You think we would have been friends?

[guld]

All of you out there, feeling as lonely and awkward as I do - what do you think would have happened if we had met in real life? You think we would have had the guts to talk to each other? I hope we would've! I'm guessing I wouldn't manage to befriend you, since I don't manage to befriend the people that actually are in my real life. But I hope I would've had the guts to try .

How nice it would be, if two lonely persons could just find that out about each other, somehow ... and be (not that) lonely together instead. Just skip that awful "feel-each-other-out" part

 

[LoneKiller]

I think that this is interesting. If you meet up with someone you can't be lonely together. The 2 of you eliminates the loneliness part because you are together. I've thought about what it would be like to hang with someone from the forum.

I think that if members posted back and forth and talked all the time, I can't
see anything wrong with it. The Berlin Wall between the 2 of you would be trust. Ultimately, how well can you really know someone? I could be a serial killer for all anyone knows. An intriguing thread by the way.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Im shallow....
Ill determind how far Im willing to let U into my life by the size of your BOOBS.

I can tell u what u wanna hear or appropicate conduct I should take as a person...Never the less..my motives
or basic intinks kicks in first.

Honestly thats what happens inside
of me or how I process relationship
with the opposite sex in the directions
that it might lead.

Im easy going as person in real life.
I can chill , hang out or socialize.
I have good listening skills or leeting honeysuckle go in one ear and out the other.
Oops...I mean , not take everything so serious...but attentive when people
talk to me.

Im also kind da into the action or active person. Instead of siting and talking all the time...Ill wanna get out and do something...such as walking on the boardwalk..or just throwing a freezbie around at a park...Make jokes or have conversations while doing that...creating good times or good memories...Something we can connect with...build a relationship or freindships

 

[Peter Lorre]

I'm sure we would have been great friends! We're both somewhat hypochondriacs, that's a good start

 

[Tiina63]

I think that if I were to meet someone from the forum in real life without knowing they were from the forum I would probably never know it, as it would take a long time for me to feel enough at ease with someone to tell them I even come here, and they might feel the same way. It is a pity that there is often shame and embarrassment about admitting you are lonely, when so many others are lonely as well.

 

[guld]

I think that this is interesting. If you meet up with someone you can't be lonely together. The 2 of you eliminates the loneliness part because you are together. I've thought about what it would be like to hang with someone from the forum.

I think that if members posted back and forth and talked all the time, I can't
see anything wrong with it. The Berlin Wall between the 2 of you would be trust. Ultimately, how well can you really know someone? I could be a serial killer for all anyone knows. An intriguing thread by the way.

Precisely - together with someone, you're not alone anymore, and the problem would be solved for both

Yes, trust - a tricky thing. I think I'm much more truthful on places like this than with people I meet in real life. But of course - how could anyone know? I could be lying my tongue of whenever I think it's easier to trick someone/get tricked on stuff that matters in real life though, since I'd guess that sceptic barrier towards others is somewhat weaker IRL, for most people. As you say, how well can we really know anyone - for all I know, someone I already know could be serial killer.

---

I think that if I were to meet someone from the forum in real life without knowing they were from the forum I would probably never know it, as it would take a long time for me to feel enough at ease with someone to tell them I even come here, and they might feel the same way. It is a pity that there is often shame and embarrassment about admitting you are lonely, when so many others are lonely as well.

No, I'm guessing it would be the same for me - it takes heck of a long time for me to get to know someone. I'm so much more relaxed though when I know the other is anxious as well, and I think a lot of others experience it like that too. As you say, a real shame there has to be these big barriers about something probably quite common.

My therapist once suggested to use that as a starter/in the beginning of a relationship - that I'm a nervous girl with social complex, that it's quite scary for me, etc etc. Imagine how interesting you would come across! she reasoned. Perhaps true, and probably worth a shot I was on the verge to not long ago, but chickened out due to the suspicion that I still don't have the charisma to pull it off as anything else than awkward

---

I'm sure we would have been great friends! We're both somewhat hypochondriacs, that's a good start

Haha, yes, that's true A perfect foundation for friendship! Though not so much today, because today I'm feeling healthy even "healthy as a horse", if we should take the suggestion of google translate

 

[paulo]

i imagine if we did see echother we would both be awkwardly looking and thinking,
why is this person looking at me.
whats wrong, did i do something.
and than look away feeling uncomfortable.
maybe sneak in another quick look to see if youd still be looking.
and than go home or something

all it takes to become my friend is to just say hi and not be an *******.
its just that the "hi" part seems to be harder that youd think.

