Yeah, another "Never had a girlfriend" post

[kamya]

Soooo, let's say that I ran into a girl that lives in our dorm who I kinda-sorta know (That term being relative, since I don't know her name) but I see her usually once or twice a day. She's cute but seems kind of shy and I always see her with one friend allll the time, and it's pretty obvious that they're really close friends. How would I go about trying to talk to her without coming across as creepy or seeming oddly desperate?

Step 1: Be attractive.
Step 2: Don't be unattractive.

Good luck. I'll take my +rep now please.

 

[Shiloh253]

Well then I'm screwed.

 

[Shiloh253]

Edit: Nevermind, apparently she's 1) dating someone already and 2) my friend's ex. Back to square one, I guess.

 

[Shiloh253]

Okay, you know what? I'm done. It's clear by this point that the universe is determined to see me alone forever. I'm done playing this stupid game.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Okay, you know what? I'm done. It's clear by this point that the universe is determined to see me alone forever. I'm done playing this stupid game.

don't give up yet !
You're only young.

 

[GirlwithCuriousHair]

Okay, you know what? I'm done. It's clear by this point that the universe is determined to see me alone forever. I'm done playing this stupid game.

What's up? Something happen?

 

[Nicolelt]

Okay, you know what? I'm done. It's clear by this point that the universe is determined to see me alone forever. I'm done playing this stupid game.

Take time for yourself. Love yourself and love your own company. Once I started doing that all the sudden I was attractive and I had dates.

 

[Shiloh253]

Okay, you know what? I'm done. It's clear by this point that the universe is determined to see me alone forever. I'm done playing this stupid game.

What's up? Something happen?

Nothing specific, just everything I've tried lately hasn't helped at all. I tried buying one of the girls I know a coffee the other day, she just made up some weird excuse and paid for it herself, and then left right after. Every time I try to make conversation things just fall apart.

 

[ardour]

Soooo, let's say that I ran into a girl that lives in our dorm who I kinda-sorta know (That term being relative, since I don't know her name) but I see her usually once or twice a day. She's cute but seems kind of shy and I always see her with one friend allll the time, and it's pretty obvious that they're really close friends. How would I go about trying to talk to her without coming across as creepy or seeming oddly desperate?

That one friend is her Chaperone. It's a mutual understanding between the two them. Part of friend's role is to make sure there's never a situation where any not-in-clique, unfamiliar or otherwise undesirable guy might try and strike up a conversation.

The person you're into is extremely wary and you're probably better off forgetting this. Rarely will any kind of friendship start when they're doing the preemptive avoidance thing.

 

[Shiloh253]

Soooo, let's say that I ran into a girl that lives in our dorm who I kinda-sorta know (That term being relative, since I don't know her name) but I see her usually once or twice a day. She's cute but seems kind of shy and I always see her with one friend allll the time, and it's pretty obvious that they're really close friends. How would I go about trying to talk to her without coming across as creepy or seeming oddly desperate?

That one friend is her Chaperone. It's a mutual understanding between the two them. Part of friend's role is to make sure there's never a situation where any not-in-clique, unfamiliar or otherwise undesirable guy might try and strike up a conversation.

The person you're into is extremely wary and you're probably better off forgetting this. Rarely will any kind of friendship start when they're doing the preemptive avoidance thing.

You're probably right. This whole thing was a bad idea from the start, I'm apparently just one of those guys who's not meant to be with anyone.

 

[ardour]

You're probably right. This whole thing was a bad idea from the start, I'm apparently just one of those guys who's not meant to be with anyone.

That's not true, it's probably nothing to do with you in particular. There's a percentage of women who are very wary, and they're often never without a good friend at their side. Often the only way to know her is to get know the friend. You could try and do that, but it could backfire and become obvious you had this ulterior motive. Forget her and get on with life.

