Would you date a man in his 30's who has never had a girlfriend?
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AFrozenSoul
Well-known member
@IgnoredOne:Of course you do. If you say something wrong on the interent you can be subject to legal action if that person dies. There is also the fact that you want to see your reality more than actual reality. It happens to everyone.
@rdor: Sugar coating is one thing. However, placing so much of a coat on something that you cannot even taste the horrible side is lying. Sugar coating is to help make the object easier to initially consume. Not to change the flavor.
@rougewave: Who is the one lying? The individual who says the group is lying or the group who says the individual is lying?
@rdor: Sugar coating is one thing. However, placing so much of a coat on something that you cannot even taste the horrible side is lying. Sugar coating is to help make the object easier to initially consume. Not to change the flavor.
@rougewave: Who is the one lying? The individual who says the group is lying or the group who says the individual is lying?
WishingWell
Well-known member
I would wonder why you never had a girlfriend, but would respect that and not ask why. If I liked you, YES, I would go out with you...that is, if I was 22 year younger.
Good luck to you!
Good luck to you!
AFrozenSoul
Well-known member
@roguewave: It was more of a philosophy question about what is more the truth. Yes you fan define your own truths. However, are they true if you are the only one who believes them? Or are you telling me the key to happiness is to lower my standards?
Walley
Well-known member
I think it's all completely internal.
if you feel like a loser and believe yourself to be, then who is to argue?
nerds used to be called losers too until they started making billions of dollars. but where they really losers before that? who was right then? the masses or the die hard nerds?
as for this site, people here have a wide range of issues, and maybe some have none at all?
but where you are wrong is by assuming that everyone on this site and a marjority of it's members fall into the category of loser you may define.
for me, I am happily married, a boss at my job that i love, i live in a nice size house that's only a few years old and my wife and i each drive new vehicles. 2 great kids. accomplished in my hobbies as well. tall and fit, maybe not a heartthrob but i used to do ok with the ladies. I'm not a loser by any deffinition.
i do have some social issues of my own though and felt like i very much needed a place like this site when i came here. I am a caring non-judgemental person and pride myself on openness and honesty.
you can say what you want about yourself, but shouldn't assume things about whom ever is on the other side of the screen or pretend to know the motives behind their words.
if you feel like a loser and believe yourself to be, then who is to argue?
nerds used to be called losers too until they started making billions of dollars. but where they really losers before that? who was right then? the masses or the die hard nerds?
as for this site, people here have a wide range of issues, and maybe some have none at all?
but where you are wrong is by assuming that everyone on this site and a marjority of it's members fall into the category of loser you may define.
for me, I am happily married, a boss at my job that i love, i live in a nice size house that's only a few years old and my wife and i each drive new vehicles. 2 great kids. accomplished in my hobbies as well. tall and fit, maybe not a heartthrob but i used to do ok with the ladies. I'm not a loser by any deffinition.
i do have some social issues of my own though and felt like i very much needed a place like this site when i came here. I am a caring non-judgemental person and pride myself on openness and honesty.
you can say what you want about yourself, but shouldn't assume things about whom ever is on the other side of the screen or pretend to know the motives behind their words.
I'm in my 40's and have never had a girlfriend AND I've been called handsome and good looking at least a few times. I guess I should just sign up for the monastery now huh? Needless to say this is something I keep to myself. I have my reasons and I know what they are but society as a whole would not understand.
Eventually I would like to have a girlfriend but as far as I'm concerned it's not a contest and there is no clock. I'll pursue it when I'm ready and only when I'm ready and only if I meet the right person. Part of it(although admittedly not all of it)is because I have never really pursued it that seriously. I have also never really met anyone who I wanted to get to know in that way and the feeling was mutual. It's not a one way street. However, these days I just have other things in my life that are more important to me and having a girlfriend or a serious relationship is just not a high priority for me right now.Another thing is I have mental issues(or at least a history of them if not too much at the moment)and have never had a career and currently do not work. I do not think there are many(if any)women out there who I would be interested in who would take me seriously and be interested in me given the fact I have no job. That's just the reality of it. I could be wrong but I doubt it and even if I am wrong I would rather put my energy into taking care of myself rather than focusing on something that would probably not work out in the long run anyway(mainly because of my current situation which causes stress and stress is not a good thing to bring into a relationship).
Unfortunately though, both men and women are judged by this regardless of their personal reasons. Most people just don't understand and saying you have some sort of disability doesn't matter because lots of people who have disabilities are in relationships. This is one reason I don't like Plenty of Fish. There is a thing on there where you have to say how long your longest relationship was. I think that's pretty judgemental and really nobody's business. I guess it's good for some women who don't want a "serial dater" but for someone like me it's just not right since my issue is I just never found anyone. But yeah it sucks to have never been in a serious relationship but it also sucks to be judged for it. As far as I'm concerned it's really nobody's business and unless I'm engaged to someone or whatever she doesn't really need to know all my details. If someone asks I might say something like "well I've had a lot of obstacles in my life that have prevented me from seriously pursuing that" and that wouldn't be lying but it's not really something I am going to go out of my way to try to explain to people(except maybe on here.
).
Eventually I would like to have a girlfriend but as far as I'm concerned it's not a contest and there is no clock. I'll pursue it when I'm ready and only when I'm ready and only if I meet the right person. Part of it(although admittedly not all of it)is because I have never really pursued it that seriously. I have also never really met anyone who I wanted to get to know in that way and the feeling was mutual. It's not a one way street. However, these days I just have other things in my life that are more important to me and having a girlfriend or a serious relationship is just not a high priority for me right now.Another thing is I have mental issues(or at least a history of them if not too much at the moment)and have never had a career and currently do not work. I do not think there are many(if any)women out there who I would be interested in who would take me seriously and be interested in me given the fact I have no job. That's just the reality of it. I could be wrong but I doubt it and even if I am wrong I would rather put my energy into taking care of myself rather than focusing on something that would probably not work out in the long run anyway(mainly because of my current situation which causes stress and stress is not a good thing to bring into a relationship).
