunderstood and think they are much too smart for society because nobody "understands" them. So, yeah, if you give off the "I hate people" vibe, then yeah, you are going to make people think you a bit suspicious.

 

[simhthmss]

society these days is scared of ANYONE who is slightly different now...you disagree with the government you're a terrorist, you actually think you have rights...terrorist. i dunno maybe being different and not wanting to yak about TV, sports and the fake news makes people insecure that you're not part of their 'tribe', i cant abide people that cant see the tyranny going on in front of their nose so ill be friends with someone when i find someone who cares about something serious, they don't have to insanely militant...just give a honeysuckle about all the mass murder and open tyranny for gods sake, if i find any here then I'd be their friend, i hang around in the pub and club in my town and yeah i've found it impossible to get a word in edgeways past football.

I'll not be friends with folk who talk about inconsequential guff that doesn't hold the slightest interest for me, i find that worse than being alone....having friends who bore you or you hate just to have company, some do it and that's up to them but unless i find someone with their head screwed on id rather be alone

i think with the government scaremongering and the more socialist bent that has appeared in the western world, the crux is that if you're alone then nosy collectivist folk (who often don't realize they've had that trait scared into their psyche) don't know what you're doing and so their mindless suspicions kick in, you could be up
to anything! you could be reading or or....thinking! but yeah that's essentially it.

all this nosy 'see something say something' stuff has people thinking very collectivized and without knowing it they're thinking 'whats he doing all alone like that' and anything from bomb making to knitting comes into their DHS propagandized mind, its the same in most westernized countries we've been terrorized by government scare mongering so much if you're not doing something social you could be some lone lunatic, i think 50 years ago people would have just accepted you as someone who likes their solitude and is exercising their right to do as they wish without hurting anyone on their own, these days theres far more suspicion

thats my take anyhow

 

[TheDude76]

So weird. . Here in the US, I'm pretty much a socialist (Green Party), and the Tea Party folks are the ones demanding conformity. Funny how societies differ.

 

[jonagelle]

It is not always that a loner has a personality disorder. Maybe he prefer to be alone because he cannot talk much when in group. Maybe he thinks of something, and wants to be alone rather than be disturbed. He wants to reflect. Ordinary people even healthy people are sometimes loner. Maybe he is refuse by friends, because these friends are insecure of him. They find him more lucky than they are. They cannot achieve the kind of success the alone friend has. Or maybe you are a bad influence to them. Maybe you are a problem to them. Sometimes a person is loner because he wants silence. He wants to reflect. Reflect on his experiences and other things that he likes to do in his life.

*promotion removed*

 

[ardour]

Loners are typically unattractive men lacking life experience who didn't have much opportunity to develop social skills. I can't help thinking people emphasise it as preference to make it appear more of a voluntary thing, maybe to justify why they're unwilling to give such people a chance. If it wasn't a choice to begin with how much of a choice is it to continue that way? Bullied and shut out of social interaction in adolescence-to-early adulthood = loner.

 

[Brianna-1982]

Very interesting replies. Thanks everyone.

I'm usually just fine being a loner. People don't know what to do with me, and I like it that way. I love the expression on people's faces when they realize they've underestimated me. I like to fresia with people, not in a bad way. I like to make them think. For most people, having to think critically about something is just too much. I have high standards for myself.

It's not like I'm always alone, people I connect with will drift in and out of my life. Nothing has ever been consistent though, and that is tough.

For me the hardest part about being a loner / introvert is the minority stress. I want to be approachable. I want to "chit-chat" with people and have lighthearted conversations about normal things. I want to laugh when everyone else does. I want people to listen to me when I'm talking to them, even if it isn't what they want to hear.

fresia it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Loners are typically unattractive men lacking life experience who didn't have much opportunity to develop social skills. I can't help thinking people emphasise it as preference to make it appear more of a voluntary thing, maybe to justify why they're unwilling to give such people a chance. If it wasn't a choice to begin with how much of a choice is it to continue that way? Bullied and shut out of social interaction in adolescence-to-early adulthood = loner.

Nah, the attractive can be bullied, too. In fact, sometimes the main reason they are targeted is because they are physically attractive.

Me, I manage to either piss people off by my average looks, or just go unnoticed. The few people that notice me, I call friends, but for the most part, I blend into the scenery...and this is probably how most people are. I would have liked to be more attractive, because I'd like a girlfriend, but I kind of like my privacy too.

 

[Bebeskii]

Loners are typically unattractive men lacking life experience who didn't have much opportunity to develop social skills. I can't help thinking people emphasise it as preference to make it appear more of a voluntary thing, maybe to justify why they're unwilling to give such people a chance. If it wasn't a choice to begin with how much of a choice is it to continue that way? Bullied and shut out of social interaction in adolescence-to-early adulthood = loner.

Exactly !

---

Very interesting replies. Thanks everyone.

I'm usually just fine being a loner. People don't know what to do with me, and I like it that way. I love the expression on people's faces when they realize they've underestimated me. I like to fresia with people, not in a bad way. I like to make them think. For most people, having to think critically about something is just too much. I have high standards for myself.

It's not like I'm always alone, people I connect with will drift in and out of my life. Nothing has ever been consistent though, and that is tough.

For me the hardest part about being a loner / introvert is the minority stress. I want to be approachable. I want to "chit-chat" with people and have lighthearted conversations about normal things. I want to laugh when everyone else does. I want people to listen to me when I'm talking to them, even if it isn't what they want to hear.

fresia it.

