Why Don't You Just Have One

[AFrozenSoul]

So I am not trying to be offensive here, but I am getting kind of tired of people whining about how they have never had a significant other.  That is all I see on this in particular sub-forum.  Well that and broken hearts.  However, broken hearts are a different thing.

So to all of you out there who are depressed because you have never been in a relationship.  I have to ask, why don't you go out and find one?  Whether you are a male or female.  Why do you sit here and mope and whine?  I know I am guilty of this as well, but I am trying to change that.  All I hear is how everyone is so miserable and depressed that they have not had a relationship.  Go out and have one.  I just do not get it.  If the experience is all that matters, and it is easy to interpret any one of the posts as only wanting the experience.   Go out and have it.

So can anyone please tell me why so many wait for the fire to start for them.  Instead of starting the fire themselves? I can say reading all these posts helps to keep my fire to change going. Please tell me why you cannot be with the first person who is willing to have more than one date with you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Because for many of the people on here it is much easier to complain (not a good word) about never having a significant other then it is to go out into that fearful world and do something about it. A lot of people here suffer from social anxiety, agoraphobia, fear of rejection, etc. It's easy to sit here and say, just go do it, but to actually do the act itself is extremely difficult for people. I'm one of those people, I've been rejected, had my heart torn out, and had it stomped on. It's hard to explain if you don't understand it, but to go out and try to find another person and possibly face going through any of that again is just as fearful as my fear of spiders. The only exercise I can suggest for anyone who doesn't understand it is to think of what scares you, your fears or anxieties and that's what it's like.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Do not get me wrong I understand that part. I have done the same in the past. Hell I guess I am still doing the same by saying I am focusing on working out. I guess the underlying theme of my question is what do you have left to lose?

 

[LGH1288]

Why do you sit here and mope and whine?

IMO some people are lazy and won't go out of their way for anyone or anything, or some people prefer to find fault with anyone or anything but themselves, or some people simply fear failure. The annoying habits of moping and whining are very telling signs of emotional immaturity. LG:-(

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@LGH1288: This is true as well. I guess I just get easily annoyed when people are nit even willing to try.

 

[NOAH_FX]

Sometimes it's just hard.. I don't meet near as many women as I did say in college.. Of the women i do meet it dosent mean i want to automatically date them.. I don't want a girlfriend just for the sake of having one.. If im going to start a relationship their has to be certain qualities their or theirs no point.. If we can't have a conversation, it's flat out not going to work..

Simply though, your in the Relationship section of a site called "A Lonley life".. what else did you expect lol

 

[Sci-Fi]

What there is left to lose is a good question, and I'm with Noah here, at my age and point in life I don't want a girlfriend to just have a girlfriend. I want someone I can get serious with, with the intent of being together for the long haul, having children, building a family. It's time to be serious and that is frightening in itself because that means everything changes.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@NOAH_FX and Sci-Fi: Valid point, you have standards, I can respect that line of thinking. However, the question then becomes if you are going to have standards like that do you have the right to complain? You are willfully turning down chances to have a relationship. Kind of like remaining unemployed because you cannot find the perfect job.

I can also pose another question. His do you know that person is being authentic? I of course mean his do you know the person you are trying to be with is not just testing the waters or insecure? Playing it cool as many call it.

 

[Badjedidude]

IMO some people are lazy and won't go out of their way for anyone or anything, or some people prefer to find fault with anyone or anything but themselves, or some people simply fear failure. The annoying habits of moping and whining are very telling signs of emotional immaturity. LG:-(

A very, very good answer.

 

[Mary Mary]

I can understand that a person with a phobia isn't going to rush out and have a relationship. I just get to the point where I don't want to hear about it anymore when they complain but make no active effort to get to their goal.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I can understand that a person with a phobia isn't going to rush out and have a relationship. I just get to the point where I don't want to hear about it anymore when they complain but make no active effort to get to their goal.

It is like you can read my mind.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Actually AFrozenSoul, personally I don't complain about it at all. I keep it all to myself. I was just hypothesizing (that's going to be my word of the day) on others. I like to complain about other things then my love life. ROFL!!

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Sci-Fi: That is god to hear. There are plenty of other things that are out of your control that you can complain about.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It's very simple to sit there and state that it's easy, but for someone with social anxiety (such as myself), it's not so simple. I freak out over normal social interactions, and anything related to dating is much, much worse.

