So...

[Broken_n_Lost]

So Im bunking off work today and all I wanted to do was go relax with some friends or family. I was thinking of going Wimbledon to watch some tennis, anything really, just to get out of the house but not work. And I got no one I can call or ask...everyday its just me and yes I know I should go work but some-days its just tiring to be fake, it would have been really nice to just to out and enjoy the day with some peops or even someone! But no, just me again... "hi Broken_n_Lost how you doing?" says B_n_L, B_n_L responds honestly "Well Im doing fine, just a bit lost and my heart's a bit broken but other than that Im fine..." B_n_L not so convinced...

I dont get it, I like doing different things, trying new experiences but I got no one, I have to force myself to do things all by myself and I hate it. I dont want everyone to know that Im a loner and a loser so I dont attend things I will like just coz everyone will feel sorry for me or look down on me...I know everyone dont think like that but I cant seem to shake that feeling off. I dont get it???? People look at me and think she has it all, but its all in their head. I mean no one would ever look at me and think she has nothing coz that aint true either but I have a lot of things missing in my life and I am extremely alone with nothing in this world that I can say was mine...

Sorry for the depressing post, next one will be stupid and hopefully funny...

 

[Lost Drifter]

I can certainly empathise; being alone in social situations is always tough because no matter how much you try to convince yourself that everything is ok and that you’re fine with your own company it really isn’t. For a while I was quite defiant, I would still go to the cinema alone, I would still go out to a museum or take a little day trip somewhere and even tried eating out at new places but now I find myself deliberately avoiding things I would like just because I hate going there alone. Call it paranoia but the looks you get from other people making judgements get tiresome fast.

Last Christmas I went to a concert and as much as I liked the music the atmosphere was so down with no friends to enjoy it with, especially more as you see groups of people excitedly talking about it afterwards and you’re left walking alone in the background of life.

 

[2fresh4youx]

Yeah I hate doing things by myself. I feel quite vulnerable. I went on an overseas holiday earlier this year, by myself, but I met up with a group of people from my own country for a tour. All I wanted to do was see the sights and it so happened to be, I had no one else to go with, so I forced myself into a situation that would make me talk to people. Yeah, it was a good tour, but I was lonely the entire trip. Most of these people were heavy drinkers and partiers. I was warned that this trip might contain these sort of people, but I took my chances with it hoping that I would meet some individuals who would be there to simply see the sights and not party "too hard". I was wrong, about 99% of the group would get wasted, spend half the day the next day hungover and unmotivated and would sacrifice the chance too see and do lots of things in order to get over their hangover. So, in a way I actually didn't do a lot of activities on this tour because I was too scared to do them by myself! So yeah, I felt really "Lonely" in this group, because these people were not my kind of people at all. But I at least I got to see some parts of the world I've always wanted to see.

I was unemployed a little while ago and it greatly affected my esteem. Whenever I went out, I would have this paranoia that people were constantly laughing and judging me. Little things like shopping and going to university was hard.

Can you maybe partake in some activities that "Force" you to talk to people? That's why I love work so much, because essentially people have to "listen" to you and over time, they begin to like you. I don't know what it is about me, but most people find me an absolute bore and don't really see any potential for friendships or relationships out of me, upon first meeting. Personally, I'm thinking of finally getting out there and doing a sport, to increase my social skills and chances of friendships/relationships from happening. The hardest part is getting out there and actually starting it.

Whenever I am greeted with a social opportunity, it's like I try too hard or force Friendships/Relationships to happen and as a result, I never act like myself, because I'm constantly analysing what I'm doing and saying. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about here?

 

[Broken_n_Lost]

@ Lost Drifter thank you for your comment, I know Im not alone in this predicament (ironic aint it????) but its so annoying! Especailly when your trying...dont know what to do really, coz either way your buggered, if you stay home alone, your trapped and if you go out and do activities that you enjoy your judged as a loser...catch 22. This life is just a catch 22...sorry I havent responded earlier had a really bad last week, feeling very rejected from work, they keep teasing me with a carrot of promotion but eventually always letting me down ...
@ 2fresh4youx thank you for your thoughts and experience, your brave going on holiday by yourself and I can imagine it being lonely..I once went with a sister (she is the psycho of the family no lies) and she switched on me for no reason leaving me abandoned for the last few days of the trip I felt so alone in such a beautiful place....weird when you try and enjoy life and try your best to experience you always feel like you have failed (well thats how I feel)...

 

[2fresh4youx]

Wow, I bet you didn't speak to your sister for a while after that huh?

I know what you mean by your last statement. I think i can particularly relate that to my holiday I went on. The last 4 days of my trip I was alone in New York, first time visiting, and I didn't enjoy as much as I thought I would. I was taking in the wonderful sights, doing all the tourists things. I think I was exhausted from the rest of the trip, but being alone and seeing all those people & couples walking around in the streets just made the experience a real downer.

I only have 1 friend and I feel as If I will never ever be apart of another social circle again or feel as if I will never meet another person that would make a good friend.

When I meet new people, I always feel as if they can see right through me and see that I have no social life. So yeah, making friends seems like an almost impossible task. Some people also look at me and think I'm doing alright for myself but no, totally opposite!

 

[Tiina63]

Whenever I am greeted with a social opportunity, it's like I try too hard or force Friendships/Relationships to happen and as a result, I never act like myself, because I'm constantly analysing what I'm doing and saying. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about here?
[/quote]

I know exactly what you are talking about, as I do it so much. It's horrible as you can never relax or just say what you are really thinking and feeling, as you expect to be judged the whole time.

In reply to OP-going to places alone is hard and often lonely. I do it a lot, but still don't feel at ease doing it. But if the alternative is to sit at home alone, then I know I have to cary on doing it. I don't know how most others manage to always have someone to do things with?

 

[Lost Soul]

I am broken and lost too. I look awkward and have Asperger's which is more then enough for your life to suck. Plus I'm desperate for a girl and everything. I used to not get why no one wanted me, maybe I always knew but ignored it, I know now and it's starting to sink in finally, that I'm a society reject. Girls take one look at me, and they judge,many you can tell by their facial expressions "wow that guy must be a creep or why is he looking at me". Even a look for one second is enough to turn them off, if I don't look at them, they don't notice me. So, it;s either I'm un-noticed, or when I do, it's judged is misunderstood.

I used to think I stood a chance, because I'm kind, I care, and genuine, I look to go out and do activities like hiking, exploring, GeoCaching etc. Most girls are not into that. They rather hang out with friends, party, get drunk, do drugs, shag, etc. I'm not into that stuff, not my lifestyle.

I don't know why you can't get a friend and why you're lonely and heartbroken. For me, it's because I don't fit in and I'm awkward.

 

[jean-vic]

Lost Soul, women decide in the first 5 minutes of meeting whether you are friend material or boyfriend material. If you're a nice guy or not "attractive" by society's standards (when real beauty is internal) it's usually the former. But, that doesn't apply to all women. There will be someone. There are 7 billion people on earth, after all.

To the author of this thread, Broken_n_Lost, do not feel self conscious in doing things alone. What do the opinions of others matter? All you can be certain of is yourself, your thoughts, your feelings. Satisfy your own desires, and do not be limited by the unknowable thoughts of others. If they mock you, look down on their ignorance and sneer for the small world in which they live. They do not matter. Those that do will not judge you. Who knows, by not going somewhere alone, you could miss the chance to meet someone else who went alone, or a compassionate soul who takes an interest in you because they see someone with no one else.

"I thought you looked lonely. I figured we have something in common."