am I the problem?

[littlerunawa]

I'm 27yrs old now and never been in a relationship (pathetic). obviously at least part of is my fault but I'm starting to wonder if there's something about me that makes me pretty much invisible to the oposite sex.
I have a huge crush on a guy that works on the same floor as I do but even though I tried a couple of times, it seems he has no desire to talk to me. it was somewhat the same with my previous crush and I'm starting to realize that if continues this way I'll end up alone for the rest of my life.
I'm not the most social person you'll ever meet, I'll admit that. but I'm not that bad and it really hurts to know that someone you're crazy about doesn't even want to take 5 min of his time to chat with you.
I have about 8 months left on this job and I feel like I can't take it anymore. everytime I see him I feel worse because he barely knows I'm alive (or at least that how it feels sometimes).
any suggestions? I quit my previous job because I couldn't take it anymore but I can't do it again.

*I'm sorry for any grammer or spelling mistakes, English is not my language (I live in Israel).

 

[Sci-Fi]

Forget about him. From what you said this isn't the first time you've been through this. The first thing that springs to mind is that you seem to want something that you can't have or is out of reach. Some people do that without even realizing it, they go after a person that has no interest in them. If someone doesn't seem to want to bother with you they aren't worth your time and energy.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I'd agree with Sci-fi it might well be he is worth the attention and longing you have but having never met the guy its impossible to say. Maybe you will get a chance to get to know him better in future but in the meantime you should try a different tactic...

You seem to be putting all your efforts on someone in your office that you don't know and hoping that one day something will happen. Time will tick by and I think you need to cast your net a little wider. Imagine if you finally got the chance to spend sometime in his company and immediately realised he was boring or totally unappealing, all that time you could have been looking for someone who you really liked. You'd kick yourself! Its just fantasy at the moment. I think you need to be a bit more practical and cast your net a little wider and see who else is out there for you.

You say "I'm not that bad" and that’s good you realise that, don't blame yourself or take it personally, there are billions of people in this world, some you would get along with, some you would fall in love with and some who you would truly not stand. Maybe this person is not for you, maybe that’s just his loss!

My advice is forget him for now, try to increase your social life and try to reserve judgment or crushes until you have met someone properly and you feel the attraction is mutual. I think thats maybe why its taking a while to meet someone, falling for someone at a distance one person at a time will mean it takes a lifetime to meet Mr right! Go out and have some fun and I'm sure he will come along

 

[littlerunawa]

I have to say one thing first. this guy from my work is not some stranger that I saw and thought he was hot and I like him. he works in my department on my floor and I see him sometimes. we hardly talk, but there were times when we did some work together so we did have a chance to talk (I found out the guy has a strange taste in music), I see him in our section meeting every 2 weeks and we exchange a few words now and then. we even put sunscreen on each other backs once (it's actually more innocent than it sound, or maybe who know). so I do know him to some level and he is really a great guy.
having said all that I do know that I can't count on something to happen between us. the thing is I hardly go out. the only friend I have is a student in another city and I see her maybe once in 2 months so other than work and gym I don't get too many chances to meet other guys.
I will become a student myself this October which means quitting my job and moving to a different city. but until then (about 8 months from now) I find myself getting frustrated more and because of this guy that I can't get out of my head.

 

[Sujit]

I know that feeling. The best thing to do is to just be yourself and dont sabotage yourself by thinking that you are not attractive enough etc. Just try to feel good about yourself. Think of the things that have made you feel good in your life.. Feel good about yourself, especially when he is around! Still if he does not acknowledge you- just think may be he isn't lucky enough!!

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Just try to feel good about yourself. Think of the things that have made you feel good in your life.. Feel good about yourself, especially when he is around! Still if he does not acknowledge you- just think may be he isn't lucky enough!!

If you want to start feeling better about yourself, you have to really start doing something to improve your life. I find it much easier to give myself compliments if they are actually, ya know, factual in nature. Maybe jot down a list of all the big (and little) things you don't like or wish you could change about your life... then... start working on it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Just try to feel good about yourself. Think of the things that have made you feel good in your life.. Feel good about yourself, especially when he is around! Still if he does not acknowledge you- just think may be he isn't lucky enough!!

If you want to start feeling better about yourself, you have to really start doing something to improve your life. I find it much easier to give myself compliments if they are actually, ya know, factual in nature. Maybe jot down a list of all the big (and little) things you don't like or wish you could change about your life... then... start working on it.

This is helpful, somewhat, but not completely.

If you feel bad about not being in a relationship, you can't be in a relationship before you start feeling good about, you know, being in a relationship! It's ridiculous to argue otherwise.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Just try to feel good about yourself. Think of the things that have made you feel good in your life.. Feel good about yourself, especially when he is around! Still if he does not acknowledge you- just think may be he isn't lucky enough!!

If you want to start feeling better about yourself, you have to really start doing something to improve your life. I find it much easier to give myself compliments if they are actually, ya know, factual in nature. Maybe jot down a list of all the big (and little) things you don't like or wish you could change about your life... then... start working on it.

This is helpful, somewhat, but not completely.

If you feel bad about not being in a relationship, you can't be in a relationship before you start feeling good about, you know, being in a relationship! It's ridiculous to argue otherwise.

Yeah, you're right. My post doesn't really relate to the OP posts very much. It's more just general life advice.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, you're right. My post doesn't really relate to the OP posts very much. It's more just general life advice.

General life advice doesn't help the OP, though.

I can relate more to the OP, being that I've never been in a relationship and I'm 2 years older.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

I would move on. Even if it's hard. It's for the best. You're moving on physically in a few months anyway, right?

 

[littlerunawa]

ye, I am moving away, but it will take almost 8 months before I do. until then I can't get away from seeing him sometimes.
what I'm missing in my life (other than a boyfriend) is friends, the kind that I can easily talk to and be myself with. but I'm not sure where to find those.

 

[SighX99]

you are a female. IMO you can basically whatever you want when it comes to relationships. guys on the other hand are in a bit of a more difficult situation. When a male likes a girl he has to work to get the girl. When a girl likes a guy, despite popular social beliefs, I think it is easier for girls to get the guys they want.

Now, if a guy asks a girl out, strictly for a "date". sometimes it might seem like the guys a pervert? or desparate. If a girl asks a guy out for some innocent coffee, then you dont seem desparate, and is basically in control of the whole relationship.

just my opinion tho

 

[woolhat]

you are a female. IMO you can basically whatever you want when it comes to relationships. guys on the other hand are in a bit of a more difficult situation. When a male likes a girl he has to work to get the girl. When a girl likes a guy, despite popular social beliefs, I think it is easier for girls to get the guys they want.

Now, if a guy asks a girl out, strictly for a "date". sometimes it might seem like the guys a pervert? or desparate. If a girl asks a guy out for some innocent coffee, then you dont seem desparate, and is basically in control of the whole relationship.

just my opinion tho

This true I think. Women have it easier to get the men they want. I have always been rejected by the women I have asked out but the only two women I have ever dated actually showed interest in me first...Granted they both got bored of me but that is a whole different story that I may mention in new post when I have the time...