 

[GirlwithCuriousHair]

Soooo, let's say that I ran into a girl that lives in our dorm who I kinda-sorta know (That term being relative, since I don't know her name) but I see her usually once or twice a day. She's cute but seems kind of shy and I always see her with one friend allll the time, and it's pretty obvious that they're really close friends. How would I go about trying to talk to her without coming across as creepy or seeming oddly desperate?

That one friend is her Chaperone. It's a mutual understanding between the two them. Part of friend's role is to make sure there's never a situation where any not-in-clique, unfamiliar or otherwise undesirable guy might try and strike up a conversation.

The person you're into is extremely wary and you're probably better off forgetting this. Rarely will any kind of friendship start when they're doing the preemptive avoidance thing.

With all due respect dude, I've never had any sort of understanding like that in my life, and neither have any of my female friends. I realise I can only really speak for myself and my social circle, but I really don't think this avoidance chaperone is an actual thing girls do...

 

[Rainbows]

I agree with Lana. No such thing, fellas.

 

[Nicolelt]

Soooo, let's say that I ran into a girl that lives in our dorm who I kinda-sorta know (That term being relative, since I don't know her name) but I see her usually once or twice a day. She's cute but seems kind of shy and I always see her with one friend allll the time, and it's pretty obvious that they're really close friends. How would I go about trying to talk to her without coming across as creepy or seeming oddly desperate?

That one friend is her Chaperone. It's a mutual understanding between the two them. Part of friend's role is to make sure there's never a situation where any not-in-clique, unfamiliar or otherwise undesirable guy might try and strike up a conversation.

The person you're into is extremely wary and you're probably better off forgetting this. Rarely will any kind of friendship start when they're doing the preemptive avoidance thing.

With all due respect dude, I've never had any sort of understanding like that in my life, and neither have any of my female friends. I realise I can only really speak for myself and my social circle, but I really don't think this avoidance chaperone is an actual thing girls do...

*shamefully raises hand* I have done that, when I guy I wasn't into invited too things thinking it was a date....

But that was immature high school me. Now I am just straight up.

 

[Shiloh253]

Yep. Turns out she definitely has a boyfriend. I got the same reaction as usual. Brief, awkward conversation and then she "had to leave for something".

Screw it, I'm through trying to play this game. I'm just tired of it all. I just can't figure out what hurts more; knowing that I'll always be alone, or having that tiny sliver of stupid, blind hope that tells me otherwise but I know is wrong.

 

[sk66rc]

Yep. Turns out she definitely has a boyfriend. I got the same reaction as usual. Brief, awkward conversation and then she "had to leave for something".

Screw it, I'm through trying to play this game. I'm just tired of it all. I just can't figure out what hurts more; knowing that I'll always be alone, or having that tiny sliver of stupid, blind hope that tells me otherwise but I know is wrong.

You just haven't found that "miss right" yet... There's somebody out there that you'll just click with without you having to "try"... Things have a way of just "happening" when you're not really looking for it... I know it sounds like an oldest cliché... I've met 3 of my ex girlfriends that way...

Not in particular order

Ex #1 - She was cashier at a convenient store... I walked in, asked for a pack of cigarette... She asked for my ID... I started cracking up & said, "Thank you... Last time I was carded for anything, dinosaurs roamed the earth..." She thought it was funny, or it was possible she was embarrassed... Saw her again at a music store few month later... Apparently she changed jobs... I bought a CD with a language warning label on it... I smiled & said, "Need to see my ID?"... Well, we ended up going out...

Ex #2 - I used to work with her... I guess she was going through some rough time... Being in a relationship was the last thing on her mind... She was asking one of our mutual co-worker, female, to see if she wanted to hang out because she wanted to vent a bit... Just as my ex was asking her, I was walking by... Co-worker said, "I can't tonight but I'm sure he'll take you out...!!!" I'm sure she meant it as a joke but my ex turns to me & says, "Well, I don't really wanna go right home after work tonight... If you have some free time after work, how about it? Hang out just as friends?"... Well, 3 weeks later, we were a couple...

