Michelle Lee said:
I too am thinking of getting back together with my ex husband, the weird thing is its been twenty years!!!! We were young, We were married Nov 4th of 1987 while I was still in high school. I worked on the base and had met many guys but this one stood out. I loved his smile, his affectionate way, I just loved him. Well our daughter was born July 8,1988 so I got pregnant somewhere close to when we got married and she was a little early. Things were ok until I found out I was pregnant, and I was very sick....I did nothing but sleep for four months. I moved home to my parents because I could not take care of myself much less a baby. My husband and I had fights, mostly involving insecurity bull honeysuckle. I had to move home, I had to think about someone else besides myself and whether this guy was going to buck up to being a dad or just let me lie there sick and wait for us both to die. I had no phone, no car...no friends...I just slept...I was to young to know I could have just went to the base hospital since he was military. We seperated when I was about four months pregnany and it was so hard...but I had to make sure this baby had a chance and not have the life I had. I could not trust him so my parents won and I got the divorce. I moved on, married..had another baby girl...married almost 20 years now. Yeah I know.....
I lost myself along time ago, I lived for my girls...I was a mother I never had. My husband wasnt the dad I wanted for my girls but he was there and thats more than what I had. When my girls were old enough to take care of themselves more I felt this terrible pain start....needless to say they were becoming sufficient and I had to find me again. My marriage wasnt abusive or horrible, but there is nothing there....what was there was my need to provide a stable enviroment for my girls.....I know it sounds horrible and at the time I didnt realize it....I do now. When you live in home with someone who would rather watch sports or go race cars than talk to you it makes for a sad existence. So for the last six years or so I have been battling severe depression and anxiety. So I go to the local mental hospital...three times...yes three. The weird thing is while I was there I was me for a time....I could almost catch me...and then I come home and it starts all over again. I try hard to handle things and then its back to the self medicating. After my last trip to the hospital I vowed that I would not let myself sink and would pray daily.....I did...I prayed and even fasted ....two months of trying and I am about to just give up and I find his name on FB.....my heart sank and it all came out...all the feelings I have had and never been allowed to feel. So were talking now and of couse things have changed and he says he has always loved me....but I am sensing his desperation because of other losses in his life. I want to be with him, but Im so scared...I have to move on from this relationship I am in now before I completely lose it. I just dont know if I may need time by myself before jumping into another relationship...where there is so much baggage already. Any advice??????
Well, I was just minding my own bussiness. There's was a very beautiful looking blonde.
She had guys hitting up on her all time. I thought she was way out of my league. She could of had any guys she wanted.
So, when she asked me out I had to pinch myself a couple of times.
I totally fell in love with her. Everything about her. I didn't have
a dime in my name. All I had was my 6 string. I couldn't imagine
why a beautiful woman like her would want anything to do with me.
I used to be the military too.
Military life totally sucked ass sometimes...I remember one time
we had an excersize...freaken 1 hour before 5 PM on a Friday.
I wasn't allow to call my wife to let her know what was going on
becuase of war games bullshit. So I would come home late...
then the real war for me broke lose. My wife was totally pissed off at me.
And I had to show up to freaken work, rain show or shine.
I couldn't understand why she went into a deep depression after
our marriage. She was so happy when we were going out.
I was just told that women gose through emotional roller costers when they're pregnant.
I hated seeing my wife in pains...I walked a couple of miles in snow at night sometimes
just to go get her a chef salad or whatever she wanted.
well..the **** resturant didn't have the dressing she wanted.
We were fighting over freaken salad dressing FFS...
She was pregenant.
To top it off her parents hated me. I knew my wife loves me.
But sometimes we would get into disagreements. Sending her home
to her parents for marrital advice was like a death wish for our marriage.
Disagreements about salad dressing turned into sometype blown out of porportion
argument to give her parents an excuse to break us apart.
I called her mom almost every freaken day and got totally stalled and stone wall.
Her mother would call my Cammanding Officer and I get more freaken BS from him too.
I love you very much. I hated everyone and everything for
standing in the way of our love. We were never given a fair chance.
Everytime I turn around people were ripping you away from me.
Losing you took everything away from me. I wasn't allow to love you.
I love you very much and I nevered stopped loving you.
That's how I fell and that's my truth.
I know who you are. You 're a beautiful loving bubbly happy go luckie person.
I saw that spark in your eyes. I used to watch you
walk around with a smile on your face without a worry in the world.
You had so much light and love in you. Your heart use to sing.
I knew what I wanted. That's why I married you.
