Case
Well-known member
I recently reactivated a dating site account I had suspended for quite some time, and I was reminded of a self-critical question I've posed to myself over the years:
Question: Why is physical attractiveness important to you in a mate?
Let me explain why this came back to mind. When I reactivated my account, within hours I had two women indicate interest in me. Great, I thought. It felt like a promising kick-start back into the online dating scene. However, I was reminded of the above question because I do not find either woman to be very attractive.
I am a sensitive sort, and the emotions I felt for not finding these women attractive were sudden and confusing. In one way, I felt horribly for these women that I would not be interested due to a lack of attraction to them. However, (to take this into Jekyll and Hyde territory,) I cannot possibly discount attractiveness as a normal and important part of any romantic relationship.
It must be said that neither woman is compatible with me in any other area, so I'm not ignoring a potentially great match because I don't feel physically attracted to them. But it illustrates an anxiety I have about the process of dating. I sometimes wonder if I'm taking my own standard for beauty and placing it too high on my list of needs. I fear that I am focusing on the wrong things. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I just cannot imagine being attracted to someone that I don't find physically appealing in some way.
And then I beat myself up when I give any importance to beauty whatsoever. Is this something I should feel shame over? Or, do I chalk this up to the normal process of finding a good mate?
Honestly, when I meet a woman, I must feel some semblance of physical attraction to her, but I have met women who I didn't find particularly attractive until we started talking and laughing and having fun, and suddenly, she became more and more beautiful in my eyes.
Maybe I'm just bullying myself because these two women on a dating site don't appeal to me. Maybe I'm focusing too much on their position and not thinking enough about my own needs, my own happiness, and my own fulfillment.
I am interested in what you all think with respect to how high you place physical attractiveness in your own efforts to find a partner.
I encourage thoughtful, respectful responses.
Question: Why is physical attractiveness important to you in a mate?
Let me explain why this came back to mind. When I reactivated my account, within hours I had two women indicate interest in me. Great, I thought. It felt like a promising kick-start back into the online dating scene. However, I was reminded of the above question because I do not find either woman to be very attractive.
I am a sensitive sort, and the emotions I felt for not finding these women attractive were sudden and confusing. In one way, I felt horribly for these women that I would not be interested due to a lack of attraction to them. However, (to take this into Jekyll and Hyde territory,) I cannot possibly discount attractiveness as a normal and important part of any romantic relationship.
It must be said that neither woman is compatible with me in any other area, so I'm not ignoring a potentially great match because I don't feel physically attracted to them. But it illustrates an anxiety I have about the process of dating. I sometimes wonder if I'm taking my own standard for beauty and placing it too high on my list of needs. I fear that I am focusing on the wrong things. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I just cannot imagine being attracted to someone that I don't find physically appealing in some way.
And then I beat myself up when I give any importance to beauty whatsoever. Is this something I should feel shame over? Or, do I chalk this up to the normal process of finding a good mate?
Honestly, when I meet a woman, I must feel some semblance of physical attraction to her, but I have met women who I didn't find particularly attractive until we started talking and laughing and having fun, and suddenly, she became more and more beautiful in my eyes.
Maybe I'm just bullying myself because these two women on a dating site don't appeal to me. Maybe I'm focusing too much on their position and not thinking enough about my own needs, my own happiness, and my own fulfillment.
I am interested in what you all think with respect to how high you place physical attractiveness in your own efforts to find a partner.
I encourage thoughtful, respectful responses.