All about me & my life

[wildflower]

Hello. I am new here i think it's really interesting there is such a site like this cos it's really comforting and a great way for lonely people to communicate, reach out snd not feel alone. Knowing other people like me exist has truly helped me and i'm so thankful.

Well all my teen life i have been extremely shy, quiet and socially weird/awkward. I would snob attractive people and only speak to people who made me feel comfortable...which was anyone but populars or goodlooking people. I'm not unattractive or a loser but i'm average, considered pretty but i think im ok.

I'm 20 and still struggle with shyness. I've been called weird, strange, different, odd, funny, silly. I do think i am different frim majority of people and i don't know why. Guys don't notice me nor like me cos i kinda scare them by saying weird things. I have lost a lot of chick friends not that i had many at all...but i have none now. Why? Cos i'm hypersensitive, self centred, jealous and cared more about guys. I never had much interest in friendships, lik REAL deep friendships except when i was younger....but as i got older it felt weird. I like people, laughing, joking etc but nothing deeper or more. And with guys, i can't be JUST friends with guys. Another pary ofmy weirdness. I always dated the guys i spoke to or we'd drift apart or they are my bro's friends. So no chick or guy friends.

I stay at home most days reading books or watching movies or driving my mum around like a taxi to buy food cos she can't drive anymore.

I'm worrid i'll never meet as much guys or peop'e as i wantto purely cos i can't get myself to start it. I want it all to naturally come to me, like school did, and work, and facebook adds. So i'll just wait. One of the reasons whyi wanna stay single cos i can't bear to settle for anyone...but i'll never get out there. I'll never who's the right guy for me. What keeps me balanced about it is "I live and I'll die". When i'm dead, all this won't matter so who cares? I'm just gonna go with the flow.

I used to get really lonely and sad and cry...but that was mostly cos i felt i was supposed to go out with friends and do all the normal stuff...til i just stopped caring and accepted myself. There's a quote by Albert Einsten that goes "A woman that follows the crowd usually gets no further than the crowd, a woman who walks alone is likely to go places no one has been before." I like it cos it makes me feel better

 

[perfanoff]

Welcome wildflower

I can relate to what's happened to you - looking for someone to date kind of takes priority for me.. the need is too much. It's hard to look past a woman I find attractive and treat her just as a friend.

When I was a bit younger I was looking at others socializing with everyone, meeting and hanging out with new people all the time. It's possible to feel jealous about it. I realized though, it's really who I am and that everyone has their own needs for happiness. Mine don't include a huge social circle.

Why do you say you'll never find the right guy for you? You think you can't find him or that he doesn't exist at all? I do think (and hope) you will find someone that will make you happy.

 

[Regumika]

hello wildflower, glad you made it here. and that you are improving so well in life!

I can kind of understand what youre going through. you used to have some sort of, low key insecurity it seems and needed either company or recognition/acknowledgement. Like you exist and is important. which is probably why you were always attached to guys you come across. You have made a good leap to where you are now.

I think what you need now is a really good friend (not a hangout/chitchat buddy) but someone that will be there when you need them to and that you trust for advice/support.

keep being you. keep doing things for you. dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[AiyanaS]

Hi,
I can definitely relate to your situation. I've struggled with making and maintaining close friendships since highschool, in fact I haven't had a close friend since 8th grade! everyone I've tried to make friends with since then has either drifted away for just ignored me. I've always been very shy and socially awkward, and unintentionally drove people away. Feel free to message me sometime.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Hi and welcome.

 

[Sigma]

Most of my friends when I still went to school were also the opposite gender (girls in my case), but that was mostly because most of the guys were absolute dicks and because I was also extremely shy, never dated any of them though, but that's probably to blame on my lack of attractiveness ^^;
Never felt compelled to "do all the normal stuff" though, I was really happy when school was over with (diploma or not...)
Anyway welcome to the forum!

 

[Edward W]

Hi and welcome.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey wildflower, welcome to the forum.

 

[randomdude]

Hello, and welcome. We are kinda same except i am male, um i am hypersensitive too. Try to find some hobbies that might work, try to find something you like to do. My example is morning is gym time after i read books than i watch tv, play pc games. And i actually feel good right after all that that i've done something i've really enjoyed and being alone after that wont hit me hard because i am fulfilled. And i've been living like this for quite a while now and i've met quite alot of people in the gym that are my friends now. I might be boring and all that but i am sharing some of mine experience XD.

 

[RB46]

Hi Wildflower, Its nice to read something personal about you.
I think you are doing all the right things. I am 41. I have been in and out of love 5 times in a big way. (I guess I am lucky to have had these opportunities and an idiot to have blown them all.) I am currently single and feeling very lonely.
I think maybe my life would have been easier and less painful if I had been single and lonely the entire time rather than have my heart broken so many times. I worry now that if I do meet someone my "baggage" will be a problem.
You are right to be patient and you should be proud that you help your Mum. Life is long and 20 really is young.
You sound very intelligent; quoting our mate Albert at age 20? That's not the norm'. You have maybe out-thought others your age? (I'm actually scared to type this as it sounds SO bad but I'm being genuine and I'm NOT putting myself forward here in any way... lol) Maybe you would find you get on better with people older than yourself because of your advanced intelligence. hahahahahahahahaha im not grooming, i promise!