I will spend the rest of my life alone.

[ardour]

I've never really understood that advice, I mean unless you're overweight hitting the gym isn't necessarily going to attract anyone. It's not like he's walking around in public with his shirt off. I suppose if you want to get overdeveloped like a body builder then some women might notice, but then a lot don't seem to like that look. I'm quite a bit fitter and more toned than I used to be from running and it's made bugger-all difference and far as interest from women is concerned.

It is another place to meet people, there is that, and physical activity is good for depression... sport or outdoor activities are more interesting and you meet more people.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've never really understood that advice, I mean unless you're overweight hitting the gym isn't necessarily going to attract anyone.  It's not like he's walking around in public with his shirt off.  I suppose if you want to get overdeveloped like a body builder then some women might notice, but then a lot don't seem to like that look.  I'm quite a bit fitter and more toned than I used to be (from running) and it's made bugger-all difference and far as interest from women is concerned.

It is another place to meet people,  there is that, and physical activity is good for depression... sport of some sort more interesting and you meet more people that way.

Hitting the gym will give you confidence in yourself, which will, in turn, attract people to you, because you won't be as negative.

 

[Paraiyar]

I've never really understood that advice, I mean unless you're overweight hitting the gym and getting toned isn't necessarily going to attract anyone.  It's not like he's walking around in public with his shirt off.  I suppose if you want to get really pumped up like a body builder then some women might notice, but then a lot don't seem to like it.   It is another place to meet people,  there is that.

 
It's as much to do with the way it makes you feel about yourself as anything else. Felt some real changes in my confidence since I started going, due to the endorphines and the change in my appearance. Plus, even with just the 5kg or so of muscle that I've gained in the short time I've been going, I look a lot better in my clothes so it isn't true to that you have to walk around shirtless for the changes to be visible.

And I have to disagree, most girls in my age group at least do like it as long as you don't go for the freakish look. 

I feel like the people here that rubbish the idea of the gym are the ones that haven't given it a fair go.

 

[ardour]

Greater confidence in how your body looks doesn't necessarily translate into confidence about yourself, your social skills, your ability to hold someone's interest etc.

As said it made no difference to me as far as that goes and the endorphin rush after a long run lasts for a few hours at the most. Feel just the same the next day.

On the other hand maybe he should give it try since nothing else seems to be helping much.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, I'm talking about the endorphines you get from working out. Not only those, but when you DO something and try to better yourself, even if it's just to lose a few pounds or gain some muscle, you feel like you're accomplishing something, which will give you confidence. Part of it is physical appearance, but I'm more talking about the better vibes and mentality you give yourself from it.

 

[Paraiyar]

Greater confidence in how your body looks doesn't necessarily translate into confidence about yourself, your social skills, your ability to hold someone's interest etc.

As said it made no difference to me as far as that goes, and the endorphin rush after a long run lasts for a few hours.

Any increase in confidence will come out in your mannerisms which plays a huge role in social situations. It's worked that way for me and for the two friends I train with so I stand by it. 

I never felt the same confidence boost from cardio as I did from strength training so that might work differently.

 

[Xpendable]

Working out changes mannerisms?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I never felt the same confidence boost from cardio as I did from strength training so that might work differently.

I always preferred running to strength training, so I guess it just depends on what you enjoy doing.  Find something you like and do it.  Whether it's cycling, running, lifting weights, boxing....whatever, just find something and give it a try.  What can it hurt?  But you definitely don't need to go to a gym to do something.  Use what you have.

 

[Paraiyar]

Working out changes mannerisms?

The sense of confidence that you gain can show through in your body language. Why is the idea of that so absurd.

 

[Paraiyar]

I never felt the same confidence boost from cardio as I did from strength training so that might work differently.

I always preferred running to strength training, so I guess it just depends on what you enjoy doing.  Find something you like and do it.  Whether it's cycling, running, lifting weights, boxing....whatever, just find something and give it a try.  What can it hurt?  But you definitely don't need to go to a gym to do something.  Use what you have.

Running does make me feel good, just doesn't make me feel better about myself the way strength training does.

 

[Yukongirl]

Working out changes mannerisms?

The sense of confidence that you gain can show through in your body language. Why is the idea of that so absurd.

Agreed.It's not at all absurd, when you feel better about your physical self, you gain a more positive outlook overall. It may  ( or may not) affect how others see you, but having a positive self image is more important anyway.

 

[Forsaken-Knight]

I've never really understood that advice, I mean unless you're overweight hitting the gym isn't necessarily going to attract anyone.  It's not like he's walking around in public with his shirt off.  I suppose if you want to get overdeveloped like a body builder then some women might notice, but then a lot don't seem to like that look.  I'm quite a bit fitter and more toned than I used to be (from running) and it's made bugger-all difference and far as interest from women is concerned.

It is another place to meet people,  there is that, and physical activity is good for depression... sport of some sort more interesting and you meet more people that way.

Hitting the gym will give you confidence in yourself, which will, in turn, attract people to you, because you won't be as negative.

"Hitting the gym will give you confidence in yourself, which will, in turn, attract people to you, because you won't be as negative."

thats the key point....right there.... its not just necessarily the gym..but any form of exercise....

 

[user 115627]

I've never really understood that advice, I mean unless you're overweight hitting the gym isn't necessarily going to attract anyone.  It's not like he's walking around in public with his shirt off.  I suppose if you want to get overdeveloped like a body builder then some women might notice, but then a lot don't seem to like that look.  I'm quite a bit fitter and more toned than I used to be (from running) and it's made bugger-all difference and far as interest from women is concerned.

It is another place to meet people,  there is that, and physical activity is good for depression... sport of some sort more interesting and you meet more people that way.

