why is curiosity considered "confrontational?"

[beingnobody]

Is it because of the semantics of the curiosity or is it about insecurities of the perceived?

For example, if I say "I don't understand tattoos.." inevitably someone with tattoos will take offense and imply the statement to be judgemental or perceive it as an attack of some sort.

Do you consider this post to be confrontational?

Remember, the tattoo reference is just an example.

It is not the actual question.

 

[ardour]

If "I don't understand" is just concealing a subjective personal taste judgement, then you should expect some offence to be taken.

 

[Sarah G]

If I'm curious about something I usually research it myself. People are often defensive as we live in a society that judges and labels.

There's also the possibility that your motives seem off, they might think you're JAQing off.

It's hard to imagine that a genuine curiosity would seem confrontational but we never know what's triggering to others.

 

[beingnobody]

If "I don't understand" is just concealing a subjective personal taste judgement, then you should expect some offence to be taken.

Why are you assuming I am concealing a judgement, without evidence, and not accepting I am genuinely curious.? I genuinely do not understand why people do that. It baffles my autistic mind.

 

[beingnobody]

If I'm curious about something I usually research it myself. People are often defensive as we live in a society that judges and labels.

There's also the possibility that your motives seem off, they might think you're JAQing off.

It's hard to imagine that a genuine curiosity would seem confrontational but we never know what's triggering to others.

Again, why do people assume, when i specifically use an innocuous term like " I don't understand" that I am "JAQing off? Does that not suggest insecurity?

 

[user 139760]

Offline, people have lost the art of conversation. Online, many read only into what they wish to read, through their own personnal prism of view. I also noticed over time, many people will take offense if you ask a question to someone who's answer, to them, should be painfully obvious. This always smacked me of misplaced superiority.
For example, transgerdism. I met a trans person now female several years back and asked questions about it, because i'm profoundly ignorant on many aspects of it. Most of my questions were met with either cold disdain or outright contempt. It showed me a lack of empathy to someone genuinely curious and an inability to understand or accept that someone's way of seeing life is different from yours. People are biased that way.
That's my takaway at least. I'm still waiting for an honest discussion with the transgender people to formulate an honest opinion about it, but have yet to find one who isn't condescending, sadly.

 

[ardour]

Why are you assuming I am concealing a judgement, without evidence, and not accepting I am genuinely curious.? I genuinely do not understand why people do that. It baffles my autistic mind.

Just using your example, understanding the possible appeal of tattoos, or at least understanding that others do find them visually appealing, doesn't require you personally share that enthusiasm. The more subjective something is the more the question suggests you just don't like said thing. There's kind of an unavoidable judgement element if it's something to do with personal taste, art, music etc.

 

[beingnobody]

Offline, people have lost the art of conversation. Online, many read only into what they wish to read, through their own personnal prism of view. I also noticed over time, many people will take offense if you ask a question to someone who's answer, to them, should be painfully obvious. This always smacked me of misplaced superiority.
For example, transgerdism. I met a trans person now female several years back and asked questions about it, because i'm profoundly ignorant on many aspects of it. Most of my questions were met with either cold disdain or outright contempt. It showed me a lack of empathy to someone genuinely curious and an inability to understand or accept that someone's way of seeing life is different from yours. People are biased that way.
That's my takaway at least. I'm still waiting for an honest discussion with the transgender people to formulate an honest opinion about it, but have yet to find one who isn't condescending, sadly.

Start by identifying a person on social media who identifies as Trans and shares your opinions, politics and or values and "follow" or friend them and begin by establishing a friendship based on common interests and gradually expand from there. I have a couple such friends on Facebook.

 

[TheRealCallie]

That's my takaway at least. I'm still waiting for an honest discussion with the transgender people to formulate an honest opinion about it, but have yet to find one who isn't condescending, sadly.

You just have to find the right person. I've had conversations with trans people about being trans and there was no animosity at all. But I also think it comes down to the reason you are asking. When I had those conversations, it was more than just "curiosity."
Also, sometimes when you are "curious" it comes across as making the other person into a circus side show act. So yeah how you word things is definitely important, but the reason you are asking and what else you add to the "curiosity" also matters. It also depends on the person you are talking to and whether or not they have been "conditioned" to be a ***** to anyone asking questions.

And then you have people who cry foul over assumptions when they are often one of the first to assume honeysuckle they have no business assuming because they, like you said, believe they are superior.

 

[beingnobody]

Just using your example, understanding the possible appeal of tattoos, or at least understanding that others do find them visually appealing, doesn't require you personally share that enthusiasm. The more subjective something is the more the question suggests you just don't like said thing. There's kind of an unavoidable judgement element if it's something to do with personal taste, art, music etc.

I have nephews and nieces in their thirties who are covered in tattoos who make a point of showing to me and describing every new addition to their canvas, explaining in detail the meaning and significance of each stroke. Even though it obviously makes me uncomfortable none of them have ever accused me of being judgemental. They actually still encourage me to get one. Although many tatted friends and relatives know it makes me uncomfortable, none have ever asked WHY it makes me uncomfortable. People just assume judgement or bias on my part.

Similarly of all the Christian believers in my family who know I am not a believer, none of them have ever asked or seemed to care WHY I do not believe, even though my nonbelievers obviously makes them uncomfortable.

I deliberately use terms like "I don't understand" because I am trying to be considerate, not because I am concealing hidden intent.

I find however, that people who disagree with me on many issues deliberately go out of their way to be as inconsiderate of my feelings as possible, ostentatiously trying to be as offensive and triggering as possible.