You are not alone

[Bluesamadhi]

I am 5 ft.10 I weight 175 pounds.. I am the strongest man pound for pound at Gold's gym in my area. I am built like a proverbial brick shithouse.
I have a white collar career and make more than most of my friends. I love my job.
I have more friends than most people.. there are a lot of people I socialize with on a regular basis, of all ages.. and social classes.
I have a stunning girlfriend, professional.. beautiful.. who loves me dearly.
And yet.. I am lonely. I am pathetic.
I didn't find this forum by accident. I am not posting here because I have nothing better to do.
Let's face it people.. we have a problem. There is no magic number of friends that will make us happy.. there is no magic weight on the scale that we are too scared to look at every morning that will bring us peace. Trust me, there is no salary that will bring us satisfaction for the long term. Our house is on fire and we are looking for the cause.. when the truth is that the arsonist is us. I'm out of options.. I am still alientated. I still cannot relate.. I recognize that the problem is in me, yet I know not what to do about it.. I am desperate.. and I am humbled.. and I have been for a very long time. I am the proverbial moose chasing the carrot on the stick in hopes of finding that which is missing.. But I still havent figured out what 'it' is. I am physically strong yet I am too cowardice to commit suicide. My life is an endless parade of days which mesh together to form a meaningless montage of hopelessness. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the honesty of the posts I view on this site.. and how much it warms me knowing that I am not the only one who feels this way. In a world full of terror, despair, financial crisis and turmoil.. I AM actually SO selfish that I would ask.. where do we go from here?

 

[tess27]

You are not selfish.
I have recently moved and I am completely cut off from my countless amount of friends I had back home.
Back home- I was pretty popular anywhere I chose to go. Yet, like you, I still felt alone. I tried to push that loneliness away with countless texts, phone calls, parties, ect. It worked for about two hours and when I'd be home alone, no texts, no phone calls, nothing- just me and my thoughts- I'd still feel the same way (most occasions, I'd still feel that way surrounded by many people while I was laughing and smiling, but nothing really helped long term). Perhaps human beings are meant to feel alone, it gives them that urge to socialize, look for something to fill the void. I don't know. I'm just hoping that's the reason behind it all.
I hope you feel better as time goes on, I hope all of us feel better. Until then, we- the ones with holes in our souls- have each other. I know, we aren't much because we are all online, but just knowing that someone out there is reading our posts and our comments makes me feel as if we are all making each other feel more alive.

 

[Ian Haines]

Hi...

Not much would need to be added to the above descriptions to perfectly describe latent (1) social anxiety and (2) clinical reactive depression! The similarity in references and expressions, in all loneliness cases, almost mirror those witnessed or observed in depression patients, or in the communications of those headed in that direction.

But, we gather here for a reason! If there was no value to be found in coming here, we would not keep coming back. We are, essentially, tribal animals and are much better off in groups, whether or not for survival purposes.

And, we have gathered. We've gathered right here.

On this board, I'm among those who, like me, feel some invisible social door of exclusion has closed on them and keeps echoing the slam as some form of apparently sadistic entertainment. I disagree with those who knock us and say that we are self-perpetuating by having such boards, or by continuing our attendance on them. The first post in this thread is perfect proof that such "go-getter" types have not guaranteed a way out of loneliness and the words of it should be engraved on a gold slab for doubters of how real are our sincerity and predicaments.

Alone in a crowd? It's not just a bumper sticker saying...it's often something very else - something real! No matter how many times we repeat downbeat "I'm alone forever" bleats, we're doing it for a good reason.

One day, every one of us will discover that reason, in among the debris of what was once our life. The really hard part is actually getting there, married to the frustration of not knowing, NOW, what we might do to expedite our better time in life.

I often say that loneliness is Nature's way of setting us up for something...for preparing us for something that has yet to show up, or something that we have yet to detect that is already around us. But, I'm gut sick of feeling that Nature is taking Her own sweet time and, in my 50s, I can't afford Her the Celestial luxury of keeping me waiting for much longer!

Our loneliness had its volume turned down, for us, when we instinctively grouped, here, with great gratitude high on our offerings chart. Part of our solution to curing lonely living is right here, somewhere in the words of posts of all members...and, we will find it - every one of us will!

Ian.

 

[jjam]

Yep!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Errr...yeah I broke up with Jennifer, a beautiful, sweet, kind loving GF and moved
to a place Ive never been. Theres hundreds of thousands of people here....
but I feel lost and alone half the freaken time.

I get that...common link stuff. I attend support groups.
Plenty of people had reached out to me...gave me thier number..etc..etc.
Of course i dont call...cuz I guess Im in an anti social mode.
Or being socialable isnt my top priority at the moment....
But still...isolation is a bad..bad ,,bad place for me to be.

Theres a purpose why I made decision and the chioce Im making.
And of course it dosnt go as planned or so smoothly.

When Renae calls and tell me she loves me. Somehow or another
I can deal with it and not feel so **** alone or lonely.

Then Jennifer will pop in my head...
errr yeah,wtf did I do?
I must have been out of god **** mind to walk away from a fine woman like her.
Hurted...hurted Jennifer is/was.
I Don't know if anyone can truely understand me....cuase my grammer N spelling is half ass backwards.
Maybe GOD dose...IDK
Yeah...the fucken GOD thing is like a god **** game of hide and seek too.

gatta have faith..gatta have faith
Oki doki....
I love Reane and Kimmie with all my heart...If god dosnt know that, I just dont know what else to do anymore.
A leap of faith I did.
Dear god catch me when I fall...My life, Renae and our baby girl are in your hands.

 

[Equinox]

In some strange way, reading this kind of made me feel a little better. I've always thought that "if I just lose enough weight and land a dream job, everything will be better", causing me to constantly wear myself out trying to achieve these things, and also hating myself every time I fail. But maybe these things aren't the answer after all. I guess that's something.