Wow. That's exactly what i really want. Today I got ignored twice by adults. Having a trip to a countryside was terrible for me. Only adults who behaves as if they do know everything and have vast life experience. I was working so hard, doing chores but I've been called useless and inexperienced. At that moment I desperately wanted a true friend to spend time and have some fun in a forest or down the stream. Being a loner is harsh and everybody even my family member tried to bully me. Always underestimated and excluded. Why can't I live like others ? life sucks.

 

[1000lifetimes]

Very interesting replies. Thanks everyone.

I'm usually just fine being a loner. People don't know what to do with me, and I like it that way. I love the expression on people's faces when they realize they've underestimated me. I like to fresia with people, not in a bad way. I like to make them think. For most people, having to think critically about something is just too much. I have high standards for myself.

It's not like I'm always alone, people I connect with will drift in and out of my life. Nothing has ever been consistent though, and that is tough.

For me the hardest part about being a loner / introvert is the minority stress. I want to be approachable. I want to "chit-chat" with people and have lighthearted conversations about normal things. I want to laugh when everyone else does. I want people to listen to me when I'm talking to them, even if it isn't what they want to hear.

fresia it.

I love it!
"I love making people realize they underestimated me"
"I have high standards for myself"
"I like to make [people] think. For most people, having to think critically about something is just too much. "

Oh that made my day! Absolutely brilliant form! You'll get a resounding AMEN from me.

People are quick to assume that loners have something broken. I like to think that within every genius is a small core of insanity, which can sometimes alienate/intimidate others or perhaps pull themselves away. It's what sets them apart from the masses. I don't imagine the greatest human minds spent much time at the club, blending in with the masses. Perhaps the desire to is just because the grass is always greener.

fresia it indeed and Cheers to you big ears .

 

[ardour]

Nah, the attractive can be bullied, too. In fact, sometimes the main reason they are targeted is because they are physically attractive.

Me, I manage to either piss people off by my average looks, or just go unnoticed. The few people that notice me, I call friends, but for the most part, I blend into the scenery...and this is probably how most people are. I would have liked to be more attractive, because I'd like a girlfriend, but I kind of like my privacy too.

I meant conspicuously unattractive. You aren't part of the demographic.

Personality traits that could help overcome it have to be developed via experience, ironically through social interaction. Interaction is withheld from the noticeably unattractive.

Young men with 'social problems' at school etc. are given naive "develop confidence, be this way, be that way" advice that ignores the social reality, which is that they're never given the opportunity to speak and be anything.

 

[I_suffer]

I love it!
"I love making people realize they underestimated me"
"I have high standards for myself"
"I like to make [people] think. For most people, having to think critically about something is just too much. "

Oh that made my day! Absolutely brilliant form! You'll get a resounding AMEN from me.

People are quick to assume that loners have something broken. I like to think that within every genius is a small core of insanity, which can sometimes alienate/intimidate others or perhaps pull themselves away. It's what sets them apart from the masses. I don't imagine the greatest human minds spent much time at the club, blending in with the masses. Perhaps the desire to is just because the grass is always greener.

fresia it indeed and Cheers to you big ears .

Yeah, loneliness is cool! Like you say it sets one "apart from the masses". And "the grass is always greener"? Hell yeah! Everyone wants to be lonely!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Nah, the attractive can be bullied, too. In fact, sometimes the main reason they are targeted is because they are physically attractive.

Me, I manage to either piss people off by my average looks, or just go unnoticed. The few people that notice me, I call friends, but for the most part, I blend into the scenery...and this is probably how most people are. I would have liked to be more attractive, because I'd like a girlfriend, but I kind of like my privacy too.

I meant conspicuously unattractive. You aren't part of the demographic.

Personality traits that could help overcome it have to be developed via experience, ironically through social interaction. Interaction is withheld from the noticeably unattractive.

Young men with 'social problems' at school etc. are given naive "develop confidence, be this way, be that way" advice that ignores the social reality, which is that they're never given the opportunity to speak and be anything.

I have a story for you.

There was this woman who used to come into the place where I worked in 2006. I was cashier/bagger. She was blind from an accident, and had a big gash running down the side of her face, and her eye was deformed from that accident. She was blind in both eyes, but very intelligent and sweet, and everybody just loved her.

Whenever she walked into the store, everyone and their Grandmother stared. I mean, it's hard not to. But when she smiled and started talking, people warmed up (and I mean everyone.) Nobody treated her like she was deformed or couldn't see them.

It was a very good insight into the human condition. People look suspiciously upon the different, but if you show yourself to be human, people lighten up.

Rdor, I sometimes think you're too hard on yourself. You're constantly negative on here. I'd like to see you trying to make friends, and better yourself, instead of convincing yourself why you can't. You are voluntarily lonely, because you have such a bad attitude.

 

[ardour]

Those who've had horrendous accidents or suffer with a congenital deformity are pitied. I'm not saying their lives are easy, people stare and there are arseholes who give them a hard time, but generally people think it shameful to be cruel in those circumstances.

(very) ugly men aren't considered victims, instead we're moral agents in our status, as if unattractiveness were an indication of bad character and poor genes.

I'm lucky to have a few friends.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Rdor, you could have taken that as an example of that people like people who are nice and friendly, but instead you turned it into "they must have felt sorry for her."

I never felt sorry for her. I mean, I'm sorry she had an accident, but that's not why I talked to her. I talked to her because she was...gasp...nice and friendly!

I'm sorry I even said anything. You refuse to change.