 

[RJLJD]

i'm gonna be a realist on this one and give the boring answer.
due to the fact awkward people don't have some weird Jedi/ESP thing going on for themselves, no i don't think the people on here would have linked up other than through this medium.
most people get together and start associating with each other because they have things in common. well in an incredibly ironic twist that's been hinted at already, what the people of this board have in common is that they don't have anyone to be together with, and that is precisely what brings them together.
guld, did you ask your therapist how exactly you could work your social anxiety into the start of a conversation? kind of a weird way to get the ball rolling, no?

 

[Thrasymachus]

Most on this forum if they meet each other would probably just be awkward and silent. After a while, despite if they both wanted to initiate contact and even another rendezvous, eventually the silence would accumulate too much along with built up awkwardness, they would leave and the opportunity would be missed. The responses about "sure, yes", are part of the trend of unrealistic positive thinking and patronizing common here.

Alot of people on this forum also complain about how hard it is to meet people. Alot has to do with what the attitude and openness you radiate which others can pickup on. Personally I know I don't radiate anything to attract people, but I am fine with that, most people should be detracted not attracted. The American comedian Sinbad in his special "Where U Been?", makes a good observation on this. He said when he was in his twenties, he valued meeting new people, but now in his fifties he wants to get rid of the people he already knows, and offered to the young ones in the audience that they could have his "friends"! That is how I feel already in my late twenties.

I know a person in real life who reminds me of the posters here, infact he is quite worse than the majority. He hardly ever goes out, hasn't held a job in perhaps a decade, says Jesus/God talks to him. I used to call him more often and visit sporadically over the years, but lately our only contact is a few email messages months ago. Ultimately if you talk to someone like him everyday it can wear you down, two not very sociable people can drag each other down, hole themselves up and try to barricade out the rest of the world. I also don't really like overly sociable people who are too high tempo and cannot enjoy the silent company of others. Infact I feel cursed to suffer through life, so whether I meet others or not, it is immaterial, as my immortal suffering is always the same. And meeting new people takes effort for something that likely won't matter. So personally I hardly make effort to meet new people, infact I feel I need to hide my social, economic and living status(still living with mother) from others at all costs, even at the cost of loneliness.

 

[guld]

i imagine if we did see echother we would both be awkwardly looking and thinking,
why is this person looking at me.
whats wrong, did i do something.
and than look away feeling uncomfortable.
maybe sneak in another quick look to see if youd still be looking.
and than go home or something

all it takes to become my friend is to just say hi and not be an *******.
its just that the "hi" part seems to be harder that youd think.

A very possible course of events the last couple of days I've been confused and irritated and worried and all what not about a new friend seeming worryingly avoiding. Not even answering when I tried to talk to her through the hallway, what the heck. One of us surely is a big weirdo, thought I, and started thinking why people don't want me around. Turns out she had headphones

---

i'm gonna be a realist on this one and give the boring answer.
due to the fact awkward people don't have some weird Jedi/ESP thing going on for themselves, no i don't think the people on here would have linked up other than through this medium.
most people get together and start associating with each other because they have things in common. well in an incredibly ironic twist that's been hinted at already, what the people of this board have in common is that they don't have anyone to be together with, and that is precisely what brings them together.
guld, did you ask your therapist how exactly you could work your social anxiety into the start of a conversation? kind of a weird way to get the ball rolling, no?

I actually get calm when I sense someone being nervous, provided he/she is more nervous than I am. Not a chance that person will be thinking about what I do, I think, and the self-esteem goes through the roof in an instant Makes me feel lika a hypocrite though.

The situation back then was that I was 100 % positive everyone i tried to talk to distanced themselves after second or third time they talked to me, while at the same scared to the absurd anyone new would sense/find that out. Being super frightened provides no good conditions for casual small talk. Why not get that problem of trying to hide out of the way from the beginning, was her argument, and have something to talk about as a bonus. That therapist was a wonder woman, ultimately - I'm still a weirdo, but now quite happy with it

 

[guld]

Most on this forum if they meet each other would probably just be awkward and silent. After a while, despite if they both wanted to initiate contact and even another rendezvous, eventually the silence would accumulate too much along with built up awkwardness, they would leave and the opportunity would be missed. The responses about "sure, yes", are part of the trend of unrealistic positive thinking and patronizing common here.