 

[spectacles]

Well, if things were as easy as go and get them, then loneliness wouldnt exist.. Human relationships are very complicated. Finding someone who can truly share your life with u is very difficult, even those who are in a "relationship" with another person can be lonely. I want a significant relationship, and thats very difficult to find.

 

[Nina]

Some folks have been hurt so deeply that their fear has become a huge aspect of their personality. If they could just hop out and snag someone they would but they can't. Others have extenuating circumstances like health, disabilities etc...It's incredibly difficult for them as well. There are a few folks who are addicted to their misery and simply want to play pity-whore for attention, but these are a lot fewer and far between than the folks who are simply struggling. Passing hurtful remarks doesn't help them either...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I have my reasons...I mean EXCUSES
Laziness. Palying the victim, irrresponsible, Selffish, self centered Self absorbing. Egotistic , nurratic..
Plus I was waiting for CHELLE (exwf) to come save me N fix me
I fell totally madly in love with her again. She used a one of those cutting knife that cuts going in N rips coming out on my heart again The pour salt on it
Now I just dont give a fresia.. Chicks rejecting me or whatever the hell Francis puts me through is like child's play..hahaaaa

---

WANTING is a behavior pattern or mind set. SEEKING, ENVY..these are all from a state of LACK. Ur brain release nature endorphines . U simly creat these conditions to release indrophins in ur brain...whining. Poor me. Depression...etc As unhealthy as it my be..ur confortiable with it or addicted.

To CHANGE or mental blue print practice GRADTITUE. Gradtitude is a state of HAVING.
Change from the inside out...
Gradually ur create conditions in ur life of Having..

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@LeaningIntoTheMuse: I am very familiar with Social Anxiety, I have it myself. However, this brings me back to what do you have to lose? I mean really, if you face your fears what do you have to lose?

@spectacles: A relationship is only as significant as you let it be. There are plenty of guys out here who are only aware of their wives when they want sex. I guess my other point was how can you expect to find that relationship if you do not go out and look? I would much rather hear stories of never-ending rejection over stories of never having a relationship.

@Nina: Maybe it is just my personality. However, after feeling like garbage for so long I finally got tired of it. I understand it is hard to get out there and do it. However, it comes back to what is do you have to lose? As well as, what is more important. Being the victim or controlling your own destiny. I understand fear, but I got annoyed with it. There are plenty of people out there with health problems that have happy and fulfilling relationships.

 

[Nina]

@LeaningIntoTheMuse: I am very familiar with Social Anxiety, I have it myself. However, this brings me back to what do you have to lose? I mean really, if you face your fears what do you have to lose?

@spectacles: A relationship is only as significant as you let it be. There are plenty of guys out here who are only aware of their wives when they want sex. I guess my other point was how can you expect to find that relationship if you do not go out and look? I would much rather hear stories of never-ending rejection over stories of never having a relationship.

@Nina: Maybe it is just my personality. However, after feeling like garbage for so long I finally got tired of it. I understand it is hard to get out there and do it. However, it comes back to what is do you have to lose? As well as, what is more important. Being the victim or controlling your own destiny. I understand fear, but I got annoyed with it. There are plenty of people out there with health problems that have happy and fulfilling relationships.

Frozen--

I genuinely admire the fact that you found you're way out of your issues and found a better place. I can see where the annoyance comes from, I have folks in my own world who I would just like to shake some sense into. I also completely agree, that there are plenty of folks facing catastrophic conditions and yet they have their happiness and weather any storm with it firmly in tow.

My own personality hackles a bit when I see anything that looks like a sweeping generalization. Because there are folks out there who need time to vent their pain in whatever way works, to be able to reach the place you have.

Then again, there are also folks addicted to their own failures and the attention that being a professional victim offers. I know of folks, who if you brought them a fresh, nice person, centered on a silver platter, everyday of the week, they'd find a way to maim the situation so they could play victim and enjoy attention seeking behavior until the next "nice" person was served up to them. Those folks I have little to no compassion for.

 

[spectacles]

Yes, I agree with u there, If u dont go out u wont meet ppl, and therefore u wont get a gf/bf. Not my case thou. I go out a lot and have plenty of rejection stories, I just dont post them here
Glad to hear u changed ur attitude and u are doing better