The dumbest reason to end a relationship of 1-5+ years.

[ardour]

Many people use the "not getting married" card to easily escape / cut and run from a relationship that is supposed to be committed. I knew a girl who was involved with different guys for various calendar time periods; she said she received marriage proposals, but always turned them down, because (her words) "I want to get out when I'm tired / bored or meet someone else."
Her statement is no different from a male's perspective.

That's what I suspect with a lot of the 'it's just a piece of paper' arguments. If you were genuinely committed, then why not formalize it?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Many people use the "not getting married" card to easily escape / cut and run from a relationship that is supposed to be committed. I knew a girl who was involved with different guys for various calendar time periods; she said she received marriage proposals, but always turned them down, because (her words) "I want to get out when I'm tired / bored or meet someone else."
Her statement is no different from a male's perspective.

That's what I suspect with a lot of the 'it's just a piece of paper' arguments. If you were genuinely committed, then why not formalize it?

Why does it have to be formal though? The government has to give you a paper to sign in order for a relationship to mean anything?

 

[amale]

So, if a man doesn't do some stupid magic ritual with rings and stuff, that means he's not serious? And once he's done that mighty rite, he's automatically, instantly serious?
What a steamy, tasty load of bullshit....

Who are you to judge a stranger's motives in their relationship? The scenarios you and the OP describe are between the two people in the relationship. How about letting people work out their own relationship issues? Frankly, you and the OP just sound like grumpy men to me.

-Teresa

I'm stating the obvious - the commitment is in the person, not in the rituals. You can throw as much ad hominem as you want at me, it won't change this simple fact.
Stubborn desire for a meaningless ritual shows nothing but a complete luck of trust coupled with unhealthy amounts of traditionalism.

---

Many people use the "not getting married" card to easily escape / cut and run from a relationship that is supposed to be committed. I knew a girl who was involved with different guys for various calendar time periods; she said she received marriage proposals, but always turned them down, because (her words) "I want to get out when I'm tired / bored or meet someone else."
Her statement is no different from a male's perspective.

That's what I suspect with a lot of the 'it's just a piece of paper' arguments. If you were genuinely committed, then why not formalize it?

If you are genuinely commited, why formalize anything? You are already commited. I'm serious, what's the rationale? What does it give to you, exactly?
Also, if the woman is genuinely into the man, why not get off his back and at least try to respect his choice (in this case, absolutely reasonable choice)? And let's go even more nuts, how about trusting his words without papers? I know, crazy idea, but many good things were crazy ideas once.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm stating the obvious - the commitment is in the person, not in the rituals. You can throw as much ad hominem as you want at me, it won't change this simple fact.
Stubborn desire for a meaningless ritual shows nothing but a complete luck of trust coupled with unhealthy amounts of traditionalism.

Some people want to use something to represent their love, so be it. If it makes them happy, maybe it'll symbolize that the man or woman is "theirs". Doesn't mean it's wrong, does it?

If you're talking about stubborn desires for such rituals, then I don't see the point. If they're just doing it for the sake of the title, or status, then I think it's pointless, really.

 

[Solivagant]

Those rituals are as outdated as religion itself.

I think that's going a little far. =/ I haven't looked up the exact current stats, but I think something like over 80% of the world's population is religious? I'd hardly call that "outdated".

Sry but people do leave each other for the "not enough sex"-reason too. Feel like this is just another reason. U want a lot of sex and aint getting it? people break up. U want to marry but he don't? People break up.

^ I had the same thought.

I haven't cemented my own opinions on marriage, but I know that many women (and men) still view it as a rite of passage. Rites of passage have existed throughout human history in virtually every society, and most of the ones I've learned about seemed needless to me, but they were meaningful psychologically to the people who did them. Whether you think it should be important to them or not really does not matter. If it becomes an archaic practice in time, so be it. Until then, I don't really see the need for all this judgement towards what other people want for their lives.

 

[amale]

I'm stating the obvious - the commitment is in the person, not in the rituals. You can throw as much ad hominem as you want at me, it won't change this simple fact.
Stubborn desire for a meaningless ritual shows nothing but a complete luck of trust coupled with unhealthy amounts of traditionalism.

Some people want to use something to represent their love, so be it. If it makes them happy, maybe it'll symbolize that the man or woman is "theirs". Doesn't mean it's wrong, does it?

If you're talking about stubborn desires for such rituals, then I don't see the point. If they're just doing it for the sake of the title, or status, then I think it's pointless, really.

If you already have love, you don't need anything extra to "represent" it. You already have it.
Moreover, again, since most marriages end up in divorces, it's obvious that marriage doesn't even represent anything anymore.
Of course thay are doing it for the sake of the title, the status, the most expensive wedding ring, the most expensive wedding gift, the most expensive wedding dress and so on.
The only sane reason to have a marriage is tax benefits, I'm not arguing with that. But then again, that doesn't require kneelings, rings and ridiculous bills.

 

[ladyforsaken]

If you already have love, you don't need anything extra to "represent" it. You already have it.
Moreover, again, since most marriages end up in divorces, it's obvious that marriage doesn't even represent anything anymore.