Hitting the gym will give you confidence in yourself, which will, in turn, attract people to you, because you won't be as negative.

"Hitting the gym will give you confidence in yourself, which will, in turn, attract people to you, because you won't be as negative."

thats the key point....right there.... its not just necessarily the gym..but any form of exercise....

I've been wondering about this process. Is it because exercise releases endorphins (or other mood-altering hormones) or because successfully exercising is a simple form of accomplishment and self-validation nearly everyone can participate in? Or maybe a bit of both? Regardless, I can actually see how this would not work for everybody. Either for biological reasons (stunted hormone production) or because you are too mentally aware that your hormones are just messing with your head.

Which leads me to an interesting question: Can you be confident in yourself and still be a negative person?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've never really understood that advice, I mean unless you're overweight hitting the gym isn't necessarily going to attract anyone.  It's not like he's walking around in public with his shirt off.  I suppose if you want to get overdeveloped like a body builder then some women might notice, but then a lot don't seem to like that look.  I'm quite a bit fitter and more toned than I used to be (from running) and it's made bugger-all difference and far as interest from women is concerned.

It is another place to meet people,  there is that, and physical activity is good for depression... sport of some sort more interesting and you meet more people that way.

Hitting the gym will give you confidence in yourself, which will, in turn, attract people to you, because you won't be as negative.

"Hitting the gym will give you confidence in yourself, which will, in turn, attract people to you, because you won't be as negative."

thats the key point....right there.... its not just necessarily the gym..but any form of exercise....

I've been wondering about this process. Is it because exercise releases endorphins (or other mood-altering hormones) or because successfully exercising is a simple form of accomplishment and self-validation nearly everyone can participate in? Or maybe a bit of both? Regardless, I can actually see how this would not work for everybody. Either for biological reasons (stunted hormone production) or because you are too mentally aware that your hormones are just messing with your head.

Which leads me to an interesting question: Can you be confident in yourself and still be a negative person?

Personally, I think it's both the chemical release and the accomplishment, because it does provide both. 

I think you can be have confidence in yourself and have negative thoughts about other things in your life.

 

[mack01]

get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
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get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...

Have you actually ever tried this advice once?

To be fair, would having a haircut and visiting the gym once in one's lifetime really be that impressive?

Pretty sure that that's not what's meant by the phrase 'hit the gym.' When I said 'once' I didn't mean a singular visit to the gym, I meant actually giving ot a proper go. Because he always shoots down the advice he's given.

I see. Well, I'm sure it's perfectly measurable if you all have an agreed amount of gym time within which you'd expect to acheive a certain level of social confidence, and then of someone agreeing to try it out. Having seen how the latest posts in the thread (without having gone through each post), it looks like a lot of discussion around gym, but not sure if anyone's volunteered to be a guinea pig.

Personally, I'd think this would extremely short-sighted for improving confidence unless if you was extremely unhealthy looking. And even these people can be successful socially. So even if your looks don't attract attention, I believe you're much better off focusing on improving the social aspects and confidence.

And in case anyone asks, yes I have tried this out.

 

[Forsaken-Knight]

Its not the gym but exercise in general. Exercise releases endorphins...the body's natural pain killers thus making you feel better. For men...exercise in general and heavy lifting in particular will release testosterone...(this will make you feel better) and human growth hormone..(this will make you feel better) When you feel better you project this outward to the rest of the world. If you feel good about yourself..others will notice this..as well. You can measure exercise..set goals..run further lift heavier..as you accomplish these goals..again...you feel better about yourself. You will look better, healthier, fit...a healthier fit person is more attractive...

These are proven facts..bash it all you want...its like arguing that the sky is not blue on a sunny day. Its an easy and quick way to increase self esteem. Takes nothing more than a pair of shoes and maybe not even that. Now if there is some physical disability..thats a different story. Seeing a doctor is a good idea before any exercise plan is started. But...even with a disability...there may be some sort of exercise you can do.

The point is..try something...if you are not satisfied with your current situation...do something to change it. My suggestion will always be first...get moving....

 

[TheRealCallie]

its like arguing that the sky is not blue on a sunny day.

Tis a nasty color of blue.  :club:

 

[Paraiyar]

get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
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get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...
get a haircut, hit the gym...

Have you actually ever tried this advice once?

To be fair, would having a haircut and visiting the gym once in one's lifetime really be that impressive?

Pretty sure that that's not what's meant by the phrase 'hit the gym.' When I said 'once' I didn't mean a singular visit to the gym, I meant actually giving ot a proper go. Because he always shoots down the advice he's given.

I see. Well, I'm sure it's perfectly measurable if you all have an agreed amount of gym time within which you'd expect to acheive a certain level of social confidence, and then of someone agreeing to try it out. Having seen how the latest posts in the thread (without having gone through each post), it looks like a lot of discussion around gym, but not sure if anyone's volunteered to be a guinea pig.

Personally, I'd think this would extremely short-sighted for improving confidence unless if you was extremely unhealthy looking. And even these people can be successful socially. So even if your looks don't attract attention, I believe you're much better off focusing on improving the social aspects and confidence.

And in case anyone asks, yes I have tried this out.

As I said earlier, I haven't found it to be a short sighted means for doing so. Which is why I stand by it.

 

[ardour]

Not everyone wants to look like they 'lift' a lot. Personally I'd rather slim down a bit more. Maybe not a panacea or main strategy for gaining confidence either.. but yea Xpendable should give this a go.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Which leads me to an interesting question: Can you be confident in yourself and still be a negative person?

I would say so. I don't necessarily equate confidence to that type of attitude. Someone can be a negative, nasty, mean person and still be confident. I don't think confidence has much to really do with being nice or not, or positive or not.