Alot of people on this forum also complain about how hard it is to meet people. Alot has to do with what the attitude and openness you radiate which others can pickup on. Personally I know I don't radiate anything to attract people, but I am fine with that, most people should be detracted not attracted. The American comedian Sinbad in his special "Where U Been?", makes a good observation on this. He said when he was in his twenties, he valued meeting new people, but now in his fifties he wants to get rid of the people he already knows, and offered to the young ones in the audience that they could have his "friends"! That is how I feel already in my late twenties.

I know a person in real life who reminds me of the posters here, infact he is quite worse than the majority. He hardly ever goes out, hasn't held a job in perhaps a decade, says Jesus/God talks to him. I used to call him more often and visit sporadically over the years, but lately our only contact is a few email messages months ago. Ultimately if you talk to someone like him everyday it can wear you down, two not very sociable people can drag each other down, hole themselves up and try to barricade out the rest of the world. I also don't really like overly sociable people who are too high tempo and cannot enjoy the silent company of others. Infact I feel cursed to suffer through life, so whether I meet others or not, it is immaterial, as my immortal suffering is always the same. And meeting new people takes effort for something that likely won't matter. So personally I hardly make effort to meet new people, infact I feel I need to hide my social, economic and living status(still living with mother) from others at all costs, even at the cost of loneliness.

Well, there's a big difference between avoiding people since you sincerely feel better without them and avoiding and pushing away people because it hurts to much when you try do to anything else. I agree with you on the radiation thing. People who are pleasant to be around, because they are funny, relaxed, nice, whatever positive you want, won't have any problem getting people to be with them. But what can you do when you really try, and still nothing works? Now I will get into my own feelings because today I'm having a miserable day and feel desperate. I don't blame others for not wanting to be with me, because I'm nothing fun to be with. But I can't stand being alone - I can't. I get crazy from it, and I won't survive that way. What can I do? Nothing. I can't be with people and I can't be without them either.

Do you think being without people will work for you in the long run, and you'll stand it? It's not a rhetorical question or a try to insinuate your way doesn't work, I'm curious how you feel.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

If I met anyone on this forum I have no doubt that I'd extend a horribly sweaty hand for a polite shake and unleash a crooked smile for 5 seconds, but after that I fear any attempts at friendship would be rendered impossible by me scurrying off and trying to become invisible at the closest possible moment

In all seriousness though, I reckon I'd get on well with most people on the boards. A lot of people seem to have the same kind of interests, lifestyle choices and even personalities as me, so I think it might work out better than most of the people I meet in everyday life.

 

[jjam]

I think we would have overlooked each other just as easily as we overlook strangers who don't post at ALL. Sometimes I wish there were some kind of trinket or sign that people can wear that says "I'm single" or "looking for friends" without it being so loud. Imagine if that became some kind of cultural trend in many countries. Imagine a custom t-shirt that was of the most popular kind. It would have the symbols, but also words/images that indicate what the wearer's interested in. And then, especially in the spring and summer, people see it and say "ooo, let me see what you've got there!" If there's common interest, BOOM! Conversation time! Conversation goes well? BOOM! contact info exchanged!

 

[guld]

I think we would have overlooked each other just as easily as we overlook strangers who don't post at ALL. Sometimes I wish there were some kind of trinket or sign that people can wear that says "I'm single" or "looking for friends" without it being so loud. Imagine if that became some kind of cultural trend in many countries. Imagine a custom t-shirt that was of the most popular kind. It would have the symbols, but also words/images that indicate what the wearer's interested in. And then, especially in the spring and summer, people see it and say "ooo, let me see what you've got there!" If there's common interest, BOOM! Conversation time! Conversation goes well? BOOM! contact info exchanged!

Haha, exactly That's the beautiful scenario I had in mind when posting to begin with. Away with the get-to-know-each-other's-intentions-and-break-the-barrier stuff, and just get to the real person directly instead. I'd go for that t-shirt society whenever

Edit: But perhaps I should just work on my people skills instead and simply learn how to get people to share their information voluntarily instead

 

[oopsiedoop]

Im shallow....
Ill determind how far Im willing to let U into my life by the size of your BOOBS.

I can tell u what u wanna hear or appropicate conduct I should take as a person...Never the less..my motives
or basic intinks kicks in first.

Honestly thats what happens inside
of me or how I process relationship
with the opposite sex in the directions
that it might lead.

Yeah, I know what you mean..I determine how far I'm willing to let a guy into my life by the size of his WALLET. I will lead you on and be nice to you now and then nevertheless my motives or basic intinks kicks in first.