Unfortunately though, both men and women are judged by this regardless of their personal reasons. Most people just don't understand and saying you have some sort of disability doesn't matter because lots of people who have disabilities are in relationships. This is one reason I don't like Plenty of Fish. There is a thing on there where you have to say how long your longest relationship was. I think that's pretty judgemental and really nobody's business. I guess it's good for some women who don't want a "serial dater" but for someone like me it's just not right since my issue is I just never found anyone. But yeah it sucks to have never been in a serious relationship but it also sucks to be judged for it. As far as I'm concerned it's really nobody's business and unless I'm engaged to someone or whatever she doesn't really need to know all my details. If someone asks I might say something like "well I've had a lot of obstacles in my life that have prevented me from seriously pursuing that" and that wouldn't be lying but it's not really something I am going to go out of my way to try to explain to people(except maybe on here.
).Tuppence
Well-known member
I would. I'd actually be a lot more worried by a guy who told me he'd had 50 girlfriends because that implies fidelity issues.
My fiancé is quite a lot older than me and he hasn't had many relationships. But that kind of thing isn't important to me. He's a lovely guy. He's kind, sweet, protective, understanding...that means so much more to me than his birth certificate and past relationship history. It's how he relates to me that matters, not how he related to other women.
I'll be honest - there are times when I feel like he's a grown-up and I'm just a child, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be together, or that this will be the case with every couple with the same age difference. But his relationship history has never been an issue at all. He used to worry about doing things wrong, but he's never done anything wrong.
My fiancé is quite a lot older than me and he hasn't had many relationships. But that kind of thing isn't important to me. He's a lovely guy. He's kind, sweet, protective, understanding...that means so much more to me than his birth certificate and past relationship history. It's how he relates to me that matters, not how he related to other women.
I'll be honest - there are times when I feel like he's a grown-up and I'm just a child, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be together, or that this will be the case with every couple with the same age difference. But his relationship history has never been an issue at all. He used to worry about doing things wrong, but he's never done anything wrong.
onmyown1979
Active member
In the same boat. I've been called handsome, good looking, etc. I get along with everyone well and don't have a problem talking to women. What frustrates me is nowadays the only girls that are interested in me have major issues that I can't be a part of and I live a drug free, low key lifestyle...I'm not asking for much, just a law abiding citizen but right now I can't get one to consider me
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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I am in this situation, but I've always been a bit odd.
I hope a girl wouldn't judge me for this.
I hope a girl wouldn't judge me for this.
ardour
Well known loser
Unfortunately most women probably would steer clear, maybe not the type of people on these forums, but generally so. At 34 I'm resigned to being alone. The only women I imagine wanting anything to do with me would be those with serious problems. Sometimes it's just too late.
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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What do you define as serious problems?
murmi97
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I don't even want to be in a relationship til I'm about 30, and yeah I'd like to be the first and only that they say I love you to, so that sounds kinda ideal to me.
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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I actually think I am more equipped for a relationship now than when I was younger.
The problem is that I have to convince someone to date me, and excuse my inexperience, than when I was younger and I could just date.
The problem is that I have to convince someone to date me, and excuse my inexperience, than when I was younger and I could just date.
Whether a person has dated before or not means little to me. If I liked the person well enough and he spiked my curiosity, I would date him. The only real age factor that matters would be how close in age he was to me.
ardour
Well known loser
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
Serious depression and general self-esteem problems. I'd rather someone who's normal, 'nice' as corny as that sounds, someone who isn't with me because there's nobody else.
Hi Jim 19-79, I guess it is really crucial how you communicate that bit of information, maybe you can not disclose it until they see how nice and balanced you are and a great catch, and start liking you? If you potentially can have a relationship, then it doesn't matter much if you haven't had one before.
A long time ago I had a longish relationship (let's call it like that) with this guy, 32, who never really had a real relationship before, and it was a nightmare not because he never had relationships before but because he was a jerk (starting fights, yelling, threatening suicide to obtain what he wanted, etc), and almost 10 years later I hear he still does the the same to all his girlfriends.
So, it doesn't really matter how many girlfriends you have had, but if you are ready to have one.
A long time ago I had a longish relationship (let's call it like that) with this guy, 32, who never really had a real relationship before, and it was a nightmare not because he never had relationships before but because he was a jerk (starting fights, yelling, threatening suicide to obtain what he wanted, etc), and almost 10 years later I hear he still does the the same to all his girlfriends.
So, it doesn't really matter how many girlfriends you have had, but if you are ready to have one.
P
perfanoff
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Psst, hey girls, what about us mid-20s guys? Are we supposed to push the jailbait envelope here?
Lippy_Kid
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"Would you date a man in his 30's who has never had a girlfriend?"
I honestly don't think people think like that, it's not so much a practical decision to date someone, like taking out a pension or getting a cat, writing down a list of the pro's and con's and coming to a sensible concludion. You just get a good feeling about someone and give them a chance. If the feeling is there and you can see some possibility, you'd be surprised what people will consider as not really important (mainly because it's not). It's not where you've been but where you're heading that counts
I honestly don't think people think like that, it's not so much a practical decision to date someone, like taking out a pension or getting a cat, writing down a list of the pro's and con's and coming to a sensible concludion. You just get a good feeling about someone and give them a chance. If the feeling is there and you can see some possibility, you'd be surprised what people will consider as not really important (mainly because it's not). It's not where you've been but where you're heading that counts
