The dumbest reason to end a relationship of 1-5+ years.

[VanillaCreme]

amale, you get your warning now to stop the obvious hating on women. I tried to reason that it was just you sharing your thoughts, but if you're going to constantly generalize women because of your "self evident" opinions, then you're going to take a vacation.

There's a difference between discussing something, and then putting something down because you don't like it. Enough of it.

Obvious hating on women is a pretty serious thoughtcrime, I agree. But can you at least show me where did I do it, exactly? It has to be one of my posts which convinced you?
And I gave objective reasons why I was putting marriage down, it's not just because I don't like it.

It's your general attitude about it. You even tried to argue in PM with me about how men definitely have it worse than women, and they don't. That's all something you want to believe in to justify your opinion.

So, my warning still stands. Enough with the negative generalizations. That's not allowed here. If you didn't know that, I'm telling you now.

 

[ardour]

amale... next you’ll be demanding women get abortions so that men aren’t forced to pay child support.

This isn't about varying concepts of commitment but a desire for an easy way out without any financial obligations.

Instead of judging people who do actually trust one another (married or not), you could just go to a lawyer and get a pre-nuptial/relationship agreement drawn up.

 

[amale]

amale... next you’ll be demanding women get abortions so that men aren’t forced to pay child support.

When I actually do, then feel free to accuse me of that. For now, feel even more free to keep that to yourself.

This isn't about varying concepts of commitment but a desire for an easy way out without any financial obligations.

Instead of judging people who do actually trust one another (married or not), you could just go to a lawyer and get a pre-nuptial/relationship agreement drawn up.

Perhaps I misunderstood, but what is it, "a desire for an easy way out" or "actually trusting one another"?

---

amale, you get your warning now to stop the obvious hating on women. I tried to reason that it was just you sharing your thoughts, but if you're going to constantly generalize women because of your "self evident" opinions, then you're going to take a vacation.

There's a difference between discussing something, and then putting something down because you don't like it. Enough of it.

Obvious hating on women is a pretty serious thoughtcrime, I agree. But can you at least show me where did I do it, exactly? It has to be one of my posts which convinced you?
And I gave objective reasons why I was putting marriage down, it's not just because I don't like it.

It's your general attitude about it. You even tried to argue in PM with me about how men definitely have it worse than women, and they don't. That's all something you want to believe in to justify your opinion.

So, my warning still stands. Enough with the negative generalizations. That's not allowed here. If you didn't know that, I'm telling you now.

If anything, that PM is a generalization about men, then. Also, I explained why I was saying that. Not to mention that your very "and they (meaning, men in general) don't ..." is a generalization itself, believe me or not.
Attitude about what? What exactly opinion am I trying to justify? If it's "men have it worse", then it has nothing to do both with women and hate.
If I accuse anyone of anything, I always can show exactly what it is. I expect the same.

---

No, a divorce is not always bad just because there are kids. Sometimes they are, but not always and definitely not most.

No way, I think in the most cases it's definitely bad.

I never said the other parent wasn't important, just that the kids are MORE important because they can't go out and find a new place to live, they rely on their parents for that, so yeah, the person with the kids gets the house. Often times, when one gets the house, the other gets something else, such as money or a car or whatever they might have accumulated together.

"The person with the kids gets the house" - often, it would be more reasonable the other way around, "the person with the house gets the kids". It's still a single parent, but at least he already has a job.

A lot of times, the kids go with the mother because of things like breastfeeding and whatnot. That is, of course for younger children. A lot of times, the men don't fight the kids staying with their mother, but if you think that a lot of men don't get custody over the mother, you'd be wrong.

I can't say about the whatnot, but breastfeeding happens in a rather limited period of time. A lot of divorces happen when there are kids who can eat on their own, with the same outcome.
If a man fights for his kids, he has a very little chance against a woman, no matter age of kids or almost anything else.

I don't know where you're getting your information, but it sounds to me like it's your opinion based on your own bias, not rooted in fact. Correct me if I'm wrong, by all means.

I won't surprise you, it's personal experience and the internet. You have more divorced relatives than I do though.

 

[SofiasMami]

Oh my gawd, this thread went sideways miles ago.

Cheers to ardour for some well-thought out and articulated opinions.