That's your opinion though, there are still people who want to represent their love. It doesn't have to be a need to make it right.

There are also a lot of other marriages that stay strong till they die. I'm not gonna stop believing that such is possible just cos there are more and more divorces happening in the present times. What people do or don't do in their lives shall not influence mine. Neither should my opinions influence their wants, needs and beliefs. They're all free to live how they want. Who are we to judge? They wanna marry for 2 weeks and get divorced right after? Then so be it. That's their live to fresia up with, still does not give me the right to look down upon them. Same thing, just cos more and more marriages fail these days, doesn't mean I should think that it's a stupid idea. Just saying.

 

[SofiasMami]

Personally, I don't care about having a big, flashy wedding or even getting married. If I ever get into another committed relationship, the relationship itself will do just fine without getting married. To me, it is just a piece of paper and I'm not interested in the tax benefits.
But I know many men and women who feel differently.

I'll never say I fully understand the workings of other people's romantic relationships. I didn't even understand my own relationships when I was in them, for that matter. If man and woman want a wedding for cultural, symbolic or religious reasons or because they want to throw a party for family and friends or simply because they have money to burn, that's between them.

When I hear people complaining about women who want to get married, it makes me wonder what the real issue is.

-Teresa

 

[amale]

Personally, I don't care about having a big, flashy wedding or even getting married. If I ever get into another committed relationship, the relationship itself will do just fine without getting married. To me, it is just a piece of paper and I'm not interested in the tax benefits.
But I know many men and women who feel differently.

I'll never say I fully understand the workings of other people's romantic relationships. I didn't even understand my own relationships when I was in them, for that matter. If man and woman want a wedding for cultural, symbolic or religious reasons or because they want to throw a party for family and friends or simply because they have money to burn, that's between them.

When I hear people complaining about women who want to get married, it makes me wonder what the real issue is.

-Teresa

You are talking about two different things. It's the both of them first, and then it's just the woman all of a sudden.
If both of them want a pointless ritual, I say let them knock themselves out, no problem.
But if the woman is forcing the man to do something which won't benefit them in any way, just because she wants it, that means she doesn't respect him a smallest bit. That's the real issue.

 

[SofiasMami]

Yes, I see your point there, amale. You know, you gotta pick your battles in life. To me, romantic partners who disagree on whether to get married isn't a battle worth picking.

-Teresa

 

[ardour]

If you already have love, you don't need anything extra to "represent" it. You already have it.
Moreover, again, since most marriages end up in divorces, it's obvious that marriage doesn't even represent anything anymore.
Of course thay are doing it for the sake of the title, the status, the most expensive wedding ring, the most expensive wedding gift, the most expensive wedding dress and so on.
The only sane reason to have a marriage is tax benefits, I'm not arguing with that. But then again, that doesn't require kneelings, rings and ridiculous bills.

I'm sure it means more than a legal contract or an antiquated ritual to people who get married. Unless you're saying everyone who gets married is an idiot. The public statement and social contract still holds meaning in the eyes of many, with more associated expectations and obligations than easily dissolved de-facto arrangements.

 

[ladyforsaken]

You know, you gotta pick your battles in life. To me, romantic partners who disagree on whether to get married isn't a battle worth picking.

-Teresa

That is so true or we'd drive ourselves insane.

 

[amale]

If you already have love, you don't need anything extra to "represent" it. You already have it.
Moreover, again, since most marriages end up in divorces, it's obvious that marriage doesn't even represent anything anymore.
Of course thay are doing it for the sake of the title, the status, the most expensive wedding ring, the most expensive wedding gift, the most expensive wedding dress and so on.
The only sane reason to have a marriage is tax benefits, I'm not arguing with that. But then again, that doesn't require kneelings, rings and ridiculous bills.

I'm sure it means more than a legal contract or an antiquated ritual to people who get married. Unless you're saying everyone who gets married is an idiot. The public statement and social contract still holds meaning in the eyes of many, with more associated expectations and obligations than easily dissolved de-facto arrangements.

The divorce rate says that marriages are pretty easily dissolved, too. What is wrong with those many and their eyes, are they indeed idiots or just blind, I don't even care.
Wedding is a public clownery. It doesn't give you anything, it doesn't guarantee you anything, it's all about publicity, which means, it really is about ego.
Again, if both of them enjoy clowning and paper made "status", that's fine.
But if just one of them is that nuts, the another one deserves sympathy, not blame for not going nuts, too.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Public Clownery in YOUR rather jaded mindset.
That's how you come across with this topic. Speaking of EGO, whydoncha dial yours back a few notches, eh?
I'd consider your opinion in a more open manner if you were able to present your argument in a manner devoid of bias, which you are now waving around like a flag. It could have been a good discussion, but, as all people who try to shove their personal agenda at forum members, it gets BORING fast.
Give this one a rest. Some people in this world have a desire to marry, whether or not you think this "antiquated" rite of passage is meaningless.

