N
Nina
Guest
I've been here for a little under a week and from all the reading I've done, I actually feel that I am getting to know some posters. My heart has been touched in so many ways, by so many of your words. I get so caught up in reading, I forget to post replies.
Sometimes, I'm so overcome with the words of others, I doubt I'd have anything of import to add to the threads.
I've said in another thread that my, "nice" life has lost it's shine and some good suggestions came my way and I am persuing a number of them.
I was just reading the threads on relationships and sexual frustration and I have a different slant on the issues being discussed. This is another area in my life where the shine has faded to a, wax build-up on a humid, overcast day:
My husband is an ambitious workaholic. He's a really...nice man... Every Wed. and Sun....like clockwork...we have sex. It's ...nice....But it is completely empty. We exchange empty words and go through the motions. He claims that after 20 years of marriage, nothing shines....It's not suppose to..according to him....
I still want my shine, **** it!
Am I selfish to want my life to shine again? I'm not sure when it stopped shinning. I think it's been gradual and it finally became pronounced enough that I noticed it in and amongst all the other hectic events that go into a life. I don't need extravagant anythings. Just the warmth of a real conversation and a joke shared between a couple who are not just "together" but who are friends as well as real lovers.
I've suggested a million different things to do together to wake him up and re-engage in something other than work, he'll take a stab at a talkitive spree for a few moments once every so often but I just feel the fakery in it. He always makes excuses for not trying new things. But he's always home when he says and even though the shine has gone out of the sex he still wants it twice a week.
I'd almost be relieved if he'd have an affair with someone else..Then I wouldn't feel so guilty for being so bummed out by what's happening. I've spoken to a therapist about it and asked him if he'd go and he just falls back on. This is how it is after 20 years...
I've never shared these thoughts with anyone else. Most of my girl friends from the city where I use to live would tell me to, "shut up" because most of them are involved in one sort of break up or another.
I have a number of male friends but am always afraid of opening up about this because they'd think I was, "coming on to them" In the small town I live in you can't even be seen talking to another man or eyebrows raise... It's pathetic, I know and NOT at all what I'm use too.
I hesitate inviting my male friends to come and visit because of the small minded nonsense...My husband dismisses it, because after 20 years of marriage....He went into a coma...
I feel quilty for feeling this sense of loss or emptiness in my life. Other folks are having it much harder. But this empiness is bugging the crap out of me. I'm not in my 20's anymore but I'm not dead yet, either. I don't want to go bunji-jumping. I just want to have a fun conversation with REAL warmth and some genuine meaning. I refuse to become an "old -fart" long before my time.
Now watch...I'll be the, "old-fart" of the group and no one will have an idea of what's going on. LOL
I live in "Nice-ville" and would never dare mention this to my friends and neighbors locally. Daily, I look for the large white house on the hill where they manufacture these folks who are so....nice....Khaki clad, individuals who refuse to discuss anything more risque than the next zoning board meeting or what to plant in the library, parking lot, garden.
I hate to admit it but I really think I am dieing from...."niceness"
It's smothering me....
It feels so good just typing it all out! Even though it's probably wayyy too long.
Sometimes, I'm so overcome with the words of others, I doubt I'd have anything of import to add to the threads.
I've said in another thread that my, "nice" life has lost it's shine and some good suggestions came my way and I am persuing a number of them.
I was just reading the threads on relationships and sexual frustration and I have a different slant on the issues being discussed. This is another area in my life where the shine has faded to a, wax build-up on a humid, overcast day:
My husband is an ambitious workaholic. He's a really...nice man... Every Wed. and Sun....like clockwork...we have sex. It's ...nice....But it is completely empty. We exchange empty words and go through the motions. He claims that after 20 years of marriage, nothing shines....It's not suppose to..according to him....
I still want my shine, **** it!
Am I selfish to want my life to shine again? I'm not sure when it stopped shinning. I think it's been gradual and it finally became pronounced enough that I noticed it in and amongst all the other hectic events that go into a life. I don't need extravagant anythings. Just the warmth of a real conversation and a joke shared between a couple who are not just "together" but who are friends as well as real lovers.
I've suggested a million different things to do together to wake him up and re-engage in something other than work, he'll take a stab at a talkitive spree for a few moments once every so often but I just feel the fakery in it. He always makes excuses for not trying new things. But he's always home when he says and even though the shine has gone out of the sex he still wants it twice a week.
I'd almost be relieved if he'd have an affair with someone else..Then I wouldn't feel so guilty for being so bummed out by what's happening. I've spoken to a therapist about it and asked him if he'd go and he just falls back on. This is how it is after 20 years...
I've never shared these thoughts with anyone else. Most of my girl friends from the city where I use to live would tell me to, "shut up" because most of them are involved in one sort of break up or another.
I have a number of male friends but am always afraid of opening up about this because they'd think I was, "coming on to them" In the small town I live in you can't even be seen talking to another man or eyebrows raise... It's pathetic, I know and NOT at all what I'm use too.
I hesitate inviting my male friends to come and visit because of the small minded nonsense...My husband dismisses it, because after 20 years of marriage....He went into a coma...
I feel quilty for feeling this sense of loss or emptiness in my life. Other folks are having it much harder. But this empiness is bugging the crap out of me. I'm not in my 20's anymore but I'm not dead yet, either. I don't want to go bunji-jumping. I just want to have a fun conversation with REAL warmth and some genuine meaning. I refuse to become an "old -fart" long before my time.
Now watch...I'll be the, "old-fart" of the group and no one will have an idea of what's going on. LOL
I live in "Nice-ville" and would never dare mention this to my friends and neighbors locally. Daily, I look for the large white house on the hill where they manufacture these folks who are so....nice....Khaki clad, individuals who refuse to discuss anything more risque than the next zoning board meeting or what to plant in the library, parking lot, garden.
I hate to admit it but I really think I am dieing from...."niceness"
It's smothering me....
It feels so good just typing it all out! Even though it's probably wayyy too long.