Lonely no more, but...

[Sam_Wright_1988]

Hey,

have a peculiar problem and no answer!

I have been lonely for a long time, but over the past 3 years I have changed tremendously, right now, I do have friends I feel happy with

What is strange though is that I feel stuck. It's like I'll let people in, then stop. So, I am happy they call me from time to time, but I don't always feel like I return the favour!

I think this is holding me back, I should trust my friends after three years and I'd also like a relationship, but just don't know how to go about it. It's bizarre: where do you start? What do you do?

A relationship would be great, I feel ready, but I find it very hard to open up. I really don't have a clue as to where to begin. Sure, you flirt a bit, and maybe you can even tell whether she likes you, but I feel like I need to do all the work? I just don't understand because I expect things to unravel smoothly and naturally, not force my way in (so to speak).

Of course we all have our preferences and I always go for the shy women, so it might have something to do with that. I don't know, maybe I am being too vague, maybe my intentions aren't clear? Nothing ever happens, probably because it's also a matter of trust

I also think it might have to do with my expectations: I hardly ever meet a girl that flirts with me, maybe because I am being distant? Some women make it very clear they like you, but most just don't... arrghh. Dunno, could use some advice!

Cheers,

Sam

 

[flaneur]

Hey,

have a peculiar problem and no answer!

I have been lonely for a long time, but over the past 3 years I have changed tremendously, right now, I do have friends I feel happy with

What is strange though is that I feel stuck. It's like I'll let people in, then stop. So, I am happy they call me from time to time, but I don't always feel like I return the favour!

I think this is holding me back, I should trust my friends after three years and I'd also like a relationship, but just don't know how to go about it. It's bizarre: where do you start? What do you do?

A relationship would be great, I feel ready, but I find it very hard to open up. I really don't have a clue as to where to begin. Sure, you flirt a bit, and maybe you can even tell whether she likes you, but I feel like I need to do all the work? I just don't understand because I expect things to unravel smoothly and naturally, not force my way in (so to speak).

Of course we all have our preferences and I always go for the shy women, so it might have something to do with that. I don't know, maybe I am being too vague, maybe my intentions aren't clear? Nothing ever happens, probably because it's also a matter of trust

I also think it might have to do with my expectations: I hardly ever meet a girl that flirts with me, maybe because I am being distant? Some women make it very clear they like you, but most just don't... arrghh. Dunno, could use some advice!

Cheers,

Sam

I'm in a similar situation. I seldom feel like keeping in touch with the few friends I haven't lost over the years. However, my problem arises from the sheer dissimilarities in our personalities. I've changed a lot over the years, but my friends haven't.

As for relationships, I know what you mean about doing all the work. I've had a few women openly show interest in me--two even took on the dominant role of asking me out--but most of the time they just give you very subtle hints and expect you to take everything from there. Thus arises the problem of misinterpreting their signals. Ah, detestable gender roles. I'm also shy and interested in shy girls, and they're precisely the ones who give you little to no signals. Sometimes, they give you the opposite signals. For example, most women subconsciously cross their arms or legs for protection when they're not interested in you. Shy people, on the other hand, will do things like that out of fear and anxiety, even if they're attracted to you. So, yes, it can be very unnatural and awkward when that's what you're looking for.