Superman5694
Member
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2011
- Messages
- 6
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This is probably just a rant thread, but I don't really post personal things on the internet, so I thought why not. It's kind of long, so feel free to hit the back button.
So, I am a college grad in the real world right now, I have 2 jobs that I hate, but I don't really care. I am barely making ends meet and I get home late and essentially stare at my computer until I go to bed early to start the process over again.
I don't have fun any more. All my young life I have been content with just looking at a computer screen, never having friends, never wanting any. I always had a negative view on people, and that carries to this day. I feel like am radically different in the brain than anyone else. Not that I am smarter than anyone else, but that everyone's thinking process is so radically differently than mine.
I really want to try and go out and meet people, but I don't have the money to do so. I don't drink and I don't feel like wasting money driving all the way out to the city to some club just for the off chance that someone will speak to me. The gym is expensive. The people are obnoxious. I never have a good time.
I tried for a while to meet people online. But everyone I meet is just shallow and mean. I just end up moving on. I am not going to waste money or energy trying to meet people I can't actually physically meet in real life.
I really wish I was one of those mentally unstable people. The ones that could play Mario 64 for the rest of their life and be content. Never wanting anything, never wishing for something better.
I have gone to therapy before. The therapist called me "weird" (word verbatim), took my money, and shoved me out the door.
I have tried drugs for depression, they all either never worked, or only made me "hulk out" in terms of rage.
I am at the point in my life where if I am left static, I start wanting to hurt everything around me. This isn't healthy, but I don't know what to do. I am never happy, and I cannot escape my reality like the more lucky of our species can.
All my fellow co-workers call me cynical when I don't try to be. It's become a habit now. I just get so tired and depressed, it's really hard for me to put on a happy face and fake my way through social situations. At the end of the week I am physically and mentally exhausted.
The only thing that ever gives me joy is the pain of others, this shouldn't be the case. I have nobody to turn to, and am just alone, lost in my head wanting to break out and be free.
Some advice I have been given before:
"Grow up and welcome to the real world"
"Get over yourself"
"Stop it"
"Shut Up"
"Go talk to your friends about it"(lol)
"Go to the Gym"
"You're young. That means everything will be all right in time."
So, I am a college grad in the real world right now, I have 2 jobs that I hate, but I don't really care. I am barely making ends meet and I get home late and essentially stare at my computer until I go to bed early to start the process over again.
I don't have fun any more. All my young life I have been content with just looking at a computer screen, never having friends, never wanting any. I always had a negative view on people, and that carries to this day. I feel like am radically different in the brain than anyone else. Not that I am smarter than anyone else, but that everyone's thinking process is so radically differently than mine.
I really want to try and go out and meet people, but I don't have the money to do so. I don't drink and I don't feel like wasting money driving all the way out to the city to some club just for the off chance that someone will speak to me. The gym is expensive. The people are obnoxious. I never have a good time.
I tried for a while to meet people online. But everyone I meet is just shallow and mean. I just end up moving on. I am not going to waste money or energy trying to meet people I can't actually physically meet in real life.
I really wish I was one of those mentally unstable people. The ones that could play Mario 64 for the rest of their life and be content. Never wanting anything, never wishing for something better.
I have gone to therapy before. The therapist called me "weird" (word verbatim), took my money, and shoved me out the door.
I have tried drugs for depression, they all either never worked, or only made me "hulk out" in terms of rage.
I am at the point in my life where if I am left static, I start wanting to hurt everything around me. This isn't healthy, but I don't know what to do. I am never happy, and I cannot escape my reality like the more lucky of our species can.
All my fellow co-workers call me cynical when I don't try to be. It's become a habit now. I just get so tired and depressed, it's really hard for me to put on a happy face and fake my way through social situations. At the end of the week I am physically and mentally exhausted.
The only thing that ever gives me joy is the pain of others, this shouldn't be the case. I have nobody to turn to, and am just alone, lost in my head wanting to break out and be free.
Some advice I have been given before:
"Grow up and welcome to the real world"
"Get over yourself"
"Stop it"
"Shut Up"
"Go talk to your friends about it"(lol)
"Go to the Gym"
"You're young. That means everything will be all right in time."