-Teresa

 

[TheRealCallie]

"The person with the kids gets the house" - often, it would be more reasonable the other way around, "the person with the house gets the kids". It's still a single parent, but at least he already has a job.

And if the house is in both names?
How about if one parent, who has the house, is an alcoholic or a drug addict...they still get the kids then? Also, most judges take into account what the kids want when they reach a certain age, how do you know the kids didn't want to go with the mothers that apparently always get the kids?

I can't say about the whatnot, but breastfeeding happens in a rather limited period of time. A lot of divorces happen when there are kids who can eat on their own, with the same outcome.
If a man fights for his kids, he has a very little chance against a woman, no matter age of kids or almost anything else.

Breastfeeding is recommended for the first 2 years of life, some mothers go to 3 years. Some go even more than that. And no, a lot of divorces don't always happen when kids are older. Sometimes kids bring on the divorce because people realize too late that they weren't ready to be a parent or sometimes because the kid has problems they can't deal with. I could go on with reasons, but I'll stop there.

 

[theonly1theymake]

I'm gonna put my two cents in here,and I'm not arguing with anyone just saying what I feel from my personal experiences.
I got married quite young(VERY young) and after ten years together we divorced. I ended up in a great relationship later but had no desire to get married. He had never been married and it meant a lot to him. However from my experience and those of my friends and family I noticed that once people get married something changes...I don't want to be shallow and say the thrill is gone once you're married because although IMO that's true, but something else changes too...I can't put my finger on it exactly(and I'm by no means saying this applys to every marriage) but I do believe something changes.
After I got married again,the same thing happened. And here I am,on a forum for lonely people.
I believe ,at least in my case we'd have definitely been better off not getting married. I think it just comes down to everybody's different and different strokes for different folks.
As far as someone breaking up with you because of that,I find that unfair. I understand sometime o being reluctant to stay in a relationship that doesn't progress...but at the same time if it ain't broke why fix it? It doesn't add up too me to break up with some one because they haven't proposed yet...IMO love is about being with someone you love...if your together and happy who cares if it's official or not? I understand the significance of making it official,but ultimately I think it should come down to two people happy to be together and in love...but that's just my humble opinion....

 

[AnonymousMe]

I'm gonna put my two cents in here,and I'm not arguing with anyone just saying what I feel from my personal experiences.
I got married quite young(VERY young) and after ten years together we divorced. I ended up in a great relationship later but had no desire to get married. He had never been married and it meant a lot to him. However from my experience and those of my friends and family I noticed that once people get married something changes...I don't want to be shallow and say the thrill is gone once you're married because although IMO that's true, but something else changes too...I can't put my finger on it exactly(and I'm by no means saying this applys to every marriage) but I do believe something changes.
After I got married again,the same thing happened. And here I am,on a forum for lonely people.
I believe ,at least in my case we'd have definitely been better off not getting married. I think it just comes down to everybody's different and different strokes for different folks.
As far as someone breaking up with you because of that,I find that unfair. I understand sometime o being reluctant to stay in a relationship that doesn't progress...but at the same time if it ain't broke why fix it? It doesn't add up too me to break up with some one because they haven't proposed yet...IMO love is about being with someone you love...if your together and happy who cares if it's official or not? I understand the significance of making it official,but ultimately I think it should come down to two people happy to be together and in love...but that's just my humble opinion....

You and I share that humble opinion. =)
I wish the majority could think like us, no one nor nothing else determines the bonds that couples have, all that matters is that they're happily together.
And welcome to the forum.

 

[VanillaCreme]

And if that happily together involves marriage, but they don't share that idea? What then? If someone feels like they need to leave, then that's what they should do. It's irrelevant to anyone else if the idea is ridiculous or not. One person, or both, clearly won't be happy until they're married. Or the flip side, until their partner realizes they don't need marriage to love each other. If someone wants marriage, but won't get that with someone, they have every right to leave that relationship. That is their happiness, and they aren't getting it from someone who doesn't share that same idea.

 

[handheart]

Well people are diferent and life its a risk you will never know if the person you love its a good one for you .I think couples should talk a lot about theyr relationship and speak each other what plans they have for this relationship .As for girl not knowing why her boyfriend dont ask her hand ,well why dont ask him ? and he will find the answer ,maybe its not prepared etc