Ex #3 - I slapped her by an accident & that's how we met... Without making it a long story, I was telling a buddy of mine what had happened at work... I went to swing my hand & didn't see her walking up behind me... Just as she was walking by, she turned to look at me & "SLAP!!!"... Everything sortta happened in all one motion & so quick, I didn't realize what I've done for about 10 seconds... A month & a half later, we were a couple...

Point is, you just don't know what will cause for you & a girl to really click... When you try to push the issue, people in general can be slightly turned off by it... Be yourself & have fun... Things will happen on their own...

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

I agree ! Men should just understand to go their own way. On that way there will also be women.

I dunno if it aired in the US, or even if it's called that way, but in my home country there was a TV commercial for a spray perfume called "AXE" (which in the UK is called "Lynx"), which had only one line in it: "Axe, for men who don't ask". The message was deeper than most people realized. That message was: STOP ASKING ! No woman will want anything to do with a man, if that man begs for attention, dates, sex and so on. Because by doing so he surrenders for free any bit of power he might have, or he just shows he didn't had any to begin with. No one wants a powerless man, not even other men. Power for a man is to do his thing, to carry on his business, to go his own way, not to beg for stuff.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I agree ! Men should just understand to go their own way. On that way there will also be women.

I dunno if it aired in the US, or even if it's called that way, but in my home country there was a TV commercial for a spray perfume called "AXE" (which in the UK is called "Lynx"), which had only one line in it: "Axe, for men who don't ask". The message was deeper than most people realized. That message was: STOP ASKING ! No woman will want anything to do with a man, if that man begs for attention, dates, sex and so on. Because by doing so he surrenders for free any bit of power he might have, or he just shows he didn't had any to begin with. No one wants a powerless man, not even other men. Power for a man is to do his thing, to carry on his business, to go his own way, not to beg for stuff.

No, the message is....STOP SPEAKING FOR WOMEN!

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

No, the message is....STOP SPEAKING FOR WOMEN!

You again ?
I'm sick of this. Make me. Report some bullshit about me being sexist so that I get banned and you can live in your quiet fantasy. Either that, or come with some arguments, not just the "you're not a woman, so don't say what they like or what they don't like". I am not a woman, but I've dated women, had girlfriends and so on. That's why I can say honeysuckle, because I had to learn what they want.
How many women have you dated ? How many girlfriends did you have ? The "I'm a woman, I know what women want" is bullshit. What women say they want rarely is what they really want. You can only learn what they want by trying to date them, sleep with them and so on, not by listening to them.
Of course, not everybody is the same, but there are general rules about what people do. They apply to the majority. What the majority does is obvious, because in this age we have news, media, magazines, we know lost of people 'cause of internet, that and we have our own experiences. So, yes, there are general rules. I am therefore speaking about the majority. If you're not part of it, I don't understand why you keep catching fire every time I post stuff.
Maybe you've already guessed that my loneliness is more of a choice, than an impossibility or lack of skill to end it if I want to. However, that doesn't take away my right to state an opinion.

 

[Revengineer]

I agree ! Men should just understand to go their own way. On that way there will also be women.

I dunno if it aired in the US, or even if it's called that way, but in my home country there was a TV commercial for a spray perfume called "AXE" (which in the UK is called "Lynx"), which had only one line in it: "Axe, for men who don't ask". The message was deeper than most people realized. That message was: STOP ASKING ! No woman will want anything to do with a man, if that man begs for attention, dates, sex and so on. Because by doing so he surrenders for free any bit of power he might have, or he just shows he didn't had any to begin with. No one wants a powerless man, not even other men. Power for a man is to do his thing, to carry on his business, to go his own way, not to beg for stuff.

I hate those commercials with a passion. They're just as bad as all those ads for beauty products targeted towards women, as it exploits the socially ingrained insecurity in men that they are inherently worthless unless attractive women desire them. Obnoxiously overpowering man-perfume accomplishes nothing of the sort.