You Are Your Most Precious Asset

[SophiaGrace]

I think I am at a point where other people do not matter as much to me anymore. I don't know if that sounds bad or not, but I've come to the realization that I will only ever have myself. Even if I am madly in love with someone, or well, my relationship with my mother. She will die eventually. We all become orphans as we grow older. There are so many people out there that will drag you down into their hole with them if you give more to them than you do yourself. And even those that don't drag you down with them, you have no idea if later they will leave you or fade out of your life.

You are your most precious asset.

I used to think this concept sounded selfish, but, lately I've begun to realize that maybe it is smart, a way of self-preservation, that, if not maintained can lead to you allowing others to abuse you or to dependence-like behavior towards others. A subservient position.

I don't want that after experiencing domestic violence in my home as a child. I've realized that I want to be a strong independent woman. I want to come first to myself (maintaining my happiness, my dreams, my safety, my goals), and then others can come second.

 

[PaperDuck87]

I agree. It's not selfish. I recently had to give up certain friends because really I was trying to change myself this year and do something to improve and make my life better without anyone's help. However, they didn't like this and was trying to drag me down with them. But I wouldn't have it. Finally it got to a point where they got into a Facebook argument with me, blocked me, and took me off their friends list. I felt right because for once in my life I knew what I wanted and I needed to be alone to focus on that. Is it wrong? I mean I was always alone as a kid...I had some friends...but they were distracting me from my goals and they knew this and didn't care. I really don't want friends like that.

 

[Joseph]

Sophia, I think there is a lot of wisdom in what you've said. What this means is that your judgment is getting all that better. It happens with time. The plus side though, is that you will find friends who won't use you and do genuinely care for you along the way, and they will become all that much more precious.

You've got friends.

Even if you have arguments or misunderstandings or heated debates, that never changes.

I spent many years as a loner. Who am I kidding? I am still a loner. But I've realized that I can survive without people, which has made me much more choosy as to whom I will be friends with.

 

[Evangeline000]

hmm...but how do one in such a subservient position attain the strength to leave when in the mind, they're so dependent upon such friends to decide for them? Would it be best to just let time past and gradually disappear to refocus on achievements and goals?

 

[Ladysphinx]

I agree with you SophiaGrace. There was a time in life when I had to loose some of my friends so I could find my self. Though it was hard it was worth it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Im happy for you that got to this piont SG...

Thats why we dont fix people...once you grasp it...when it click..it clicks
These are mirracles , spiritual awakening, Aha moments, brain farts

you can read about it in most 12 steps program...The 7th step or 7th traditions...

but its your own experince that matters most..as long as you get..you get it.
.

---

It dont have anything to do with living alone or not....isolation is actaully not healthy...

it has to do with not relying or dependent on others as ur source of happiness or well being...
your are guilding light of your own 2 feet.

the controling or bending over backwards...youll drop thiose unhealthy behaviors..

Youll actually be able to form loving relationships with others...thats the paradox.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Im happy for you that got to this piont SG...

I am too. I get the feeling this'll prevent me from being in toxic relationships with others.

Thats why we dont fix people...once you grasp it...when it click..it clicks
These are mirracles , spiritual awakening, Aha moments, brain farts

I think that's where I got this LC! From you! I noticed that it would make me sick emotionally, trying to fix people. Giving so much of myself to others. I thought that was love, but it wasnt love, it was...well, it was something else. And, I think reading something you said on ALL made it click for me, that I cant fix others.

I realize that I am going into a field, (my major is psychology) where I will have the opportunity to help others, but i realize, to prevent burnout that I am going to have to make sure that I don't give more to my clients than I do to myself.

Also, I told myself to stop trying to fix people when they didn't ask for my help in the first place. I realized that was wrong. You can support someone, but, if you don't have your happiness and your emotional-wellbeing in mind. What do you have to give another person? Nothing.

you can read about it in most 12 steps program...The 7th step or 7th traditions...

"Step 7: Humbly asked God* to remove our shortcomings." AA has a lot of wisdom that has helped me.

but its your own experince that matters most..as long as you get..you get it.

Yes. Sometimes it's nice to learn from the mistakes of others instead of having to fall and bump your own head.

It dont have anything to do with living alone or not....isolation is actaully not healthy...

it has to do with not relying or dependent on others as ur source of happiness or well being...

your are guilding light of your own 2 feet.

the controling or bending over backwards...youll drop thiose unhealthy behaviors..

Youll actually be able to form loving relationships with others...thats the paradox.

Hmm. Something to think about.

---

hmm...but how do one in such a subservient position attain the strength to leave when in the mind, they're so dependent upon such friends to decide for them? Would it be best to just let time past and gradually disappear to refocus on achievements and goals?

Independence. Work on it. One step at a time. It might be scary. It is for me, but, just don't take it all at once. That'll look like a mountain to you, just, keep focused on becoming independent. Figure out the steps you need to take, work out a time-frame, develop assertiveness. Define your boundaries, emotionally, physically ect.

That's not all of the answer, but it is part I think. I hope that helps.

---

Sophia, I think there is a lot of wisdom in what you've said. What this means is that your judgment is getting all that better. It happens with time. The plus side though, is that you will find friends who won't use you and do genuinely care for you along the way, and they will become all that much more precious.

You've got friends.

Even if you have arguments or misunderstandings or heated debates, that never changes.

Thanks Joseph. That means a lot to me.

 

[floffyschneeman]

You've put it a great thought for us to ponder on and I think you are right. happy for you and I am slowly understanding that too.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I agree. It's not selfish. I recently had to give up certain friends because really I was trying to change myself this year and do something to improve and make my life better without anyone's help. However, they didn't like this and was trying to drag me down with them. But I wouldn't have it. Finally it got to a point where they got into a Facebook argument with me, blocked me, and took me off their friends list. I felt right because for once in my life I knew what I wanted and I needed to be alone to focus on that. Is it wrong? I mean I was always alone as a kid...I had some friends...but they were distracting me from my goals and they knew this and didn't care. I really don't want friends like that.

Those friends are selfish and insecure...

More like frienemies.