 

[Lacrecia]

WHY, just why? Why do some women do that? Why would they ruin their own happiness and end a relationship with man that may be their perfect partner?

Maybe transforming the relationship from a state of 'bf/gf' to husband and wife would make these women feel more secure in the relationship and make them feel as if the relationship is strong enough and serious enough. Why should it be considered as shallow and unnecessary? If a guy loves a woman well enough, I dont think he'd find a problem with marrying her. *shrug*

 

[amale]

WHY, just why? Why do some women do that? Why would they ruin their own happiness and end a relationship with man that may be their perfect partner?

Maybe transforming the relationship from a state of 'bf/gf' to husband and wife would make these women feel more secure in the relationship and make them feel as if the relationship is strong enough and serious enough. Why should it be considered as shallow and unnecessary? If a guy loves a woman well enough, I dont think he'd find a problem with marrying her. *shrug*

This is shallow because this is all about pieces of paper and jewelry. And this is unnecessary because you can live togehter until death without marrying.
And if a woman loves a man well enough, why not just trust his words? Why is it always from the woman's standpoint?

 

[ardour]

The divorce rate says that marriages are pretty easily dissolved, too. What is wrong with those many and their eyes, are they indeed idiots or just blind, I don't even care.
Wedding is a public clownery. It doesn't give you anything, it doesn't guarantee you anything, it's all about publicity, which means, it really is about ego.
Again, if both of them enjoy clowning and paper made "status", that's fine.
But if just one of them is that nuts, the another one deserves sympathy, not blame for not going nuts, too.

Statistics on marriage and cohabitation point to de-facto relationships being far less stable than marriage: “For those who never marry, the chance of separating is more than six times higher”

Of course it’s no guarantee, but you seem to misinterpret the meaning of a “public statement” as if it were all about bling and big weddings. It’s easier to say things to someone in private than out in front of their family and friends - that requires more to publicly state your intent.
I suspect this bugbear with marriage is more about protecting one’s finances.

 

[VanillaCreme]

WHY, just why? Why do some women do that? Why would they ruin their own happiness and end a relationship with man that may be their perfect partner?

Maybe transforming the relationship from a state of 'bf/gf' to husband and wife would make these women feel more secure in the relationship and make them feel as if the relationship is strong enough and serious enough. Why should it be considered as shallow and unnecessary? If a guy loves a woman well enough, I dont think he'd find a problem with marrying her. *shrug*

This is shallow because this is all about pieces of paper and jewelry. And this is unnecessary because you can live togehter until death without marrying.
And if a woman loves a man well enough, why not just trust his words? Why is it always from the woman's standpoint?

It's not always from a woman's standpoint. Dude, I don't care for marriage either, but that's my choice. Just like it was the lady's choice to want to get married. That doesn't mean I'd try to force my opinion on it to everyone else. I get it that you don't agree with it. Neither do I. But calm down about it. People aren't just going to agree with you because you think your opinion on it is the right one. It's right for you, not for everyone else.

 

[AnonymousMe]

So, if a man doesn't do some stupid magic ritual with rings and stuff, that means he's not serious? And once he's done that mighty rite, he's automatically, instantly serious?
What a steamy, tasty load of bullshit....

Who are you to judge a stranger's motives in their relationship? The scenarios you and the OP describe are between the two people in the relationship. How about letting people work out their own relationship issues? Frankly, you and the OP just sound like grumpy men to me.

-Teresa

I am not a grumpy man, I'm just speaking logically.

Those rituals are as outdated as religion itself.

I think that's going a little far. =/ I haven't looked up the exact current stats, but I think something like over 80% of the world's population is religious? I'd hardly call that "outdated".

The concept of religion as a whole is what I meant as outdated, yet the stubborn, blind followers are what's still keeping it alive to keep on causing troubles.

WHY, just why? Why do some women do that? Why would they ruin their own happiness and end a relationship with man that may be their perfect partner?

Maybe transforming the relationship from a state of 'bf/gf' to husband and wife would make these women feel more secure in the relationship and make them feel as if the relationship is strong enough and serious enough. Why should it be considered as shallow and unnecessary? If a guy loves a woman well enough, I dont think he'd find a problem with marrying her. *shrug*

Pfft… the amount of insecurity you state here is staggering. Marrying to feel safer? To demonstrate its seriousness? Really? The way I see it, when a couple fully trusts each other is when they’ve officially become a husband and a wife, it’s not up to a wedding or a father telling them to kiss, it’s simply them trusting each other. I seriously hope that people realize in the future that living in cohabitation as a normal couple is enough to live happily; it’s a great thing to know that that practice is on the rise while marriages are going down.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The concept of religion as a whole is what I meant as outdated, yet the stubborn, blind followers are what's still keeping it alive to keep on causing troubles.

It's not really outdated when so many people still believe in whatever they do. Something outdated would mean the majority of folks in any given area no longer do it or practice it. Stubborn and blind or not, that's not for anyone else to decide what someone is to believe in. So please keep the religion talk and almost-bashing out of the thread.