A life without love is not worth living... the only reason why I exist today is because I would never put my parents through such an ordeal. But at this point, I am two deaths away from eternal slumber. I love my parents dearly, but at the same time I feel imprisoned because I am not free to have my eternal slumber. If I were a lesser person, I would have terminated myself several times over already. What is the point of being alive but not happy? The past year has mostly been the worst year of my life. I have never felt so lonely in my entire life (and I have had more than my fair share of loneliness). For the most part over this time, I have largely been ignored and forgotten by someone I considered a very close friend. I felt like I was the best possible friend I could be and yet time and again, I feel I have been betrayed. Nice guys finish last, as it goes, and I guess I am living proof of that. Maybe I was too nice or too agreeable. They say that you set yourself up for sadness when you put your happiness in the hands of another. Perhaps in that sense, I have been fooling myself into thinking that we were ever really as close as I thought we were. What I thought I used to have is now what someone else has. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me... and we are way past the second fooling. Despite my obvious sadness, not a single person has asked me what was wrong. Perhaps this is my own fault, as being happy seems to be the exception and not the norm. I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy. I cannot remember the last time I smiled. I would trade the rest of my life for one day of happiness. A day without sadness and darkness. I have all but given up on the possibility of things turning around. I am a simple person and just want to find that special someone that I can share my life with. I have a lot of love to give, but apparently no one wants it. I have never experienced love; I can count the number of dates I have had on two hands; I can count the number of girls I have gone out with on one hand. There is only so much rejection one can reasonably take. I would never wish my situation on anyone. My light side has lost the war against my dark side. My flame of life has extinguished. I feel like I am dead on the inside and I am just waiting for the outside to catch up. I ruined my life five years ago and I seem to be destined to suffer the consequences until my dying day. In a parallel universe I believe there is a me that is happy. Unfortunately, I am here and not there. I look forward to the day when I can go to sleep for the last time. Endured much suffering have I. Wish to skip to the end of this story I do...